[as regular visitors to this
site will know we started the
celebrity
squares
section in order to discover
what various luminaries thought about the icon that is The Divine David...
whilst writing to various celebrities we noticed an advertisement page
at the back of a popular glossy maaaaaaaaaaaaagaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazine,
complete with e-mail, so we thought we would give an ambassador from the
world of modelling a chance to submit a say on possibly the most beautiful
creature on the planet. We were NOT expecting to unearth conspiracy, paranoia
und the common theft of art supplies but that is what we have got... und
by the forkful... oh yes... read on]
yo, on the downlow. I have run
away from home, hiding out from my
uncle. can't go into it now,
but I played that game, and I played good,
bro, a no-hitter. cost lenny
a lot of dough. he was just staring at me
all night at the party after.
I snuck out the backdoor and ain't been
home since.
moms is worried, but I told her
I was ok. can't tell them about lenny,
it'll just make it worse. I
either got to pay him the money back, or
get out of town. I got some
money saved, I might go down to miami.
I can write and get e-mails from
the library (yeah, me in a library).
anyway, this is all I got time
for, but will you tell anna where I am,
she's probably looking for me.
I want her to know I did the right
thing.
anna is over at anna@ckone.com
Out of here
D-man
[well what were we to do?, naturally concerned we e-mailed anna immediately und thusly]
Dear Anna,
Sorry to bother you out of the blue like this but we recently got an e-mail from your acquaintance Danny vis-a-vis some trouble he may or may not have gotten himself into... he has asked us to correspond with your good self thusly und tell you of his current predicament (see attatched note), we hope this finds you well und look forward to corresponding with you in the future
Cordially Yours
Count Lovely und Spike
[she must have been equally as distressed for she e-mailed us almost directly back with this message (seemingly oblivious to the fact that we had actually just mailed her vis-a-vis Danny und his situation, as this was how she came to have our mail address in the first place)]
i haven't seen or heard or gotten
an e-mail or anything from danny in a
really long time. have u? normally,
i'd say he was just being the
blow-off king again, but this
time i think it is different because he
told me all these secrets about
how he was in big trouble with his
uncle or something, or how he
thought he was going to be, anyway, then
nothing. I don't know his phone
number, and he won't answer his
e-mails.
School starts next week. i'm
in this totally strange play i will tell
you about next time. Freaky-weird,
but cool. they fired mr. liberti at
school for stealing art supplies
for our play. big no no. he just sez
it will give him more time to
devote to his soul's code, whatever that
means. i like that guy.
if you hear from danny, tell me, will ya?
;-} Bye now,
ANNA
<+><+><+><+><+><+><+><+><+><+><+><+><+><+><+><+><+><+><+><+><+><+>
if you want nothing more to
do with me, title your reply
"get lost" and i won't bother
you anymore.
don't worry, i'm used to rejection.
[well, we don't know what to think now, but we feel this particular saga isn't over, so we've decided to turn it into a feature!, we know you are probably as concerned as we are... Blow-Off King (more than a little childish und not very nice thing to call a friend) Danny is plainly in some sort of trouble, und we cannot go along with the stealing of essenssial art supplies... more as und when we get it, oh yes]
[well... another message from Anna arrived the other day, seemingly completely ignorant of our previous missive, and the whole "worried about Danny" issue appears to have flown completely out of the window... we suspect prescription drugs may have more than a large part to play in this particular scenario]
so I get this e-mail from this
girl, Tia, and she says that she is
working for my dad, and he asked
her to e-mail me to say hi and that he
is missing me. how clueless
is that?!
Fine! That's it! THIS IS THE
FINAL STRAW! No more commercial auditions,
no more headshots, no more anything
that has to do with him.
I'm sick of being his pet project.
;-{ GRRRRRRRRRR.
ANNA
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if you want nothing more to
do with me, title your reply "get lost" and
I won't bother you anymore.
[to which we retorted]
Dear Anna,
How lovely to hear back from
you, we hope you are keeping well.
Firstly may we say what a mistake
we feel your turning your back on modelling may be, it's all too easy to
act rashly when confronted with difficult family situations, you obviously
have issues with your Father and his on/off approach to paternal giving,
granted the useage of an employee vis-a-vis family contacts is not an approach
to be commended.
Why don't you write him a nice
long letter, get it all off your chest, clear the air, it's all very well
flying off the handle but words said in moments of anger are oft wished
unsaid...
so think on, love
Cordially Yours
Count Lovely und Spike
p.s. have you tried Prozac und/or Lithium, it's certainly a thought
[there... that should hopefully help re-build a few family bridges, little did we know that when we started Pretty Lady we would wind up becoming therapists to confused top fashion models but then, you give of yourselves all that you can, don't you... more as und when...]
[well another message from Danny below... it's choc full of 'hip street slang' as one would expect, und he appears to have ignored the sage advice of our mentor "DON'T GO TO WORK, DON'T PAY ANY BILLS"... but then...]
well, cuz, i did it. i split
town, and let me tell you it is a big wide
world out here. i am in philly,
staying with Jared's sister. she's
nice, got me another barback
job, so i could help out with the rent and
bills. trying at saving my dough.
baseball is on hold for a while until
I get some more traveling money.
i am hoping to be in florida for the
spring tryouts. for now, philly
is cool. don't know nobody, but there's
lots to look at.
moms is freaking out, but pops
sent me $200 so I could buy a tuxedo
shirt, and some pants, and shoes
too, for work. I look too stupid, but
it's all about the benjamins,
yo.
I just sent an e-mail to anna,
so don't worry about that anymore. she
knows where I am. she was freaking
out too.
brotherly love all over the place,
D-man
[to which we sent the reply]
Dear D-man
how lovely to hear back from
you, we don't believe we've had the pleasure of meeting Jared's sister,
but it's lovely of her to be concerned as to your upkeep.
May we suggest joining some
form of social club in order to meet new friends, we understand that Scientology
is very popular in America, why not go along to one of their do's, you
may even make some celebrity friends over cake und confession.
While your mother und father
are obviously still concerned, it's nice that they now know you are ok,
as does Anna... we are afraid we don't know Benjamin, but say hello from
us the next time you meet
lovely
Cordially Yours
Count Lovely und Spike
[more as und when...]
[more carping on from Anna below,
our passssience is wearing a little thin, it really is]
Dad and Danny -- same dif. Both
of them have other people write e-mails
to me. "Tell her I'm ok." "Tell
her I said hi." O-thanx, guys! like i
am so honored. Why don't they
just tell me that. It's like they are
afraid of me or something. they
treat me like I might break, which I
won't. I'm so mad. Whatever.
Double whatever-fever.
there's a picture of me in the
village voice. they spelled my name
wrong, and totally panned our
performance (Mr. Liberti got drunk and
cried when he read it), but
it's a cool picture of me. i'm in my Virgin
Mary sweatshop worker get-up,
flying over the crowd on a tether warning
them to repent. Very peter pan.
I officially have a new crush, on brian
the lighting designer. He's
even older than danny i think. He's so
quiet, never talks, very skinny.
He's a funny dancer though, goofy but
suave as hell also. i'll probably
never see him again.
;-} ciao,
ANNA
[to which we sent the reply]
Dear Anna
"double whatever-fever"?
you may have been watching too
much Jenny Jones, never a good idea...
we are sure that your father
und Danny don't think you will break, they are probably concerned you are
going to belly-ache on in your usual self pitying fashion (we speak as
we find)
MMMM, your Virgin Mary sweatshop
worker number sounds beautiful, very avant garde, it's no wonder you are
proud of the picture in your local papier!
we were sorry to hear that Mr
Liberti (who we thought had been fired due to his pilfering of school art
supplies) was reduced to tears, critical acclaim is nothing to be blasé
about, young lady, have you ever thought that the panning may have been
as a result of your general lack of motivassssion?,
if you are chosen to play Virgin
Mary Sweatshop Worker,
then you MUST PLAY Virgin Mary
Sweatshop Worker,
NOT Peter Pan .
RE your latest crush, how on
earth are you going to meet a nice boyfriend if you lack any type of positive
standpoint? "I'll probably never see him again", why not send him a little
note explaining your feelings und asking him out to the next village hall
discotheque, chances are he feels the same way but is far to shy to say
anything...
Cordially Yours
Count Lovely und Spike
you can e-mail danny yourself und express your concerns for his wellbeing here