ZODI-YAK
New year has passed and, like most people, I too
looked up my astro-prediction for the year. Not that I believe it, but
just for kicks!! Overall the predictions foresee a good year ahead.
Nothing major, really. “You might go on a foreign trip” (if you
consider India “foreign”). “You might make a lot of money if you
are wise and street smart.” (Do people make money being stupid and
lazy?) “Students, working hard with persistence would yield good
results”. But obviously! Or better, “The Scorpio Moon has a powerful
lesson to teach you. Don't procrastinate, or you would end up paying the
price.” I’ve always suspected that these supposed “predictions”
were more likely to have been conjured up by some inventive author with
an imaginatively obscure vocabulary. If it already isn’t, well…. I’d
say it could be! It’s not that I don’t believe in the concept of
astrology, it’s just that, I think commercialization has made it all
mumbo-jumbo.
I mean, take a look at a typical astro-prediction: While one website
claimed that today would be the best day to make my moves profes
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sionally, yet another claimed that today would be the
perfect day for the "great escape" from the drudgery of
routine. Confused?
If making sense of conflicting reports is tough, try
decoding this: “The Sun is in Aries, the Moon is in Scorpio and Pluto,
your ruling planet, seems imminent to wreak havoc on your social life!”
(What life?!). So, are we mere pawns ruled by the almighty planets and
stars, or do we mortals have more control on our lives? Besides, even if
these predictions were true, is it implied that every person belonging
to a particular sun sign would go through similar incidents or
situations or be at similar circumstances in their life? That is
implausible. If websites aren't enough to satiate one's thirst to know
about tomorrow, one could try a tarot reading for *just* $3/minute on
real audio. Or simply dial 1-800-CLEO!! Sometimes I wonder if
astro-philes, as I call those staunch believers of astro predictions,
unconsciously end up fulfilling their astro-predictions? Is it, that it
works for them or do they make it all work out anyway?
Having combed through numerous astro-sites just to prove my stand, I |
can now confidently say that I now have what it takes
to be a cryptic astro-guru myself. Penning an astro column? Easy.
Similarity in predictions for almost all sun signs seems to be a
standard. Sprinkle the names of some astro-friendly planets, typically
Saturn, Mercury, Venus, Pluto and Mars. Next, generally talk about
nothing in particular and everything in general. Alternatively create
special “profiles” as in professional, romantic (a big draw!), pet,
boss, coworkers, blah blah. And *always* write an overall happy report.
It’s as easy as A-B-C, which is Astrology By Cause-&-effect. It’s
just about as amazing as some weather forecasts that go “It may or may
not rain.” From a commercial point of view, almost every
self-respecting website has an astrology report that is based either on
your star/moon/sun sign. Maybe we, at IMACS, should seriously consider
running a monthly astro too –if nothing, at least to improve our
popularity ratings. In fact, I can whip one up right now with deadly
accuracy, and what’s more, it applies to all living beings of all sun
signs: Around the 13 day of the fifth month of the 1st year
of the new millennium, owing to the fact that the Sun is in Aries |
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