Chapter 6
“Who are you?” Isaac asked as we sat in his car that was parked at Sonic. It was about two weeks after the party and Isaac and I had settled comfortably in our…very involved friendship, I guess you could call it.
“What do you mean by that?” I asked Isaac a semi-rhetorical question. “I’m a lot of things. I’m a daughter, a cousin, a granddaughter, a friend...but as of yet I really don’t know who I am emotionally or mentally. All I know comes from my heart, but sometimes I find that my heart doesn’t give me a great advantage over my superiors.”
“Yeah, but your heart is what gives you such passion.”
“What is passion, though? Is it just fire for living, or is there more? It seems like there would be so much more to such a strong word like passion, and I don’t think I have everything that passion seems to exemplify. I just have more of a flame in myself that keeps me going. I’m pretty sure the passion will come in to play when I know more about who I am and what I believe.”
“God, you are so…philosophical! How can you come up with these thoughts of yours?”
“It doesn’t take much. Whenever you’re explaining your own beliefs to someone, think about it later. Think about what you believe. Question your thought. Decide if you believe what you’re thinking and why you believe that. You’ll find that your heart will do a lot of the work.”
“Is that how you come up with those things?” he asked curiously.
“Sometimes. Sometimes I’ll be in the middle of something and a thought will just hit me and I just go with it. I guess it’s kind of something I was born with. I’m always questioning the world and why it is the way it is. Why the human race has been around for so long and we’ve come up with things to cook and clean and do our daily chores, yet we haven’t figured out how to put aside our petty differences. With so many people in the world, if you only have one true love that you can stay with your whole life, how do so many people find them? There’s so many things that just pop into my head and just make me wonder...”
“You think we could go somewhere and just talk?” Isaac suddenly asked.
“What do you think we’re doing right now?” I laughed a little.
“I mean someplace where we’re not in a car. A cafe or something?”
“Sure, I know of a little coffee house over on Sheridan,” I nodded as our carhop approached with our Flurries. Isaac handed them to me as he paid the carhop and I noticed that the Styrofoam exterior felt weird against my hands. Once he had paid, he turned around and took his from me and placed it in a cup holder.
“Where did you say it was?”
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Isaac claimed not to be a deep thinker, but as soon as I got him started, he began saying things that got to me. I listened intently as he described being onstage and his experience of the music as we sat in the nearly deserted coffee house and talked over frozen vanilla lattes.
“Seeing so many people gathered there in one place is one thing. To know they’re all there to see us is something completely unfathomable. Then, on top of that, to see it happen everywhere we go to perform completely blows my mind. I still see myself as that same guy that was a nobody two years ago that did it just for the music and wasn’t sure I’d ever make it anywhere. The same guy that was so excited to perform on Carmen’s video. And I don’t think I’ll ever get used to hearing all the screaming and crying for me and my brothers. It’s like I go from being a fan to being the one that has the fans.
“That’s something that really confuses me,” he continued. “Because I’m famous, am I allowed to be a fan anymore? Or because I’m famous do I have to be cool and act like nothing gets to me; act like I never get star struck when I meet my idols?” Isaac shrugged. “Wow, I’ve never had anyone listen like this. Anyway, I’ve talked enough. We don’t really know a whole lot about each other, so I’ve got a little game. I ask you a question about yourself, you answer and then ask me one.”
“I’ve played that game before,” I chuckled. “I believe it’s called ‘Getting To Know Each Other’ Ikey-Poo.”
“Well, Mel, sweetie, I get first question. Who are your idols?”
“Well, first of all, I believe idols are kind of bad. Just a personal conviction there. I really don’t idolize because then you just set that person on a pedestal and believe they can do no wrong. I’d rather try to get inspiration from them or identify with them. I do have my favorites though that I model some of my personality traits after, which I think is okay. I think that Will Smith is a pretty great role model. He shows children that you don't have to be lewd and offensive to be able to be successful. People like Jimmy Stewart really inspired me because he had this image of being such a wonderful guy. One of my friends has really gotten me into a lot of cool women like Sylvia Plath that really show me what the world is all about. Oh, I can’t forget Sandra Bullock. She is just such a cool person, and I really think she’s real. She’s more like a real person than just an actress and I can respect her like she was one of my friends,” I nodded. “My turn. What was your biggest surprise when you got famous?”
“Probably the fact that not everyone famous knows each other. I kind of figured it would be like a whole new culture and that everyone kind of had an mutual acquaintance without even meeting once, but that’s not true. I still don’t think I fit in with the musicians that you see in the industry. I kind of don’t fit the mold of former or practicing drug addict, alcoholic party animal. I’d rather be tame,” he explained thoughtfully. “My turn again. What was the happiest day of your life?”
“My life isn’t over yet, so I don’t know. Up to now, it’s probably been graduation, though. Okay...how long have you really known that you wanted to be a musician?”
“Truthfully?”
“Truthfully.”
“Well, when I wrote the first song, I really didn’t want to be a musician. I just thought it would be cool to write a song. Then, when me and Taylor started singing together it still just seemed like something to do. When Zac joined in, I still didn’t have the bug, but Taylor and Zac did. I went along with the ride for a little bit, but right after we did our performance in the Blue Rose, I was hooked. I wanted to have that kind of crowd all the time and be listened to. It was so exhilarating to feel the crowd encouraging you and applauding something you wrote,” Isaac had been talking so animatedly, smiling and his eyes shining like a child describing a new toy, but suddenly the wonderment left, leaving his eyes dull again.
“What’s the matter?” I asked instinctively.
“What makes you think anything’s wrong?”
“Well, you just seemed to lose your fervor for the subject suddenly. I was just wondering why,” I tilted my head and tried to read his eyes.
“Well, it just seems that lately everything has lost its luster. We’re still really popular as a group, but I’m really beginning to see our audience’s favoritism towards Zac and Taylor, not that I can say that it's any greater on their side of the fence. And then it seems every fan letter I read has something about thinking we’re cute and hot and wanting to kiss us and do some other, less... innocent things. No one understands that we’re more than just famous people; more than just musicians and that our words actually mean things. It just gets to me that no one hears what we’re trying to say.”
I pondered his statement for a moment and then looked him straight in the eyes and spoke softly, “Have you ever considered the thought that you’re not saying it loud enough?”
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you know, in some cultures not offering your opinion to a writer can be considered a sin... (so maybe I made that up, but you can still email me)
Chapter 7
Chapter Index