"THE BLOOMIN' LOONIES"

             by Jennifer Cleckley (RottinKid@AOL.com) and
         Jerry D. Withers (Furrball T. Cat)(jwithers@tcfn.org) 
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     This is my second attempt at TT fanfiction. My first is stuck in limbo
until I hear from either one of my collaborators. If it gets finished, I'll
have two versions, and probably two stories. Well I don't mind, and if you
want to have v3 v4 or v5, and have seen and like the Samurai Pizza Cats, write
me. I'll send you what I've written so far. HKUriah liked it.
     Well anyway the idea for *this* story came to me after I read "Miranda,"
then "A (slightly) Monumental Decision," "Is Breaking Up All THAT Hard To Do?"
and "Hoops Du Jour." I was also listening to They Might Be Giants and White
Town at the time, so I got a little weird. Also I begged and pestered Furrball
to collaborate with me on this one since it's his storyline that I've decided
to careen toward, and crash headfirst into.

     Okay. Here we go. Oh, this story will probably contain lyrics from the
"Flood" and "John Henry" albums by They Might Be Giants, and "Women In
Technology" by White Town. Right off it quotes Dead Or Alive.
          -- J.C.

What can I say? She strongarmed me into it. :-) 
          -- J.W.
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TTA: THE BLOOMIN' LOONIES

"Entrances" (v1.1)

     The sun shone upon a fairly ordinary day at Acme Looniversity. Those few
stragglers that every institute of higher learning seems to have were just
clearing the steps, and hoping to get past the hall monitors to their classes.
It was a peaceful scene. Even with the sounds of mallets and anvils. Those
were pretty normal for this place.
     "'WATCH OUT, HERE WE COME!'" a chorus of three sang from an undetermined
direction and distance, shattering the fragile tranquility. A male voice
continued to sing:
     "You spin me round-round, baby. Right round. Like a record, baby. Right
round, round-round!"
     "Uh... Nigel?"
     "You spin me right round, baby, right round!"
     "NIGEL!"
     "Like a recor- What?"
     "We're goin' too bloody fast!" There was a pause.
     "OH NO! These blasted brakes aren't working!"
     "You're squeezing the wrong thing, Nige," a girl's voice said.
     "I CAN'T be! There's only ONE bloody thing TO squeeze!"
     "I knew that bloke was too eager to sell this thing yesterday."
     Those who had stopped to listen to the exchange decided that running for
it would be a most prudent approach to the situation. When a shout of
"INCOMING!!" was followed by the loud crashing of a bright red scooter and a
trio of toons flying into the Looniversity building, the latecomers decided    
 that they were onto something and ran to their classes, never mind the mallet
bearing monitors.
     The three crash victims slowly, painfully got to their feet under the
eyes of those curious enough to have stayed. The fraternal twin rabbits looked
quite a bit like the girls' basketball coach, except for the more conservative
attire, the fact that they were younger than she was, and the twin purple      
streaks in their blond hair. "Next time," the girl of the pair said in a
pretty English accent, "I'll drive." The albino rat was dressed like his two
companions but not quite, and looked just a bit sheepish at her comment, then
grinned.
     "Alright. I don't mind letting *you* crash."
     "Bicker later you two," the male rabbit said patting the shoulders of
his sister, and their friend. "Let's get registered, shall we? We've got the
Serena syndrome."
     "I knew we shouldn't have lingered over that episode," the girl muttered
as they ran into the building.
     They raced along the hallway, gracefully avoiding students and faculty
alike on the way to the registration office, excusing themselves all the way.
The two lapines leapt to avoid a puddle of mop water sloshed by the janitor,
but their rodent pal hit the slick running full speed. He went into a skid,
and was headed right for a group of girls chatting by their lockers.
     "Look OUT!!" he shouted as he fell to his side while  trying to change
his trajectory. He slid all the way across the hall, slamming hard into the
lockers, and causing Rhubella Rat to fall to the floor in his wake. "Oh,
blast," he muttered as he got up and started to gather the fallen books.
     Ruby, and her temper, rose and she rounded upon the jerk that had
knocked her legs from beneath her. She wanted to tear into him because she was
somewhat upset with herself for not getting out of the way when she had the
chance, but when she found the object of her ire she was in for a surprise.
Firstly was the fact that he was another rat. An albino with the strangest
pale lavender hair, and wearing an odd blue and gold jersey and denim walking
shorts. The second surprise was the fact that he was already picking up her
books for her.           
     "Terribly sorry," he said in a pleasantly accented voice, handing
Rhubella her books with a little bow.
     "Nigel! C'mon! We're late already!" came a shout from  down the hall.
     "Oh! Right!" the boy said startled. "Got to dash, miss. Look, I'll see
you later, ay what?" With that he ran down the hall to catch up with his
friends.
     "Oh sure," Ruby said sarcastically, "when I see *you* later I'll get as
far away as I can!" She barely got to homeroom in time, and that caused her to
get mad at "Nigel" all over again. It was all *his* fault, and he hadn't
stayed to apologize properly, though he had been considerate enough to pick up
her books for her. She wondered why Elmer was taking so long to get started
with the usual dull announcements and stuff, when she noticed that he had not
started speaking. He was just standing there, as if he was waiting for
something or someone.
     "Hewwo, cwass," Professor Fudd said in concerned tones, "I was going to
intwoduce thwee new students all the way fwom mewwy old Engwand, but-"
     "Bloody minded bureaucratic oafs!" came a girl's voice from the hallway.
     "All that silliness only served to make us later than we already were,"
griped a young male rabbit that immediately caught the attention of the female
members of the class. He was followed by his twin sister, who drew just as
much attention.
     "NOT AGAIN!!" shouted an all too familiar voice to Rhubella. She cringed
inwardly at the imminent disaster that, right on cue, skidded through the
door. The girl quickly sat on Professor Fudd's desk, and Nigel collided with
the boy rabbit, and they both went flying. The bunny landed on Miranda Mink's
desk, and the white rat ended up suspended from the ceiling fan.
     "'Once I flew-ew, and it made my fingertips sing,'" the hare sang,
himself, before oozing off the desk and looking up at the rodent. "Nigel, what
are you doing up there?"
     "Hanging by my cricket jersey, and getting rather dizzy," replied Nigel.
     "Hello, everybody," the girl said grinning cheerfully and waving. She
wore a They Might Be Giants t-shirt featuring a blue bird, and a loose pair of
jeans. "I'm Lizbeth Carrotte. The dazed looking fellow sitting by that desk is
my brother, Lionel. The greenish looking bloke with the purple hair is my
other brother, Nigel." The class looked at the flying rat, and then looked in
askance at Lizbeth.
     "I was adopted, so sue me," Nigel said, feeling his shirt slip off of the
fan blade. It looked like he was going to land on Ruby when he finally came
free, and he almost did, but he gave gravity a little help. That was how he
hit the edge of Rhubella's desk, hard, instead of falling on her.
     The room collectively winced at the sound of the impact, and Nigel got up
from the floor clutching his side. "Well, _that_ was painful."
     At that moment, Ruby was torn between a) feeling sorry for this
apparently accident-prone rat, and b) feeling that it served him right.
Instead, against her better judgement, she tried helping him to an empty
chair. "Come on, Nigel," she told him, "just sit down for a minute. It'll wear
off, believe me."
     "Thank you very much, miss..."
     "Rhubella... but my friends call me 'Ruby'," she smiled, beginning to
forget her earlier anger at this newcomer.
     "I'll remember that... Ruby," he smiled back.
     As Ruby headed back to her seat, it never occurred to her that this could
be an open invitation to a *different* kind of disaster. Anyway, she had other
questions on her mind... and apparently, she wasn't the only one thinking
them. Miranda raised a paw.
     "Yes, Miwanda?" Professor Fudd asked.
     "Well, I don't mean to sound forward, but..." She hesitated before
continuing. "Are you guys any relation to our basketball coach?"
     The Carrottes looked at each other quizzically for a fraction of a second
before the light dawned on them. "Oh," Lizbeth exclaimed, "you mean Lola? Yes,
we are. You see, her aunt's our mum, which makes her our cousin... or
something..." She grinned apologetically. "I'm not too 'up' on all that family
tree stuff, I'm afraid."
     "We're drivin' her balmy till our parents can get the move completed,"
Lionel said as he got up, and noticed the bespectacled mink whose desk he was
leaning on. "Sorry 'bout landing on your desk, miss,"he uttered
apologetically, gifting her with his most charming smile. He wore similar
jeans as his sister, but his t-shirt said "Soho Monarchs Marching Band."
Miranda simply giggled.
     "In other words," Nigel said with an amused grin at his brother's
flirting, "we're staying at her house till our parents get our stuff here
safely. We've got a house, but Mum and Da didn't want us to be staying in
there all alone."
     "They're afraid that we'd throw a house warming party and not invite
them," giggled Lizbeth. "*Then* there's the small matter of not wrecking the
house before we can get properly settled and all that." The class laughed at
this last statement which was combined with a "Would I do that?" look that was
a riot.
     "Excuse me, Wizbeth," Professor Fudd said.
     "Yes?" she asked then noticed the stern look the teacher was directing
her way. "Oh! Right." She hopped off the desk, and made her way to an empty
desk, dragging Lionel away from Miranda. From there things proceeded as
normal, but not until Professor Fudd handed Lizbeth, Lionel and Nigel their
class assignments.
     First period bell rang, and the students filed out into the halls. The
trio had three different first period classes, so they promised to meet up at
lunch time. Nigel trotted along wishing that he had a map, when he felt
himself sliding *AGAIN*. He tried everything in his power to stop, slow down,
or even change where he was going, but to no avail. "Oh bloody..." he uttered
as he felt somebody fall over him, and he finally came to a stop. He got up,
started picking up the scattered books, and turned to hand them to the person
he had tripped. "Terribly sorr..." the rat uttered, before becoming lost in
the emerald green eyes of a drop-dead gorgeous black cat, "...ree."
     The cat, who called herself 'RuBarb', looked at him quizzically. "Is
something wrong with your eyes?"
     "Not a thing," Nigel replied, still in a bit of a daze, although not
necessarily from his latest collision. 
     "Then why don't you watch where you're going next time?" she smiled.
     Nigel gave a rueful grin. "Honest, miss, it wasn't _entirely_ my fault."
     RuBarb was only slightly convinced. "Uh-huh. Rhubella _told_ me I'd have
to get used to your type," she said off-handedly.
     "What type is that?" Nigel asked, becoming only slightly defensive, as
if he'd just been insulted.
     "Boys," she answered.
     "Oh," Nigel laughed. "I see..."
     RuBarb held out a paw. "Oh, my name is Rudelle Barbara Purrenstein, of
the Boston Purrensteins, but you can call me 'RuBarb'. In fact," she confided
with a smile, "I'd _prefer_ it if you did! Nice to meet you... er..."
     "Nigel Augustus Carrotte, of the London Carrottes, but you can call me
'Nigel'. I'm sure you've heard of my mother, Lillian Carrotte, the famous
five-star gourmet chef."
     "Lillian... Carrotte?" she asked, before recognition came to her. "You
mean the author of '101 Ways To Fix Egg Salad For Good'? I base my entire
dietary _life_ on that book!" she gushed, before absent-mindedly looking in
her other paw. "I think this is yours," she continued, handing him his class   
assignments.
     "Oh. Thank you," he murmured, still bemused, then spotted the selfsame
janitor that he had seen the other two times. "Enough's enough," Nigel said
walking behind the dopey looking puma. "Once or twice I can accept, but three
times is utter silliness." The albino was hidden by Pete's form until, *WHAM!*
Pete's entire torso was lodged into his mop bucket! Nigel stood there holding
a cricket bat, looking peeved.
     "Are you sure he deserved that?" RuBarb asked, eyes glinting from
suppressed laughter.
     "He sloshed mopwater into my path *three* times, RuBarb, what do _you_
think?" Nigel asked reasonably, then looked at his classes. "By the way, do
you know where 'Comedic Violence 101' is located?"
     "That depends," she replied slyly. "Are you going there to study it or
teach it?"
     "Well, I'd say that I'm going to study it," Nigel mused examining his
assignment sheet. "According to this, the Professor's name is Daffy Duck.
Since that obviously isn't my name, I guess that shows me up as a student."
RuBarb laughed, and escorted her new friend to the right room since that was
where she was going as well.

                                      -0-

     "So, Ruby, what do you think of them?" Miranda found it hard to contain
her girlish excitement even as she rolled her wheelchair down the hall
alongside Rhubella.
     "I know I won't be voting for them in the next election, that's for
sure..." Miranda half-closed her eyes, shifted her pupils to one side, and
then whacked Ruby in the side as hard as she could. "OWW!!! Hey, watch it,
half-pint!" Ruby advised her crossly. "I bruise easily!"
     "I _meant_ the new boys..."
     "_I_ knew that..."
     "Isn't Lionel cute?"
     "He is if you like rabbits," Ruby confided. "You can _have_ him..."
     "I *CAN*? Oh, thankyouthankyouthankyou..." Miranda quickly stopped.
"Um... you were speaking metaphorically just now, weren't you?"
     "Yep."
     "Oh." Miranda paused only briefly before she continued. "Well, I _still_
think Lionel's cute..."
     "You think creamed chipped beef on toast is cute," Ruby snickered.
     "I do _not!_" Miranda glared. "Anyway, I bet you think that Nigel is
just as cute..."
     Ruby let out a horrified gasp, and brought her hand to her face so fast
she was in danger of punching herself in the mouth. "Don't SAY that! Not even
as a JOKE!!"
     Obviously, Miranda had struck a nerve. "Jealous boyfriend, huh?"
     "You don't know Roderick, do you, shrimp boat?"
     Miranda half-closed her eyes again, pursed her lips, and nodded.
"Jealous boyfriend..." she muttered.
     "Look, I think Nigel's sort-of-cute... in a _common_ sort of way," she
whispered. "But he sure is accident-prone..."
     "Actually, I think he's more '_prone_ prone'," Miranda agreed. "And what
did you mean by 'common'?"
     "OOPS! Did I say THAT?" Ruby smacked herself in the forehead. "I keep
forgetting I'm not at Perfecto anymore," she grimaced in embarrassment,
looking around quickly. "You don't think anybody heard me, do you?"
     "Besides me? I don't think so," Miranda replied.
     "Good," Ruby sighed. "See, before I transferred here, I had a bit of a
reputation as a snob..."
     Miranda propped her head on her hand and looked up at Ruby
sarcastically. "You did? Gee, I'd have never guessed..." she said flatly.
     "Stop that," Ruby sighed, now thoroughly chastened by her own behavior.
"Okay, so maybe Nigel's... _uncommonly_ cute. How's that, better?" Miranda
nodded pleasantly. "But Roddy and I have been going together for _years_." She
sighed again. "I'll admit it hasn't always been smooth, and he can be a _jerk_
at times, but he's _MY_ jerk... does any of this make any sense?"
     "Umm... sort of..."
     "I didn't think so." Ruby sighed yet again.

                                      -0-

     Meanwhile, over at Perfecto Prep, Roderick Rat was huddled over a desk
full of books and papers, trying to solve some problem as best as he could...
to the amusement of his longtime #2 crony, Danforth Drake. "Why, Roddy," he
said in mock amazement, his voice just oozing sarcasm. "You're actually
_studying_? That's so unlike you, ha ha ha!"
     Roddy turned around and glared at him, eyes bright red. "Knock it off,
Danforth! You know me better than that. Anyway, only _losers_ study..."
     "As in 'Acme Loo-sers', eh? Ha ha ha!"
     "Yeah, yeah, yeah..."
     "So, Roddy, what exactly _are_ you doing?"
     "Same thing I do _EVERY_ year at this time... TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WOR...
Oh, wait, that's another cartoon, isn't it?" He shook his head to try and
clear the cobwebs. It became obvious that he'd been at this (whatever it was)
for some time.
     "Not for much longer, I hear," Danforth added with a self-satisfied
smirk, before getting back to the original subject (whatever _that_ was!).
"Well, then..."
     "What ELSE do we do at this time of year, Danforth?" Roddy rasped. "Try
to win 'The Acme Bowl'!" The years of frustration at never having won that
game had always gnawed at him.
     "Er, Roddy," Danforth corrected him, "The Acme Bowl isn't until *later*
in the year. We still haven't played the season opener yet!"
     "Huh?" Roddy shook his head again to clear out the rest of the brainfog.
This obsession with winning the Acme Bowl was really starting to take its toll
on him. "Oh yeah, you're right," Roderick laughed in embarrassment. "Well, one
good thing this year..."           
     "What's that?"
     "Acme Loo doesn't have Buster Bunny leading the team!" Roddy said
gleefully. "They're practically in a rebuilding mode... and _that's_ gonna be
their weakness!" He rubbed his paws together greedily, as if the Acme Trophy
were already his.
     Danforth knew that look. It always spelled disaster. Usually for Roddy --
and Perfecto. "Say, Roderick, old chap, I don't mean to be a wet blanket..."
     "Then _shaddup_..."
     Danforth ignored him. "But, just the same, don't you think we should spy
on the other team, just to be on the safe side?" He paused before continuing.
"Or, are you going to let _her_ do the spying for you?" he insinuated.
     "'Her' who?... oh, you mean Rhubella?"
     "I _do_..."
     "Forget it," Roddy barked. "She won't even think of it. Besides, I
already asked her."
     "And?
     "You know that saying about Heck having no fury like a woman scorned?"
     "Yes?"
     "Believe me, it's _nothing_ compared to asking your girl to... er, 'rat'
on her own schoolmates! I guess she's still ticked off about what Margot did
to her back in September." Danforth opened his beak, but Roddy interrupted
him. "And to tell you the truth, so am _I_! I wanna know who put her up to
whacking my girl!" Obviously, the attack on Ruby was still very much a sore
point with Roddy, and he made no attempts to hide it.
     "What makes you say a thing like that?" Danforth snapped at him angrily.
     "Just a hunch," Roddy snapped back. "We both know that Margot's as evil
as they come, right?"
     "Right..."
     "And we also know she's not brilliant enough to have thought of something
like this on her own. _Somebody_ had to talk her into it... Anyway, that can
wait. First, we win the opening game. _Then_, we find out who put Margot up to
it... and when we do..." He drew his index finger across his throat and made
the appropriate sound effect. "Get it?"
     "(Gulp!) Got it!"
     "Good! Now get lost, I got some more thinking to do..." He dismissed
Danforth with a casual wave of his paw. The duck was only too happy to split.
     As he closed the door behind him, Danforth thought to himself, 'Whew!
_That_ was close! If he ever finds out the truth, I'll be a dead drake in more
ways than _one_..." He stopped, looked around nervously, took a deep breath,
and decided that the only way to forestall the inevitable was to stay in
Roddy's good graces for as long as possible. And the only way to do _that_,
would be to spy on the Acme Loo team himself...

                                      -0-

     The morning classes went by unusually quickly for the Carrottes, mainly
because they were having too much fun (each in their own way, of course).
Before they knew it, lunchtime had arrived. Miranda, Ruby, RuBarb, Lionel and
Lizbeth had just seated themselves at an open table, waiting for Nigel.
Rhubella said, "I take it your brother is less than punctual?"
     Lizbeth smiled. "You could say that's his weak suit."
     Miranda couldn't resist. "What's his strong suit?"
     Lionel replied, "A charming little three-piece made of Limburger cheese,
why d'ya ask?" The girls all buried their heads in their hands and groaned
loudly, except for RuBarb, who was flipping through her copy of "101 Ways To
Fix Egg Salad For Good" in order to find her next adventure in bagged lunches.
Suddenly she stopped when she discovered a picture of Nigel by a recipe he'd
contributed, 'Super Cheesy Scrambled Egg Salad'. At that moment, Nigel
_finally_ showed up (walking, not sliding).
     "REALP!" yelped Nigel as RuBarb pulled him into the seat beside her.
"Oh... uhm... hallo."
     "Why didn't you tell me that you're a celebrity?" the kitten asked,
gazing intently at the albino rat.
     "A celebrity? What on earth gave you _that_ idea?" Nigel asked with an
amused look on his face. RuBarb just showed him the picture by his recipe.
"Oh. That's just a picture in one of my Mum's cookery books."
     "Your Mum?" RuBarb asked. "Lillian Carrotte is a rabbit."          
     "You know something? You're absolutely right!" Nigel said. "Though I was
an early age when I started noticing the difference between myself and my
siblings. All three of us did have large ears, but mine were more wide than
long." Miranda and Ruby giggled, while Lionel and Lizbeth both strained to
keep from laughing.
     "Then there's tails," Nigel continued blithely. "They have cute little
fluff-balls while mine is long, skinny, and devoid of fur. Which explains why
I wear tail-warmers every winter. And, of course, the noses are different. My
nose, like most noses, precedes me everywhere I go, but it's _just_ a bit more
obvious about it." At this Miranda fell to the floor laughing, and Rhubella
was barely hanging on. "All this shows me up for a rat, but my Mum and sibs
are rabbits. I bet you're wondering how this could be, aren't you?"
     "Yes, actually, I am," RuBarb said, eyes gleaming with suppressed
laughter. "The evidence is sort of stacked against you."
     "Well, the truth of the matter is," Nigel started, pausing for a very
deep breath, "I am adopted."
     As all around her broke out in gales of laughter as Nigel finished
wrapping up his tale of something that should've been obvious even to RuBarb,
the kitten turned to Lizbeth. "How many times has he told this story?"
     "I lost count a long time ago," she confided. "Guess it's because he
never tells it the same way twice." Lionel rose and went to the still giggling
Miranda.
     "Need a hand up?" he asked, offering his.
     "Yes," chortled the mink, "thanks." Lionel pulled her to her feet, kissed
her hand, then grinned and winked at her. Miranda sat down, giggling like
crazy now. Ruby snickered, RuBarb shook her head, and Lizbeth waited. As soon
as Lionel was within range she elbowed him in the ribs.
     "Argh! She got me!" he said, clutching his side, and falling to the
floor. Everybody at the table chuckled except the mink, who asked Lionel if he
was okay. "I'll be fine," the rabbit replied tragically, before collapsing
back, causing Miranda to giggle in spite of herself. The sound of a tray
hitting a table drew the group's attention, and about two tables away stood
Lola Bunny. Her shoulders were shaking with mirth, as she turned in their
direction. The Carrottes gifted their cousin with big cheesy grins, causing
her to collapse into a chair, laughing.
     "I'll see you three later," Lola finally managed, as she got up and moved
on to the faculty tables.

                                      -0-

     "I've got American History next," Nigel observed, as they walked through
the halls after lunch.
     "Me too," Lizbeth said, after checking her sheet.
     "Me three," Lionel added. "She's absolutely adorable, though. Cute as a
button, and with such a wonderful personality."
     "All right, all right! You've been going on about Miranda ever since we
left the cafeteria," Lizbeth uttered, rolling her eyes.
     "He's got a crush," observed Nigel sagely.
     "Takes one to know one, eh, Nigel?" queried Lionel poking his sibling.
     "We're here," Nigel said, cheerfully evading his brother's question.
"Should be interesting getting the other side of the story, ay what?"
     "Hello," said a pretty gray femrabbit in a lavender dress, "I'm Honey
Bunny, your American History teacher. You must be the new students from
London."
     "Yes, ma'am, we are," Nigel replied. "This is Lionel Carrotte,
Lizbeth Carrotte, and I'm Nigel Carrotte. I'm adopted, obviously." Honey
Bunny chuckled and got out three double jewel cases, and the register.
     "ALRIGHT! Stan Freberg! Wait a mo," Lionel exclaimed. "Don't we have this
set?"
     "We _did_ at one time," Lizbeth said with a sour look on her face. "It
fell victim to one of your ninja battles. The same one that claimed Mum's
Riders In The Sky collection."
     "Ew," Nigel uttered with a wince, "don't remind us."
     "Your mother likes Riders In The Sky?" Honey queried, looking interested.
     "Actually she's something of a fanatic for them," Lionel observed. "In
the process of replacing those records, we found EVERY second-hand music
store, antique shop, and vinyl collector in London, and surrounding areas."
     "Used up a lot of our savings, too," Nigel said with a sigh. "A very
expensive choice of projectiles we made in our youthful exuberance."
     "I can imagine," Honey laughed. "Especially the earlier stuff. Find your
seats. The second bell is about to ring, and that's everybody's cue to try and
break the sound barrier." When all the students got good and settled in, Honey
addressed them. "Okay, class, today we'll be picking up from where we left off
yesterday about Columbus' voyage to the 'New World'."
     That was all the Carrottes needed to hear. "Sounds like a song cue if I
ever heard one," Lionel grinned at his sibs, as, to Honey's surprise and the
class's delight, the trio (unasked) launched into their own rendition of
Freberg's demented counterpoint masterpiece, "It's A Round, Round World," with
Nigel taking the Columbus role, Lionel singing King Ferdinand, and Lizbeth
belting out a one-toonette version of Columbus's crew! 
     When they finished, to the applause of the students, they bowed politely;
but Nige couldn't help adding, "And now, 'Opportunity Knocks' for Mrs. Honey
Bunny of Acme Acres!" Honey merely eyed them coolly.
     The room fell silent, broken only by Lizbeth's muttered, "We're done for,
boys."
     As Honey continued to eye them coolly, the Carrottes began to experience
what is called, in show biz terms, "flop sweat". Finally unable to control
herself, Honey broke out laughing. "That was very good! A little _uncalled_
for," she emphasized, "but still, very good! Now, if we have no more
auditioners for the next David Merrick musical," she added, "maybe we can get
back to the lesson?" And to make sure her point would be well-taken, she said
to the Carrottes, "Oh, and can I see 'Bucks Fizz' after class, please?"
     The Carrottes gulped.
     Loudly.

                                      -0-

     "Whew! _That_ was close," Nigel said, wiping his brow after class. "I
thought she was gonna read us the riot act."
     "Yeah," Lionel added. "She just wanted to know if we'd be willing to sing
at the next school dance, is all."
     "Wonder where she got _that_ idea from, ay?" Liz added with a wink, as
the three made their way down the hall to their next class.
     Suddenly, Nigel saw Rhubella and RuBarb by their lockers. "Excuse me,
friends, but destiny calls." Liz and Lionel looked at each other, shrugged,
and went their separate ways, leaving Nige to fend for himself, as it were.
"'Ello, ladies," he said in his smoothest tones.          
     The two girls looked at each other, shrugged, and said, "Where?" before
giggling helplessly.
     "Okay, have your little laugh," he smiled. "As it happens, I have a bit
of unfinished business here." And clearing his throat, he said, "Miss
Rhubella, I believe I owe you an apology for giving you a demonstration of
what it feels like to be a bowling pin this morning."
     At that moment, outside the Loo, unseen by anyone else (mainly because he
was hiding in the bushes) was Danforth, with a video camera. 'Might as well
give it a test run,' he thought, not really knowing what he was shooting. To
his surprise, the first thing he saw through the viewfinder was Ruby and
Nigel. "Well, well, what have we here?" he wondered aloud, and focused sharply
on the two rats.
     Meanwhile, inside, Nigel was still attempting to apologize, the British
way... by bending slightly at the waist and kissing Ruby's hand. Ruby blushed
a little and said, "Um, apology accepted, Nigel."
     Danforth nearly dropped his camera. "Oh, Roddy is _never_ going to
believe _this!_" he chuckled evilly. "Talk about 'scouting the opposition'..."
Having said that, he left; as it turns out, if he'd only stuck around, he
would've gotten the whole picture (so to speak):
     "I feel better about that, now," Nigel said with a smile. "It was nagging
at my conscience a bit. Now as for you, Miss Purrenstein, since I knocked your
feet from 'neath you as well, would you allow me to make it up to you by
treating you to dinner sometime? I found a vegetarian restaurant in a
visitor's guide that sounds pretty good." RuBarb blinked, startled at this
rather sudden invitation.
     "You're asking me out?" she asked with a really stunned expression on her
face. "Doesn't it seem kind of odd that you want to take a feline out to
dinner?"
     "You're right again, RuBarb," Nigel uttered with a grin. "I do tend to be
a tad eccentric, but I'm a rat that was raised by rabbits, so that does make
me a bit odd. I'd still like to take you to dinner sometime. After I check out
the restaurant, and make sure it's not exclusive to equines, of course."
     "Of course," RuBarb said, still stunned. Nigel bowed, and planted a kiss
on the kitten's hand before heading to his next class. RuBarb stared after
him, then shook her head. "That was out of the blue! I would have thought he'd
try asking YOU out, Ruby."
     Ruby tried stifling a giggle, with poor results. "Just as well he
_didn't_, Rue. Can you imagine what would happen if _Roddy_ ever found out?"

                                      -0-

     "So, did you get anything on the other team?" Roddy asked impatiently, as
Danforth popped the video into the VCR.
     "You... _could_ say that," Danforth replied cryptically.
     "How's that?"
      Danforth grinned smugly. "Watch and learn, Roderick!" And he backed a
good deal away... more to avoid the fallout than anything else.
     Roddy sat and watched... and stared... and gripped the armrests of his
chair so hard that they shattered into a million splinters. (And they were
_aluminum!_) "WHAT???" he growled angrily, eyes turning red and mouth foaming
rabidly. "WHO is _THAT_, Danforth? And what does he think he's doing?"
     Danforth smiled. "His name is Nigel Carrotte, he's just arrived from
England, and apparently, he's moving in on your territory, old man." He
whipped out a razor. "Care to shave?"
     Roddy knocked the razor out of Danforth's hand angrily. "No, I don't!" he
yelled, wiping his mouth on Danforth's sleeve. He then paced furiously,
muttering incomprehensibly to himself. Finally, he stopped. And smiled. And
started to whistle a song. Danforth was puzzled; he'd never seen Roddy do
_that_ before. "Are you all right, Roddy?"
     "_I_ am," he replied, "but this Carrotte fellow may not be," he hinted
menacingly. With that, he resumed whistling the same song.
     "What is that song, by the way?" Danforth asked curiously.
     "You ever listen to XTC?"
     "No. Is that one of theirs?"
     "Uh-huh..."
     "Might I ask which one?"
     Roddy grinned evilly. "What else? 'Making Plans For Nigel'."
     "What else?" Danforth echoed, grinning just as evilly... 

                                      -0-

     "...It's a brand new album for 1990, 'They Might Be Giants''s brand new
album 'Flood!'" Nigel sang, as the Carrottes entered the Acme Loo music room.
He had stunned the entire class in 'Comedic Violence 101' (except, for some
reason, RuBarb) by demonstrating to Daffy how to suddenly produce a cricket
bat out of thin air and use it, to which Daffy had painfully replied "Game,
set and match!" before passing out!
     "I heard what happened in that class with Professor Duck, Nige," Lizbeth
chided him. "Better be careful, there. Ducks break easily, you know!"
     "Well, he _did_ ask for it," Nigel grinned, almost as if he'd enjoyed it.
"Well, here's the instruments. Shall we have a go?"
     "Okay," Lionel answered, eyes twinkling merrily, "but couldn't we do a
_song_ first?"
     "_Very_ droll," Nigel replied as the three took their places. "What shall
we start with?"
     Liz suggested, "How about 'Run Runaway'?"
     "Oh, not _that_ one again!" Nigel groaned in mock hysteria. Liz and Leo
exchanged knowing winks, as that was one of Nigel's personal faves (he being a
dyed-in-the-fur Slade fan).
     Nigel took up the electric guitar; Lionel went to the drum set, holding
the sticks above the skins with deadly intent; and Lizbeth stepped behind the
keyboards. On the count of three Nigel and Leo started the intro, with its
pounding beat and guitar riffs. Moments later a crowd gathered outside the
music room, and Lizzy added the melody. The crowd was either amazed, or foot-
tappingly bemused, and there was Lola, of course. She was, rather casually,
jamming along on an air guitar. Then again, she _had_ been subjected to her
cousins' taste in music ever since they'd arrived in the States, and had
developed a liking for some of it.
     Finally, after that wonderful build up, Nigel stepped to the mike, and,
with a little more gusto than absolutely necessary, let the world know that he
was fond of black and white. When "Run Runaway" had finally wound down, the
gathering had really gotten into the music. The trio brought the Slade tune to
a triumphant close, then segued effortlessly into, of all things, a love
ballad. The song was new to most everybody in the hall, except for Lola,
because it was by White Town. (There had been but one hit, and not a very big
one at that, from the 'Women In Technology' album, and this was _not_ it.)     
     

          "It's the best I can do, so far away from you.
           As the ocean holds the sky, so I try to hold your eyes.
          And I know the world is turning.
           I know it's yesterday for you.
           But the shape we're giving love can never be untrue."

     The audience to this impromptu concert had mixed feelings. The
romantically inclined wished to know what the title of the song was so they
could pester the Request and Dedication DJ for it that night. The rest just
wanted them to play another jamming tune.
     Lionel, Lizbeth, and Nigel finished off "The Shape Of Love", and had
wanted to go into "Ana Eng", but two things prevented them from doing so. The
first was the fact that 'Lincoln' was not included in the credits as a They
Might Be Giants album they could quote from. There was also the rather stern
gaze being directed at them by the principal. So they took their bows,
accepted the applause and exited the music room before certain parties decided
to remove them forcibly.
     "Well, well, well," came a raspy voice from behind the circle of
onlookers. "It seems that you have some _small_ talent for music. It's not
going to help you."
     The Carrottes exchanged a glance, confused at the situation. Who could
they have possibly gotten so peeved at them in such a short time? On
Rhubella's face, the trio noticed there was this rather nauseated "OH, NO!"
look. Apparently the speaker was someone she knew.
     The crowd parted as they turned around to see who had spoken. Slowly a
brown rat with glowing red eyes and a very angry expression was revealed.
Rhubella groaned, and ran a hand over her pained expression.
     "Nigel Carrotte, I am going to mop the floor with you!" Roderick Rat
said, flecks of foam appearing at the corners of his mouth.
     "Really, old boy?" Nigel queried casually as he looked the other rat
over. His salmon eyes lingered on Roddy's clenched fists, then went back up to
his contorted face. "Now why in the world," the albino continued, scratching
the back of his head, "would you want to go an' do that? I'm sure a typical
string mop would do a better job of it."
     "You're moving in on MY territory, 'old boy'," Roderick replied
sarcastically as he stalked the younger rat. "And I didn't come within a hair
of losing my girl to have you come along and try and steal her!"
     "This whole confrontation seems silly to me," Nigel observed, calmly
watching Roddy's progress. "Especially since I don't even know who you're
talking about." Roderick was obviously unconvinced, because he kept coming.
The albino just kept his gaze on the enraged rodent, and waited. Then, a
moment later, Nigel swung. The cricket bat whistled through the air, and
crashed upon Roddy's head with a dull THUD.
     This stopped him in his tracks. The expression on his face was comical;
the angry snarl having turned into a rictus of pain; and one eye being closed
so tightly it was nearly puckered, and the other having gained two sizes and a
series of concentric circles. Roderick stood there, stock still, for about ten
seconds; then, with a crash, he fell to the floor. Lionel and Lizbeth plucked
the brass knuckles that Roddy _happened_ to be wearing from his lax fingers,
and handed them to Nigel.
     Roderick awoke, moments later, to see Nigel leaning on his cricket bat
and watching over his prone form. "Sleep well?" the albino asked mildly. The
rat pushed himself to his feet and got up in Nigel's face.
     "THAT was cheating!" he accused, poking Nigel in the chest.
     "Really?" he drawled, pushing the older rat away with the end of his bat.
"And what, pray tell, do you call these, old boy?" Nigel asked, hefting the
brass knuckles. "An unfair advantage?"
     Roddy would've answered, but a tap on his shoulder interrupted him. He
turned around, ready to tear into whoever was doing the tapping, but stopped
when he came face to face with the toon doing the tapping... Rhubella. "Excuse
me, Roddy, 'your territory' would like a word or two with you..." From the
expression on her face, he sensed they weren't about to be pleasant ones,
either. He was right. They weren't. "What in the world is _WRONG_ with you,
Roderick... besides the usual, that is?"
     "Er... well..."
     "Don't hand me THAT!! Whatever made you think Nigel was trying to _steal_
me from you, you idiot? He's too young for me as it is..."
     "Um... that is..."
     "I'LL JUST BET!!! Besides, Nigel's already _got_ a girl! And what's this
about me being 'your territory', anyway? How could you even SAY a thing like
that? What am I, a piece of property for you to stick boundary markers on?!?"
     "Wait a minute," Nigel interrupted, trying to restore some sort of calm.
"Are you saying this larrikin is your _boyfriend_?"
     "For about five more seconds," Ruby growled.
     "Surely she could've done better than _him_," Lizbeth whispered to
Lionel.
     "Somehow, I don't think that's possible," he whispered back to his
sister.
     "What's a larrikin?" Miranda asked nobody in particular, trying to keep a
tight grip on her wheelchair, just in case she went into a sudden spin-change.
     Nigel thought about the situation for about two seconds, before turning
to his sibs and mouthing a song title. Lionel blinked, then grinned. "One!
Anna two! Anna one two three four!" he shouted, then sang, "'I lost my lucky
ball and chain, and now she's four years gone. Just five feet tall and sick of
me an' all my rattlin' on.'"
     Roddy started at Leo's shout, and turned to silence the rabbit just as he
started singing. The first line caught him off guard, and he gulped at the
phrase "ball and chain". It was something he had been affectionately calling
Rhubella (never to her face, of course). The thought of losing her, because of
his own stupidity, caused him to feel cold.
     Lionel continued, "'She threw away her baby doll, I held on to my pride.
I was young and foolish then. I feel old and foolish now.'" Then Lizbeth
joined in on the next verse. "'Confidentially, she never called me bay-bee
doll.  Confidentially I never had much pride. But now I rock a barstool and I
drink for two, contemplating this time bomb in my mind.'" The possibility of
having to live his life without Ruby loomed over Roderick, made all the
clearer by the ironically bouncy tune the Carrotte twins were belting out.
     "'I could shake my tiny fist, and swear I wasn't wrong, but
what's the point of arguing when you're all alone? As sure as you can't
steer a train, you can't change your fate. And when she told me off that
day, I knew I'd lost my home.'"
     His knees went weak, and Roddy collapsed into a chair that Nigel had
fetched from the music room for _just_ such an occurrence. "What," the older
rat said burying his head in his hands, "am I going to do?" Nigel paused a bit
before answering, enjoying the irony of the situation.
     "We-ell, there's begging, pleading, groveling and throwing yourself 'pon
her mercy," Nigel replied ticking them off on his fingers.
     "Allow me to make two points clear to you, Carrotte. One: I will not make
a fool of myself in front of a bunch of Acme Loo-sers..."
     "Too late," Nigel said.
     "And two: Rhubella's 'mercy' makes a rabid Rottweiler seem tame," Roddy
concluded. "And what'd you mean by 'too late'?"
     "Hm... let's see... You provoked, and lost, a fight in the hallway
outside of the Acme Loo music room. THEN you got into a terrible row with your
girlfriend in same. Both were done before, oh, half the student body and a
smattering of faculty," Nigel explained blithely. Roddy sighed.
     "So a public apology, groveling and all, won't hurt my image any," he
grumbled, reluctantly conceding the albino's point.
     "NOT that it would have hurt it in the first place. You are not popular,
Roddy, old boy. It just might improve it a wee bit, though," Nigel suggested,
while he was flipping through his Acme Acres visitors' guide. "You could try
bringing her attention to something other than that 'your territory' faux pas.
After all, you were perfectly willing to make a public spectacle of yourself
because you were, obviously, worried about your relationship, i.e., that she
may have found someone that acted less the larrikin, and may have been
thinking of throwing you over."
     "Larrikin?"
     "Jerk."
     "Oh."
     "And treating her to dinner at this Milleways place would be a plus. It
seems perfect for a kiss-and-make-up sort of deal." This caused Roddy to
wince. Milleways was one of the most expensive restaurants in Acme Acres.
Rhubella had been wanting to go. Roderick had been avoiding it. He got up, and
went to Ruby, where she stood deciding what to do with him.
     "Ruby?" he said, quietly.
     "What?" Her reply was curt.
     "Look, I know I've really outdone myself this time--"
     "You certainly have, Roderick Rat!"
     "But can you blame me? I mean, to be honest--to be brutal, even, Nigel is
a well-mannered British gentletoon," Roddy said running a hand through his
hair, "and I'm a self-centered, stuck-up, jerk. But here I was, perfectly
willing to be humiliated in front of toons that I, normally, wouldn't be
caught on the same block with, because I was worried sick about losing you."
     "You should have thought of that _before_..."
     "Thinking's not my strong suit, Ruby."
     "I know," Ruby answered wryly. "Go on..."
     "And oh, how he _does_," Miranda yawned, before being brought to silence
by a brief stare from both Roddy and Ruby. "Just forget I said anything," she
added sheepishly, trying to wheel her way into the background.
     "Can I do my grovelling in more private surroundings, Ruby?" Roderick
asked with a contrite smile. "I don't want to improve my image here _too_
much. It's almost time for the Acme Bowl."
     "That's *later* in the year, Roddy," Ruby reminded him. "And just what
kind of 'private surroundings' did you have in mind?"
     "I had kind of thought about Milleways," Roderick replied smoothly. "If
you're still up to wanting to go, that is..."
     Ruby made a not-too-subtle pretense of mulling it over. "Well, _gee_,
Roddy, I'd already made plans for the rest of my life..." she said, looking
lazily at her fingernails for a few seconds. Finally, she looked at him point-
blank, and smiled. "Nigel talked you into this, didn't he?"
     Roddy grimaced bitterly, with one eye toward the younger rodent.
"We-elll..."
     "Don't knock it, Roddy," she whispered in his ear. "It worked."
     Now Roddy was _completely_ floored. "It _did_?!?... I mean..."
     A certain twinkle came to Ruby's eyes. "Never mind, Casanova. You can
tell me all about it later tonight, say, eightish?" She smiled again. "Now I
suggest you get out before the football team finds out you're here, and you
get a sneak preview of this year's slaughter!" And with a wink, she gave him a
kiss that let him know that, for the moment, all was, if not _well_, then
certainly on the road to recovery. The poor guy was so dazed by the kiss that
it was a wonder he got out of there at all!
     "You've got a girlfriend, Nige?" Lizzy asked giving her brother this
_look_.
     "That's got me so bloody confused it's not funny," Nigel uttered, shaking
his head. "Y'see, Ruby's not the only one I've tripped today. That's how I
first met RuBarb. I did ask her out to dinner to make up for bowling her over
this mornin'. So that means that I've got a possible date, providin' for
atmospheric and/or fur conditions, of course."
     "So where'd Ruby get the bit about you having a girl already?" Lizzy
queried, looking perplexed.
     "THAT'S what's got me so confused," Nigel said shrugging. "I mean,
RuBarb's only known me since nine this mornin'."
     Rhubella grinned wickedly. "Look, I had to say _something_ to get Roddy
to leave you alone, didn't I?"
     "Well, I know, but..."
     "Don't knock it. It worked, didn't it?"
     "Um... I _s'pose_ it did..."
     Ruby's eyes glistened. "Then _SHADDUP!_" She turned to go to her next
class, but not before she whispered in Nigel's ear, "Oh... and thanks, Nige. I
owe you one."
     Before Nigel could say anything further, Plucky came out of the crowd.
"Say, Nigel, funny thing about our football squad..."
     "What?"
     "Well, we don't have a team captain this year. I was going to be it, but,
my sciatica is acting up something awful..."
     "So are _you_," RuBarb noted, just out of earshot.          
     "Whaddaya say?" Plucky continued. "Feel up to some football?"
     Nigel's ears perked up at the sound of that word. "Is the Pope British ?"
     Plucky had to think about it briefly. "Um... actually, no he isn't."
     "Oh. Well, still..." Nigel waited for that joke to die a short and
painful death, which was mercifully brief. Then Plucky explained the rudiments
of American football to him, and how it differed from English football. Then
Nigel's ears drooped. Turning to his sibs, he muttered sarcastically, "Why do
I get the feeling that this whole enterprise is a sinking ship, and I'm _not_
the only rat on it?"

     Fin. For now, at least... ;)

 =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Story (C) March 17, 1998 by Jennifer Cleckley and Jerry D. Withers. Version
1.1 (Revised) (C) February 4, 2000 by same. Version 1.2 (Revised further) (C)
March 14, 2000 by same. All Rights Reserved.

Tiny Toon Adventures characters, Looney Tunes characters, and Lola Bunny (who
has got a lot of character herself) were used (as usual) without permission or
consent. They were used with respect and joy and we hope they added to the
content of the story, even though they only had cameos. (C) 1930's through
1998, Warner Bros. Animation, Inc.
     
The original version of Rhubella Rat is (C) to Warner Bros. and Amblin
Entertainment. The new and improved Rhubella Rat, while the modification of
Jerry D. Withers ["A (slightly) Monumental Decision", "Is Breaking Up All THAT
Hard To Do?", and "Hoops Du Jour"], is STILL (C) Warner Bros./Amblin.      

"RuBarb Purrenstein" ["RuBarb"] and Miranda Mink ["Miranda"] were created by,
and (C) 1997 Jerry D. Withers.

"The Bloomin' Loonies", aka "Lionel, Lizbeth and Nigel Carrotte" sprang from
the wild imagination of Jennifer Cleckley (who is known for populating the
Sonic the Hedgehog fanfic universe with well over thirty different
characters). The Loonies are, of course, copyrighted to Jennifer Cleckley (C)
1997/98.

The authors would also like to thank the writers of the songs quoted in this
story, also without permission (in order of appearance):
     
     "You Spin Me Round" [Dead Or Alive, YOUTHQUAKE, 1985 Epic Records]
     "Once I Flew" [White Town, WOMEN IN TECHNOLOGY, 1997 Brilliant!/
      Chrysalis Records, Ltd.]
     "Theme" [They Might Be Giants, FLOOD, 1990 Elektra Entertainment]
     "The Shape Of Love" [White Town, WOMEN IN TECHNOLOGY]
     "Lucky Ball And Chain" [They Might Be Giants, FLOOD]
     
Furrball would like to thank RottinKid for the tuna fish hoagies and chocolate
milk (a sure way to bribe a fanfic writer. Well, _this_ writer, anyway ;-) )

This is a work of fan fiction, and is not meant to be taken more than four
times a day at regular intervals without the supervision of a medical doctor
or a registered nurse. Stay tuned for the next installment of the Bloomin'
Loonies saga, "Football: It's A Looney Old Game (No Matter HOW You Play It)",
coming soon to a computer near you. TTFN!
 =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=