"IS BREAKING UP ALL THAT HARD TO DO?" v1.1 by JERRY D. WITHERS (em:jwithers@tcfn.org) (NOTE:After submitting "A(s)MD...", HKUriah suggested that it left a lot of unanswered questions. One of them in particular, "What would Roddy's reaction be when he finds out Rhubella is now attending Acme Loo?", (GOOD QUESTION!) captured my imagination...especially when I realized I hadn't properly addressed THAT one! Here's hoping THIS fills the bill. Let The Show Begin...) ************************************************************************ Rhubella Rat looked at her reflection in her bedroom mirror, and frowned. For the life of her, she didn't know why. After all, it was a gorgeous summer morning, and she was a gorgeous young lady; so what did SHE have to be bummed out about? She studied herself harder... maybe it was the wardrobe. For some reason, it didn't look at fashionable as it used to (if you could call a purple blouse, yellow scarf and black skirt fashionable!). As if on cue, there came a knock on her door. "Rhubella?" "Yes, mom," she answered, letting her in. "My, aren't WE chipper this morning?" she observed wryly. "You going to wear THAT all day?" "Well... not in the shower," Ruby smiled. "Okay, what's wrong?" "Who said anything was wrong?" "It's written all over you, dear." Rhubella sighed. "Is it that obvious?" "Ruby, it couldn't be any more obvious if Ross Perot served it up in a pie chart!" She sat down on the edge of the bed. "It's got something to do with school, hasn't it?" Ruby froze in front of the mirror. She hadn't even considered that possibility. "I... I guess so," she replied haltingly. "Well, just don't worry about it," Rhonda said. "You'll be fine. Now go enjoy yourself; it's the weekend," she smiled, adding, "That's what it's there for. Besides, you'll have plenty of time to go crazy once the semester starts." "Right, as always," Rhubella mused... -0- As usual, the Acme Mall was crowded to overflowing on Saturday; even more so today, as almost every store was having their big "GET YOUR KIDS BACK TO SCHOOL OR WE'LL REPORT YOU! SALE". "OOOOF!," Ruby thought as she attempted to push her way through the shoppers going every which way. "Sheesh! Moses had an easier time getting through the Red Sea than this! But then again, Moses had _help_..." She quickly came to the realization that it really didn't matter WHAT she was wearing; after all, what was the point of going somewhere just to be seen if nobody was even going to be able to SEE you? Well, ALMOST nobody... "Hey, Rhubella! Still slumming with the great unwashed?" "Oh, terrific," she moaned to herself. "Babs..." "...or are you still trying to find some clothes that FIT you?" "Give it a rest, Babs," Buster warned her playfully. "Oh, please, Buster, just one more..." she pleaded, while making great big girly eyes (like they have in Japanese anime) at him. Buster's response was to raise an eyebrow sharply in her direction. "Oh, all right," she grumbled. "Geez, you never let me have ANY fun..." "That's what married life is all about," Buster smiled. "And all this time I thought it was the Army," Babs countered, then sighed heavily. She'd SO enjoyed 'sticking the needle' into Rhubella for so long, and the prospect of finally having to stop because they were no longer academic rivals--after all, she was supposed to be beyond that, now--was not one she was exactly looking forward to. As far as she was concerned, it was another step towards staid old stick-in-the-mud maturity, and if _anybody_ wanted to delay that as much as possible, it was Babs. Reluctantly, she reached out her hand. "Truce?" "Oh, what the heck," smiled Ruby, as she accepted it. "Truce." Buster let out an audible 'Whew!' of relief. "Thank goodness THAT'S overwith." "For _now_," Babs muttered under her breath. "What was that?" Buster and Rhubella asked. "NO-thing..." Babs switched topical gears. "By the way, we saw Roddy in the food court just a few minutes ago..." Rhubella froze for the second time that morning. "What was he doing?" she asked nervously. Babs and Buster looked at each other curiously. "Yodelling the Macarena, for all we know," said Babs. "If you hurry, you can stop him before everybody stuffs his feet down his throat..." "Rope it in," Buster told her. "Okay, thanks," Rhubella said, and headed in the direction of the food court. She wasn't exactly breaking any land speed records getting there, either. A fact not entirely lost on the Bunnies. "Is something going on that we don't know about?" Babs wondered aloud. "Usually," Buster answered. "You think we got the makings of a major plot development about to happen?" "Perhaps," she said thoughtfully. "Normally, those two are as tight as... as WE are... but then, who ever said Roddy and Rhubella were normal?" "BABS..." "Sorry, I just couldn't help myself," she shrugged, and then started pulling on his arm. "Come on, let's go..." Buster resisted as long and as hard as he could. "Hold it! You wanna drag me halfway across the mall, just to witness the possible breakup of someone else's relationship?" "That's what married life is all about, dear," she replied, echoing his earlier quip. "OH, IT IS NOT!" "You're right, Buster," she said, temporarily ashamed of herself. "Besides," he added, grinning, "it's quicker if we take the skywalk..." "Race ya..." -0- NOW Rhubella knew why she was so down. When she talked with Bugs a few weeks back about the possibility of her transferring to Acme Loo, they discussed briefly the scenario of her old classmates from Perfecto Prep finding out...and yet, somehow, she'd left Roderick completely out of the equation! 'Maybe,' she thought, 'if I can find an exit...' "Rhubella!" 'Too late,' she sighed, and trudged over to where Roderick Rat was seated. "Hello, Roddy," she said unemotionally. "How've you been?" "Huh?," he asked, taken somewhat aback. "That's it? 'Hello, Roddy, how've you been?' That's not exactly the way to greet the love of your life, you know." "Sorry, I've got a lot on my mind right now," she said, regaining her composure somewhat. "So, what's new with you?" "Oh, nothing much. Just preparing for post-grad studies... that reminds me, your mom told me you're coming back this year..." Ruby quickly changed the subject. "So what do you hope to major in?" "WHO CARES?" he laughed wickedly. "It's all just window dressing anyway!" Roddy paused briefly, and took her hand in his. "We all missed you, babe." "Really?" "Sure we did," he told her. "The athletic squad just wasn't the same without you... but this year, it'll be different..." "You got THAT right..." "Wha?" "NO-thing... you were saying?" "This year, we're gonna CREAM those Acme Loo Losers once and for all!" Ruby swallowed hard. "By the way, how are those diamond saddles for the polo ponies working out?" Roddy sighed. "Bad investment, Ruby." "Gee, that's a shame," she said with an air of light sarcasm. "Not really, we sold them all to Montana Max at a hefty markup..." He laughed again. "Seems you just can't trust ANYBODY anymore..." "Speaking of Acme Loo..." "Let's not, I'm hungry..." Ruby swallowed hard. Again. It was now or never. "Roddy, do you love me?" The question caught him completely off guard. "Babe, that's a silly question... by the way, can I get you anything?" "But, do you love me?" "Hey, what is this, 'Furrball On The Roof'? You should know better than to even ask..." He stopped. "What's wrong, babe?" "Roddy, I... I've got something I have to tell you, and... well, you're not going to like it..." "What? The Arch Deluxe is really the McLean Deluxe?" "Please," she sniffed, on the verge of tears. "This is difficult enough..." "Hey, Ruby, it's Roddy you're talking to. There's NOTHING you can tell me that I'll get upset about..." "Oh yeah? Well, try THIS on for size..." She paused for effect. "Your girlfriend is a 'Loser'." This got no reaction from him. Maybe she'd phrased it wrong. "How's that again?" he asked blankly. Yeah, she'd phrased it wrong. "Okay, let me take it from the top..." She took a deep breath and tried again."RoddyI'veenrolledatAcmeLoothisyearandthere'snothingyouoranybody elsecandoaboutitthereI'vesaiditandI'mglad!" She paused to catch her breath. "I don't know how Roberta does that!", she said, referring to her little sister's habit of going into a mode of speech that could only be called 'hypertalk'. Roddy just stared at her. "You... you're not upset with me, are you, Roddy?" "Upset? How COULD I be? I didn't understand a single darn word you just..." "I'VE ENROLLED AT ACME LOO THIS YEAR, ALL RIGHT?" she finally screamed. The whole mall fell into an uncomfortable silence. Even the muzak slowed down to a halt! Roderick glared at her. "WHAT?" he growled, as it began to sink in. "I said..." "I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME!" he yelled, drawing back his fist as if he were going to hit her. Needless to say, this frightened Ruby out of her everlovin' wits! She cowered in her seat, waiting for Roddy to do his impression of Roy Jones, Jr., or something. It didn't happen. Roddy took one look at her, and reconsidered. But this didn't mean he was ready to relax.He turned to look at everybody within shouting distance. "DON'T YOU PEASANTS HAVE YOUR OWN LIVES?!?" Quickly, the muzak perked back up, and all the patrons in the mall returned to whatever they were doing. Without looking at Rhubella directly, he added, "I was right. You CAN'T trust anybody anymore!" and stormed out of the food court, almost knocking over the waitress in the process. She set the tray of food down on the table, and looked at Ruby, then back at the now-departing Roddy, then back to Ruby. "Uh, did he want fries with that?" she asked. -0- 'Well, so much for keeping it a _secret_,' Rhubella thought. 'I sure handled THAT well!" Of course, that's what she was THINKING. It was hard at that point to get _any_ rational conversation out of her, because vocally, she was bawling her head off. Buster and Babs watched her from the skywalk. "I think he took it rather well, considering," Buster stewed. "Considering what?" "Considering that Roddy's a slimebucket..." "THANK you, Mr. Obvious!" "Come on..." he said quietly, heading towards the elevator. Babs knew where he was going. She was thinking the same thing he was; as insufferable as she may have been, even Rhubella didn't deserve THAT kind of treatment. In no time at all, they were at her side. "Rhubella?" they asked. "WAAAAAAAHHH!!!" "I see," Buster replied pleasantly. "Otherwise, how are things?" "WAAAAAAAHHH!!!" He turned to Babs. "You wanna field this one?" "I don't know," she replied sarcastically. "Seems to me you've been doing an EXCELLENT job so far..." They sat down. "Mind if we join you?" "WAAAAAAAHHH!!!" "We're not gonna get much conversation out of her, are we, Buster?" "WAAAAA..." "Stop reading my lines, you jerk!" Ruby snapped at Buster. "Don't yell at him like that," Babs snapped back defensively. "Only I get to call him a jerk!" "Does anybody remember what we're doing here?" Buster asked weakly, to no one in particular. "I think we were trying to cheer up Ruby," Babs replied. Rhubella sighed, and wiped her eyes with a napkin. "Yeah, well, thanks..." Babs feigned innocence at this point. "So what happened, anyway?" She knew darn well what had happened; after all, with ears like hers, she could hardly have missed it. She'd just wanted to be sure she"d heard it right. "I told Roddy I'm enrolled at Acme Loo..." Babs gave Buster a look which said, 'Yeah, I heard it right..." "That's not a very funny joke, sister," she told Ruby. "It's no joke, Babs... I really AM going to Acme this year." The Bunnies took it much better than Roddy did. They simply let their jaws drop to the table with a melodious thud. "Oh, by the way, Babs, you've got a piece of carrot cake wedged in your back teeth..." "Where?" she tried to say; although, with her jaw still touching the table top, it came out as, "Air?" Buster recovered quicker. "Close the door, you're lettin' the flies out..." If looks could kill, Buster would've been history at that moment. "Does anybody else know about this?" "Only Bugs," she admitted, "and he thought we should keep it a secret..." "Bugs who?" asked Babs. "Don't start," said Buster. "Well, I'd say you got off light just now; all he did was yell at you," Babs noted. "It could've been worse." "How?" "He coulda stuck you with the check!" Rhubella let out a small laugh. "You know, Babs, you're right." "Of course I'm right! I'm ALWAYS right!" "Except when you're wrong," Buster added. "Excuse me," Rhubella said, getting up from the table, "but I think I'm gonna take a walk... I've got some things to figure out..." "Go ahead," Buster replied. "And don't worry, we won't tell anybody." "Thanks," she smiled, and left. Buster mused, "Gee, Babs, maybe Rhubella's not as bad as we thought she was..." "Maybe not," she interjected, "but did you notice she just stuck US with the check?" "WHAT?!? Why, that..." He stopped in mid-tirade. "Wait just a minute... whose bright idea was it to even MENTION the check in the first place?" Babs blushed. "OOOOPS!" -0- Actually, the meal wasn't half bad. It wasn't half good, either; but that's the chance you take with mall food, as everybody knows. "So what do you think we oughta do, Buster?" "I think we oughta dine out more often..." Babs hauled off and kicked him in the shin as hard as she could. "OWW!" "You are SOOOOO... alert!" she grumbled. "I meant about Rhubella..." "What _can_ we do?" Buster was massaging his shin and looking at the tab Ruby'd stuck them with. "Hmmm... at least Roddy likes to save a few bucks now and then." "In other words?" "He's a cheap date." "I'll file that info in my Rolodex for future reference..." Babs appeared thoughtful. "You don't think this is the first time they've fought, do you?" "Couldn't say, Babsie. This is the ONLY time I've seen him treat her like that... and that's another thing. Wouldn't Ruby usually stand up to that sort of baloney?" "You've got a point there," she agreed. "You think maybe being away from Perfecto for so long has mellowed her?" "Hmmm... could be. Still, I can't imagine those two breaking up. After all, they must see SOMETHING in each other..." "Yeah? Well, I'd hate to imagine WHAT..." "Please, I just ate..." "So you think we oughta try and get them back together?" "Why not? If not for their sake," he added pompously, "then for the sake of all toonkind!" "BUS-ter..." "Well, think about it. Would you want to unload either one of those two on any other poor sap?" "Now that you mention it, I suppose it IS our civic duty..." "Darn straight! See if you can find Ruby. I'm gonna look for Roddy." "What are you planning?" "Oh, nothing much," he smiled. "I'm just going to try and make him listen to reason... BUSTER STYLE!" -0- It didn't take Buster all that long to find Roderick; as it turned out, he was in the parking lot, still trying to get his flashy new sports car started. "Hey, Roddy!" "What do YOU want?" Roddy oozed contempt in Buster's direction. "Nice to see you too, pal," Buster replied. Goodness knows, he was trying to remain polite; but, given the circumstances, that wasn't going to be easy. "How's Rhubella these days?" "Don't even MENTION her name in my presence, Buster; you got that?" he sneered. Buster knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't resist. "Rhubella, Rhubella, Rhubella, Rhubella, Rhu..." Roddy suddenly leaped out of his car, eyes flashing red, and headed straight for Buster! Fortunately, the blue bunny was a little too quick for him, and stepped over to his left. Not far, mind you; just enough so he could get a rabbit's eye view of Roddy kissing the parking lot! "OOOOOF!" "Happy now?" Buster leaned down to address his adversary. "Not really..." groaned Roddy, by way of an answer. "Good!," Buster told him sharply. "That'll teach you to fasten your seat belt!" He helped Roddy back to his feet--typical Buster behavior. His NEXT move, however, was totally UNTYPICAL of him: Grabbing Roddy by the sweater, he practically slammed him into the trunk of his car! "OW! HEY! What's the big idea?" Buster got right in his face. "I dunno... you tell ME!" he growled threateningly. Roddy had never seen Buster like this. "Are you CRAZY, rabbit?" "No..." and he loosened his grip on Roddy, "but I think YOU are!" "Are you still sore about that Richie Rabbit business?" "Naw, I got over that already; besides, that was LAST year! Get _current_, Roddy; this isn't about me or Babs." Now Roddy was REALLY confused. "Well, WHAT, then?" "It's about you and Ruby, pal..." "What's that to you, Buster?" Roddy snapped bitterly. "Personally? Not thing one, actually; I just hate to see you two split up over something so meaningless..." "MEANINGLESS?" Roddy was beside himself. "Roddy, please don't make me give you a close-up shot of your hood ornament," Buster pleaded. "I didn't exactly enjoy roughing you up just now..." "You could've fooled me..." "Yeah, but how hard is that?" Buster grinned. "Look, just because Ruby's transferring to Acme doesn't mean she's stopped caring about you..." He paused. "Sheesh! I'm starting to sound like one of those 'Sensitive New-Age Guys' or something..." "Nauseating, isn't it?" "Don't even ASK..." Buster recollected his thoughts, and tried again. "Roddy, are you gonna let your pathological hatred of Acme Loo stand in the way of... of... whatever the heck it is you and Ruby got?" "W-ell, when you put it like that..." Roddy considered it. He hated to admit that Buster was right, but he'd be darned if he'd let _him_ know that! "I'll think about it," he finally said. "If I were you, pal, I'd do MORE than just think about it," Buster warned him, and left Roderick to contemplate the full meaning of that. -0- "So, how'd your talk with Roddy go?" Babs asked. "I think he finally got the message," Buster replied noncommittally. "Were you able to find Rhubella?" "No... but if I know her, there's only one place she _would_ go..." "Lover's Leap?" Buster gulped. Babs punched him in the arm. "OWW!" "No, Ruby'd never do anything THAT desperate!" She whispered into his ear. "Of course! Let's go..." "I'm way ahead of ya, blue boy," Babs smiled confidently. And with that, the Bunnies burrowed their way from the Acme Mall to the one place Rhubella liked to go when she REALLY wanted to think... The Acme Acres Community Basketball Court. Turns out, they weren't the only ones looking for her there. So was Roddy. Ruby was lazily shooting baskets like it was second nature to her... and it was... but somehow, her heart just wasn't in it. Roddy watched, and felt like a complete heel. "Hey, Ruby!" he called out, causing her to miss the hoop entirely. "Ooops!" he gulped, embarrassed. "Sorry, babe..." She eyed him with a look of total disdain. "What do YOU want?" "Well, Rhubella..." he began. Babs and Buster watched from the sidelines. "I think this is our cue to vamoose," she prodded him. "Gee, and we just GOT here," he griped jokingly. "Ah well, I guess she can handle him without any help from us... but I'd sure like to know what they've got to say to each other..." "Don't even THINK about going there, blue ears." "Okay," he laughed, and dove back in the hole, heading for home. Babs, however, couldn't resist sticking around just a bit longer, in case she might miss something. "...I behaved like a real jerk today," Roddy sighed. "_Only_ today?" Ruby smiled slightly, lifting an eyebrow. "Okay, so I'm NOT perfect," he admitted reluctantly. "Just don't let that get out, babe..." "I'll THINK about it," she cautioned him. "So, you're a jerk. What else?" "Isn't that enough?" "I don't know, Roddy," she sighed sadly. "See, I... I'm not the same girl I was when I left Perfecto... I've matured a lot in the last year... What I guess I'm trying to say, Roddy, is I've changed..." "But I haven't..." "My point exactly. I don't even think we're into the same things anymore..." "Come on, Ruby," He was kneeling down and practically begging now. "Just one more chance..." She'd never seen Roddy behave this way. Here he was, literally groveling at her feet, looking pathetic as anything, and trying desperately, the best way he knew how, to salvage whatever was left of their relationship. Frankly, she was enjoying the bleep out of this! But, she'd be darned if she'd let HIM know that!! A small glint appeared in her eye. "Okay," she said. "Just ONE more chance, Roddy, and that's ALL you get! But if you EVER..." She paused, glaring at him through fiery red eyes, "And I DO mean EVER, behave towards me like you did at the mall today, we're _THROUGH_, mister; is that clear?" "Clear as glass," he said meekly. "Oh, get up; if there's one thing I can't stand, it's a boyfriend who snivels," she added. "I... I would, but I think my knees have locked!" Ruby seriously debated with herself whether she should leave him like that or not. Finally, the glint returned to her eye. "I'll tell you what... I'll help you up, Roddy, IF..." "Hurry, then!" "Let me finish," she smiled. "IF you promise me one thing..." "ANYTHING!" "Okay. I want you to promise me that you won't let my attending Acme affect our relationship." To anybody else, that would've been a simple enough request. To Roddy, it was next to impossible! Still, she held all the trump cards at this point. "That's IT?" "That's it." What could he do? He was starting to go numb. "I promise, babe," he groaned. "I don't believe you," she replied in fake coldness. "PLEASE, Ruby, my legs are asleep!" "One more time, then..." He swallowed his pride. He didn't have much choice. "I promise..." The glint in her eye became a gleam of triumph. No, the old Ruby wasn't totally gone. "Okay, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt... THIS time!" She helped him to his feet. "Roddy, you really WERE a jerk this morning... and you're STILL a jerk... but what the hey, you're MY jerk!" She helped him sit down. "Better?" Without warning, he planted a big fat kiss on her! "Much," he smiled. "And all is right with the world," Babs thought, just before she headed home, "which shows you what a sorry state the world's in!" ************************************************************************ (C) 10/01/1996 by Jerry D. Withers. Version 1.1 (Revised) (C) February 4, 2000 by same. All Rights Reserved. All characters (C) 1996 Warner Bros./ Amblin Entertainment except Rhonda Rat (C) 1996 Jerry D. Withers. This story is in no means meant as an infringement or claim on those copyrights. ________________________________________________________________________ This story has not yet been TOLE-rated. Again, thanks to Kevin Mickel for posting this, and to the Tri-Cities Free Net for the webspace, and to Steven Spielberg, without whom... Let me know what you think. I'll be here in the plutonium buckle of the radiation belt, waiting to hear from you. 8{). E-mail: jwithers@tcfn.org. 8{)=The Smirk You Can TRUST!