"What to wear, like, what to wear, or some junk?" Shirley the Loon was going through her closet, looking for her day's wardrobe. It was a pointless search, as all there were, were about a dozen or so red pullovers just like the one she always wore. There was a fine line between uniformity and monotony, she told herself, and she was playing hopscotch on it. To make matters worse, she'd promised to spend the day with Plucky. She totally forgot why. "Please, somebody, like, get me out of..." She didn't get around to finishing the rest of her thought, as she heard a noise that sounded roughly like what you'd get if you combined a rolling tympani with a runaway freight train. Her first thought was, "Like, earthquake!" She immediately rushed to the nearest door frame, when something made her stop. There was no sensation of the ground shaking; no rattling of furnishings...She looked around cautiously. No, her beaded curtains were perfectly still. Shirley made her way to a window
and looked outside. Everything was perfectly normal. Maybe the sound effects man was being cute, she thought. Then, another thought hit her. "Wait a minute! Like, Tiny Toons has been out of production for years! This is going to take some major looking into, I'm sure!" She donned one of her pullovers and dashed out of her house to investigate. Judging from the sound, she thought, it seemed to be coming from Acme Forest... -0- As it happened, Shirley wasn't the only one who'd heard that sound. Buster Bunny heard it, too. "Oh, darn, I overslept AGAIN! Steven's gonna have my foot on a chain!" he berated himself...before suddenly remembering that Tiny Toons was out of production, he'd long since graduated from Acme Loo, and had settled down (if you could call it that) to married life with Babs Bunny, who was still sleeping comfortably. He shook her awake, gently. "Babs?" "Buster, it's Saturday," she growled. "This had better be important, or by the time
this conversation is over, I'll make myself a widow!" "Hey, make one for me, too, will ya? I hear they're really eas..." "BUSTER!!" she snapped, now fully awake and visibly irritated. "Sorry, dear," he grinned. She knew darn well he wasn't. "Did you hear a strange sound a minute ago?" "You mean something like what you'd get if you combined a rolling tympani and a runaway freight train?" "Yeah..." "NO!!!" She was still ticked off; only now, it was at herself for getting pulled into that lame joke. She opened her mouth to say some more choice words, when that sound happened again. "Now you can't tell me you didn't hear THAT!" Buster said, hopping out of bed--and falling flat on his face. He smiled weakly. "I meant to do that..." "Sure you did," Babs remarked cheerfully. The frantic rapping at their burrow door interrupted her. "I'll get that. You might hurt yourself." Babs opened the door, and Shirley continued knocking...on Babs's forehead. "A-HEM??"
"Like, oops..." Babs pulled Shirley inside. "Hi, guys. Did you hear...?" "Yeah, we heard," the Bunnies replied. "Like, what do you think it was?" Buster frowned. "Whatever it was...it didn't sound good..." -0- Rubella Rat had agreed to take her kid sister Roberta for an early morning walk through Acme Forest that day. It was kind of refreshing, she thought, if you didn't mind the incessant chattering. And she didn't mean from the birds, either. (Besides, she was taping the Kids WB! shows, anyway.) Roberta was in the middle of another inane question when the sound stopped them both cold. "W-w-what was that?" she asked, clinging to her older sister's leg. Rubella quickly adopted an air of nonchalance. "Two sound effects that have no business being together," she said; but Roberta could see through the flippancy. "Listen, kiddo, we've seen enough nature for today..." Roberta went into hypertalk. "No we haven't not by a long shot you said you were gonna show me all
about the secret life of Chip and Dale and Mac 'n' Tosh and you're just as scared as I am and I gotta go to the BAF-room...!" Ruby rolled her eyes and asked herself, 'Why ME?' "Come on," she cajoled her sister. "I think Buster and Babs live somewhere around here--ah, there it is," she said, pointing to their burrow. "If you really gotta go to the 'bafroom'..." "Bathroom," Roberta corrected her. "Umm...yeah," Rubella said. Suddenly, that sound rang through the forest again, and Roberta leaped into Ruby's arms. "Ruby...I wanna go home..." Ruby knew how she felt. This was weird...and not very funny. "I'll race ya," she whispered loudly. Before she could move, Shirley knocked her down in a mad rush. "Gangway, or some junk!" she yelled, making straight for the burrow. "HEY!!" Rubella yelled back angrily. "Maybe she has to go to the bafroom, too," Roberta noted. Ruby thought it best to be quiet... -0- "That was pointless!" Buster complained. "Can't this
hack introduce characters in their order of appearance anymore?" Babs and Shirley joined him as they cautiously made their way out of the burrow. "I think it's a literary convention," Babs said. "I don't care if it's the Republican Convention!" "Like, who does, Blue Boy?" Shirley added. Babs and Buster smiled at each other and said, "True..." Meanwhile, Rubella approached Shirley angrily. "Listen, loon, I've got half a mind..." "Like, you heard it here first, folks!" "Now, now, be nice," Babs sighed. "Did you guys hear what we heard?" Rubella asked. They nodded. "What do you think it was?" Buster raised an eyelid. "I'm not quite sure, Rat Babe, but I'm beginning to get a pretty good idea..." With that, he yelled up towards the sky, "ALEX!!!" You could imagine the look on Buster's face when the object of his displeasure--the mysterious, all-powerful owner of Acme Acres who called himself 'Alex Redolence'--tapped him on the shoulder in response. "You rang, Buster?" Buster
spun around and almost lost his balance. "What's the big idea making all that racket?" Alex smiled. "Don't ask me, Buster; I heard it the same time you did." "Like, that wasn't you, then?" "Hardly, Shirley. I usually make a bigger entrance than that, remember?" "Oh, yeah, that's right..." "Excuse me?" Buster interrupted. "We were trying to figure out where that obnoxious sound was coming from. And if it wasn't Alex..." Alex stiffened, his tail waving wildly. "Hold your ears, folks; I think it's coming again..." "I heard that!" Plucky's timing, as always, was perfect. "I didn't mean that obnox..." Alex was interrupted in mid-insult as that sound occurred one more time--only this time, none of the Toons were prepared for the sight which accompanied it. "Stand back!" Alex commanded. The Toonsters didn't need to be told twice. Before their astonished eyes, a hole opened up in the scenery before them! It was about the size of, say, Bugs Bunny; oval shaped; and
flat. Alex walked around it as if it were a mirror hung suspended in thin air. "Like, ohmygawd," Shirley gasped. "Which one?" Plucky asked. Shirley was too stunned to react. Maybe she'd fry him later. "Alex?" Babs approached him slowly. "What IS it?" He was still investigating it. "I'm not sure...I've never dealt with something like this before..." Suddenly, the border around the hole glowed an eerie neon red. "...But there's something I don't like about it...Babs, are you and the others open to suggestion?" "Depends on what it is..." "I suggest you bolt!" "That's an excellent suggestion!" Babs quickly agreed. "That woulda been MY first choice!" Plucky said. "No surprise there," Rubella sighed sarcastically. -0- "Success! The portal is holding!" "It's about time!" The speakers were a couple of scientists; the first, short and male, the second, tall and female. She turned to her colleague, a worried expression on her face. He read it
like a book. "Don't worry. ANY place has got to be better than HERE..." She started to protest. "But, I can't just leave you..." He placed a finger on her lips to stop her. "Look, we already agreed it would be best if you 'disappeared'...for everybody. After all, you're the one he's after..." He fixed his eyes on hers. "You'd better go now; there's no telling how stable this portal's gonna be...or if we can ever use it again..." She wiped a tear from her eyes and kissed him on the cheek. "You know what to do, just in case," she said solemnly. "Right," he sighed reluctantly. Suddenly, the border around the portal glowed an eerie neon green. "Hey, THIS isn't supposed to happen!" he yelled. "Somebody must be on the other side!" "But if they get in..." She started panicking, as she was wont to do in crisis situations. "Shut it down, NOW!" "I'm trying," he rushed to reassure her, disappointed that her escape had to be postponed because of 'outside interference'... -0-
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(c) 1997 jwithers@tcfn.org