>"WHAT TO DO WITH THOSE HOTEL SOAPS" > >Disclaimer: The following letters are taken from an actual incident >between a London hotel and one of it's guests. The Hotel ended up >submitting the letters to the London Sunday times. > > >Dear Maid, >Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom >since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six >unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another >three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you, S. >Berman > > >Dear Room 635, >I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from >her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as >you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf, I took out of your way and >put on top of your Kleenex dispenser, in case you should change your >mind. > >This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which, my instructions from >the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory. >Kathy, Relief Maid > > >Dear Maid - (I hope you are my regular maid) >Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the >little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening, I found >you had added 3 more little Camays to the shelf under my medicine >cabinet. > >I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought along >my own bath-sized Dial, so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are >on the shelf. They take up much needed space. S. Berman > > >Dear Mr. Berman, >My day off was last Wednesday so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps, >which we are instructed by management to leave. I took the 6 soaps >which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where >your Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your >convenience. > >I "didn't" remove the 3 complimentary soaps, which are always placed >inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not >object to when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can >be of further assistance. Your regular maid, Dotty > > >Dear Mr. Berman, >The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that you >called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid >service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will >accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future >complaints, please contact me so that I can give my personal attention. >Call extension 1108 between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m. Thank you. Elaine >Carmen, Housekeeper > > >Dear Miss Carmen, >It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for >business at 7:45 a.m. and don't get back before 5:30 p.m. That's the >reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. > >I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little >bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a >new check-in today, since she left "another" 3 bars of hotel soap in my >medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the >bathroom shelf. In just 5 days here, I have accumulated 24 little bars >of soap. Why are you doing this to me? S. Berman > > >Dear Mr. Berman, >Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your >room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, >call extension 1108 between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m. Thank you. Elaine >Carmen, Housekeeper > > >Dear Mr. Kensedder, >My bath-size Dial is missing! Every bar of soap was taken from my room, >including my own bath-size Dial! I came in late last night and had to >call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets. S. >Berman > > >Dear Mr. Berman, >I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I >cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids >are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. >The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies >for the inconvenience. > >Martin L. Kensedder, Assistant Manager > > >Dear Mrs. Carmen, Who the heck left 54 bars of Camay in my room? I came >in last night and found 54 little bars of soap! I don't want 54 little >bars of Camay. I want my one doggone bar of bath-size Dial! Do you >realize I have 54 bars of soap in here? All I want is my bath size >Dial! Please give me back my bath-size Dial!! S. Berman > > >Mr. Berman, >You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them moved. Then >you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I >personally returned them to you plus the 24 Camays which had been taken >AND the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily. I don't know >anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did >not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays, and >the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where you got the idea this hotel >issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory, which >I left in your room. Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper > > >Dear Mrs. Carmen, >Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. > >As of today I possess: > >On the shelf, under the medicine cabinet -- 18 Camay in 4 stacks of >4 and 1 stack of 2. > >On the Kleenex dispenser -- 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack >of 3. > >On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4 >hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4. > >Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack >of 2. > >In the shower soap dish - 6 Camays, very moist. > >On the northeast corner of the tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly >used. > >On the northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3. > >Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are >neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more >than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window >sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap >deliveries? One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized >Dial, which I am keeping in the hotel vault, in order to avoid further >misunderstandings.