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My Testimony was initially written in 2001 & in 2016 I pray it has reached/helped someone out there

Testimony from Jasmin!

But For The Grace Of God There Go I!

Hello, my name is Jasmin; I have a story to tell and a testimony to give. I pray my story may be of use to others who would find themselves in the dilemma I found myself in. This is hard for me to talk about but I will do this, as I feel compelled to, in my work for the Lord.

I was raised by a Baptist preacher, and from a very strict background. There was much trauma and pain in my childhood and my life thru the years as I was raised in a terribly dysfunctional family. From the time I was a young girl, my parents told me they did not want me and my mother had always said if abortion was an option to her, she would have aborted me, but due to her father being a preacher it was not an option for her. Well needless to say, these painful words stayed with me throughout my childhood and well into my adult years. I had always promised myself I would not have children until or unless I knew in my heart, I would not ever say those words to my own child, I just feared so, that those same horrid words would ever come out of my mouth and I would not want to ever inflict such pain on a child. 
At an earlier time in my life, a pregnancy proved to be a test for what I had always promised myself, I would never do. There was so much pain in the decision I was about to make. Also there were severe complications to my pregnancy. Not only was I faced with the dilemma of not knowing what type of parent I may be to a child, but the doctors told me I had medical complications with the pregnancy as well.

To this day, my heart breaks. First the doctors told me I was only having problems with my monthly cycles so they gave me hormone injections to start my cycles, only to find out I was pregnant and the injections were harmful to my unborn baby. So I was told my baby would probably be severely deformed if I even made it through the pregnancy. Well, I took the easy way out, I was so scared and I did not know the Lord as my Savior, even though my grandfather was a preacher. I was not saved and the words of my mother tormented me so that I just gave in and had the abortion. I somehow knew in my heart that it was not the right thing to do but still all the odds seemed so stacked against me.

Which brings me to the rest of my story. Many years later, I became pregnant once again,  but was in a car accident. By this age, of 34, I had finally come to terms that I felt I could be a good mother, and I dearly wanted this child. But it was not to be, for I found myself in a hospital emergency room. My mother was at my side this time, you would think she would have some compassion, but she told me she had prayed I would lose the baby, for she felt I would not be a good parent as she knew in her heart she had not been and she was never meant to be a mother so therefore, she did not want me to follow in her footsteps. Needless to say, I was devastated and heartbroken all over again. But something happened to me as I lay on that hospital gurney, in the midst of having the miscarriage, a baby was being born on another gurney right next to me! I can still remember the cries of the baby as the doctor spanked it and the breath of life was brought out so loudly in the babys first cries in it's new little life. At that same moment, the Lord came to me, He said, my child, do you see what you have done? He said for the child you allowed to be taken; I now take this child's life UNTO ME. It was so crystal clear just what I had done! For the first time, I truly realized I had taken it upon myself to play God! I had taken a life, and I did not have that right! At that moment, I was so humbled and I slipped off the table and fell to my knees and begged the Lord for forgiveness for what I had done. I gave my life to Him unconditionally and vowed I would follow whatever He chose for me to do with the rest of my life. I also begged for another chance, and vowed that if He would allow me to bear a child, I would raise the child to His will and His way. The Lord was so loving and merciful; He answered my prayers just a year later. At the age of 35, I was pregnant again; I renewed my vows I spoke of giving my child to Him and raising him to the Lord's ways. But, it was not to be that simple, once again I found myself faced with how is the saying, dejevou? Had I not been here, done this very same scenario once before? At this time, I was at high risk of losing my own life, due to my severe blood pressure problems, and once again told I should not attempt to have a child as it would most likely not live and was told to make a sensible decision that would be best for myself. I had begun to spot heavily, the doctors told me to just go home and get used to the idea I was going to miscarry and that the sonogram reflected there was no heart beat for the child I was carrying inside of me. So I went home and I prayed ever so hard to the Lord, He came to me and told me my child would be born. I returned to the hospital, to everyone's amazement, I had not miscarried as was indicated I would surely do. I requested another sonogram, and the doctor, shook his head and said he did not have a medical explanation, but my child had a heartbeat, still he said I should go home, that I was not healthy enough to make it through the pregnancy and he still felt I would only miscarry if I did not go ahead and go through with the abortion, that there was evidence of possible deformity, and even the chance of my child being stillborn as the umbilical cord had become detached from the interior wall of the uterus. Once again I went home, but this time I told the doctor I would not lose my child and I would give birth, he shook his head as usual and said my hormones had my mind distorted. But I was firm, no matter what appeared to be on the sonogram, I told him my child would be born! The pregnancy continued, I was confined to a bed for the duration of my pregnancy, a miscarriage still threatening but I held firm in my belief and my faith in God, my child would be born and he would be healthy! As I can testify, I did not deserve a second chance, but God is a forgiving and loving God. He knew my heart was true. Finally, I went into labor, returned to the same doctor and hospital, and the doctor said, what! You are back again! You are still pregnant! I said yes of course I am still pregnant, I told you the Lord said I would give birth to my child. This time, he shook his head, prepped me for the cesarean section. Suddenly, I heard him say, with tears in his eyes; look it is a healthy baby boy! He said he would never have believed it had he not seen it for himself. That there was no medical reason for this child to be alive.

My point is that, no matter what seems to be reality, is really only reality when it is given to the Lord, for His will. And today, by His Mercy and Grace, I have a wonderful soon to be fifteen year old son, he is very healthy, gives me a go for my money as the saying goes, and I can testify to this! Please, if you read this, know that our God is a mighty God, He can and does perform miracles! This is my testimony and my prayer that any who would consider abortion, would not take the role of God upon them. Leave it in His hands, He can do ANYTHING! I am so very blessed with my son, and though I was forgiven, to this day, I still wonder about the child I allowed to be aborted and my heart still aches.
Please reconsider and give it to the Lord for His will if you find yourself in this situation, I beg of you.
God bless all who read my testimony.

Given under the hand of God, I prayed as I set out to write this testimony,
A sister in Christ,