1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them
and stranding them at strategic locations and ride it with your lover.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals
throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvin ball; see how many people you can get
to join in.
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the
spray air fresheners, then slip into a customer's car and leave love juice all over the seats.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters, "I Love My Andrea, From your secret admirer."
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit, with no panties.
9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW,
especially down thin narrow aisles, then let your lover rear-end you.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone,
"I think we've got a code 3 in Housewares," and see what
happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them
all off and turn the volume up to 10!
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't
seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to
avoid embarrasment.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask
yourself loud enough for all to hear,"Who BUYS
this crap anyway? Let's go get nekkid baby."
15. Repeat number 14 in the jewelry department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're
taking it for a test drive and have to do so in the nude.
17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about 5
feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the
department. Then wave bye bye.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire
store as your playing field, sometimes nudging up behind your lover and gently stroking them from behind.
19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner,
look mesmorized and say, "Wow,Magic, Maw"
20. Put M&M's on layaway and tell the clerk they are for private times with your lover.
21. Move "Caution: Wet FLoor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others
you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from bed and bath, then make them wait outside while you neck with your lover.
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch"
from the other aisles.
24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon, then tell them you have your own private stash of honey.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around
saying , "...I'm Batman. Cum, Batwoman- -to the Batcave!"
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things into the neighboring aisles so as to distract others while you fondle your lover.
28. Play with the calculators so that they spell "hello My Sweet"
upside down.
29. When some one asks you if you need help, begin to cry
and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you,
run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
31. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees
if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any
Shnerples here? If not, ask if they have a honey pot?"
32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full
scale battlefield with G.I. Joe vs. the X-Men.
33. Take bets on the battle described above.
34. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics, then do the ultimate test with their combs and brush your lover's pubic hair as they do yours.
35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly
ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
36. Hold indoor shopping cart races with your lover in the basket yelling "Run Forrest Run."
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
"Mission: Impossible" in your trenchcoat with not a stitch of clothes on underneath.
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me
to my babydoll's honey pot."
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: "My Sweet."
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet
food aisle, etc. Then go to retrieve these on your hands and knees with your lover.
44. "Re-alphebetize" the CD's in electronics, putting "You'll Never Be Lonely Again" at the front of all the music styles.
45. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look
with various funnels, then give your lover a very deep tongue kiss for at least three minutes.
46. When some one steps away from their cart to look at
something, quickly make off with it wiithout saying a word.
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out for fondling your lover in the lounge chair next to you.
48. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker,
assume the fetal position and scream,"No,no! It's those voices again telling me to fuck my lover's brains out again."
49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time, telling them you are saving up for a pair of panties at the same time.
50. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; ask if they can put a little umbrella in it to give you and your lover some privacy.