"Hey! Dan! Bring me 'n Lily another couple a beers."

"Shut up, Sean. I'll order my own drinks, thank you very much. Dan, get me a beer."

"You guys got money for it?" the bartender asked skeptically. These three could hardly ever pay, and they'd already had enough to make a mule tipsy.

"Aw, c'mon, Dan, that's what credit is for. Put it on my tab," Sean pleaded.

"If I put another drink on your tab, it'll collapse from the weight," said Dan wryly.

"Very funny. Sam, you got any money?"

"Nope, I'm broke. An' if I had any, I'd buy me a drink."

Sean swore.

Suddenly Lily lifted her head and asked, "Do you guys hear that? Bells ringing."

"Bells ringing?" Sean questioned. "Lily, you're hearin' things. There ain't no bells ringing."

"No, I hear them, too," Sam countered.

"You're both crazy, then."

"Would you shut up an' listen? Hear that? It's the church bell."

"Yeah...yeah, I guess I do. Wonder who's getting married? Could be you an' me, Lily," Sean said with a leer, putting his arm around her shoulders.

"Who says it's a marriage? Maybe someone died...or was killed," Lily shot back, glaring at him.

Sean took the hint and removed his arm. Sam laughed, and Sean scowled.

Out in the street, a hearse, followed by mourners, made its way past the door toward the graveyard.

Sam laughed again. "What do you know, Lily, you were right! Some poor devil bit the dust. I wonder who it was?"

"Hey, waiter, go find out who it was," called Lily.

"I already know -- someone told me on the way to work this morning. It's one of your old drinking buddies, Simeon. He was sitting around drunk last night when Death crept up with a heart attack, and let me tell you, Death is one guy I wouldn't mess with. As my dear old mother used to say, you should always be ready to meet him, and..." he noticed Sean's impatient expression, "...and I'll shut up now."

"Hey, he's right, ya know," cut in Dan. "I hear every man, woman, and child died in the next village over. Death is the only one living there now."

"Really?"

"What's the matter, Lily, are you afraid of him?" asked Sam.

"Afraid? What, are you kidding? Why, I'd like to meet this Death character."

"Oh, yeah. I could just see you taking on Death."

"Poor guy wouldn't stand a chance!" chimed in Sean.

"Hey, I'm serious. How 'bout we all go over there and get him for killing all our friends." Lily had worked herself into a drunken rage.

"Sounds good to me, sweetie," said Sean. "We can take my truck. How about one for the road, Dan? Please?"

"I told you -- no more credit!"

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

After going no more than half a mile, the inebriated group came upon an elderly man. At the speed they were racing down the road, they almost ran him down.

"Hey, watch where you're going, old man!" called Sam from the passenger's seat as the truck skidded to a halt.

"Calm down," snapped back the man, "and show some respect. It's not my choice to be this old. If Death would take me I would gladly go. But don't treat me with disrespect unless you want to be treated the same way when you are my age -- if you don't get yourselves killed first! Now, if you'll excuse me..."

"Wait a minute," Lily said. "You sound like you know this Death fellow who's killed our friend. Tell us where he is, or we might have to hurt you." She looked about ready to climb over Sam to get to the man, though in her state she couldn't have done much harm, but Sam held her back.

"Don't bother with him, Lily," he said.

"Hey, if you fools are looking for Death, be my guests. He won't hide from the likes of you! I left him in the old shack back there aways, and..."

Sean hit the gas, and the old man was left talking to a cloud of dust.

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

The door of the shack slammed open, and the drunken trio burst -- or rather, stumbled -- in. The shack was empty except for a large trunk in the far corner. Sam muttered a curse word in defeat.

"The old man lied to us!" Sean yelled. "I should have known he wasn't telling the truth. I could see it in his eyes."

"Like heck you could," replied Lily.

"Well, so much for finding that Death guy today," said Sam with a sigh. By this time he had crossed to the trunk, and heavily sat down on it. "It's already after 5."

"I'm not giving up so easily," said Lily stubbornly. "He could be hiding outside...or in the trunk!"

"You never give up, do you?" Sam groaned as she pushed him out of the way. With a kick, Lily opened the trunk -- and froze. Sean and Sam looked to see what had quieted their verbacious friend, and their jaws dropped. The chest was full to the brim with gold coins, jewels, and treasure of every kind.

Suddenly the air was split by a piercing scream from Lily. She dug her hands into the chest and started putting the treasure in her pockets, down her shirt, wherever it could be carried. The men snapped out of their daze and rushed over to join her. Then Sam paused.

"Wait, ya'll, why only carry away this much? Finders keepers, why don't we take the whole thing?!"

"Of course!" responded Lily, and they eagerly picked it up. Given their drunk, excited state, this proved a difficult task, and in no time flat the trunk tumbled over, spilling its contents halfway across the shack. The troupe scrambled to clean it up, and once again lifted the trunk from the ground. Just as they reached the door, they were checked by the sound of a car speeding by. They listened till it was out of range, then let out a collective breath. Sam was the first to find his tongue.

"We can't take this out there! Not in the daytime! Someone might see it and try to rob us!"

"We'll have to wait for nightfall," Sean agreed, and the three plopped themselves down to wait. After several moments of silence, Lily spoke.

"I'm hungry."

Sean looked at her in disgust. "How can you think of food now?"

"I can't help it. I'm hungry!" Lily snapped.

"I am, too," Sean admitted.

"I can't believe you guys. There isn't a McDonalds within 5 miles!" said Sean in disbelief. After a moment he offered, "One of you could use my truck to go get some food. If you really want to. Maybe you could bring me back a burger. I'm feeling a little hungry, too."

Sean and Lily considered his idea for a moment, and shook their heads.

"I guess we'll all stay here, then," Sean said as he settled back on the trunk. After a few minutes his stomach growled, and he suggested another idea. "Let's draw straws, and the los-, uh, the one with the short straw goes and gets us some food."

"Sounds good to me," Lily conceded, and Sam nodded his agreement. Sean produced three straws, showed them the lengths, then out his hands behind his back. When he brought the straws back out, he they were mostly hidden in his hand, with the middle straw sticking up almost an inch above the others. Lily studied them for a moment with a sly look on her face, then took the left one. It was one of the longer ones. Sam reached for the one on the right, and Sean moved his hand over so that Sam's fingers grasped the taller one. Sam released it like it was hot, and grabbed Sean's wrist. Holding him still, Sam took hold of the right straw. There was a brief tug of war before Sam finally got it out of his friend's hand. It, too, was a long one. Muttering a curse at Sam, the loser stalked out to his truck.

After watching him drive off, Sam and Lily turned toward one another, and Sam said, "I've got an idea."

"Really?" Lily looked interested.

Sam looked around to make sure no one was in hearing distance. He leaned close to Lily and whispered, "I know how to split the treasure 2 ways instead of 3."

"But there are three of us," Lily protested. "You never were very good with math. Sean knows where the treasure is, and we can't carry it very far without his truck anyway."

"I know," Sam responded.

"Then how-?"

"Here's my plan." Sam glanced around again, then told her, "When he gets back, you distract him, and I'll come up behind him with my knife!"

Lily looked shocked, but a smile slowly crept across her face. "I like that plan, Sammy. I like it a lot."

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

Meanwhile, Sean had arrived in town, and went as fast as he could to a fast food drive thru. As he sped out, he saw a familiar face in an alleyway, and slammed on the brakes as inspiration hit.

"Hey! Nate!"

Nathaniel looked sharply at Sean. "You know I hate that name, Sean. What are you doing in this part of town?"

"Well, I was wonderin', as you are the best supplier in town, could you hook me up with some 'rat poison'?"

"You mean some of this?" Nathaniel produced a packet, apparently out of thin air. But when Sean made a grab for it, it disappeared just as quickly.

"Patience, my friend. First you gotta produce the dough."

"Cut the magic act. You know I'm good for it."

"Like heck I do," snapped Nathaniel. "You think my memory's gone bad? I remember how long it took you to pay for your last purchase."

"Well, if you don't feel like sellin' to me," said Sean, casually taking out several gold coins and watching them glitter in the light, "I can take my business elsewhere."

"I didn't say that, man," stammered Nathaniel, reaching up his sleeve and pulling out the bag.

"So that's where you keep 'em," commented Sean, reaching again for the bag. Nathaniel held out his hand for the gold, and the two warily exchanged what they held.

"See ya!" Sean floored it, leaving Nathaniel to pick up the coins which fell to the ground. Once out of town, he pulled off the road and poured half the contents of the bag in one cup, half in another, making sure to keep track of which was not poisoned. "The orange is mine...the orange is mine...."

Soon he pulled up to the shack, and carried the bags inside. To his surprise, Sam was not in sight. Lily, however, was very visible.

"Wh-wh-where's Sam?" stuttered Sean, staring at Lily's half-naked figure seated on the trunk, which had been moved back to the far corner.

"I...got rid of him," she replied in a husky voice. "But let's not talk about Sam. Let's talk about you...and me."

Sean dropped the bags in shock, and they landed upright by his feet. Lily stood up and took a step toward him, smiling provocatively. Sean took an answering step, as if in a trance. They continued toward each other, Lily keeping one eye on Sean and one on the door, Sean with both eyes fixed on Lily. When they finally reached the middle of the room, Sean suddenly grabbed her and pulled her into a kiss. Lily struggled, and all at once he released her and slid to the floor, revealing Sam standing behind him with a bloody knife. Lily delivered a resounding smack to Sam's face.

"What was that for?!" he yelped. "I stopped him!"

"It took you long enough," Lily replied as she dressed herself. "You could've had him the instant he walked in the door."

"I had to make sure he was really falling for it," Sam protested weakly. "Besides, at least he died happy!"

Lily gave him a dirty look, then reached for the bags. "I just might not share these with you," she threatened teasingly. Sam grabbed at one of them, and they wrestled over it a minute before Lily let go, laughing as the force of Sam's last tug sent him sprawling to the floor. He sat up drenched in orange soda, and glared at Lily a moment before joining in her laughter.

"Well, let's eat," he said, and she sat down beside him with the other bags. They emptied the contents onto the floor and divided them up.

"To us," said Sam, lifting one of the remaining drinks.

"To us," echoed Lily, and they drank.