If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, “Quit while you’re ahead”?
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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
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What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me...they were cramming for their finals.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?
Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?
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How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn’t live there?
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If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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Go ahead and take risks....just be sure that everything will turn out OK.
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If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
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Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?
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Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
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Think “honk” if you’re telepathic.
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If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
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I went for a walk last night and my kid asked me how long I’d be gone.
I said, “The whole time.”
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So what’s the speed of dark?
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How come you don’t ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dissing them anyhow?
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Why don’t they just make mouse flavored cat food?
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If you’re sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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Isn’t Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
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Since light travels faster than sound, isn’t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?