A guy is walking around in a supermarket yelling, "Cris-co, Cris-co?" A store clerk says to him, "Sir, the Crisco is in Aisle Five." He says, "I'm not looking for cooking Crisco, I'm calling my wife." The clerk says, "Your wife is named Crisco'?" The clerk says, "What do you call her when you're home?" He says, "Lard ass."
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Harry is on his death bed, and he says to his wife, "Can you give me one last wish?"She says, "Anything you want."He says, "After I die, will you marry Charlie?"She says, "But I thought you hated Charlie."With his last breath, he says, "I do."
A lady's picking through the frozen turkeys and says to a stock boy. "Do these turkeys get any bigger? He says, "No, ma'am, they're dead."