You know you are addicted to the Internet when...

  * You actually wore a blue ribbon to protest the Communications
    Decency Act.
  * You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
  * Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
  * Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
  * You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
  * You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no
    phone lines.
  * You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a
    cellular modem and a laptop.
  * You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your
    lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
  * All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster
    connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.
  * And even your night dreams are in HTML.
  * You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a
    word processor.com
  * You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like
    you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
  * You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
  * You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au
  * Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a
    new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never
    had heart problems before.
  * You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved
    and you don't have a clue when it happened.
  * You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear
    if new e-mail arrives.
  * Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of
    what she looks like.
  * All of your friends have an @ in their names.
  * When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all
    of them are already highlighted in purple.
  * Your dog has its own home page.
  * You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway
    through Lycos. or [C]ontinue?
  * You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
  * You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have no
    idea where your children are.
  * You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
  * You refer to your age as 3.x.
  * You have comandeered your teenager's phone line for the net and
    even his friends know not to call on his line anymore.
  * Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
  * Even though you died last week, you've managed to retain OPS on
    your favorite IRC channel.
  * You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
  * You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends,
    because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
  * You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
  * You laugh at people with 2400 baud modems.
  * Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.
  * You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest games
    from Apogee.t, or [C]ontinue?
  * You start looking for hot HTML addresses in public restrooms.
  * You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check
    your e-mail on the way back to bed.
  * You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
  * You tell the cab driver you live at
    http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html
  * You actually try that 123.elm.street address.
  * You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's
    got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
  * Your friends no longer send you e-mail...they just log on to your
    IRC  channel.
  * You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
  * Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
  * You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines useless.
  * You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape
    1.1 or higher."
  * You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your
    ISP...because you never log off.
  * The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
  * You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in
    front of your computer with a toilet.
  * You forget what year it is.
  * You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
  * You ask your doctor to implant a gig in your brain.
  * You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you think it
    sounds like the ocean wind...the perfect soundtrack for "surfing the net".
  * You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed
    to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."
  * You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.
  * Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy
    another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can
    chat.
  * As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road,
    your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.