The Apology: I've been quite tied up these past few months, and so have not been quite as regular as I would have liked. (Where's *your* mind?) The Plan: The Canonical List of Oxymorons (now v94.3), is an occasional posting on rec.humor. I post it when I've got a couple of new entries, when I see a request on rec.humor.d or when someone asks me nicely by email. I'd rather not be innundated with email requests, but if you ask, I'll send you the most recent version. There are a couple of ways to get copies of this list. The simplest is to go to http://www.visi.com/~nathan/humor/canon/index.html The New Ones: A bunch of submissions have arrived during the hiatus. Keep 'em rolling! All additions are marked with +. The Winner: Matt Messina [messina@engin.umich.edu], who warns that we should "never generalize." Submit...submit...submit...submit...submit...submit...submit Comments? Questions? Concerns? Ideas? Suggestions? Additions? Corrections? Secret confessions? Problems? Food? % cat misc_babble | mail daniel_macks@brown.edu Some light reading for the beach: "Anarchy rules!" "Free with purchase" "Happy Monday" + "Never generalize" "One size fits all" "Slow children" (sign with a picture of a running child) "Thank God I'm an Atheist" "This page intentionally left blank" A little big Academic sorority Accordion music Accurate stereotype Act naturally Advanced BASIC Aerobic exercise Affirmative action, equal opportunity Affordable housing Aging yuppie Airline food Almost exactly Alone together American beer American chop suey American culture American education American English American geographers American history American Honda Americans Apple tech support Arms limitation Art student Artificial intelligence Athletic scholarship Australian spelling Automated data processing Back to the future Bad health Balding hair Bankrupt millionaire Beginning Finnish Better than new Black light Boring orgasm Brave politician British fashion Budget deficit Bug free code Business ethics Butthead Cafeteria food California culture California expressway Canadian culture Casual intimacy Catproof Central Intelligence Agency Centrally-planned economy Cheerful pessimist Childproof Christian education Christian militia Christian Scientists Church of Scientology Civil engineer Civil servant Civil libertarian Civil war Classic rock & roll Clean dirt Clean hack Clearly confused Clearly misunderstood Clinton leadership Coca-Cola Foods Coed fraternity/sorority Collective liberty College algebra College education Colored music Committee schedule Committee decision Common sense Communist Party Completely unfinished Compulsory volunteering Computer science Computer jock Computer security Congressional action Congressional ethics Congressional hearing Congressional oversight Conservative Democrat Conspicuous absence Constant change Construction worker Convenience store Cooperative multitasking Corporate planning Cost effective Country music Courtesy towing Creation science Curved line Customer satisfaction CNN style Debugged program Debutante ball Decent lawyer Definite maybe Degradable plastic Democratic Congress Department of the Interior Desktop publishing Diet ice cream Dining hall food Disco music Down escalator/elevator Dress pants Driving pleasure Dry beer Dry ice Dry wine DOS operating system Economic reform Electroshock therapy English syntax Enquiring minds Environmentalist bumper sticker Ergonomic keyboard European Community Evolutionary fact Exact estimate Executive decision Express bus Express mail Fair reporting Fair trial Fallout shelter Family entertainment Fast food Federal budget Fighting for peace Final version First annual First-strike defense Flat-busted Flexible freeze Football scholarship Forth programming language Found missing Free election Free electron laser Free love Freezer burn French culture Fresh frozen Friendly advice Friendly competitor Friendly fire Full-length bikini Full service Functional manager Funny clean joke Fuzzy logic Gay drill sergeant Genuine imitation Good grief Good mother-in-law Good Alan Rudolph film Government aid/assistance Government efficiency + Government integrity Government organization Graduate student Great Britain Guest host Gunboat diplomacy Half dead Happily married Hard disk Hard water Hazardous waste disposal Helicopter flight Higher education Holy Roman Empire Holy War Honest crook Honest politician House Ethics Committee Huge market niche Human evolution Indecent exposure Industrial park Institutional Revolutionary Party Intelligent lifeforms Internal Revenue Service IBM compatible Journalistic accuracy Journalistic integrity Jumbo shrimp Just in Time (JIT) Justice Rehnquist Justice Thomas Kentucky Fried Chicken Kosher ham Lace-up loafers Lebanese government Legal brief Legal ethics Legally drunk Liberal Party (conservative) Liberal, Kansas Liquid crystal Literal interpretation Living dead Long Island Expressway Male compassion Management science Management support Management action Management style Marketing strategy Married life Martial law Math teacher Mature student McDonalds dinner + Meatless hamburger Medicaid payment Medical ethics Microsoft Works Middle East peace process Military intelligence Militart justice Military peace Modified final judgement Monopoly Moral Majority Mutual attraction Mutually exclusive Necessary meeting New Classic New Democrat New Mexico Nice cat Noble savage Non-alcoholic beer Non-denominational church Nonworking mother Now, then Nuclear defense Objective parent Oddly appropriate OpenVMS Operating system Operation Rescue Pacific Ocean Paperless office Partly pregnant Passive aggression Peace force Peace officer PeaceMaker missile People's Democratic Republic Of Yemen Personal computer Petty cash Philosophy science Plastic glasses + Plastic silverware Pocket calculator Police protection Polite cabbie Political leadership Political science Politically correct Poor Republican Pop art Portable standard Lisp Postal Service Pot luck Practical logic Precision bombing Presidential promises Pretty ugly Private e-mail Productivity committee Professional courtesy Progressive Conservative Proprietary standard Psychiatric care Public school education Quality assurance Quality service Quebec intellectual QuickBASIC Quick fix Quick reboot R & D Rap music Rapid transit Rare steak Reagan memoirs Real fantasy Realistic schedule Realtime computing Reasonable female Recently new Reckless caution Red Indians Relativistic correction Religious education Religious fact Religious tolerance Religious science Republican initiative Resident alien Responsible committee Restrained grandparent Rolling stop Rush hour Russian economy Safe sex Same difference Sanitary landfill Satisfied Democrat Saving price Savings & loan School food + School vacation Scottish Danish (actual pastry sold at 7-11) + Second best Sedate sex Semi truck Semi-boneless ham Senate Ethics Committee Sensitive male Severely/slightly killed Silent scream Small crowd Smart bomb Smart drugs Social Security Social science + Socialist Worker Soft rock Software documentation Software engineering Solid glass Southern justice Spare rib Speed limit Sports sedan Stealth bomber Straight hook Student athlete Student teacher Summer school Suburban culture Supporting documentation Sweet sorrow Swiss Steak Synthetic natural gas Tame cat Taped live Tax return Television critic Temporary tax increase Terribly pleased Terminal initialization Tight slacks Tone color Total Quality Management (TQM) True gossip True story Unbiased journalism Unbiased news reports Unbiased opinion Unbiased predisposition Uncontested divorce Understanding banker Understanding Unix Union workers United States University of Nevada at Las Vegas Unix prompt Unix security Unsalted Saltines + Urban planning User friendliness User-friendly war Vegetable beef soup Ventura Freeway Violent agreement Virtual reality Voting power Waiting patiently War games War hero Wilderness management Windows NT (New Technology) Wonder Bread Woods Metal Working vacation Young Floridian Yummy sushi 10K fun run 12-ounce pound cake 6502-based computer
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