Computer help line stories

This is a collection of computer help line mess-ups and people worthy of the term a person in one of my classes coined: "Error 25: Stupid User." (I don't mean to insult anyone who might know the kind of person these are about, so just take it in stride.)

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.
5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.
6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor and hitting the "send" key.
7. Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends," the customer replied. When told Egghead was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks.
8. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.
9. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid." The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.
10. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
11. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, "What power switch?"
12. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that's a good point... The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working just fine."
13. Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?" Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"
14. Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
    Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
    Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
    Customer: "What do you mean?"
    Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
    Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
15. Overheard in a computer shop:
    Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
    Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
    Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"
16. I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.
17. Customer: "Can you copy the Internet onto this diskette for me?"
18. I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that go something like this:
    Customer: "Hi... Is this the Internet?"
    
    Some people also pay for their online services with checks made payable to "The Internet."
19. Customer: "So that will get me connected to the Internet, right?"
    Tech Support: "Yeah."
    Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
    Tech Support: "Uhh... uh... uh... yeah."
20. Tech Support: "All right... now double-click on the File Manager icon."
    Customer: "That's why I hate this 'Windows'--because of the icons--I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."
    Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it was meant to..."
    Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms.' I don't believe in icons."
    Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a file cabinet....Is 'little picture' OK?"
    Customer: [click].
21. Customer: "My computer crashed!"
    Tech Support: "It crashed?"
    Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game..."
    Tech Support: "All right then, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot it."
    Customer: "No, it didn't crash -- it crashed!"
    Tech Support: "Huh?"
    Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before! I crashed the spaceship, and now it doesn't work."
    Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"
    Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"
    
22. True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
    Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
    Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
    Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
    Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
    Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
    Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped. It's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
    Caller: "It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."
    
    

    At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!