| Switcher: | Piece of equipment on which all of the video sources are laid out in random order. Remember, when in doubt, take BLACK. |
| Video: | Pictures, without these, big time TV would be big time Radio. |
| Audio: | Never mind, nobody cares about this. |
| Director: | Someone who can count backwards with authority and owns a stopwatch. |
| Producer: | Someone who owns a digital watch. |
| Editor: | Someone who can make the most amount of words match up with the least amount of video in the shortest possible time. |
| News: | An illusion created by 2 people talking fast for 45 seconds. |
| Engineer: | Not much is known about these, since there are so few in captivity. They work M-F 9 to 5 and are not home on weekends, they also become invisible when called. |
| "Scope": | A green phosophorescent device used to lure and trap engineers. |
| Transmitter: | A big machine resembling an oversized refigerator with meters. Standing too close to one for more than an hour will cause your brain to malfunction. Standing too close to one for more than 2 hours will turn you into an engineer. |
| Talent: | What everyone has, except you. |
| Camera: | A device used to take pictures. The pointed end goes toward the scene you want to photograph. |
| Microphone: | Makes audio-insignificant. |
| Artist: | What the director thinks he is. |
| Schmuck: | What everyone else thinks the director is. |
| Videotape: | Black stuff that works like film, except you can't see through it. Invented in the 50's to give engineers something to do. |
| Chyron: | Bastard child of Ms. Packman, which puts letters and numbers on the screen. Also useful for doubling the effectiveness of the 40 seconds the weatherman has on the air. |
| Crew: | 1) Type of haircut favored by engineers.
2) A collective name for the group of peons who cover up for the director. |
| Commercials: | What the station is on the air to broadcast. |
| Programming: | Material used to fill the time between the commercials. |
| "The good old Days": | A block of time that ended about a week before you started in this business. |
| Schedule: | A system designed to maximize your enjoyment of Big Time TV by having you spend most of your time there. |
| Takes: | A stroke count of the number of times it takes the director to get something right. |
