Notes: Thanks to Nicole, Mouse, nancy, Barb, and Shug for encouragement and beta and even more encouragement. This was written under the influence of the Violent Femmes, from whom I stole the title, but the song has nothing to do with the fic--obviously.
Summary: This is basically a couple of entries in Gabriella's journal but without the day or date markers, because I don't like to commit to such things (hey, TPTB don't so why should I?).
Feedback to jb7811@bellsouth.net
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Well, just when I think Dad has finally settled down into some kind of predictability, he goes and throws me a curve ball. I now know way more about his sex life than I ever wanted to--apparently he's not limited to just sleeping with women, although from what I gathered during a couple of his and Mom's really loud fights right before the divorce, there've been plenty of those too. My dad likes guys--I mean, *likes* them, the same way I do. That's kind of creepy, but if I keep saying it over and over, maybe it won't be...so much.
This puts a whole new spin on his wanting one of my nude male sketches. Oh, he said it was because I'm so "talented", but maybe he just wanted a picture of a naked guy. I'm going to gross myself out if I keep thinking about Dad that way.
So I guess I should write something about how I found out, huh? I knew he'd been seeing someone--going out a lot more than usual. Then he started acting really cranky and being either at home or at work *all* the time, so I thought maybe he'd gotten dumped. But he never said anything, so I asked him tonight when he came home early from what I had assumed was a date. He told me that he had been --and still was-- seeing someone, a *male* someone. A cop, of all things!
That man--Bobby Marlow, or something like that-- had been at our house the week before and I had no clue there was anything going on. They just acted like two guys who knew each other from work, not like two guys who were dating. The gay guys I know are much more vocal with each other--at least when it's among friends and they know some stupid lunkhead isn't going to give them trouble. They flirt and touch and look at each other like...Dad and Bobby were making a big point of *not* doing. They were *so* covering by talking shop. I get it now.
Of course, I wasn't very observant that night either, being completely consumed with trying to decide whether to break up with Rob or not. I can't believe that jerk, even now. I hope Prissy Pammy cheats on him sometime, and knowing her, she will. See how *he* likes it. I don't even remember what I ever saw in Rob anyway.
I don't know what Dad sees in this Bobby guy either. He's okay looking, I guess. He's not ugly and at least he's got all his own hair. He looks a bit like some hockey player I've seen, but I don't know which one. He seems kinda quiet, so maybe that's why Dad likes him because he's a good listener and he doesn't argue much. I can see why that might be appealing--especially to Dad.
Bobby seems nice enough, I guess. He was polite--not like that guy Steve that used to come around looking for Dad sometimes about five or six years ago. He was smarmy and overly friendly, and I didn't like him at all. Mom didn't either. She always got that pinched look every time he called...almost like she was jealous. Oh, no. Maybe Dad had something going on with him, and Mom knew about it or at least suspected. No wonder Dad didn't seem too panicked when I mentioned telling Mom about this new guy. I wouldn't tell her because it would probably just make trouble. There's been enough of that and I'm glad they're getting along so much better nowadays. I hated the fighting.
Speaking of Mom... I just realized that Bobby's hair is almost the same color as Mom's. Guess Dad has a definite preference there. Their eyes are different though. I didn't notice what specific color Bobby's eyes were, just that they looked kinda sad. I wonder what happened to him? Maybe nothing. Maybe it's just the stuff he's seen being a cop. Dad should know better than to get mixed up with a cop.
I told him so, too. But I don't think he truly understands what it's like for the other people in the cop's life. The worry and fear that mixes with a matter-of-fact whatever's meant to happen will kind of attitude. Well, that's how I used to feel anyway, and I was happy when Dad took the coroner's job, so I didn't have to feel that way anymore. It sucked.
Complaining about the guy being a cop was just an easy cover for the shock that Dad is *dating* him. I couldn't let Dad see how surprised I really was. That's what he'd be expecting, so I managed to put the emphasis on another very real concern as a diversionary tactic. That was pretty cool--maybe Dad's right about that spin thing I can do. Of course as soon as I got to the privacy of my room, I sat down and said, "This isn't happening" about a hundred times, until it became clear, as I remembered the look on Dad's face when he said it, that it was indeed happening. It's so weird.
Does this mean Dad is gay now? He was married and I know he's had other girlfriends, so... maybe he's bisexual? I don't think I've ever known anyone who was bisexual--just gay or straight. Well, there was that guy that Jeremy hung out with last summer...he was always flirting with girls even though he seemed to be pretty attached to Jeremy. Was he bisexual too? What was his name? Something that started with a D-- Dave? Dane? I don't remember, and it doesn't matter anyway. He wasn't around long.
I feel a little better writing about it, but it's still a little confusing.
I guess Dad's a pretty complex guy after all.
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Dad wanted to TALK tonight. That's never a good sign. Especially since that lawyer show he loves was about to come on. But I guess it turned out okay. Dad wanted to know if I was all right with his little revelation last night.
What could I say--"No, you're freak?" I don't think so. If I want him to let me have my own life, I have to let him have his. I think I was very mature about it. I did have to remind him that I'm not a kid, and I do understand he's going to have a sex life. He sputtered for a minute, but I think he finally accepted that his baby girl was talking openly about S-E-X. Apparently, it's okay if I have a *question* about sex, but a grown-up *opinion* just throws him for a loop.
I did ask him what he saw in Bobby. He stumbled over that one. I don't think he'd ever considered it before. He talked about things they have in common--lot of job stuff there, of course. And then he got this weird faraway look in his eyes--it was almost tender--and said, "I think Bobby needs me." That was an interesting response. Maybe Dad's getting that empty nest thing early? But I still need him--I always will. Just because I'm more independent and living my own life doesn't mean I don't need him anymore. He's my dad. That doesn't change, right? No matter who he's dating. But I'm awfully relieved that he's not going to be getting married again. The whole stepmother thing...ugh. I just do not want to think about that. One mom on my case is plenty, thank you very much.
So he gets to be happy with someone and I don't have to worry about getting a stepmother--wicked or otherwise. This Bobby thing could be a good thing after all--especially if he makes Dad happy. I want that. I don't think he's been really happy for a long time, even if he's been more easy-going since he stopped drinking so much. That's made *me* happier.
Speaking of happy-- he certainly got over whatever was making him so
grouchy. He was smiling and relaxed tonight, and nearly broke his
neck answering the phone before I could get to it. Then he took it
into his room before he started talking. I guess it was Bobby, and
Dad was really glad to hear from him. It was kinda cute. I
wonder if he'd let me paint my room now if I asked him again? It's
worth a shot. All he can do is say no again.
The End.