Feedback: Anything welcome at jb7811@bellsouth.net, tell me where I messed up or what I got right, or whatever.
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. Used without permission.
Thanks to all the usual suspects for beta, support, and being the super cool people that they are. ;-)
--------------------------------------------
Killed by ambition, sacrificed for fame
One more time, one last time
--Sparkle & Shine by Econoline Crush
---------------------------------------------
I always knew I'd come back, but I didn't know how. All it took was Joe asking. I didn't even make him beg, like I probably should have. I never cared for Bucky and Joe knew that, but it didn't matter. He knew I'd come.
I'd come back for him and John and Pipe. Who am I trying to fool? I'd come back for John or Pipe, if one of them was dead or dying, but that's about it. No, Joe's the reason I'm back in Vancouver. I'm in this cab alone because he didn't come to meet me at the airport, but I didn't expect him to. I didn't expect to see anybody, and I didn't. There was a teenage girl by the baggage claim gawking as if she recognized me and some guy taking pictures as I got into the cab, but that's about it.
I don't mind it really. I've been mostly alone for the last four years and it's been good, good for me to stand on my own without having to prop up Joe at the same time. I've heard through the musician's grapevine that he's not doing too well alone, barely getting by. Whose fault is that? Mine for leaving or his for losing all his ambition years ago? He's an adult--most of the time--and I'm not taking responsibility for how bad his life's turned out.
Finally learning to take responsibility of my own life was plenty, thank you very much. Both here, and in LA, I've seen some really amazing successes and I've watched some people completely self-destruct. After awhile I decided that I would be a success and not a casualty of the business. It sounds too simple to say it that way, but that's what it amounts to.
Joe is going to give me all kinds of shit for leaving. He's gonna act like I flew to LA and walked right into a life of luxury, when the truth of it is I worked my ass off looking for gigs and playing anywhere to get by. The Jenifur job was, in equal parts, a stroke of luck and a reward for all that hard work. I deserved it and I look forward to going back to it.
But first, I've got to get through this benefit and this reunion with Joe. What will he say to me? What will I say to him? Will we be the same as we used to be or will everything be completely different? Which do I want--same or different? Either one's going to hurt like hell.
I talked to him on the phone, but that's not the same as face to face. Face to face...eye to eye...spitting distance. Touching distance. Playing together for the first time in four years will be nothing compared to standing in front of Joe for the first time in four years. If I time it just right, I can get backstage just before we go on. Just enough time for the loosening up rituals that are more important than any of us would want to admit, and then I can get the easy part over with first. One more time. One last gig.
Actually talking to Joe is going to be like walking through a minefield, looks simple on the surface, but underneath... I can't believe how nervous I am about the prospect, but I gotta play it cool because I can't let Joe see any weaknesses to exploit. I can do it. Just hey-Joe-how-ya-been-good-to-see-ya my way through the evening and then I am gone.
Gone again.
The End.