Things I've Noticed
In no particular order, some things that defy logic and some things that I'm just too lazy to fully rant about.
1. The word "gorgeous" kicks me right out of a slash story. I hear the author's voice every time. I don't know why this is.
2. Some writers treat anal sex as if it was vaginal. There are plenty of resource webpages (Minotaur's Sex Tips for Slash Writers, being the most famous) that explain the differences in sensation and muscle response, but intelligent and experienced writers keep making the same mistakes. Personally, I don't go into that much detail. Who needs it? [old stories written when I was young and stupid(er) don't really count. <g>]
3. No matter how it is handled or who writes it, I will always be squicked by rimming. No amount of argument will change the visceral response. I have to accept this because I seem to be in a very small minority. I come across it all the time in stories (NO, I do NOT want a warning. That's not the point!), so it must be turning some cranks somewhere. What grosses me out the most is the subsequent *kissing*. <shudder> bleaaahhh. [This opinion, boldly stated, caused major upset on a mailing list a couple years ago--I took the hit, but never changed my opinion. It's everybody's right to think something's gross, right? It doesn't bother me that some folks find slash to be gross and disgusting. I feel a tad bit sorry for them, but hey, they're entitled to their opinion.]
4. Most everybody claims to hate Mary Sues--or at least disparage them--and yet they keep getting written.... hmmm.
5. In the real world, sex doesn't actually *solve* problems. In fact, it often creates more problems and/or hideously complicates the existing ones. So why do we so often use sex a cure-for-what-ails-you in slash stories? Guy got beat up? Have a cute guy suck him off and he's feeling better in no time flat! Yeah, except for the broken ribs, mild concussion, and extensive bruising. I'm writing this one off as "fantasy"--in fact I think most of things that puzzle me about slash or het fic could be explained by that one word (but I rather enjoy asking the questions or complaining about the oddities, so there you go.)
6. On The X-Files, Diana Fowley lived way too long. Alex Krycek should have killed her off much sooner
7. As long as I live, I will never see the value of Amanda on Highlander. I don't like her, and I truly believe there's not a single storyline that couldn't have been improved by her absence. Well, certainly "Money No Object" could have been a hell of a lot more slashy without her in it. And the same goes for some prime Methos eps. This is a dislike that I have no desire to overcome, and I think I have come to some understanding with my friends who do like the character. (basically, I just keep my mouth shut on the subject...well, not here of course.)
8. Pineapple and cheese sandwiches taste much better than they sound.
9. Ian Tracey has a cute butt. No, really, I saw it naked in a movie once, and the only word that describes it is "cute". Although, my friend called it a "bubble butt" and that's pretty darn accurately descriptive, I reckon.
10. I would never want to meet in real life the actors who portray the characters that I slash. I know people who have done it and I am amazed that they can go back to their slashing. I'm able to separate actor from character extremely well under normal circumstances, but that would be just too much.
11. Actor Slash is a bad thing. Very, very not nice to do. But again, that's an opinion and we all know what those are worth. ;-)
12. Sex scenes that take place in the shower make no sense to me. I had half a rant written on this subject, and then stumbled on a similar rant on someone else's page (which I have forgotten the location of, damn it). Anyway, the main points of the argument would have been that one guy is going to be cold from not being under the water, the noise is not conducive to romance, and someone get hurt. Water in and of itself can be very sensual, I suppose, but not showers. Showers are just too utilitarian for good sex. In my opinion.
13. It's very irritating when people write phonetically to try and convey a character's voice. I've watched enough due South that I don't need Ray Kowalski's accent spelled out for me. I know what he sounds like, and if a writer can come close to his rhythm of speaking that's plenty good enough for me. This applies to plenty of other characters and fandoms too, but poor Ray suffers from it quite a bit. [and if I've done it, please feel free to point it out to me]
14. Trent Carr kicks ass, both as a rock-n-roll guitarist and as a web page designer/maintainer/master. His kung fu is truly the best. And he's just as cute as he can be and really a very nice person. Yeah, I'm a little smitten, what's it to ya? <g>
15. Nicholas Campbell has the best hair of any guy over forty that I've ever seen (at this point in time--April 15, 2000 ;-). Go to the picture gallery at CBC.ca and see it up close for yourself if you don't believe me. It's just...*pretty*. Yeah, and the rest of him's not so bad either.
16. Generally, I don't do story recs because...well, I just don't. If you like HCL fic, go to the TBF Archive and read Zen&nancy's "Story of My Life" http://www.squidge.org/hcl/stories/zennancy-story.html or check their website (from the Links page). As writers, they rock and they are without a doubt two of the coolest people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing.