A Touch of Pride

I was taught a very valuable lesson today at church. I received a lesson on what the bible talks about trying to seek the glory of men. I thought I was not guilty in any way but evidently the Holy Spirit told me so. I just recently wrote a story of being silent when we do our deeds or alms before the Lord, entitled, Silence is Golden. I have been so convicted about this area that I must share it with my friends to show how God can work in our lives if we listen to his leading.

I went to church this morning on a snowy cold morning and was in a very good mood as I came to worship the Lord in the fullest. I have read the bible for several years in a row and received a certificate for doing so. There were 7or 8 others that also completed their reading of the whole bible, also. It seems the same ones from year to year as the names were called out. I admired them very much and thought I know the hours and time that is put into a worth while task that we need to persevere in daily. I started doing this too, because I thought it was a wonderful thing to do for the Lord and be an example to my children. I didnt think I was being prideful in any way at any time which tells me I was by thinking this. I have been ridiculed by my family in a round about way. I took this as maybe, persecution for studying the word. It sort of hurt for wanting to do this year after year at some of their remarks. It started out 5 or 6 years ago as a good thing to do for the Lord. It became a habit that was as normal as eating as I went to the word daily to read. I beleived with all my heart that was a good thing to desire spiritual food daily. I always had in the back of my mind I have to stick with it to get another certificate to file with the others I have. I was so blessed as I looked at another year on the certificate with my name printed in bold type. It did something to my heart as I felt good that I had accomplished many hours of reading and studying the word of God or spending time in the word. I noticed I was learning very much and was also helping me share the things I was taught by the Holy spirit with others as it helped me.

All that changed this morning in a dramatic way that I will never forget.

I had dropped a note in the preachers wifes mailbox a month or so ago and I do not know if she got it for she said nothing to me. I had sent her a letter and mentioned I had completed the bible already for the year of 2001. I then began to start all over before the year 2002 had rolled up. I thought maybe I could read it two times for the Lord this year if I could do it one time with success. I was very careful to not say that I would do it before the Lord though in case he held me to it maybe three times. I have heard of people reading it 5 or more times in a year and I thought my that would be a lot of sitting and reading. I was going pretty fast through the New Testament and I may finish it before the end of 2001 I thought. I have learned so much from the word each time I read and it is so brand new sometimes as God speaks to me. Upon leaving the letter in her mailbox at church and going home for the afternoon I began to feel condemnation creep into my spirit from the Lords spirit. I should of waited until the end of the year like every one else before I told her I was finished. I thought wow I finished a few months earlier this year and wanted to tell her for she is the one we tell when we are finished. Tom, our preacher, spoke of some things of pride and humbleness the following Sunday. Well the feeling of nausea was coming over me asking my self as I said, Self you are not feeling so honored and good on the inside are you? I again begin to feel the Holy Spirit working with me. I thought thank you Lord I want to do better and not do things that is not pleasing to you. I know that He will chastise us if we are out of line with His word which He does over and over because in the Word He says, The Lord chastises them whom He loves. He does it quite often with me and all I can say is, Wow God thank you for the rod of correction and for your precious love to me to keep me in line if I have failed you in the natural. I have to repent for He will not let me go on until I do. I seems as if the blessings only trickle to me until all is right in my heart and soul with Him. Humility will bring a brand new look out on your life of what is and what isnt important in our lives.

We had our Ladies Joy Circle meeting this week and I received a prayer sheet from the preachers wife that said, Pray for her in her bible reading. So I prayed for her because I knew what a sacrifice it can become to try and keep up.

We were to leave our names with her last Sunday that was our last chance to say we had completed the bible for the year. I thought I have already given her that letter telling her, so to leave my name again was a bit much again may be a little over doing it or prideful of me, so I let it go.

Church had just started today and they had those to come forward who had completed the bible this year. I was not expecting them to do this today so it was a surprise. They began by calling out in alphabetic order and my name was not called. I thought my name is Armstrong and they called Askren than to the Bs and Cs and so on down the line of names. I felt myself sinking as pride took over to nudge me in the pit of my stomach. Why had they missed my name and I thought they will remember it is only a mistake and when everyone clapped for those standing and my name was still not called I wanted to run and cry. I thought all that work and I dont get a certificate? I was immediately ashamed of myself as I rightfully should be. I waited about five minutes as the Lord was dealing with me on pride. I never heard a word the preacher was saying during those five minutes. I thought, my husband had mentioned several times that It was kind of a show he thought. I thought you are wrong honey, only because you have not attempted to do this. What he had said was flashing back at me in big red letters. Pride, show off, or attention getter. I know many good christians and teachers and so on that did not get a certificate as they did not sign up and I wondered why? We were to stand and greet someone around us by shaking hands. I turned to a gentleman that teases me a lot to shake hands. He said, Are you having a bad day? How did he know? Did I look like I was having a bad day with the look that was probably on my face as it printed out like a computer to those around me. I tried to force a meek smile that would not for the life of me come forth. I would not do something that I was not led by the spirit, I thought. This sort of hit the nail on the head. I said, without thinking, I didnt get my certificate, as softly as I could and he bent his head toward me to hear what I had to say. I again I said, I did not get my paper they must have forgotten. He only smiled and again I became very nauseated. There I let it out and I begin to feel even worse about telling someone what I should have taken to the Lord instead. I know what the Lord sees in secret He will reward openly He says in His word. I thought it is just a piece of paper and whom was I pleasing the praise of men or the praise of God? I knew that God was the one I wanted to please.

On the way home the topic came up again in the car. I just wanted to forget the whole thing by this time. Marie said, God is the one you should please and not man. The wound went a little deeper in my heart. I said, I know Marie, but if you had graduated for high school and didnt receive a diploma wouldnt that make you sad. By the way I have that paper, too. I got no sympathy from her or my husband as I tried to console my more than anxious feelings coming in like a full blast in a storm within my mind. I then talked to grandma on the phone and explained to her my dilemma. She replied, What the Lord sees in secret He will reward you openly. I know grandma , I know. We had just discussed this a few weeks prior about the Lords ways as we do things for others.

I let about an hour go by and I suffered such a dilemma over this whole thing that I was reminded by the Lord about the story I had just written a few days before about Silence is Golden the things that we do for the Lord. I said, I am sorry Lord and I repent of thinking that I was not capable of letting pride get its foot into the door of my heart. The very thing that I was sharing with others not to do as they do their good deeds or alms before you in hopes to be seen of men was the thing that crept upon me today. It was a scary feeling, too.

I prayed and ask the Lord to forgive me and thanked Him for His mercy and grace. This is grace that I do not receive from any one but the Lord as I go to Him for help and guidance in all areas of my life.

Without being prideful, I have told the Lord I will read and study your word from this day forth as if unto you and not unto man. I think in our ministries for the Lord this is exactly what He would want from us in all things we do in deed or alms for His glory only, not the approval of our fellow man. A cup of water in His name is more value than a glass of wine without His name as we present our love to others in keeping in mind He sees all and He hears all and He has His reward in His hand for us.

I will not sign up for a certificate this year as I have for years because I feel He has shown me a much better way. The certificate that I will I receive from Him has already been inscribed with my name and It was done with His blood for me.

Let all the things that we do or hear and see others doing be a reminder of what is our motives and how may they be pleasing to the Father. Let us be about our Fathers business. He told us not to build on another mans works. He says, All things are yours. We need to build on a foundation that has Jesus as the chief corner stone and this frees us from bondage of mans traditions and how and what all is expected of us from man to seem worthy. If we build on the worlds foundation and their expectations than it will fall and not stand the test of time. Let us go under construction carefully for the Lord. I have not heard if I have a certificate or not and if God wants me to have one I hope they give it to me in private. I think I will attach this story on the back as a reminder that this was for the glory for man and not for God as a reminder for me when others get their walking papers year after year. I believe today God has given me something of far more value that I will have with me for all eternity.

Written By: Karen{Barnett} Armstrong

Jan. 21, 2002