Title: New Beginnings: Part Three Aftereffects

Author: Kyoko Godaikun

Email: kyoko_godaikun@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: I don’t own Domoto Koichi or Domoto Tsuyoshi. They own each other.

Warning: This story contains Bishonnen Ai. Do not read if you are offended by Male/male love

Warning two: This story discusses non-consensual sexual abuse and violence. Do not read if you are offended by this

Archiving: The only place that has permission to archive this story is Katrinka’s page. No one else may archive this without the express permission of the author!

The sun had all ready rose when Tsuyoshi returned to the dorms. He was wearing only his jeans. He carried his shoes and his shirt. His back hurt too much to wear his shirt. He was able to slip into his room without being seen. In the half-light of his room, he saw something he had seen many times before. His room mate Koichi sleeping with his current lover. As his eyes adjusted to the light, he realized that it wasn't Koichi, but Okada. The young man was curled around Sakamoto.

Tsuyoshi knew he should leave, and give the two some privacy. His aching body though otherwise. It took all his strength to get to his bed, and then he lay down. He rolled over, facing the wall. He closed his eyes, and a few moments later opened them again. The memories of what happened passed through his mind. His wrists still hurt from the rough rope that had tied him. His body ached from the beating.

*I'm sorry Koichi. I wanted you to be my first.* the tears he had held in began to flow. *Why didn't you tell me love hurt?*

A few minutes passed. He could hear Sakamoto saying very softly. "Junichi, wake up."

"I'm tired Yuki-chan, you kept me up too late." The boy said half asleep.

"Tsuyoshi's back."

He could hear movement in the room. Then Okada asked. "Tsuyoshi, are you all right?"

"Go away." Tsuyoshi wiped the tears from his face.

"Tsuyoshi?" Sakamoto touched his shoulder.

"Leave me alone!" he turned over, lashing out at the V6 leader. "Don't touch me!'

"What happened to you?" The older man asked. "Were you with our Manager last night?"

Tsuyoshi wrapped himself in a blanket, and then he went to the closet and curled up in a ball. "Go away, I want to be alone!"

"You've been hurt. We have to help you." He went to Tsuyoshi's side.

"I don't want to be helped!" Tsuyoshi insisted. "Get away from me!"

"Yuki, leave him alone." Okada said.

"Tsuyoshi's been hurt." Sakamoto told him.

"I know that. It was my fault." The younger man explained. "Our manager asked me if I had seen them going off alone together. I mentioned they went into the kitchen together. Then he called for Tsuyoshi."

"You didn't tell him anything else did you?" Sakamoto glared at him.

"No, he beat me and beat me, and I wouldn't say anything else." Okada insisted. "Tsuyoshi's one of my few friends. I couldn't betray him."

Sakamoto sat down next to the closet. "Tsu-chan, are you bleeding?"

"I don't think so." Tsuyoshi looked at him. "I'm not sure. It still hurts."

"It will hurt for a while." Sakamoto told him. "Did he rape you?"

Tsuyoshi nodded. 'You won't tell anyone will you?"

Okada put his hand on Sakamoto's shoulder. "Yuki-Chan’s is good at keeping secrets."

"Does love always hurt this much?"

"What happened to you wasn't love!" The older man insisted. "It was rape. It's an act of violence, not love!"

"Real love feels wonderful." Okada said. "Can't you remember being with Koichi? How did that feel?"

"I am... I mean was a virgin." Tsuyoshi corrected. "How am I going to tell Koichi about this?"

"Koichi will stay at your side." The alarm rang. Sakamoto glanced at it, and then turned it off. "I've got to get to the studio. Will you be all right?"

"I'll be fine." Tsuyoshi lied. "I just need time to think."

The older man put his clothes back on, and then went to the door. Okada followed him. The V6 leader touched his lover's cheek. "Keep your ketai on. I'll call you from the studio."

"I will." Okada promised.

He leaned forward kissing the younger man gently. "Bye."

"See you later, Yuki-chan."

Sakamoto glanced at Tsuyoshi. "Be careful Jun-chan. We can't be caught."

"Sorry, it just slipped out." he said sheepishly.

Sakamoto kissed Okada one more time, then left. Okada watched him leave, then shut the door.

************************

After Sakamoto left, Okada left Tsuyoshi alone. He felt safe in the closet. No one would find him there. He kept thinking of Koichi. He could still remember all the times his friend had come home from visiting the mansion crying. Now Tsuyoshi knew the pain he felt.

*How could you put up with the abuse day after day?*

There was a tapping on the door then Nagase burst in, wearing his school uniform. "Tsuyoshi! If you don't get up, we're going to be late for school." He stopped when he saw Okada. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm Tsuyoshi's new roommate. I was told to move in yesterday." Okada tried to explain.

"Did our manager send Tsuyoshi back?" He looked around. "Where is he?"

Okada got up, blocking between Nagase and the closet. "He isn't going to school today."

"What do you mean, he isn't going to school?"

"He’s sick."

Nagase pushed past the younger boy. For the first time he saw Tsuyoshi. "Oh my god." he turned back to the teenager, hitting him in the face. "This happened because of you!"

"I know that." Okada admitted. "Do you think I *wanted* this to happen to him?"

"Yes, I do!" Another hit, then Nagase turned to his friend. "Tsuyoshi, are you all right?"

"Leave me alone." Tsuyoshi pulled himself into a tighter ball. "Don't make me go to school today."

"Of course you're not going." Nagase put his book bag down. He knelt in front of the closet. He turned to Okada. "Go get Leader."

"Hai!" Okada ran out of the room.

"I don't want to see Leader." Tsuyoshi said. "I don't want anyone to know what happened."

"What did happen?"

"I was punished for breaking the rules." He wiped a tear off his face. "Go ahead, go to school. I'll be okay."

Just then Leader came into the room. "Okada said there was an emergency."

"I need you to write two excuse notes, one for me, and one for Tsuyoshi. Say we're sick." Nagase said.

"You're not sick." The leader looked him over. "Besides, this is your senior year. You're not supposed to miss too much school. You might not graduate if you do."

"Tsuyoshi's been traumatized. He's hiding in the closet." Nagase told him. "He was punished severely by our Manager. He might be injured."

"He can take care of himself."

"Shingeru, Tsuyoshi wouldn't know what to do if he was hurt. He was a virgin."

"He was a virgin." Leader grew pale. "I'll write the notes. Okada can take them to school when he goes."

"I don't want to go to school." Okada told him.

"Do you want to tell our manager that you’re not going?" Leader asked. "Go take a shower and get ready!"

"Yes leader." Okada grabbed his bath supplies and left the room.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." Leader said very softly.

"I don't feel like talking." Tsuyoshi told him. "I just want to know how Koichi and Okada live with this everyday. Knowing that at any time, he might call, and you'll be hurt again."

"It's hard. You get afraid of the phone ringing. A stranger at the door might be someone to pick you up for the Manager." Leader suddenly looked sad. "You'll do anything to fill the pain in your soul. Drinking, drugs, letting other people use your body. But when it's all over, and you've grown too old for him, the fear begins to fade. You begin to realize that the pain you feel isn't your fault."

"Oh kami." Tsuyoshi said, as he realized what he had been told. "How old where you when it stopped?"

'It stopped the day he chose Sakamoto as his favorite." He picked up spiral notebook. "I'll write the notes. The two of you both have a cold."

"Thank you leader," Nagase said.

Tsuyoshi watched as Leader wrote the notes. The news about him and Sakamoto sunk in. *No wonder Okada's with Sakamoto, he has someone who can truly understand what he's going through.*

*******************

Sometime around noon, Nagase had declared that Tsuyoshi needed to eat. His friend had left to find food.

He sat in the closet. He wanted to get rid of the feeling that he had. He felt as if he was dirty, filthy. Even though Nagase had helped him clean up once, the feeling wouldn't go away.

Tsuyoshi grabbed his robe, and shower things. He went the bathroom. He locked the bathroom door. He didn't want anyone to see him. He took off his clothes. He walked towards the shower. He saw himself for the first time since the attack. His body was covered in bruises. He had fought back, and had been punished for it.

*I don't want to feel this way anymore.* Tsuyoshi turned the shower on, and stepped inside. *Clean, I have to get clean.*

Memories washed over him as the water fell on him. Of the pain of his first time, how he had cried during it. Of the cameras that filmed his humiliation. How he spent the night being used again and again.

Tsuyoshi scrubbed and scrubbed himself. Still, the feeling wouldn't go away. After a while, the water turned from hot to warm, then cold. Still Tsuyoshi tried to make his soul feel better.

"Tsuyoshi, are you in there?" He could hear Nagase yell for him.

He didn't answer; he was too busy trying to get clean. He scrubbed himself with a stiff brush trying to get the dirty feeling to go away. It didn't work. He still felt filthy.

*Koichi, how could you live with this every day?* he asked himself. *How can I tell you it happened to me?*

Minutes passed. Tsuyoshi didn't know how many. Then the door was unlocked from the outside.

"Tsuyoshi!" Nagase went to the shower. "Shingeru I found him!"

"Leave me alone. I have to get clean." Tsuyoshi told him.

"The water's was freezing. It's time to get out." Nagase he grabbed Tsuyoshi's arm.

"Don't touch me!" Terrified he punched Nagase. Then fell to the floor with him, as the taller man didn't let go of his arm. Tsuyoshi fought against Nagase. He kicked, punched, and scratched trying to get away.

"Tsu-chan I'm your friend." Nagase tried to reason.

"You're going to hurt me! I won't let you."

"Let him go!" Leader ordered.

"Get your hands off of me!" Tsuyoshi grabbed a handful of Nagase's long hair pulling as hard as he could.

"Ouch!" Nagase Yelped. "Let go of my hair!"

Tsuyoshi responded by pulling harder and kicking him.

"What are you doing Tomoya?" Leader asked.

"I'm trying to help him!"

"If you want to help him, let go of his arm." Leader insisted.

"He might run!" He put his hand on top of Tsuyoshi's as he yanked once again on his hair. "I'm going to be bald if he doesn't stop this!"

"If you're really his friend, do as I say." The leader told him quietly. "I've been through what he has. I can help him. Just let go of him, and wait for him in his room."

"You're right." Nagase let go of Tsuyoshi. "Tsu-chan, let go of my hair."

"You'll leave me alone?" Tsuyoshi asked.

"Yes, I will! Now let go of my hair!"

Tsuyoshi did as he was told. Nagase rubbed his head, and then he left the room.

He got back to his feet, and went under the shower again.

"Tsuyoshi." Leader told him very softy. "You've showered enough. It's time to get in the bathtub."

"I must get clean." Tsuyoshi grabbed a sponge and began to scrub his raw skin.

"The bathtub is better for getting clean." He tempted. "The water's warm, soothing. It will make the feeling go away."

Tsuyoshi stopped his scrubbing. "You know the feeling?"

"I've felt that way many times before. No one except for those who have gone through what we have knows what it is. How you can never get clean." Leader reached out, turning off the water. "I thought you might need a bath, so I all ready drew one."

Tsuyoshi let his friend guide him to the tub. The leader took the lid off. Tsuyoshi reached out, touching the water. It was as he had been told. It was warm. He got into the tub, and sat down. The warmth made his bruises and aching bones feel better.

"Will you stay here with me?" Tsuyoshi asked.

"Of course I will." he pulled up a chair and sat down. They chatted for quite a while about their homes in Nara.

"I don't think you know this, but you were Koichi first friend." Leader told him.

"You're kidding." Tsuyoshi gasped. "Koichi has lots of friends."

"Koichi once told me that you tried as hard as you could to feel welcome." Leader smiled. "The two of you’ve been roommates since you joined the juniors."

"Yeah, we've been together for quite a while." Tsuyoshi told him. "He's a good friend. He's very loyal."

"You're a good friend to him. You stood by him through all the abuse he went through." he said. "Koichi will stand by you through all of this."

"I wish he was here. Somehow he would make this entire stop."

"Why don't you soak for a while?" Leader suggested.

Tsuyoshi leaned against the wall of the bath tub and closed his eyes. After about thirty minutes, Tsuyoshi began to feel better. He had questions, questions that he knew Nagase would never be able to answer.

"Our Manager said he will call for me tonight." Tsuyoshi told Leader. "What can I do to make it not hurt so much?"

"You can't fight back." Leader warned. "It makes the beatings worse."

"I don't want it to happen." Tsuyoshi insisted.

"I know you don't. It angers the Manager when you struggle." He paused. "When he wants to have sex you must relax."

The memory of the rape flashed through his mind. "How can I? It hurts so much."

"Close your eyes think of Koichi. Pretend it's him." The older man suggested.

"He'll never forgive me for this." Tsuyoshi paused. "He called me a whore. He was right."

"No, he was wrong when he called you that." Leader said. "He feels bad for calling you those names. You know that don't you?"

"Yes, I do." Tsuyoshi looked at his friend. "Can I get out now?"

"How are you feeling?"

"I'll survive." Tsuyoshi realized.

"Do you want to go to the hospital?" Leader offered. "I talked to Koichi this morning. He misses you."

"I'm forbidden to go." he looked down to his bruised arms. "Besides, I don't want him to see me this way. It would be better if he remembers how I used to be."

"I could take him a note."

"Would you? I would really like to write to him." Tsuyoshi decided.

'Why don't you get out, and write him that note?" Leader suggested.

"Okay, I will." Tsuyoshi got out of the tub. The leader helped him towel himself off. Then he handed him his robe.

**********************

Koichi was a very bored man. The doctor had told him that he would have to spend two weeks in the hospital recovering. The manager had paid good money so that Koichi would fully recuperate. He had been operated on twice. Once for his nose, the other for his crushed rib bone. His left arm was in a cast. He couldn't move much, and he felt as if he had a perpetual cold.

All Koichi had to entertain him was a TV remote. He would change the channels frequently, looking for commercials with Tsuyoshi. He moved his blanket. Underneath was a photo of the two of them together. He wasn't sure how he had it. It had been with him when he woke up from surgery. He pulled it out and placed it on his leg. Then he traced the outline of Tsuyoshi's face with his finger. *My beautiful prince. Have you forgiven me for cheating on you?*

He had dim memories of Tsuyoshi being with him after the surgery. He could remember his friend had placed his ring back on his finger. He wasn't sure if it was a dream or reality. He felt warm, comforted when he thought of his friend. He looked down to the ring.

Just then Leader came into the room. He was caring a bag. Koichi hid the photo back under the blanket. He looked behind Leader. His friend has told him he would bring Tsuyoshi to visit. But his partner wasn't with him.

"Good afternoon." Koichi tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice. "Is Tsuyoshi still at school?"

"He's at the dorms." Leader seemed to be bothered.

"He didn't come with you." He looked away from Leader. "He hasn't forgiven me yet."

"Tsuyoshi wants to come. But our Manager has forbidden him to."

Koichi looked back to the leader. "Why would he do that?"

"I don't know. I've never been able to understand our manager." He said.

"Am I going to have any visitors?"

"Probably tomorrow." he put the bag he was holding on Koichi's lap. "Tsuyoshi sent you some presents."

He opened the bag. Inside was a manga, a notebook book and some pens. "Can you help me with this?"

"Sure," Leader took them out. He opened the notebook from the back. Pasted to the inside back cover of the book was pictures of the two of them together. "He thought you needed some inspiration."

"I'd rather have him."

"You can't have everything." Leader shut the book. He set it on the bedside table. Then he took the bag from Koichi. He pulled out a piece of paper. "He wanted you to read this."

"Thanks." he took the paper.

Ko-chan,

How are you doing? I've been thinking of you a lot. Is your arm feeling any better? It has been very boring without you around. Doing my homework isn't quite the same. I miss your smile. I didn't realize how important you are to me until suddenly you where gone.

I want to visit you, but I've been forbidden to. If I had my way, I would be at your side. Instead I have to visit you through a letter. I am sorry for what happened. Our fight was my fault. I should have told Shingo to find someone else to rub his back. I didn't know he would hurt you.

There is so much I want to tell you. Things I don't want to put in a letter. You're my partner, a relationship that is beyond friendship, beyond family, beyond a lover. If I call you partner no one would question us. But we would know the truth. Can I start calling you partner?

Leader knows about our relationship. Can we trust him?

Management has canceled our TV appearances until you get out of hospital. So don't worry about not seeing me on TV. I'll write to you again.

I forgive you for being with Mabo. He's confessed to blackmailing you. How about when we get out of the hospital, we start fresh?

Love you, Tsuyoshi

Koichi put the note down. "What's wrong with Tsuyoshi?"

"What do you mean?" Leader asked innocently.

"Something's bothering him."

"How can you tell?"

"I know Tsuyoshi." Koichi read the note again. "Something must have happened. He tells me that there's so much he wants to tell me."

"He's very worried about you. He blames himself for what happened." Leader finally said.

"That's crazy, all this is my fault." Koichi knew something else must be going on. Perhaps Leader didn't know what it was. "If I wrote a letter, could you deliver it for me?"

"Of course I would." Leader handed Koichi his notebook book and a pencil. Koichi opened the cover and began to write.

Tsuyoshi,

Please forgive me for being such a Baga. I was jealous. You are my prince. I should have trusted you. Don't blame yourself for what happened. It's my fault.

I would be honored if you called me partner. I agree with you, our relationship is beyond friendship, beyond family. I can't see my life without you. It's so strange. Just a few years ago we didn't know each other, but now it seems if I've known you all my life. You know me better then I know myself.

Don't worry about Leader telling on us. He won't.

Do you remember them calling us Double Domoto? I thought it was strange that I would be partnered with someone with my own family name. Even then you seemed so glamorous. At the time I knew there was something wrong with me. Before I joined the agency, people called me names. Then I met you, and realized nothing wrong with me. I've been teased before about having you as my first on screen kiss. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Do you remember how we had to practice for it, and how you laughed? It was your first ever kiss.

I want to get out of hospital. I want to hold you again. I want to prove to you that I'll be true to you.

I better get going. Leader is looking at me funny.

Love you

********************

Running, Tsuyoshi was running. He had to get away from the people who where chasing him. He was bruised, battered. He could see Koichi in the distance. He was sitting on a bed.

*I have to get to him!*

Tsuyoshi ran towards his friend. The sounds of the hunters pursuing him where getting closer and closer. He ran into a fence. He could see Koichi a few meters from him. Tsuyoshi tried to climb over the fence, but he was too high.

"Koichi! Koichi" he screamed. "Help me! Ko-chan!"

His friend looked up to him; there was blood all over his shirt. His nose was broken; he held his broken arm close to his body. "I can’t," Koichi told him. "I'm too injured."

Tsuyoshi could feel his hunters grabbing him. He held onto the fence tightly. "Koichi, help me!"

"This is your punishment." Koichi hissed.

"What did I do to deserve this?"

"You cheated on me! You promised me that I would your first." there was hatred in his eyes. "Take your punishment as a man!"

"Koichi!" he cried as the hunters took him away.

Suddenly Tsuyoshi was awake. Someone was sitting in front of him. The stranger reached out, touching him. "It's okay."

"Don't touch me!" Tsuyoshi lashed out at the person.

"Tsu-chan. It's me Junichi." the boy said calmly. "You where dreaming."

"Dreaming?" Tsuyoshi repeated.

Tsuyoshi suddenly knew where he was. He was in the closet of his bedroom. Tsuyoshi's roommate sat on the closet floor beside him, he looked concerned. "Are you all right?"

"I had a dream." Tsuyoshi moved his hair out of his face. It had been nine days since he became the Manager's favorite. Nine days of a living nightmare. Not only did he have nightmares at the Manager's mansion, he had them every time he closed his eyes.

"Perhaps you should go back to sleep." Okada suggested.

"No! I'll have the dream again."

"What was it about?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"Were you dreaming being locked in the closet?" Okada guessed. "I dream about that sometimes. I dream that he's put me in there, and forgotten about me."

"I forget that you've gone through it too." Tsuyoshi said. "If I told you my dream, would you tell on me?"

“You’re my friend."

"I've had this dream several times a night since our manager first called for me." Tsuyoshi told him. "He's made a new game. He has told his business associates that if they catch me, they can have me. I'm allowed a five minute start. So I run and run. I see Koichi in the distance. I run to him. I am almost there, when there is a fence. I scream for him to help me. But he won't. He's too injured to help me. He says I deserve this punishment. Then the hunters take me away."

"That's very scary." Okada admitted.

"I don't know why Koichi won't help me in my dreams."

"He can't help because he's in the hospital."

"I don't understand." Tsuyoshi said confused. "It's a dream. Why couldn't he help me?"

"In your dream, you're running from what's been happening to you." Okada explained. "The one you know would help you can't. He's in the hospital."

"You're right." Tsuyoshi said. "I feel as if Koichi had been there none of it would have happened. He would have protected me."

"Perhaps you should go to the hospital and tell him."

"No I can't!" He almost shouted. He took a deep breath. "I don't want him to see me this way."

"Why don't you go back to sleep?"

"I can't. I'll have the dream again."

"I can sleep with you. Perhaps if I'm there, it might help."

"You won't hurt me?" Tsuyoshi asked afraid.

"No, I won't hurt you!" Okada smiled. "I'll be there only as a friend." Tsuyoshi moved over. Okada got into the closet. He lay down beside him, not touching.

Tsuyoshi decided to ask something that he had been wondering. "When you became the Manager's favorite, did Sakamoto help you?"

"No, it was about a month later." Okada told him. "I became Sakamoto's roommate. I didn't tell him what happened. How could I? But he knew, some how he knew. If I had dreams, he would be there for me. I felt safe in his arms. No one would hurt me if he was with me."

"You fell in love with him." Tsuyoshi guessed.

"I didn't mean to. It just happened. I didn't tell him. He's so much older then me."

"Then how did you become lovers?"

"Yuki-chan once told me that love feels different when you want it." Okada paused. "I decided to try it out. I seduced him."

"You seduced him? I thought he would be the one to seduce you."

"You didn't think I could seduce Sakamoto because I'm younger?" Okada raised a knowing eyebrow. "Yuki-chan was right; it did feel different when you want it."

"Does he love you?" Tsuyoshi asked.

"To him I'm just a friend. But I'm happy with what we have."

"Koichi sleeps around."

"Try to understand why he did it. He once told me that sleeping with someone made the dirty feeling go away for a few hours."

"I understand the pain in Koichi's heart." Tsuyoshi finally said. “I feel the same pain.”

"When Koichi gets out of the hospital, He'll stay at your side. He'll support you." his friend told him.

"I can't tell him what happened." Tsuyoshi admitted. "I'm too ashamed to."

"Go to sleep, you need to rest."

"Your right, I do." Tsuyoshi closed his eyes. With his friend beside him, he slept.