Maruyama Ryuhei's Guide to Keeping the Kitchen Clean

Author: Kyoko_godaikun

Rating: G

Paring: not really Maru/Ryo implied

Genre: Comedy

Summary: A magazine column written by Maru after having to live with his band mates for a week.

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Hello everyone. I know that readers of the magazine expect scoops from various Kanjani 8 members. Well this time it is my turn. Last January I had the pleasure of hosting the rest of the group at my parent’s house in Kyoto. We had been snowed in, and had to spend a week at my parent’s house. Thank goodness my parents were out of the country at a body building competition at the time.

So if anyone wants to know how to be a good guest at someone's house, or even some tips to keep things clean read on.

1. The best cleaner I had found is half vinegar, half lemon juice. Just get a spray bottle and put it in there. I just adore this stuff. The cleaner is green, it doesn't have any solvents. And if say Ohkura decides to put it on his salad it won't kill him. Plus it's my very favorite color, yellow.

2. When you use a microwave to cook something the food isn't done because it is splattering everywhere inside of the microwave.

3. If you do have bits of an accident with something in the microwave clean it out right then. My famous spray cleaner will take care of it quickly. Don't wait for Hina, Subaru and Shota to cook their food first and think that I won't notice that you left a big mess Yoko.

4. Another thing Yoko, I know there are a bunch of us staying at my family’s house. But please wait for someone to come out of the bathroom. Do not, I repeat do not let me catch you using the sink again.

5. Ryo, don't ask me why on Earth I am bleaching the sink. Ask Yoko.

6. The milk in the refrigerator is for my little brother and sister. You remember them? Shota I know you like milk and cookies, but please don’t' drink their milk and eat their cookies without asking if it's okay.

7. Asking Subaru if its okay isn't what I meant!

8. Plates don't live on the floor. I know my family has a dog, but it isn't his job to clean the plates.

9. Finding a plate in the sink and thinking it is clean by wiping it on your leg doesn't mean it's clean. It's gross. Please don't hit me Hina. I'm not calling you gross, just the action.

10. You know my parents will blame me if everyone gets sick at their house. That means please put things that will spoil back in the refrigerator. Spaghetti sauce and mayonnaise will make you sick if you leave them out for two days.

11. There is a reason we have a trash can. Please put your trash in it. Trash does not live on the floor.

12. When the trash can is overflowing, take the bin liner out and put a new one in. Do not, I repeat do not even think of putting me in the trash.

13. If I lock the kitchen door do not try and pick the lock. You wont' starve. I'm probably just discussing my favorite color yellow with my favorite eighto ranger. What I do with Ryo is really none of your business Subaru. We're just discussing my spray cleaner, yeah that's it.

Anyway, as you can see sometimes you can be really good friends with your band mates without wanting to live with them. Little things they do will grate on your nerves. I suggest you really think about it before you let your best friends move in. So I've decided never to live with my band mates again.

That is, unless his name is Ryo and nothing he does grates on my nerves.