Title: The Life of a Baka (one-shot)

Author: Kyoko_godaikun

Pairing: Akame

Genre: Humor

Rating: PG

Note: I don't really think Jin is this much of a baka.

Note 2: Almost everything Jin writes about was actually done by someone quite close to me. :)

Summary: Jin decides that he needs to write a diary in English.

Day One:

I am back in Japan! I am back with Kat-Tun. I even have Kame back! We're living together.

This is my new diary, I am writing it in English. Since I am back in Japan, I must practice English so I will not forget. Johnny-sama says I cannot forget my English lessons.

I don't know why everyone things of me as a baka. I work hard! I am gorgeous! Why would anyone think I am a baka, or even use that as part of my name?

This morning I decided I needed some coffee. I staggered to the stove, and turned the burner on underneath the kettle. It clicked as the fire started. Not checking if there was any water in the kettle. There had been some last night. So I knew there had to be some now.

I go into the living room and turn on the TV. I must have fallen asleep, because I wasn't woken by the sound of the kettle whistling, but of the smoke alarm.

I went back into the kitchen. Kame was all ready there, he had all ready turned the fire off.

"Why did you put an empty kettle on the stove?" Kame looked cross at me.

"It had water in it last night," I shrugged.

"We had coffee last night," Kame reminded me.

"Then where did all the water go?" I asked puzzled.

****

Day Four:

My first day off since I came back from Japan! I was so very excited. Kame and I plan to spend the day together!

I decide to go shopping with Kame. My car is running hot. It keeps going up to the highest mark. I decided that this is a good time for me to go to a store on the other side of Tokyo.

I don't know why the car broke down. I really don't. But the car began to smoke, and then it stopped. It wouldn't start even when I tried as hard as I could.

Kame is even madder at me. It got worse when we had to call for a tow truck. We spent a good three hours in the mechanics shop waiting.

The mechanic finally comes into the room. The engine's head is warped, and the transmission is also gone. It will cost more then the car is worth to fix it. The thing is, the Mechanic says, if it had been taken right to a shop, it could have been fixed.

Kame now hates me. He gives me the look of death. He is no longer taking to me. He even sits on the other side of the waiting room.

All right, I admit, it was really his car. And it broke. I'm still not sure why. This isn't my fault, or the fact that it's happened four times in the space of two years.

Still, I tell Kame I will buy him a new car.

*******************

Day Eleven:

Kame and I go shopping. We got paid last week. I know I have money. I never write down my charges or my checks. But I know the money has to be there. I am a star, stars are rich right?

I pick out a chain for Kame, to tell him I'm sorry. We have to go through seven credit cards before one is accepted.

How would I know that they are all overdrawn? I gasp in astonishment that the clerk cuts up all my credit cards.

Kame takes the chain, but he is still mad.

"How can you pay for my car, if you can't even take care of your money?" Kame demand.

Then Kame takes my wallet, and shoves it in his pocket. I protest, but he point out that he can no longer trust me with money. Kame is taking over the funds.

********

We go back to our apartment. Kame takes all my bills and stuff, the things that I never think of, he sits down at the table. Kame spends three hours balancing my budget.

He wouldn't talk to me, just made me sit on the floor and watch him.

I feel like a very naughty school boy. I try to give Kame my best pouts, but he is having none of it.

Kame is so sexy when he's mad. I know I should feel humble, but I only feel desire.

When I try to kiss Kame, he tells me to shut up and sit back down.

I sigh and do. Sometimes Kame is so mean. I LOVE it when he's mean! He's so sexy!

*******************

Day Fourteen:

The lights went out today. Kame stomped off to check if a fuse is broke. Then there is a ring of the doorbell. It is a man from the electric company. If I don't pay him right now, the lights will stay off.

Kame is livid, but he pays the man. And our lights come back on.

I don't understand why Kame's so mad; don’t everyone’s lights go off once a month? Then the guy shows up and you pay him?

"Didn't you learn anything in America?" He screams.

"I know English now," I tell him.

"Tell me something in English," You snap.

"I know one good thing! I'm famous in Japan, want to get laid?" I tell him in English.

I didn't say anything else. Because Kame hit me.

*******************

Day Eighteen:

Kame puts me on something called a budget. He called Johnny-sama and now has control of all my money. He will give me an allowance. If I spend it all, I can STARVE. I didn't think he meant it, but he did. I spend all my food allowance and I had to go a week without lunch.

We are filming the new TV show. Kame eventually buys a bento ands splits it with me. He's mad again because I spent my money on a turtle necklace that reminds me of Kame.

I tell him I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

He asks "Why do I love a man who’s such a baka?"

*******************

Day Thirty:

I had a weird rash on my penis! A rash! I couldn't help but dance around and tell everyone, because in English, it sounds like Arashi!

Kame didn't think it was funny. He made me go to the doctor.

The doctor told me. I have a STD. Of course I had to figure out what that was. I thought it was some type of fuel oil or something.

The doctor explained it means sexually transmitted disease. Getting sick because of sex? Never heard of that before.

I call Yama P, who tells me that I got it from him, he got it from Ryo, who got it from Uchi, who got it from Kusano. Kusano got it from Morita Go! What is Kusano doing sleeping with Morita Go? Doesn't he know that Miyake-Kun will beat him senseless? But Miyake ken got it from Nakai! Nakai got it from Kimura, who got it from Goro who got it from Miho Kano! What's this world coming to! I don't like Miho Kano! I am not going to thank her for this!

I tell Kame about the STD. He gets even madder at me. We both have to take medicines for it.

Kame made me sleep on the couch that night. He was so mad at me.

Kame also told me that I can no longer go out with Yama P. But Yama's my best friend.

"Yeah, but you sleep with him." He snapped at me.

"It's just sex." I protest.

"Him or me!" Kame demanded. "Choose now! If you chose him, you have to move out."

Then Kame hits me across the face. Hard, really hard. I look at him, tears in my eyes. Why is Kame so upset? He knows I sleep around.

"I mean it Jin! Make up your mind now!"

I call Yama P, and tell him that we can no longer have sex. I'm surprised that he's cool with it. But I can hear Ryo screaming at him in the back ground. He's with Ryo, and I know Ryo isn't happy with P and my affair.

Kame decides we have to make up. I love making up!

***************

An hour later, I am back on the couch. I've screamed Junno's name as Kame and I loved. I don't know why I fantasized about Junno. I mean he's boring. Why can't Kame understand that I was just fantasizing?

I know if I tried anything with Junno, Ueda would KILL ME. Ueda might look pretty and gorgeous and stuff. But really Ueda is very, very scary! He beats up anyone who even looks at his boy friend.

"Why do you stay with me?" I ask Kame later when he has calmed down.

"Because I love you." Kame told me.

"But you're always mad at me." I say. "And I can't figure out why."

Kame sighs. "Because you never think Jin. That's why. Never, ever, ever."

"I'll try and think." I promised.

"All right," He smiles at me.

We make up again, this time I don't scream anyone's name. I've learned my lesson. Keep my fantasies to myself.

*****************

Day Forty:

I made Kame breakfast in bed the other day. It was a big American breakfast. I made sure that everything was nice and well done. I even put the stuff out the night before to make sure I remembered everything.

Kame ate everything I made for him. It was less then an hour when he began to throw up. It got so bad that we had to go to the doctor.

Kame had food poisoning. I wonder how he got it. I had it too. I ate with him. But why would the food give me poisoning?

Kame isn't mad this time. He just forbids me to ever cook again.

Then we spend the next two days in bed. Not loving, we were both too sick to love.

Kame sure is sexy when he's green.

******************

Day Forty-Five

When Kame and I get well, we do make up. Kame said that this time it will be forever. If I think before I talk we’ll get along just right.

Kame finds you. My diary when we are sick. I think it is safe, because you are in English. I forgot he can read English. I thought he was mad, but instead he laughed so hard that tears ran down his face. He says that you my diary make him look like he's evil.

Kame's not evil. He told me to write that, but he is right. He isn't evil. He's really, really nice. :) I love, love, love Kame!

I am trying to think again. It hurts sometimes to think. Kame catches me trying to think and laughs. He says I look funny.

Kame tells me from now on, he will be the one that thinks.