Title: The Scarlet T
Author: Kyoko_godaikun
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst, Tragedy, character
Pairing(s): Ryo/Uchi
Summary: Ryo’s guilt pushes him over the edge

Note: I began to wonder about the early reports of Ryo being with Uchi before he was arrested, and I wrote this.

The story had rocked the world of the Johnny's. Uchi Hiroki had been arrested for being drunk in a public place. He had been quickly suspended. Suddenly he was a non person. No one was allowed to talk to him; no one was allowed to see him. All of the reports in the press had said that Nishikido Ryo had been with him, but had left before Uchi had been arrested.

Ryo wasn't punished. For the agency found that he had done nothing wrong. In reality, Ryo knew the entire incident was his fault. He had broken up that night with Uchi. Beautiful, loving Uchi, who would never have hurt anyone. Who had loved Ryo unconditionally though Ryo had cheated on him many times. Ryo was the one that got Uchi drunk first, for he knew that his friend would take the news better when drunk. Then he had left him in the park with one of Ryo's girlfriends, who had promised to get him back to his apartment.

Now Uchi was back, not as a member of News, not as a member of Kanjani 8. All he now was a trainee. Having to wear a scarlet T on all his clothes when he went to practice. All trainees had to wear the T, but for Nishikido Ryo it was one more sign of Ryo's wrong doing.

Ryo went into the bathroom and in a stall. He pulled down his pants and sat on a seat. Then he lit a cigarette. He took a deep drag. The looked down to his legs. So many scars, but not enough. He found a place that had no scar, and stabbed the cigarette out, using his leg as an ash tray.

He gasped in pain. It shouldn't hurt any more, his self inflicted punishments, but they always did. Sometimes the wounds got infected, but Ryo welcomed the pain. It was one more reminder that he had hurt the only one he ever loved.

It was all that he deserved, it was his fault that Uchi was suspended, and his fault that he was a trainee, having to wear a scarlet T.

Ryo got up and refastened his jeans. It shouldn’t' hurt any more, but it always did. The crease of his jeans rubbing against the wound, making it almost raw. Every rub reminded him of his sins. He went and washed his hands.

"I'm sorry Nishikido-sempai. I didn't know you where in here," Uchi looked terrified. For he knew the rule, mere trainees weren't allowed near the Debuted artists.

"Don’t' call me sempai," Ryo growled.

"But you are my sempai." Uchi pointed out. "I'm no longer debuted, just a mere trainee."

Uchi went into a stall. He came out a few minutes later, Ryo was still there.

"How many more practices do you have today?" He had to talk to Uchi, to tell him how sorry he was. Then perhaps Uchi would trust him enough for them to have eternity together. He was afraid of that too, but he knew when the time was right. He would have the courage to do what he had to do.

"I'll be here all day. I'm really out of shape; the practice will be good for me." Uchi told him. "See you later."

With that Uchi was gone. Ryo looked at the door. Uchi didn't seem to mind that he was only a Trainee.

Ryo went into a stall and lit another cigarette.

*****************

After a hard days work, Uchi took the bus to his apartment. He felt lucky really lucky that he was allowed back into Johnny's. Even if it was as a trainee. He was so out of shape, he needed the practice. He had seen Ryo in the rest room. Ryo looked so sad when he saw Uchi.

He looked around his apartment; it was only one small room. There was a photo on the wall, of him and Ryo. It reminded him of happier days. The days before the fight. The day that Ryo said that Uchi was only a boy hole and he liked fucking women better. The day that Uchi's whole world had imploded.

There was a tapping at his door. He went and answered it.

Ryo was standing in the hallway. "Can I come in?"

Uchi wanted to say no, to tell his former friend to go away. Instead, he said. "Sure come in."

Ryo came into the room. He was limping. "I want to tell you something. I want you to shut up and listen to me."

"Of course sempai."

"Don't call me sempai!" Ryo's eyes flashed with anger.

"Of course, Nishikido-Kun." Uchi was afraid of letting Ryo into the apartment. He couldn’t' resist Ryo. He knew if he let him in, that soon he would also let his former friend into his bed.

Ryo knelt down on the floor, and then put his forehead on it. "I'm sorry."

"There's nothing for you to apologize for." Uchi said quickly.

"Yes, there is!" Ryo said. "It’s my fault you got fired, it's my fault you're only a trainee."

"It was my fault, I was drunk."

"But who went drinking with you? I did! I got you drunk! You wouldn't have drunk so much if I hadn't made you!" there was pain in Ryo's voice. "Who broke up with you in the park, and went off and screwed a woman? Who left you there when he should have been there for you?"

"Nishikido-kun."

"After you were arrested, I went to the agency. I begged them to fire me too." Ryo admitted. "I deserve even greater punishment then you. You where the innocent. I was the one that put you in that situation."

"What did they say?"

"They wouldn't punish me." He said softly. "Please Hiroki, please forgive me."

"What does your girlfriend say about all of this?"

"I've been alone since your arrest." Ryo said. "I don’t' deserve to love." Ryo's whole body began to shake and Uchi realized he was crying.

"Ryo-Chan," Uchi got on the floor with Ryo, he pulled his friend into his arms. He knew it took a lot for Ryo to apologize to him. He stroked his friend's hair. "Can we be friends again?"

"We're not supposed to be together," Ryo told him.

"I know, but when has that ever stopped us?" Uchi smiled.

"It will be different this time." Ryo promised. "You'll be my only one."

Uchi decided to believe Ryo's lie. He knew that his friend would someday stray.

"I want to show you something," Ryo told him. "You might have to wear your scarlet letter on the outside, but me? I wear mine where no one can see. My letter will never go away, because I deserve to wear it forever."

Ryo took off his jeans. Spanning most of his left thigh, from the inside to the outside was a capital B. The letter was formed by cigarette burns. Some of them fresh and new. Others healed over. He had been working on this letter for quite some time.

"You're not the only one who wears a letter." Ryo told him. "Mine's for betrayal. For the reason you were fired was because I betrayed you."

That was when Uchi realized his friend was insane, very insane. "Ryo, you can't hurt yourself like this."

"Perhaps in our next life, we'll find happiness together." Ryo said. He took Uchi into his arms. Uchi didn't fight him. He was too afraid to fight.

Then suddenly, pain tore through his chest. Uchi fell to the ground. He realized he had been shot.

"Why Ryo, why?" he gasped.

Ryo bent down and kissed Uchi's lips. "I'm sorry."

The last thing Uchi ever saw was Ryo putting the gun to his head. The last thing he ever heard was the gunshot. The last thing he felt was Ryo's lifeless body falling onto his.