Title: Two of a Kind

Author: Kyoko Godaikun

Email: kyoko_godaikun@yahoo.com

Note: I don't own V6. They belong to the agency

Authors note: This story can only be put on Katrinkak's site. Any one else who is crazy enough to want to put it on their site must have the express permission of me.

Time: January 2004

The game was finished. That was what they called their relationship before the break up, with many rules. Now Morita took the rule book and threw it away. The rules had been put in place so that Morita could protect his heart. Now all the trappings of the old relationship were gone.

It was a liberating feeling.

Ken and Morita dated, just like any other relationship. The press didn't care about them going out. They were looking for girlfriends, not two members of the same group.

There was only one line they hadn't crossed. Ken and Morita were no longer lovers. Morita hadn't even held Ken's hand. He hadn't dared let himself love Ken before the break up. Now he was in love with Ken. Morita always looked forward to seeing him. Ken was no longer a thing to be used. He was an equal.

V6 had gone on their yearly trip to the Onsen. This time they had rented four sleeping rooms. Morita slept by himself.

Ken sat in Morita's room. He wore a man's yukata. Morita had hoped that Ken would wear the beautiful ones he wore in the past. But all that was gone. It had been a year since Morita had seen Ken's alter ego.

 Ken had spent almost fifteen minutes studying his fingers. Morita had known Ken long enough to realize that something was bothering him. Morita waited for his friend to tell him what was wrong, but Ken simply sat there. So Morita finally asked. "What's wrong Ken-chan?"

"There's nothing wrong." Ken's voice was very soft. "It's just that like Go-tsun very much. He's a wonderful boyfriend."

"Is there that much difference between Go-tsun and Morita?"

"Go-tsun's kind, gentle but at the same time, he's strong. He's happy with just me. My heart skips a beat every time he looks at me. I never felt that way with Morita." he confessed. "I love him."

"Ken-chan." Morita breathed.

"I know we agreed not to say the word. I can´t stop the way I feel." He wiped his eyes. "I was miserable with Morita, but with Go-tsun I'm the happiest man on earth."

"You're allowed to have your feelings." Morita said softly. "I've been very happy too."

Ken reached out; he slowly ran his hand down Morita's arm. "Can we go back to touching each other?"

Morita realized that Ken wanted to move closer to being lovers. "I don´t' want to hurt you again."

"You won't hurt me." His hand stopped on Morita's hand. "I trust you."

Ken trusted him, that fact made the older friend's self-control waver. His hand shook as Morita put his hand on top of Ken's. For the first time, he realized that ken had unconditionally forgiven him.

Then suddenly, Ken was kissing Morita's lips. His kiss was tentive. Morita kissed him back, it was simply a kiss. He kept his passions out of it. "That felt good."

"Go-tsun kisses differently then Morita." Ken smiled at him, then he moved to kiss him again.

Morita pulled away from him. "We can't."

Ken reached out and touched Morita's face. "We've been dating for six months. Why can't we kiss?"

"I'm not good for you." Morita told him. "It would be better for you if we didn't cross that line."

"Shouldn't that be my choice?"

"I promised myself that I would never hurt you again." He got up and left. He stopped in the hallway, he reached up and touched his lips. He could still feel Ken's kiss. That had been close, too close. If he had stayed, he knew he would end up making love to Ken. He had to protect his friend.

********************

It was the first time they had gone to the Onsen apart. Ken had been given the room he had stayed in the last trip. He had been given a scar that trip. He examined the table that was in the room. The edge of a corner had been knocked off. His hand then went to the scar on the back of his head. He decided that this is what he fell against.

The fall had been the thing that made Ken realize that he had to break up with Morita.  The man he had called Morita was self-centered, cruel. He had only seen Ken as an object. He had been abused by his former lover.

Now he had a new boyfriend. Go-tsun was everything that Ken had wished for. He was kind, gentle. He seemed to really care for Ken's feelings. Unlike Morita, Go-tsun was terrified of becoming involved with Ken.

He realized that Morita was standing in the doorway. He looked sad. "Can I come in?"

"Of course," Ken told him.

Morita went to the table. He knelt down beside it. His fingers reached out, touching the broken corner. "I'm sorry."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm sorry for what I did that night." Morita told him. “I destroyed what I had with Ken-ko with my temper.”

"You didn't hurt me, Morita did."

"How can you see me as two different people?" He stood up.

"Perhaps it's because I have two sides of myself." Ken tried to explain. "Miyake Ken is not the real me. In private I'm Ken-ko."

"You like to dress as a woman."

"It's more then that." Ken decided that he had to tell him the truth. "Ken-ko doesn't just dress like a woman, she is one."

"Is she?" Morita said softly.

"Perhaps it's because my mother dressed Kimiko and me alike when we were little. I didn't even really know I was a boy until I went to school." Ken tried to explain. "I've always felt like a girl. It's just my body doesn't look that way."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"Morita would have used it as an excuse to hurt me." Ken paused. "I think Go-tsun would understand." Ken realized he had said too much. He waited for Morita's laughter.

"I've always I've thought of you as a woman." Morita told him.

"You have?"

"My therapist explained to me about Ken-ko." He told him. "She told me there is a word that says what you are. It's called Tran gendered. "

"Tran gendered." Ken repeated. So there was a word for what he was.

"Don't be ashamed of what you are." Morita reached out, taking Ken's hand. "I love both sides of you."

Ken felt a thrill go through him. During their long relationship, Morita had never told him he loved him. Now for the first time, he had. "Do you mind if I love Go-tsun more then Morita?"

"You don't even have to love Morita." He looked as if he was on the verge of tears.

Ken decided that he had to change the subject. "I wish I could learn more about my condition."

"I brought some material my counselor gave me." Morita told him. "You're welcome to read it."

"I would like that." Ken told him.

*************************

Morita had given Ken a stack of materials, books and pamphlets.  Ken picked the first one up off of the stack. With shaking fingers he opened it.

Morita realized that this was a time that Ken needed to be alone. He went to the door. "I'll see you after a while."

"Thank you," Ken didn't look up from the book.

Morita went back into his own room. He knew he should go to the Onsen and soak. He really didn't feel like it. Instead he took out his CD player and put a CD in. Then he put the head phones on and began to listen to music.

Ken had been right; Morita would have used his confession as a thing to cause him harm. Now all Morita wanted was Ken to feel good about his self worth. Morita just hoped that someday he could feel good about himself. Ken had believed the books were about him. Morita wondered what Ken would have done if he knew the books were really for Morita.

Ken's happiness was what mattered. If Ken had troubles with his identity, then Morita would help him. He wondered how it would have been like if they weren't famous. They would have been able to move to America. He remembered their trip to San Francisco. They wouldn't have to hide there. He could live in the open as their selves. 

After listening to music, he peaked in on Ken. His friend was busy reading.

Morita went to the main room. No one was there. He could hear the sounds of Inocchi and Nagano loving each other. The two of them had been together a year, and they still couldn't keep their hands off each other.

Morita went to the Onsen. There he found Sakamoto and Okada. The younger man was straddling Sakamoto's lap. They held onto each other. Finally, Okada slid off of him and settled beside him. They both were breathing hard. It didn't take a genius to know that the two of them had made love in the Onsen.

"Hey Go-tsun," Sakamoto opened an eye. "Where's Ken?"

"He's reading." Morita took off his robe. "Am I disturbing anything?"

"No, no. We're finished." Sakamoto yelped as Okada elbowed him on the ribs. "I mean, you're welcome to join us."

"Thanks." Morita got into the water. It felt good to soak. He leaned back and closed his eyes.

***************.

Ken had spent most of the day reading. As he read every thing that he went through in the past seemed to make sense. He no longer felt like there was something wrong with him. Something did puzzle him. Why would Morita have so many books about being Tran gendered? Wouldn't just one be enough? Something wasn't quite right.

 Then he heard the door to his room open, and he saw Morita watching him.  Ken put the book to the side. "Come in."

Morita did, he shut the door. "How's the studying?"

"I've learned a lot." Ken looked more at peace with himself.

"That's good." Morita sat down next to him.

"The books say that I'm not sick." Ken said. "I thought I was alone, but this says there are many people like me."

"You're right, there are." Morita sounded worried again.

"why would your doctor give you so much stuff about me?" Ken asked. "It doesn't make sense."

Morita looked away from him. "I lied to you."

"You lied?" Ken tried to keep the anger out of his voice. "I thought we promised to be truthful to each other."

"I know, it's just I'm still coming to terms with it." Morita said softly.

"Terms? I don't understand." He looked at Morita, really looked at him. His friend looked very ashamed. Then he realized the truth. The books weren't for Ken, they were for Morita. "You could have told me. I would have understood."

"I've denied it all of my life." He could barely hear Morita's voice. "I drank too much and slept around trying to prove to myself that I was normal. But inside, I knew I was lying to myself."

"Go-tsun,"

"I've always been jealous of you." His voice was even softer. "You had the courage to be yourself. I think that's why a part of me hated you. You were everything I wanted to be."

Ken reached out, taking Morita's hand. "What did your mom and step-dad say about your other side?"

"When I was a child, I would be beaten for dressing up. My step father would get so angry with me. He thought I was sick." Morita told him. "He wanted to send me away. I had to learn to hide my real self. I began to hate my other side."

Ken now understood what Morita was going through. He had to help his friend. "Did you ever dress up when you were alone?"

 Morita didn't look at him. "Sometimes when you were out, I used to wear your dresses. It felt so good. But how could I tell you?"

"I should have realized." Ken told him. "The way you've always worn your hair long, Every time the agency's given you a more male hair style, you've fought them."

"I´m sorry I lied to you."

"It wasn't really a lie." Ken moved closer to Morita, and put his arms around him. He felt Morita move into his arms. "We're alike you and I. We both had to hide our real selves."

***************

Morita had confessed everything to Ken. He had expected to be condemned for it. Instead he had received understanding. He opened Kens' door.  Ken was knelt beside one of his suitcases. He fingered a flowered yukata.

"Ken-chan," Morita finally said.

"Hi," Ken put the yukata down, and shut the suitcase. "Are you ready for dinner?"

"There's something I want to ask you." Morita tried to gather up his courage. "When we go out tonight, can I wear one of your yukata?"

"I only have two male yukata." Ken told him.

"I meant one of Ken-ko's." Morita corrected himself.

"You want to wear one of Ken-ko's yukata's?" Ken couldn't keep the disbelief out of his voice.

"They are so beautiful." Morita felt his courage waver. "I thought if I wore one of her's, I might feel more like my self."

"Is there one you really like?"

"I like the burgundy one, which has dark pink flowers." Morita told him. "I've always wanted to wear it."

Ken went to his suitcase. He knelt down beside it, and took out Morita's favorite. Then he got up and brought it to Morita. He handed it to him. "I would like it if we consider this a present."

"Thank you."

"Do you want to wear make up?" Ken asked. "I brought my kit."

"I'm not too good at putting on make-up." Morita finally looked at his friend. "Your make up as always been wonderful. Could you help me look as good as you?"

Ken smiled at him. "I would be honored."

Morita turned from Ken; he took off his yukata and put on Ken's. The fabric was silky, smooth. It felt so good to put it on. His real self, for the first time he was showing Ken his real self. He turned to his friend. "I look stupid, don't I?"

"You're beautiful." Ken smiled at him.

Morita found himself blushing. "It's okay, I know I'm not beautiful."

"There must be something wrong with me, because I think you are." Ken took out his make up kit and put it on the table. "Sit down by me."

Morita sat down next to his friend. He couldn't help but look at Ken's make up.

"What colors do you like?" Ken asked.

"I want to wear something that goes with my yukata."

Ken took out a lipstick. He opened the lid. It was a light burgundy. "I think you would look good in this.'

"Can you put it on lightly?" Morita asked. "I'm afraid the rest of the group will laugh at me."

"If they laugh at you, I'll hit them." Ken promised. "No one insults my girl."

"No one's ever called me their girl." Morita said softly.

"Do you mind?" Ken's smile was sly, seductive.

For the first time, Morita smiled. "I like it."

"Good," Ken kissed Morita very gently. Then he pulled away from him. "I know, I know. You're not good for me." Ken smiled again. "I wonder if Go-chan could be good for me?"

"I don't know." Morita confessed. "She's never loved anyone before."

"I want to ask you something. I just want you to think about it."

"What do you want to ask?"

"Ken-ko would like to be Go-chan's lover." Ken told him. "Ken-ko loves her very much. Please can you think of loving me back?"

"What if I said no?"

"It wouldn't matter. Go-chan wil always live in her heart." he reached out, touching Morita's cheek. "Please, Go-chan, think about it."

"All right," Morita nodded. "I'll think about it."

****************

Morita's confession made Ken feel closer to his friend. Morita now wore a burgundy silk yukata. It had been Ken's but when Morita saw it, he had asked to wear it. Now for the first time in public, Morita dressed as himself.

His friend was terrified. He held onto Ken's hand so tightly that ken wondered if the circulation would be cut off. Morita was so little, so petit that he made a beautiful woman.

"You ready?" Ken asked.

"As ready as I'll ever be." Morita let go of Ken's hand.

Ken opened the door to the main room. They had decided that ken would go first. Ken looked at the rest of the group. "I need to tell you something."

"Let me guess, you're back with Go-tsun." Inocchi said.

'No, not that." Ken said. "What I have to tell you is very important."

"So tell us." Sakamoto said.

Ken gathered up his courage. "Go-tsun is like me."

"Yeah, you're both short!" Nagano snorted. The rest of Twentieth Century began to laugh.

Okada looked at Ken. Then he turned to his friends. "Shut up! Ken isn't joking!"

Tonsin quit laughing.

"This is the first time that Go-tsun has had the courage to dress up in public." Ken tried to explain. "Please don't make fun of him."

Sakamoto glared at Inocchi and Nagano. "No one will laugh."

Morita came into the room. He went to the table and sat down. Ken sat beside him. There was a long pause of quiet between them.

Finally Sakamoto spoke. "You're beautiful,"

"Thank you." Morita looked down.

Suddenly the door open, and servers came in with the food. That seemed to break the tense mood.

*******************

After dinner they went to Morita's room. They hadn't talked about the question since Ken had asked it. Ken had promised to give Morita time. Even so, Morita had to try and hide his terror.

"Since you're so beautiful, do you mind if I dress up?" Ken asked.

"I'm not ready to see Ken-ko. The one thing I regret is how badly I hurt her," Morita looked very sad. "I don't deserve to go out with her."

"I told you, I forgave you."

"My problem is I can't forgive myself." Morita said softly. "I see Ken-ko's face in my dreams. I can still see how I pushed her so hard that she fell into the table and hit her head."

"Ken-ko misses you so much." Ken told him. "You've let me be involved with the real you. Why can't you be involved with the real me?"

Morita thought for a moment, and then he nodded his head. "All right, I would like to see Ken-ko."

Morita wondered what he was doing as he sat down at the table. He had agreed to see Ken-Ko. That was the one thing that terrified Morita, Ken-ko. He always had a hard time resisting Ken-ko. He smoothed down his yukata. It had been the first time he had gone out as Go-chan. That was the name that Ken had given him. It fit his real self.

After a few minutes, the door opened, and Ken-ko came in. She was beautiful, wearing the red silk yukata that Morita had always loved. Her hair was curled, her make up as usual was perfect.

"You're beautiful tonight Ken-ko." He said softly.

"Thank you," Ken sat down across from Morita. They where close, but not touching.

 "Every night, I think of my beautiful Ken-ko." he confessed. "I've missed you."

 "I've missed you too." Ken looked down to his hands.

"YOu ask me a question today."

"Did I?"

"I'll give you an answer if you'll answer one of mine first." Morita said.

Ken looked at him. "What is the question?"

"How can you forgive me?" Morita asked. "I cheated on you. I beat you. After everything I did to you, how can you forgive me enough to love me?"

"That was Morita." Ken reached across the table, and took Morita's hand. "In your heart, do you feel like Morita, or Go-chan? Just tell me the truth. I won't hate you if you still feel like you're Morita."

"I feel as if my life as Morita was a long and horrible nightmare." Morita looked down to Ken's hand. The tears stung his eyes. "I want to love you, but I can't forgive myself. How could I hurt the man that I now love more the anything? I love you, I love you so much. But I hurt you." He began to sob tears of regret.

He felt Ken move to the other side of the table. He put his arms around Morita. "Morita wouldn't have been sorry for what he did. He would have laughed at my pain."

"I'm no longer Morita." he held onto Ken tighter. "I'm Go-tsun."

Ken held Morita as he cried. As he did, he chanted. "Please trust yourself to love me."

When he was finished crying, he pulled away from Ken. He was suprised to see that his friend was crying too. He reached out, whiping the tears from Ken's face. He realized that he was hurting his lover by punishing himself. He couldn't hurt Ken anymore. He leaned forwards and kissed Ken very gently on the lips.

Morita could feel Ken sigh, then put his arms around Morita. They simply kissed. He had to hold back his passion. It had been so long since he had Ken. He realized it would have to be different. Ken would be the one to take the led.

"I want to make love to Go-chan," Ken told him between kisses.

"I want that too." Morita confessed. "Make love to me, Ken-ko."

He could feel Ken's hands untie his obi. Ken untied his own, and opened both of them. Then Ken pulled Morita onto his lap. Morita lowered himself onto his lover. Then slowly, very slowly, they began to love each other.

******************

After their loving, Ken laid on Morita's futon. They both still wore their yukata's. He waited for Morita to do what he always did after loving. He would put on his clothes and leave the room. Instead, Morita sank down beside Ken, and put his head on Ken's shoulder. Ken put his arm around his lover.

A long stretch of silence stretched between them. Ken stroked Morita's hair. He didn't want to get up; he didn't want to break the spell. He didn't want his lover to leave him.

"What are you thinking of?" Morita finally asked him.

"I was thinking about how happy I am." He kissed Morita's forehead. "What are you thinking of?"

"I don't want to hunt anymore." Morita said softly. "I've found the one I want to spend my life with." he paused. "I was looking for the perfect love, and he was here with me all the time."

"No regrets," Ken told him. "Let's stop thinking about the past, and concentrate on our future."

His lover put his arm around his waist. "Go-chan's given her heart to you. She wants to stay at your side forever."

"All right," he put his other arm around Morita. "I love you,"

"I love you too." His lover yawned. "Can you stay here tonight?"

"Where else would I stay?" His lover countered. "I'll stay by your side until you tell me to leave."

"Would you mind if I sleep with you?"

"I would really like that." Ken kissed his forehead.

"Good," Soon Ken could hear the sound of Morita's snoring.

Different, all of this was different. He had finally gotten Morita back. He had changed, and turned into everything Ken wanted in a man. He too closed his eyes and fell asleep.