Explosive Sex Essay

I would like to talk to you today about the rather odd trend that is beginning to over-take today's fan-fiction. At an alarming rate words that have no business in a lemon have been materializing in the most unappealing of spots. First I think a list of the issues I mean to cover:

Firstly, a question a think many aspiring (and even experienced) lemon authors should ask themselves: "Is a cock a lethal weapon?" If you answered "no" to this question, you are on the right track. Now, if you did answer "no" please explain to me why you would ever refer to a penis as "shooting", "jutting", or in my opinion the worst one: "exploding".

The second question kind of fits into this category, "Can an orgasm kill me?" Well, if you refer to it "exploding" apparently you think it can… or "shooting"? Maybe I should be asking: "Can my orgasm kill my lover?" I do realize that most yaoi/slash writers are women… maybe they really don't realize how disturbing it is for me to read about another man's cock exploding in ecstasy.

Maybe its just me but if you read: "He felt himself constrict, then explode, and he thought he was going to die" OW! I do not want to *ever* have an orgasm like that! I mean I can just picture the poor man's cock exploding.. I mean.. Oh, the humanity! The carnage! Not to mention the poor person who had the aforementioned penis in their mouth. Wouldn't they be horribly injured?

Why do orgasms have to almost kill you? Can't people have normal "mind-blowing" orgasms? I personally do not think I would want to have another orgasm if this was the end result: "almost blacking out, he collapsed" I don't know though, I suppose if my orgasm exploded I would black out too.

The word shooting is almost as bad, I can just picture some guy wielding his penis like a tommy-gun and taking out a squad of coppers, albeit that *is* an amusing image… I guarantee you that is not what the author wanted me to be picturing during the romantic love scene.

The final word that I think should be banned from fan-fiction is "jutted". The word brings to mind rigor mortis. I mean come on: "his nipples jutted invitingly"? I had to stop reading that story right there. "Jut" is just not a word that should be associated with the human body.. it makes the poor guys nipples sound deadly or like a set of parallel bars or something. "And the butcher-knifes jutted invitingly!" as I wanted to JAB THEM INTO THAT AUTHOR'S FACE! The sad part is that most of these people claim to use Beta readers too… do the beta readers *actually read* this fan-fiction? How could they let an exploding orgasm make it to the internet to scar the populous at large?

Finally, my last point: "What is this sex thing anyway?" I do realize what sex is of course, it is a verb to describe people going at it like wold boars. What I am referring to is this: "and his moist tongue licked his lover's sex" What the fuck is a sex? Do I have one of those? Last time I checked I didn't think I did.. and I'm not going to go into the word moist (another bad word, I mean... ick) But don't use sex as a noun to replace penis. I mean come on people it's a cock, a willy, a winky, a one-eyed wonder weasel, a third leg, a kick-stand, a dick, a hairy monkey, a rooster. A penis has many names, some even call it Alice… but "sex" is NOT synonymous with "cock"!

And I am obviously *not* saying that all the nicknames on my little list are appropriate either. Really "sex" would be better than: "and then he licked his lover's rooster" but, I was attempting to make a point. Just call it what it is people a COCK! Because it is simply impossible to lick, grope, suck, fuck, stroke, touch, molest, paint, chop-off, use as a tommy-gun, or kiss "sex"!

Thank you and good night!

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