Monday,
March 12th, 2001:
Talk
about a weekend! Whoa! I could hardly contain all my excitement from it.
It was so good that I had to document it here.
What
was so special about it? Well nothing. If you've read all my previous
entries, you'd know by now just how boring I am, yet bad things seem to
happen to me, this weekend was no exception.
Let's
set the scene...it's the wee hours of Sunday morning when I half woke
up and noticed something was in my mouth, aside from my tongue and teeth
that is. I reached in and pulled it out, put it on my shelf and went back
to sleep. I wasn't worried that it was some sort of bug or anything like
that because that's not something I've ever thought about before and there's
no reason to think that now, especially when it was something hard. My
initial thought was a raspberry seed or something that got stuck in my
teeth from yogurt or something, though that doesn't make much sense since
I didn't eat any yogurt the day before. But anyways, I left it on my shelf
and went back to sleep.
I
woke up Sunday morning, did my morning routine and then decided to check
out what the offending object was. It was cone shaped and shiny. I thought
"do I have too much iron in my body that I'm now producing it?"
I realized after that it was a filling that had fallen out. UGH!
I
don't like heading to the dentist like everyone else in this world, especially
when you know they're going to do a little drilling to clean out the cavity,
so I tried to put it out of my mind. What was I thinking? The tooth fairy
going to come that night and repair it for me? I am such a sissy, but
if you call me that, watch your back!
Anyways,
there wasn't much I could do about it that day since it was Sunday, so
I called them today to let them know I needed some work done. At first
they couldn't find my file because it had been a while since I was last
there so they offered me a date which was a week Thursday. I didn't like
that too much because it's too far away but accepted it as I didn't have
much choice. 10 minutes later, they called back to let me know they have
an earlier appointment available and wondered if I wanted that instead.
I took it so now I've got a date with my lovely dentist (a man by the
way so don't you start thinking things there!) for tomorrow at 3:45PM.
I guess they found my records and saw that I was a long time patient and
probably a preferred customer. Not the kind of customer that wants to
see them much but you have to do what you have to do, right?
So,
I thought about the procedure and decided to cover my bases should something
happen to me. You never hear about cases where filling procedures go horribly
wrong and ends up in tragedy, so bear with me for a little bit. Below
are some personal items I want others to have should the worst happen...
To
my brother, I leave my paperclip collection, my stamp collection and my
floppy disks/cds/magazines of porn
To
my mom, I leave all my videotapes so she can tape the Y&R for me to
watch when the day comes when the world blows up and everyone joins me...wherever
that is. In case you didn't know the world was going to blow up, read
about it in your bible under the book of Revelations
To
my dad, I leave my teddy bear collection. You know dads and fuzzy things!
To
my Mandy, I leave my Cadbury Creme Eggs, my cactus' (we know the history
of your own so don't let the past repeat itself), my socks that have holes
(pretend it's a new cross stitching project), my Metallica cd/video collection
because I know how much you love them and my tools since you've become
a little Bob Vila ever since that table you built
To
Rachel, not my candle collection because you have quite the collection
yourself, but I leave you my gallons of nitroglycerine, should you need
a little spark to get your candles going
To
Mrs. K, I leave my cat repellent formula I just completed. It might still
need some work because it seems to repel every living creature due to
the foul odour, but you can work on it in your spare time. Just think
how much you could save on cat food when you don't have to feed cats that
aren't your own!
To
big J, I leave my rocket launcher. That way you can design your own satellite
system and launch it without anyone ever knowing and get a zillion tv
stations...all for FREE!
To
my neighbour, I leave $500 in cash. So there's no need to break into my
house should you get that itch to steal once again
To
my neighbour across the street...screw you! You get nada, zip, zilch,
the big donut! (just had to toss that in there)
And
last, but not least, I hand over the reigns to my minions. I've taught
you well...now it's time you go off on your own and make me proud!
Should
I live though, I do not want anyone mentioned above to try to bump me
off just so they can get their grubby little hands on their goodies! And
it would be nice if your thoughts and prayers were with me as I make my
trip to the dentist. We can start now...take the hand of the person beside
you...bow your heads and repeat after me...our Father, who art in heaven...hallowed
be thy name...
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