Monday, May 8th, 2000: Look who's making an entry! I've been bombarded with requests from as far away as Hamilton, ON to update my site, but it's been the same ol' excuse, "I have a site?".  Well yes you dork, you've got one! Funny how I've been reminded of this fact by someone that happens to fall into the category of 'my girl', an exclusive club where only one person get inducted.  I can't think of a better person to be that special one to me.
Are you all tired of hearing how happy I am with my girlfriend? Well too bad, she's been the only thing on my mind for the last 4+ months, or 14 months, under different circumstance at the beginning.

Ok, I'll try to insert some new material here, but it's just a little hard to concentrate while watching Game 6 of the Eastern Conference Semifinals of the 1999-00 Stanley Cup Playoffs, involving my beloved Maple Leafs and the totally boring Demons of the New Jersey Landfill Dumps.  After giving up a goal 18 seconds into the freakin' game, things aren't looking too rosy trailing 3 games to 2.  But fear not, my boys will be the toast of the town come midnight, or just plain toast, take your pick.  Those that bleed blue and white never give up, we just get a little irritated with them from time to time.  At least we've made it this far, 20 other teams can't say the same thing, but getting here only makes you want more, so they better get the act together and kick some ass.

I'll keep you updated as things roll along...

In other news, I noticed an I&I is coming up on May 17th involving a certain bleached-blond singer with the initials Christina Aguilera, but I've been banned in terms of watching it! But did I complain? Nooooo, I'm perfectly fine with talking to my girl instead of watching this other one doing who-knows-what downtown.  I won't even comment on the things mentioned about her in the Eminem song other than the song is crap and so is he.

Keeping the music theme going, I've also been banned from buying the new CD from 'plastic girl'...do I sense a common theme happening here? Hmmm, there could be one, but I just don't see it...(was that the right answer?)

Hockey update -- the end of one period, and still, we're trailing by one goal...where's Paul Henderson when you need him?

Now back to music news, if you don't see me around for a while, like 5 years, it's cuz my 'tallica boys have put me in jail for "stealing" their song(s) from Napster.  How can they do that to me? I've supported them since the day the formed, back in the 70s, and watched them grow up and take over the heavy metal world and become the kings or Rock, and this is what they do to me? Send me to jail? *snif*...can I say I'm sorry? Mother Tucker, they've scored again.  Ok, I'm not sorry anymore, my stinkin' Leafs just gave up another goal, just 25 seconds into the 2nd period...I'm more ready to kill now than be sorry for stealing a song or two...or three or fifty or two hundred thousand...you get the idea.  Oh, incase you're wondering, Mother Tucker is Darcy Tucker's mother, what did you think??
I think I belong in jail for owning copies of certain other CDs, but we won't go into that...and no, I'm not referring to a certain Backstreet Boys group, whom shall remain nameless.

In entertainment news, how did you guys like my little greeting last week? Did you all read my personalized message, titled "ILOVEYOU"? hehe, I thought it was fun, just a little hello from me, that's all.  Ok, so maybe it wasn't me who sent that, but what bugged me was that it was plastered all over every newscast around the world, yet no one cared enough to send me the file.  That sure made me feel the love, thanks for nothing! If you're going to exclude me, then don't make it something big the whole world has to get in on.

Oh look, it's another annoying GAP commercial on TV...can't they make normal commercials, where people won't get sick of them after seeing it for 2 seconds the very first time it airs?
The best commercial that is currently on the air is for connecting the world to the internet or something, but it's with these ranchers talking about how they love their jobs and stuff, but not herding cattle or horses, but instead it's cats.  I find it so funny watching them herd hundreds of cats across the Montana Plains.  If you haven't seen it, oh well, I can't provide every bit of entertainment in your lives! Get off of the net and go watch TV, like you're supposed to do.

Speaking of TV shows, when did Dawson's Creek become the lamest show on TV? It's getting to the point where it can be lumped into the same category as 7th Heaven, Time Of Your Life and other shows I refuse to watch like Xena, Female Steroid Warrior Princess, or that Lost World, featuring some woman in a loin cloth fighting dinosaurs.  I'd much rather make up my own script to the X-Files, and have a certain somebody believe it's what the episode was about, hehe, that was so funny.  But now she won't believe a word I say about shows, so I guess it had a price, but I have my ways of correcting that.  I won't reveal them here, but I'm sure she's going to ask once she gets to this point.
If you haven't seen the last few episodes of Buffy or Angel, you haven't missed much.  On Buffy, all you missed was an orgy, involving Buffy and Riley, and another involving Willow and Tara.  Maybe the show should be retitled Buffy: The Best of Both Worlds.  Before you go getting your shorts all in a knot, the two worlds could mean the living and the dead, or it could also mean straight and gay/lesbian...take your pick, ha!
Angel has been sagging lately...if Angel was a female, that first part of my comment could have been taken badly.  The good news is that Faith (formerly of Buffy) has joined the cast, so that should spice things up a bit.  Only time will tell if they keep this series around for another season.
On Felicity, it's been the same old stuff...boring.  I can't believe I watched it with my girl and didn't have much to comment about, other than who cares about painting that stupid room after 10 weeks have passes since they started ripping down the wallpaper.  I'm beginning to look at it in the sense of not caring if they do cancel the show come the end of the season.
Speaking of canceled shows, Party of 5 was about due to be canned, but it came 2 seasons too late.  I had a choice of watching that final 2 hour episode or watching the hockey game.  Guess what I chose? Despite getting to see Claudia have sex for the first time, the whole show sucked.  How would you like to hear your girlfriend say to you "I just had sex" moments after you shared a wonderful moment like that? So romantic, don't you think? Anyways, the show is over and we don't have to put up with the same Salinger family crap week after week, and we don't have to "see" Kirsten's nonexistent body.  If there was another season, she might not even be visible on the screen...they'd have to dig into the FOX vaults and pull out that glowing puck thing just for her appearances on the screen.  Mean enough for you? Well, until she gets help, I won't stop.  Lucky for her, and her fans, we don't have the show anymore, so I won't be making anymore comments about her.

Hockey update...after 2, it's 2-0 for the wrong team.  How can we win if we can only manage 5 shots through 2 periods? Gotta love this sport, finish with 100 points, most in team history, and slumping against this team...I hate NJ, have I mentioned that before?

One thing I've noticed, I haven't spoken to myself yet! Don't you find that weird? Normally I'll need a little note to myself, but so far, nada...maybe something has happened to me in the 4 months since my last entry? Could it be that I'm in love and don't need to be talking to myself when I have someone to talk to that keeps me sane? Nahhhhh, I think it has to do with not wearing tight underwear anymore, hehe.
I went through my various phases, hotpants, thongs, commando, but settled on something that is just perfect.  What is it you ask? Well that's a secret only one person will get to find out, if he dares...oops, did I say 'he'? I meant SHE! honest! Stop doubting me! Leave me alone now!

Taking the heat off of having to explain that one, I have to mention that Chris Cuthbert is one fine hockey play-by-play man.  We get Bob Cole most of the time, but hearing Chris on these flashbacks to last years Avs/Stars conference finals, he's just so darn good.  But what do you care, right? Yeah yeah, leave us Canadians alone.  For us, it's all about hockey, beer and blubber, ha!

Hey, want to hear something pants-wetting funny? I'm doing this offline, but I just realized that I forgot my password to login to my site, hehe, isn't that a kicker? Oh wait, if you're reading this then that means I remembered it and uploaded this page...nevermind, I'll just sit here, by myself, without my girl, who I won't see until midnight, sweating bullets trying to remember it so I don't disappoint her after telling her I'll make an effort to update. NOTE TO MY GIRL:  Have some sympathy for me? Please? This is all for you my dear!!

Hockey update -- no news is not good news...12:45 to go in the 3rd, and still it's the same score, blah.

So, what else is new? It's gardening season, guess what that means? Yup, I'm playing this allergy thing up big time to avoid going outside to dig/clean/plant anything that is living and isn't a cactus, hehe.  "Sweetie? It's just a cactus"...isn't that the sweetest thing you've heard? hehe.  It sure was sweet at the time, never mind how rubbery the thing was.
7:20 left in the 3rd...no change...whaaaaaaaa.  Ooh, fight...guess who? Yes indeed, Tucker! hehe...go Tucker go...I'm sure mother Tucker is proud...ok, maybe not, after seeing him cross check Elias in the face, well I'm the only one proud, hehe.  Thanks a lot though, we're down 2 goals, have to kill off 2 minutes with 6:02 left in the period/season...can I just jump in and call for a replay of this game cuz the ice was bad? The only player I want on my team is Scott Stevens.  What a darn good hockey player he is, and a good ol' Canadian boy too.

1:50 to go.....snif

I want my mommy =(

6 shots in the whole stinkin' game...you lousy bunch of overpaid millionaires...where do you get off taking our money in outrageous ticket prices and only muster one lousy shot in the 3rd period? We need new players!

30 seconds left....

16.1 seconds left.....

Leafs suck...heads will roll if I was in charge...yes Ken Dryden, what the heck have you done to build a winner? What kind of a hockey genius are you? And where the hell were you Mr. Swedish Meatball Sundin during this series? Nice captain you've turned out to be.  Can't lead this team to the next level.  Tie Domi, what the heck are you still doing on this team? You suck come playoff time.  Glenn Healy, you're finished as a Leaf as the buzzer went...Alyn McAuley, the last player left in the Gilmour deal, sorry buddy, you're gone too...yes, I'm bitter...ok, I'm being too rough now, we lost but they're still my team and I live and die with them, I bleed blue and white, so we'll get em' next year.  We had problems with injuries, Berard, Karpotsev, Perreault, Clark, Antropov....all were injured and big parts of the team, yes the normal excuse but true with this team going up against a big team in the Devils.  Is this a newspaper story now? I think not, I'll leave it at that, 4-2 series loss, season is over...enjoy the summer and I'm sure Pat Quinn will make the right moves...psst, get Lindros, even if he's a quarter of the player he use to be.

If the above paragraph sounded jumbled, it's cuz I couldn't see what I was typing with the tears in my eyes =(

So now that the game is over, I am struggling to find things to say...I think I shall go put on a dress and lipstick and just go sit in the closet...oh wait, I did that last night, sorry, ignore that one.  What I can do is tell you about the funniest thing that happened to me last month.  I was walking down Lakeshore Blvd., when I came across this bean...not just a regular bean, but a magic bean! It glittered as I held it in the palm of my hand.  I swear I could hear it talking to me, saying "plant me...plant me".  What did I do? Naturally I planted it, gave it some good Lake Ontario pollution and stood back.  The ground started shaking around me, that got me excited...I stared closely at the spot I planted the bean, hoping to see what was happening.  After 5 minutes of feeling the ground shaking and nothing happening to the bean, I started wondering what was going on.  I scratched my head and looked around...to my dismay, 10 feet behind me was this guy using a jackhammer to break up the road...I figured out where the ground shaking was coming from then, hehe, silly me.  I turned back to my bean, but I couldn't remember where I planted it! I paniced...I shouted out for my bean, but I didn't hear anything back...I ran over to the construction guy, grabbed his jackhammer (get your minds out of the gutter!) and started tearing up the lawn, looking for my bean.  When I couldn't find it, I gave up, threw the jackhammer at the guy and told him off.  Why did I do all of this you ask? Well I was tired of walking down Lakeshore Blvd., so I figured the ride in the police car was better than walking, hehe...funny story eh?

Am I insane or do I just have too much time on my hands? I'm beginning to wonder about that, I think I need something to fill myself up.  Do I get (a) chocolate, (b) French Vanilla Cafe (c) fruit center cookies (d) a muffin (e) crackers (f) sour cream & onion chips (g) strawberry ice cream  (h) barbecue chicken (i) soup (j) Wendy's (k) chicken fajitas (l) Cadbury chocolate eggs (m) none of the above (n) all of the above...how many choices is the limit on a multiple choice question anyways? Is there really a limit? Where is it written anyways? Is there a handbook, like the Girlfriend Handbook? I want to know!!

Ooh, it's medication time....yum yum...good for tum tum...oh I know what my problem is, I've written too much for one day! It's time I say goodbye and bon voyage.  Hope you've enjoyed this edition of The Creature & The Restless...Roger big guy, 10-4, over and out.

One final note...beware of the Goungalatti....no Goungalatti, and NO SAILOR JOKES!