On Going Out in Kyiv or
The Party Where We Were Not Supposed To Be
Friday night February 14 – the day dreaded by all single people – the Valentine's Day. In Kyiv I have two good friends. Two of us are temporary 'single' with our significant others not being currently present in Ukraine. The third friend has declared that she will not allow us to sulk in private, and we will have our own party. Thus, all dressed in clubbing gear we assembled at her place. Our planned point of destination was club "Opium", where we planned to go numerous times but have never made it yet.
At 11 p.m. we decided that it is too early to go to a club, so we first should go to a bar. Last week we went to this new bar/restaurant, "Nobel". With its stylish design and a cocktail menu it has a very London/New York feel to it. When we arrived there, it looked nothing like a quiet bar where we had our cocktails a week before. The first giveaway was a mob of people trying to get in. After just paying for a cab we did not feel like going somewhere else, so we used our secret weapon.
Side-note: all clubs, bars, pubs, etc. in Kyiv exercise a 'face control'. Essentially, it means that if the bloke (sorry, the bouncer) at the entrance does not like your face he would tell you that the place is closed for a 'private party' and would not let you in. This problem is normally solved by (1) speaking English only, (2) sending a cute looking female to negotiate a passage for herself and her friends.
The big mob getting ready to storm the place and the big bloke at the door suggested that we are not going to get in without negotiations, so we send a friend (our secret weapon) who had the highest chance of succeeding to do so (meaning: good-looking female, native English speaker). The rest of us were blending in the background. She has been told that the place is closed for a private party, but after a bit of smiling she got an admission for all of us. The easiness with which we were allowed to get in should have cautioned us.
After having our cocktails and dancing we started looking around … At that point we realized that it was indeed a private party, and it was an invitation-only for a reason. First of all, we were the only North Americans. We found few Europeans: few Italians, couple of friends from one of the European embassies who got the invitation through some friends, couple of Croatians, but no North Americans.
There were a lot of 'weird' people with very strange dress-sense, like one guy wearing an emerald green silk shirt and golden boots. Remember Goldmember from the James Bond movie? That is exactly how he looked like. There was another woman who deserves a few lines for her outfit. She without hesitation gets an award for the weirdest costume I have seen in Kyiv. The first thing, which attracted our attention, was the red faux-fur skirt, very short with zigzag hem. She was also wearing mid-thigh high black pointy stiletto boots. There was also some sort of sweater with lots of holes in it. Her hair were done with pressed stars (like she used a curler presser with star shape). And she has a fur handbag.
The other strange thing was a number of cute looking Ukrainian men. Ukrainian men are generally not good-looking. But there were a lot of cute Ukrainian men in that bar. There were quite a few gay people. All people new each other. There were muscular somberly dressed men inconspicuously standing here and there not moving throughout the whole evening. There were number of people under the influence of drugs. At some point a friend suggested that we should not leave our drinks unattended at any time (just in case if it gets spiked).
Ukrainian women do have a tendency to look trashy. Not all of them do, but a fair share. Some foreigners first coming here think that they all prostitutes. It is not true. Many of them just don't know where to stop cutting their skirts. But after being here for some time, one begins to spot representatives of the ancient profession, and I am not talking about journalists. At this party, there were a lot of prostitutes and they did not look cheap.
In a few hours we decided that we've got enough and got ready to leave only to find out that the exit door is locked and the guy guarding it does not have a key. He called someone to open the door, but it still took a few minutes for the key to arrive. The door was immediately relocked once we left. Outside the police guarded the door. There was still a mob trying to get in. The sidewalk nearby was covered with parked cars the majority of which were new Mercedes and BMW brands. It very much looked like we spend our time out at the coolest party in town.
Overall, the party at "Nobel" got the following awards:
(1) the highest number of prostitutes per square metre
(2) the highest amount of money (men with money) per square metre
(3) the highest number of good-looking Ukrainian men in the same time and space.
(4) the highest number of weirdoes per square metre on any party I have been
in Kyiv.
We had a good time, but we left with the impression that we've been at the
party where we were not supposed to be.
Few days after the party I received a phone call: “Did you see today’s What’s on? NO??!! Just look at the page 38! Better yet, let me read it …”.
“Kyiv’s romantics were out in force this past Friday to celebrate 14 February; St. Valentine’s day … Highlights included an A-list party down at Nobel restaurant...” (What’s On, No.6, 21-27 February 2003, p. 38). There was a picture of that guy in an emerald green shirt – apparently he is some famous DJ!
Well, I guess we picked the right party to celebrate our Valentine’s
day.
©Lidia Bhaskar, 2003