Top 60 Submissions Dr. Who Editors Would Rather Not Recive
- I've always hated Jon Pertwee, so I thought if John Peel
can retcon away Skaro...
- I've always thought Adolf Hitler was misunderstood...
- I'm desperate to be published and I've always been a fan
of Doctor Why...
- Just because you said you couldn't use the Valeyard
doesn't mean it's totally out of bounds...
- I was thinking, how come no-one's ever explained K-9's
voice changing for season 17...?
- I hope you like it but I've got to warn you, I won't work
for anything less than 50 grand...
- Why should I follow *your* guidelines? Here, I've written
my own...
- It's entirely set in a small flat in Dulwich...
- Well, I read The Pit, and I thought if *he* could get
away with it...
- It's like a Kate Orman book, except the Doctor *really*
suffers...
- Drugs are cool, right...?
- He's got two hearts, right? So that led me to thinking...
- You'll love it when he turns the borg into smoke...
- Well, actually it's only partly about this Doctor Who
guy, but mostly it's about the alienation of an author
suffering from writer's block...
- You say he's a pacifist? Let me tell you; *No-one's* a
pacifist...
- He goes back to the birth of Jesus, right, and discovers
what *really* happened...
- I am confident in my ability with writing...
- I don't like sci-fi...
- What would happen if Gallifrey was destroyed...?
- Well, I'm not as florid as Terrance Dicks...
- It's in the style of Dad's Army and the Valeyard is the
leader of the Eastgate platoon...
- Have you wondered on the scientific plausability of
actually 'reversing the polarity of the neutron flow'. This
was my starting point...
- I'll write anything, just as long as it gets me out of
the house...
- White Guardian, Black Guardian. White Doctor, black
Master. Do you see where I'm getting at...?
- It's Timelash done good...
- Look at this watch and repeat after me: I am a writer
and you will publish my Master submission, I am a writer...
- Actually, I preferred it when Nuala was in charge...
- I know every single DW fan will love this idea...
- He's half-human, but not on his mother's side...
- He loses his memory and has to have every adventure he's
ever been in explained to him...
- I got the idea from listening to a Ride song...
- It's mostly in German...
- Well you know how some stories are frocks and some are
guns. This is Arnold Schwarzenegger in a floral dress...
- For a start, nobody dies and there isn't a mystery for
the Doctor to solve...
- I've been thinking about it for ages and I still can't
come up with anything. Have *you* got any ideas...?
- It's set in the far future on this weird planet that
turns out to be Earth, only no-one knows...
- Has anyone explained away that mobile phone advert
yet...?
- Whatever old monster Gary Russell's doing next, I can do
it better...
- There's this giant spaceship lying derelict in space...
- How silly are you willing to go...?
- Well, I really want to use this as a springboard into
writing for Star Trek, but they won't allow
unsolicted submissions. You don't know Jeri Ryan do you...?
- What was that in the guidelines about not using the
Rani? Why can't she be the girlfriend...
- I refuse to devalue my ideas by writing them down. If
you've got a tape recorder ready, I'll give you it down the
phone...
- Isn't it about time he used his superhuman strength...?
- It's like an Eric Saward story, except *everyone's* a
galactic mercenary...
- I'm Jeffrey Archer...
- You've heard of William Burroughs's cut-up techniques
right...?
- I get excited whenever someone says crossovers, so I
thought...
- What all your authors fail to understand about the
character...
- I'm Tom Paulin. How can you have gone so long without
mentioning the troubles in Northern Ireland...?
- I hope you can be a bit flexible in your deadlines,
because I'm currently meds...
- It's set in the afterlife...
- You've got to be hip. Get with the youth of today.
Quentin Tarantino, Youth TV, that's what the kids want...
- I'll only do it as long as I can kill off a companion. I
want my work to have an *effect* on the reader...
- I'm only doing it for the money and the fans...
- Have you borrowed any ideas from Iain Banks yet, because
I've got this corker of a story featuring an advanced
utopian civilisation...
- The entirity of Earth civilisation has been run by
aliens...
- Two words: funky robots...
- It's called How The Doctor Found His Groove...
- A renegade Dalek faction try to blend in to normal Earth
society by pretending to be Pakistanis living in Catford...
- The Doctor is asleep the whole time, but its so great you'll want it...
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