The Social Deviant party was founded just two years ago by the eminent anthropoligist, Windsor Farquaar (pictured right). Windsor, aged 25, defected from the Conservative party after he was exposed in the tabloids, thrashing a naked Michael Portillo with a bicycle chain and stomping on his testicles, dressed as a Nazi.

After a dormant period, Windsor returned to the world of politics with a right angle turn in policy to head the Social Deviant Party. Fielding almost 1000 candidates throughout the country, the Deviants have managed to influence major party decisions and have certainly caught the mood of the populace in recent times when they famously called for an all out war on the United States earlier this year.

OUR COMMITMANT TO YOU We fully intend to honour our pre election pledges and have the co-operation and backing from many sound corporations and investment banks. Virgin boss, Richard Branson, is a firm believer in our cause and despite finding him personally unpleasant, we are happy to utilize his clearly abundant cash to paper over the cracks in our hastily proposed manifesto

THE MANIFESTO PLEDGES Below are the main topics that we shall be fighting this campaign on. Rather like the Social Democrats we believe we can confidently satisfy our party members with our falsified claims, safe in the knowledge that we are unlikely to come to anything resembling power, however, that isn't the point and if we had a proportional representational style of voting system, we might just be able to scrape enough floaters to justify our means.

CRIME This seems to be the one everybody is banging on about at the moment. Well, although we will endeavour to reduce police numbers, crime as a reported statistic will fall by an estimated 80%. How? By finding current illegal activities such as drug taking and prositution legal, the rate of crime will fall overnight.

Drugs will be available on the NHS for an affordable price, which will cut the domestic burglary rate almost to a minimal fraction. Quality of narcotics will be at an all time high, so despite an initial rate of ODs thanks to the shock to the system, things will soon level out and there will be an actual decrease in the ammount of drug taking as the illusion of coolness gradually disperses to reveal a rather sad ammount of zombies queuing for a daily fix down the doctors (as in the netherlands).

Prositution is another thing that would benefit from legalisation in this respect, taking the profits away from the pimps and into the greedy hands of the goverment who will be picking up a tidy regular sum in taxes, nice.

As to other general crime, lets hope the police can catch more baddies. I think it would be nice also if people who have done well, finacially in life and have comitted fraud to further pave their greedy way, to be jailed for at least 20 years so that they have time to repent their self serving sins. That seems to have wrapped up crime then, next

THE ECONOMY With an overall downturn in the worlds economy, largely down to people in America and Britain dabbling in stocks and shares when they really shouldn't bother, it seems hard times are inevitable for the forseeable future. Anyone got any ideas? Perhaps its best if you dont buy that luxurious looking sofa on credit and maybe you can live without that widescreen tv. Should we decrease interest rates, whatever that means? To be quite honest the Social Deviants couldn't care less.

AGRICULTURE AND FARMING With another finacially crippling disease running roughshod throughout the country its high time we changed our perception of the long suffering farmer. He is a greedy shit. The quicker he is bankrupt the better. Farming in livestock will from here on in be a criminal offence. Anyone who shops a farmer to the authorities will be given a modest fee and the farmer will be given the option of converting his land to growing crops or he will have it seized and be sent to live in Swindon. I'm bored of explaining to erudite countryfolk why they are wrong and so from now on anyone who expresses a thick point of view shall be challenged by a liberal jury and if found guilty will join the rest of their kind in a state penitentiary in Swindon.

EUROPE Britain being the butt of many jokes, what with us sucking the scaly cock of America and drinking cups of tea in bowler hats is probably not quite ready yet to be integrated into the more advanced societies in europe. What with our beer sodden youth in union jack shorts leading the parade, europe is undoubtably best pleased. However, it is the Social Deviants intention to quickly and painlessly align ourselves with those over the channel as soon as possible. Eurosceptics will be flown over to the continent with their eyes strapped open to prove to them that it exists. If they still have any doubts or suspicions they will duely have their passports removed, having clearly decided that Britain is for them and will not be allowed out of the country ever again. They can also keep any money sporting the queens head as this will soon be declared worthless, with the queens head being unceromoniously replaced with a turd, the new symbol for Britain.

ASYLUM SEEKERS A massive picture of Ann Widdecome will be displayed at all major inlets to the united kingdom, warning people entering the country what they are likely to come up against. For those brave enough to continue, they will be welcomed in the usual British manner with sneers and thinly veiled hatred. Welcome to Britain. All Britains attempting to leave the country will be tested on their attitudes to foreigners, anyone found adopting a superior attitude accompanied by a contempt for anyone who cant speak fluent slang english will be rerouted to swindon where they will spend the remainder of their holiday

THE ENVIRONMENT Clearly those in England who found themselves deluged in floods recently will be pleased that we are to increase the tax on petrol, which indirectly is chiefly responsible for increasing greenhouse gases. The price for a litre of petrol will rise to £79.99. A move that puts us at the forefront of reducing greenhouse gases as highlighted at the Kyoto agreement. Another proposal is to erect windmills on every house in the british isles to provide personal electricity. Alternatively people too vain to live in a ridiculous looking house will be given a bicycle which they must ride for 3 hours per day to generate their base ammount of electricity.

EDUCATION Everybody naturally need a good education, with this in mind we will give loads of money to schools to tempt the schoolkids away from the crack dens and back into school. Children must hand all drugs and weaponary in to a 'safe house' before entering school and if they achieve all set goals, they will be justly rewarded with a big bag of sweets and pokemon cards at the end of the week. Probably the biggest problem facing us today is the generation of people who left school without learning very much at all. We will introduce 'thicky schools' which aim to keep people firmly in there place. We will teach them how to tie shoelaces, boil an egg and how to spell their names. Giving everyone an equal footing in the job market.