-
What
goes black and white and black and white and black and white and black and
white…?
A
penguin rolling down a hill.
-
What
is grey and has four legs and a trunk?
A
mouse going on holiday.
-
If
a flea and a fly pass each other, what time is it?
Fly
past flea.
-
Why
did the man take a pencil to bed?
To
draw the curtains … I’d tell you another joke about a pencil but it hasn’t
any point.
-
Why
did the burglar take a shower?
He
wanted to make a clean getaway.
-
What’s
big and yellow and eats rocks?
A
big yellow rock eater.
-
What
is striped and goes round and round?
A
zebra in a revolving door.
-
What
is green and hairy and goes up and down?
A
gooseberry in a lift.
-
What
is brown, has four feet, a hump and is found in Alaska?
A
lost camel.
-
Why
did Tiny Tim throw the butter out of the window?
‘Cos
he wanted to see a butterfly.
-
Have you heard the joke about the butter?
I’d better not tell you – you might spread it around.
-
What
is the opposite of minimum?
Minidad.
-
What
did he German policeman say to his chest?
‘You’re
under a-vest!’
-
What
is there always a wall round a graveyard?
‘Cos
people are dying to get in.
-
If
a man was born in Australia, worked in America and died in Europe, what is he?
Dead.
-
Did
you hear the joke about the field of corn that was 100 feet high?
You
wouldn’t like it – it’s a very tall story.
-
What
did he Daddy Hedgehog say to his son as he was about to spank him?
‘This
is going to hurt me far more than it wall you…’
-
What
is the worst kind of weather for rats and mice?
When
it’s raining cats and dogs.
-
What
do you get when you jump in the Red Sea?
Wet.
-
What’s
black and white and red all over?
A
sun-burnt penguin.
-
When
is the best time to go to bed?
When
the bed won’t come to you.
-
What’s
brown and white and yellow and goes at 125 miles per hour?
A
train-driver’s egg sandwich.
-
Why
did Nelson wear a three-cornered hat?
To
keep his three-cornered head warm.
-
How
would you avoid starvation on a desert island?
By
eating the sand - which is there.
-
Where
does satisfaction come from?
A
satis-factory.
-
Do
you know the joke about the rope?
Aw,
skip it …
-
What
is the best thing to take into the desert?
A
thirst-aid kit.
-
What
did the magnet say to the second magnet?
‘You’re
very attractive.
-
What
did magnet say to the washer?
‘You
go on ahead and I’ll hang around.’
-
What
did the tie say to hat?
‘I’ve
got you covered.’
-
What
did the cork say to the bottle?
‘If
you don’t behave I’ll plug you.’
-
What
happened when the glow – worm got tramped on?
He
was de-lighted.
-
Why
does the giraffe have a long neck?
‘Cos
he can’t stand the smell of his feet.
-
What’s
yellow on the inside and green on the outside?
A
banana disguised as a cucumber.
-
Where
does a dog go when he loses his tail?
To
a re-tailer.
-
What
goes tick-tick woof-woof?
A
watchdog.
-
What
dog has no tail?
A
hotdog.
-
What
happened to the plastic surgeon when he stood by the fire?
He
melted.
-
Now
you see it, now you don’t – what is it?
A
black cat walking over a zebra crossing.
-
What
can’t you do if you put 250 melons in the fridge?
Shut
the door.
-
What
is long, has a brown hat and lies in a box?
A
match.
