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An extract from "Blast from the Past"

by Ben Elton, 1998


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A hormonally imbalanced teenaged lad approached Jack's table and offered him a menu.

"Just coffee, please," Jack said.

"Coffee" the lad repeated, and Jack knew immediately that he would not be brought coffee. He would be brought that beverage the British chose to call coffee but which the rest of the world recognized as the urine of the devil's dog. This dark and bitter brew would be accompanied by a small, sealed plastic pot of white liquid marked "UHT Cream", which Jack knew to have been squeezed straight from the colon of a sick seagull.


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