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An Annotated Thermometer

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Degrees Fahrenheit (Degrees Celsius)

+50 (+10)
New York tenants turn on the heat
Wisconsinites plant gardens
+40 (+4)
Californians shiver uncontrollably
Canadians sunbathe
+35 (+2)
Italian cars don't start
+32 (0)
Distilled water freezes
+30 (-1)
You can see your breath
You plan a vacation in Florida
Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
Wisconsinites eat ice cream
+25 (-4)
Boston water freezes
Californians weep pitiably
Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you
+20 (-7)
Cleveland water freezes
San Franciscans start thinking favorably of LA
Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts
+15 (-10)
You plan a vacation in Acapulco
Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
Wisconsinites go swimming
+10 (-12)
Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
Too cold to snow
You need jumper cables to get the car going
0 (-18)
New York landlords turn on the heat
Sheboygan brats grilled on the patio, yum!
-5 (-21)
You can hear your breath
You plan a vacation in Hawaii
-10 (-23)
American cars don't start
Too cold to skate
-15 (-26)
You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
Miamians cease to exist
Canadians lick flagpoles
-20 (-29)
Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you
Politicians actually do something about the homeless
People in LaCrosse think about taking down screens
-25 (-32)
Too cold to kiss
You need jumper cables to get the driver going
Japanese cars don't start
Milwaukee Brewers head for spring training
-30 (-34)
You plan a two-week hot bath
Pilsener freezes
Bock beer production begins
Wisconsinites shovel snow off roof
-38 (-39)
Mercury freezes
Too cold to think
Canadians button top button
-40 (-40)
Californians disappear
Car insists on sleeping in your bed with you
Wisconsinites put on sweaters
-50 (-46)
Congressional hot air freezes
Alaskans close the bathroom window
Green Bay Packers practice indoors
-60 (-51)
Walruses abandon Aleutians
Sign on Mount St. Helens: "Closed for the Season"
Wisconsinites put gloves away, take out mittens
Boy Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby
-70 (-57)
Glaciers in Central Park
Hudson residents replace diving boards with hockey nets
Green Bay snowmobilers organize trans-lake race to Sault Ste. Marie
-80 (-62)
Polar bears abandon Baffin Island
Rhinelander Birkebeiner
Girl Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby
-90 (-68)
Edge of Antarctica reaches Rio de Janeiro
Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles
Minnesotans migrate to Wisconsin thinking it must be warmer
-100 (-73)
Santa Claus abandons North Pole
Canadians pull down earflaps
-173 (-114)
Ethyl alcohol freezes
Only Door County cherries usable in brandy Manhattans
-297 (-183)
Oxygen precipitates out of atmosphere
Microbial life survives only on dairy products
-445 (-265)
Superconductivity
-452 (-269)
Helium becomes a liquid
-454 (-270)
Hell freezes over
-456 (-271)
Illinois drivers drop below 85 MPH on I-90
-458 (-272)
Incumbent politician renounces a campaign contribution
-460 (-273) Absolute Zero
All atomic motion ceases
Canadians allow as to how it's getting a mite nippy

Original author unknown


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