An Annotated Thermometer

Degrees Fahrenheit (Degrees Celsius)

+50 (+10): New York tenants turn on the heat; Wisconsinites plant gardens
+40 (+4): Californians shiver uncontrollably; Canadians sunbathe
+35 (+2): Italian cars don't start
+32 (0): Distilled water freezes
+30 (-1): You can see your breath; You plan a vacation in Florida; Politicians begin to worry about the homeless; Wisconsinites eat ice cream
+25 (-4): Boston water freezes; Californians weep pitiably; Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you
+20 (-7): Cleveland water freezes; San Franciscans start thinking favorably of LA; Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts
+15 (-10): You plan a vacation in Acapulco; Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you; Wisconsinites go swimming
+10 (-12): Politicians begin to talk about the homeless; Too cold to snow; You need jumper cables to get the car going
0 (-18): New York landlords turn on the heat; Sheboygan brats grilled on the patio, yum!
-5 (-21): You can hear your breath; You plan a vacation in Hawaii
-10 (-23): American cars don't start; Too cold to skate
-15 (-26): You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo; Miamians cease to exist; Canadians lick flagpoles
-20 (-29): Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you; Politicians actually do something about the homeless; People in LaCrosse think about taking down screens
-25 (-32): Too cold to kiss; You need jumper cables to get the driver going; Japanese cars don't start; Milwaukee Brewers head for spring training
-30 (-34): You plan a two-week hot bath; Pilsener freezes; Bock beer production begins; Wisconsinites shovel snow off roof
-38 (-39): Mercury freezes; Too cold to think; Canadians button top button
-40 (-40): Californians disappear; Car insists on sleeping in your bed with you; Wisconsinites put on sweaters
-50 (-46): Congressional hot air freezes; Alaskans close the bathroom window; Green Bay Packers practice indoors
-60 (-51): Walruses abandon Aleutians; Sign on Mount St. Helens: "Closed for the Season"; Wisconsinites put gloves away, take out mittens; Boy Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby
-70 (-57): Glaciers in Central Park; Hudson residents replace diving boards with hockey nets; Green Bay snowmobilers organize trans-lake race to Sault Ste. Marie
-80 (-62): Polar bears abandon Baffin Island; Rhinelander Birkebeiner; Girl Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby
-90 (-68): Edge of Antarctica reaches Rio de Janeiro; Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles; Minnesotans migrate to Wisconsin thinking it must be warmer
-100 (-73): Santa Claus abandons North Pole; Canadians pull down earflaps
-173 (-114): Ethyl alcohol freezes; Only Door County cherries usable in brandy Manhattans
-297 (-183): Oxygen precipitates out of atmosphere; Microbial life survives only on dairy products
-445 (-265): Superconductivity
-452 (-269): Helium becomes a liquid
-454 (-270): Hell freezes over
-456 (-271): Illinois drivers drop below 85 MPH on I-90
-458 (-272): Incumbent politician renounces a campaign contribution
-460 (-273) Absolute Zero: All atomic motion ceases; Canadians allow as to how it's getting a mite nippy

Original author unknown