Glass Joe
From: Paris France
Age: 38
Weight: 110

Glass Joe is by far the strongest guy in the game *snicker* *giggle*  Okay, he is the weakest.  He has one win and 99 losses.  If you can't beat him, then by all means, you suck.

Von Kaiser
From: Berlin, Germany
Age: 42
Weight: 144

He is the second guy in the game.  Pretty easy.  Not much to say about hin because he is pretty sucky.

Piston Honda
From: Tokyo, Japan
Age: 28
Weight: 174

He is the Minor Circuit Champion.  He also appears later to try to beat you again.  This is probably the only guy that you can get a 10 count with one hit.

Gabby Jay
From: Paris, France
Age: 54
Weight: 110

He is just like Glass Joe, except his only win is from beating glass joe.  Oooooh, he KOed Glass Joe!  You better beware of this true champ!  With ninety of his strongest hits to you after you have been tied up motionless, you will sure to be down for the two count.

Great Tiger
From: Bombay, India
Age: 29
Weight: 132

The great tiger is a magician.  He knows like magic and stuff.  With his Tiger Punch, he will fly all around the room and return in the exact same place he started just to hit you.  Then he does it again.  What a dummy.

Don Flamenco
From: Madrid, Spain
Age: 23
Weight: 152

He is easy.  Very easy.  Of course, you come across him again in the game.  Then he is pretty darn tough.  Why is he so easy to begin with and all the sudden, he can train and become one of the best?  Pretty stupid if you ask me.

King Hippo
From: Hippo Island, S. Pacific
Age: ??
Weight: ??

His defense is pretty good, and two of his strong punches will knock you down.  There is only one way to deflect his energy.  When you find this out, it is more easier than building a galaxy.  Pretty soon, he will be down for the ten count.

Bald Bull
From: Istanbul, Turkey
Age: 35
Weight: 298

If you compare this dude with the rest, damn he's freaking huge.  This guy has been here since the arcade Punch-Out.  This guy was even in Super Punch-Out.  Throughout the years, his experience hasn't changed.  He isn't the best and he still has the Bull Charge which is still bull sh.. I mean, uh, Bull Charge.  He entered the boxing ring when his brother Mr. Clean decided to go and do dishes and floors for a living.

Mr. Sandman
From: Philadelphia, PA
Age: 31
Weight: 284

Same with this guy.  He's been there since the beginning.  When he started, he was the champ!  Now other champs such as Super Macho Man, Tyson, Mr. Dream, Strauss, The Bruiser twins and many others got to be better.  Boy does Sandman suck in Super Punch-out.  Well, if they make another Punch-out game, you will know that Bald Bull and Mr. Sandman will be in it (and will probably suck a lot more).

Chad Stump
From: Hippo Island (His House)
Age: 20
Weight: FAT

Man, all this loser says is the words, "Your Mom".  That's all in his vocabulary.  Since most people haven't found him on the game..., I will tell you about him.  He's fat, he's always stoned off his ass, and.. uh... that's about it.  Even though you can see him from a mile away, he is a hard character to find in the game.

Soda Popinski
From: Moscow, USSR
Age: 35
Weight: 237

This guy is the bomb diggity.  He has a cool name, and, he.. well,... he's just cool.  He was one of my favorites.  If I could be one boxer in the world, then I would be Evander Holyfield 'cause he's the champ, but that's another story.  Back to Soda Popinski.  When he was in school, his nickname was "boner brain".  I wonder how he got that nickname.

Master Phred
From: Coli (Colorado) State
Age: 17
Weight: 180

Everybody, please bow down to the greatest person of all time.  Master Phred is by far the coolest guy on this game.  He can KO Nick Bruiser easily.  Master Phred is the strongest person in the game.    Just kidding; he sucks.  Anyway, it doesn't even look like me.  The only thing that matches me is the style of goatee.  Isn't my goatie coo?  No?  Shut up.  If you haven't seen me on the game, that's because I am a very hard to get secret character.  Really secret.  Shhhhhh.

Bobby Amaya
From: Firestone, CO
Age: 16
Weight: 139

This guy in real life has matching eyes.  They are kinda big.  This guy once worked at the infamous Dacono Food Pride.  He is a very super duper pooper scooper hard to find character in the game.  How hard to find you ask?  Have you found him yet?  No??? Point proven.

Super Macho Man
From: Hollywood, CA
Age: 27
Weight: 242

This is the World Circuit Champ.  At the beginning, he makes his breastasists shake.  When I was very little, this was the funniest thing since mashed bread.  His super spin is a cool move.  Also when I was little, I tried to imitate his spin to see how many times I could spin.  I spun too fast and landed face first into mud.  I was pretty stupid when I was a little kid.

Mike Tyson
Nickname: Kid Dynamite
From: Catskill. NY
Age: 21
Weight: 220

The undefeated champ at the time, Mike Tyson is the boss of Mike Tyson's Punch out.  At the beginning, he can kill you with one hit.  Damn, he's good.  He remained boss of the game until he decided to sleep with this one white chick.

Mr. Dream
Nickname: The Legendary
From: Dreamland
Age: ??
Weight: 235

After Mike Tyson was arrested, Nintendo needed a new champ for their re-release.  Fortunately, they magically stumbled upon this dude.  I guess nobody knew about this dude even with his 99-0 record.  Well, magically, he fights just like Tyson.  I bet you Tyson could have whooped this Dream guy.  Or the other way around.


Strauss Corfam
Nickname: The Ultimate
From: Hell 666
Age: ??
Weight: 500

The magical demon that Satan rose from hell decided to take up boxing.  He kicks some real ass.  This guy is the most hardest character to find.  If you want to know how to get to him, check out the Secrets section of the NES Punch-out page. :)