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Sunday, 9 November 2003
The Boringest Woman on Earth
I hereby proclaim myself the Boringest Woman on Earth. How did I earn this title, you ask?

Well, for four days my husband's been out of town. In four days, I drove the car twice. Once to pick up a book at Barnes and Noble and once to take the kids to the video store and Wendy's.

In four days, I did too many loads of laundry to count, including every towel in the house (which I had to use when my washing machine lost its mind and spewed water everywhere). I have literally one dirty load of laundry left. I'm ridiculously proud of this fact.

In four days, I saw four other adults: Beth, who picks up YoungestBoy for kindergarten; Sam, whose son, James, came over to play on Friday morning; and John, who dropped off my kids after school Friday and Brenda, who let my kids play at her house after school on Thursday. Now, geez, as I'm recounting it, I guess I saw the lady at Barnes and Noble and the fast-food worker at Wendy's, too. I'm such a liar. I guess I saw the Dominoe's pizza guy, too. Geez, I practically have a social life.

In four days, my baby took no naps.

In four days, I mopped twice.

In four days, I vacuumed twice.

In four days, I read a book.

In four days, I cleaned off the kitchen counter.

In four days, I cared for eight different children.

In four days, I had no real conversations with anyone, other than instant-messages on the computer. I barely read the newspaper and hardly saw the news.

In four days, I screamed "YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY!" at least once. Maybe twice.

I am the Boringest Woman on Earth. Who lives in a shoe. With so many children she doesn't know what to do.

Husband should never be allowed to go on business trips when their wives are at home turning into pumpkins.

(Have I used enough nursery rhyme imagery yet?)

Wave if you see me at the grocery store! I'll be the one with the twitching eye and sparkly tiara. Yes, they are giving out tiaras now to really dull women.

I have to go. The children need a whuppin'.

Posted by Mel at 8:46 PM PST
Updated: Friday, 30 July 2004 8:14 PM PDT
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