MerrieEm's page!


 

 






MerrieEm's Pot Hole on the Super Highway 

















  Musings of a Bewildered Old Broad


When I first began work on this page I didn't know HTML
 from HTTP. Still don't.  Please bear with me as I prove once
 again that age and deception will overcome youth and skill. 







  AND NOW, SOMETHING ABOUT.....me~




I am a grandmother, living somewhere between estrogen 
and Depends.
I enjoy painting, needlework, all kinds of crafts,
 computers, the internet, old friends and new friends and some 
of my relatives. 


 

Have I told you about my granddaughter?  Her name is Barbara Ann, and
 she's the joy of my life.  We have survived the terrible two's, 
enjoyed the terrific three's, sailed through kindergarten, on to first, 
second and third grades, and now she's eight years old.





 Last year, somebody told me about this great diet. It's guaranteed
to help overcome stress.  I desire neither credit nor blame for
its origin.  If I knew the name of the person who developed it, I
would certainly give him/her credit for it.
 

 

THE DIET TO RELIEVE STRESS
 

Breakfast 

  
1/2 Grapefruit
1 Slice whole wheat toast  
8 oz. skim milk 



Lunch 



4 oz. broiled chicken breast,skin removed
1/2 cup steamed broccoli
1 Oreo cookie
Decaffeinated tea




Mid-Afternoon Snack

 
The remainder of the package of Oreos
2 Pints of Rocky Road Ice Cream with nuts
1 Jar hot fudge sauce

Dinner


2 loaves garlic bread
4 cans coke
1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
3 Snicker Bars



Late Evening Snack


Entire frozen Sara Lee Cheesecake (eaten directly
from the freezer)



 Rules For This Diet
 

1.  If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no
 calories.

2.  If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the
 candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.

3.  When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not
eat more than they do. 

4.  Foods used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot 
chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

5.  If you fatten up everyone else around you, you look thinner.

6.  Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they
are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's 
personal fuel. Examples:  Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints,
Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls.

7.  Cookie Pieces contain no calories.  The process of breaking causes
 calorie leakage.

8.  Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are
in the process of preparing something.

9.  Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. 
Examples:  spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms
and mashed potatoes.

10.  Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for other
food color.

11.  Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to
gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

12.  Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since
the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling
to his/her plate.  (We all know how calories like to cling!)
 Remember, "stressed" spelled backwards is "desserts."







Where am I going and why am I in this handbasket?



Why do they call the fan over my range a "blower"?  It doesn't
 blow anything. It sucks the black smoke out of my kitchen after
one of my burnt offerings.  Why don't they call
it a sucker?  Then I could yell,"Honey, the house is full
of smoke, turn on that sucker!"


We're having Christmas in the attic this year - that's where
the decorations are!


 

 DID YOU KNOW? 

  
1- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. 
2- Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3- Half the people you know are below average. 
4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 
5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. 
6- All those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand. 
7- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 
8- OK, so what's the speed of dark? 
9- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? 
10- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.  
11- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. 
12- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to avoid work. 
13- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now. 
14- I intend to live forever -- so far, so good. 
15- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? 
16- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 
17- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? 
18- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 
19- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. 
20- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. 
21- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. 
22- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. 
23- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. 
24- Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know why I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

MY PRAYER

"Dear God...So far today it's been a good day ~
I haven't yelled, and I haven't spat.
I have not gossiped or kicked the cat.
I haven't lied and I haven't cussed.
I haven't whined or even fussed.
But great the task that lies ahead,
for now I must get out of bed.
Amen, Amen, Amen."

This area is

under

construction

I am continuing my attempt to update this page. I had
it done nicely, but time and neglect have a way of undoing even the
most conscientious efforts. To show just how long it's been
since this page was started, here is what my granddaughter
looks like today. (I won't show you what I look
like today!)

Visit my other pages:
More of MerrieEm
Wit and Wisdom
My Paintings My Cookbook
A Tribute to St. Patrick
July 4th Celebration Barbara Ann's Page
Dubya Quotes

This page has been visited times. Thank you for stopping by. Come again soon!