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5:20 am... My freshman year of college I had Friend #1. If something got "decorated" in the wee hours of the night, we were the ones who were blamed. If either one of us had something wrong, we were who each other went to in order to complain. We were each other's shoulder to cry on, friend to laugh with, and we understood each other. Sophomore year rolled around and somehow I got lost. Friend #2 came into the picture. Friend to me and to Friend #1. They soon became the inseperable ones. But that was ok because I had other friends. I was friendly with Friends 1 and 2 but they were the ones who would cause trouble in the wee hours of the night. They were the ones who went to each other when they were upset. Me? I stayed at home and cried. I didn't tell them it bothered me. I didn't want their pity. It's junior year now. Friend #1 is leaving. Friend #2 is upset. How can she live without her friend? The other day the three of us were together... "Wouldn't it be great if Friend #1 and me could live together?" Friend #2 asked. "Yea, loads of fun," I said. I was hurt. Friend #1 is leaving. I have no where to live next year. I have asked Friend #2 to live with me, she said a flat out "No." That hurt. She thought of some excuse. It wasn't a good one. I'll be living with another freshman next year. Caught in a world that is not my own. A world where no one understands me. I have always been caught between two worlds. Too young for one and too mature for the other. Forgotten. Alone. And so I just sit here and cry. But I don't want their pity so I won't tell them. |
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