The wake was Friday and the funeral was Saturday.  I have put, or will put, some details of the last week in my main blog:

Living in Interesting Times:  http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-U4HEIkY8daqtGh5EdQw5FQ--?cq=1     http://360.yahoo.com/mnl_1221

As I hadn't managed to get any cheerleading items into my Operation Christmas Child box, I found another opportunity at, of all places, the funeral home, Martin A. Gleason in Bayside.  They had a box collecting toys for a local hospital.  Between wake sessions Friday, on my way back from the restaurant, I stopped at a Rite-Aid along the way and picked up a cheerleader doll: African-American, with a blue uniform with a white M on the front.

(I couldn't find the actual image, so I've substituted here an American Girl doll.)

Now I hadn't cried much over my sister's death, even though I was there when it happened.  However, I did have some pains over the past few weeks, in my stomach or heart, gut, back, and even my breasts.  I've been a lot gassier, too.  I wondered if this was stress and suppressed grief, or holiday eggnog I've had since Halloween.  I cried some late at the wake, not out of grief but out of pain and fear for my own health.  Joanne said she'd never seen me cry before--which is a shock, because I cry pretty easily.  Maybe Elena and her kids haven't given me much cause to cry these past 20 years.  (Well, there was the baby shower when she was pregnant with Angela, but I won't go into that now.)  I described the pains to Becky and she said it sounded like gas.

I felt this lack of crying wasn't healthy and my body may be expressing its grief in gas.  (Am I being too graphic?)

Yesterday at church, Thanksgiving Sunday and the First Sunday of Advent, we had a chance to give testimony, and I did, cramming in Mom's death two years ago and Elena's death now and my new screenplay.  I said that I hadn't had my big breakdown yet, but "hopefully it will come soon".

I ate at Pop's Diner, and went to take a nap in one of the church's lounge rooms.  As I lay down on the couch, the song "Go To Sleep (Slumber Deep)" from Babes in Toyland, aka The March of the Wooden Soldiers, came to mind.  Then I thought of that song, and whatever lyrics I knew of it, in terms of Elena--the sleep of death, God watching over her.  I imagined her not as she was in the casket, but as a little girl or teenager or young woman in her 20s in that brown dress she wore in third grade for her school photo.  Then I started tearing up and crying in earnest--not sobbing aloud, but really crying.

Now I had a key to doing some emotional work.  I wanted to get this done--or at least on its way--before I went back to work the next day. 

I'd gone back to the church to participate in the first of that evening's two Advent contempletive services.  After that, I bought a Sunday News, went home, then went out to the local Internet cafe.  I searched Babes in Toyland at Wikipedia, then searched for the song on Youtube.  I couldn't find the lyrics except on pdf of sheet music, so I typed the lyrics up best as I could interpret them.  I wept as I listened to the song over and over again.

I went home with the lyrics.  On my bed I sang the song as I cried in earnest, including some sobs and little wails.

I'm tearing up a little now, but my shift here at work is almost done.  (We're allowed to use the computer during our "down" time.)

https://jscholarship.library.jhu.edu/handle/1774.2/11119?show=full

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWxRyNSUUkI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Sx-HKMMbZ0

BTW, I haven't felt much gas since last night.

Posted by mnl_1221 at 5:24 PM EST

Updated: Monday, December 1, 2008 6:13 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Mood:  lazy

So we've been calling around and visiting and writing the obit and selecting scripture passages and songs.  The wake will be Friday and the funeral Saturday.  Tomorrow for Thanksgiving, Rachel has volunteered to do all the cooking, which she was planning to do this year anyway.  She might make duck or goose instead of turkey.

I'm going to share the contents of the Operation Christmas Child box I made in tribute to Elena...now, in memory of her. 

At a local Target store, I found this African-American Ballerina Barbie with the blue legs.  This is because Elena was a disco dancer, and also did African dance in high school.  I also found disco ball necklace and wooden school bus at Target.

I didn't get anything that had to do with cheerleading.

I included a pink rubber ball (reminiscent of Spaulding), a candy version of Monopoly...

I'm drawing a blank now, and I've already spent a lot of time online today!  I'll see if I remember more later.

Posted by mnl_1221 at 6:36 PM EST

Updated: Monday, December 1, 2008 5:24 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Mood:  blue

After about three weeks in the hospital, Elena died just before 2am this morning.  Ken, his girlfriend Margie, and I were there.  The numbers were going down on the machines, then the heart rate went to 0.  I called out, "Ken.  Look at what's happening."  He and Margie had fallen asleep, as I had too at times.  

Sometime later, the four kids, then Becky and Rachel, came back to the hospital to say their goodbyes.  We also handled some papers for an autopsy.  The main cause was cancer, of course, but we want to know specifically what happened.

 Now we're gathered at Elena's house with the kids and a few friends of theirs, choosing a church and shopping for a funeral home.

Ken and Margie had been playing disco tunes on the computer that night--"Elena's All-Night Disco Party".  After she died, they resumed, and the tune that came on was the Bee Gees' "You Should Be Dancing".  Margie said, "Maybe she is."

Posted by mnl_1221 at 5:51 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Mood:  down

It's a rainy day, and I came online to check e-mail and pay bills.  Thankfully, I've been able to catch up partly on a mountain of utility bills that started building in the late spring.  I think I'm currently flat-even or close to it on a couple of bills, and that probably won't last long.

Anyway, I said I wanted to record what I gave last year.

Early in December I mailed to Elena the Jackson Five Christmas album on CD, plus an old Scholastic anthology of 14 Christmas stories.  I got the latter item for myself as well.

I probably gave Mim's Christmas Jam to Becky and Rachel, and An Angel Just Like Me and The All-I'll-Ever-Want Christmas Doll to Elena and her family.  I also gave Dover Thrift books to the five kids, homemade bookmarks in their image, and a little bit of cash.  I stumbled upon Empty Stockings, a novel about a teenaged Irish Catholic Brooklyn boy and his poor family in Christmas 1963, just after the Kennedy assassination.  Ken was about the same age as the boy at that time, and I gave Ken the book.

I was thinking of being here only a couple of hours, and then go watch American Beauty on broadcast TV (I saw it in the theater years ago), but instead I stayed here.  I'll probably go do some Operation Christmas Child shopping tonight.  I'll probably see Elena again tomorrow.

Yesterday evening the Kairos group had a Thanksgiving celebration.  At the new leader Angela's request, I presented the story of how Thanksgiving became a national holiday.  I'm probably seen as the group's bookworm or scholar, because when they saw the two handouts I prepared, cut from two Internet articles, they guessed that this was my handiwork.

Of Harvest, Prayer, and Football
A History of Thanksgiving http://www.randomhistory.com/2008/10/23_thanksgiving.html

Thanksgiving (United States)   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thanksgiving_(United_States)

In fact, Becky called me this morning seeking my advice over our Thanksgiving plans.

The current crisis aside, I suppose what I'll give this year will be along the line of books or music or videos or scented lotions, unless some unusual idea strikes my head.  However, I think it may make more sense to try to overcome a looming problem--namely my messiness--which I'll have to do anyway.  Most likely I won't be able to stay in the house in which I live.  Nothing to do with the mortgage crisis, but with my mom's estate and the family's wishes. 

We all have a lot of work ahead of us.

Posted by mnl_1221 at 6:23 PM EST

Updated: Saturday, November 15, 2008 6:35 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Mood:  chillin'

I just wanted to record this to remind me:

http://www.msbgifts.com/Joy--Holiday-Elements_p_150-1236.html

They have a Mother one as well:

http://www.msbgifts.com/Mother--Elements-_p_150-1105.html

Posted by mnl_1221 at 8:45 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Mood:  blue

Okay, time to reopen the annual Christmasblog!  It's November 10, and the Christmas street decorations were being put up today in Corona, Queens, and they're already up--or starting to get up--in Forest Hills and Flushing.

This is going to be a tough one.  Elena is sick with cancer--perhaps terminally.  This is her third bout in four or five years.  It started as breast cancer and now it's spread to her lungs and brain.  She's in ICU now, in and out of sedation.

Joanne came down from college for a few days.  She, Leila, and their father Scott were at the hospital yesterday.  Ken and his girlfriend Margie have been at Elena's place nearly every night, doing things like grocery shopping and cooking and paying rent.  Becky is keeping on top of things medically.  I spend a couple of days at Elena's house last week.  I did some dishes, and I also took a lot of sheets and towels to the laundry.  Brandon has been spending quite a few nights at a friend's house.  Angela, when I was there, has been in her room watching TV and doing her homework.

I have to admit: I'm not that great when it comes to dealing with sickness.  I saw Elena in the hospital Halloween night, in my Female Joker outfit, before I went down to Greenwich Village.  I was going to visit her last Monday, bringing a book I'd found, but I left the office late and the transportation connections were bad.  The next day she had a seizure and went into ICU. 

I visited yesterday.  Ken and Becky were helping Elena sit up, and Margie was holding her feet--which I did sometimes--but I sat nearby watching and sometimes helping a little like writing notes.  At one point Ken was trying to decode a message Elena was giving us, which turned out to be "Get me out of here".  She's nowhere near ready to come home, of course.  Now she has improved since a few days ago.  We also sang a little, very softly, and prayed together.

I'm going to shift gears a little here.

Once again it's time for Operation Christmas Child.  We're not having a churchwide drive this year.  I'd wanted to do it in Kairos, but we couldn't pull it together, though I do want to suggest the members might do it individually.  The drive this year is November 17-23.

In the light of the closings of Shea Stadium and the current Yankee Stadium, I've bought over the last couple of months items related to baseball, including a soft toy Yankees bat and ball, and a stuffed Beanie Baby bear in a Mets uniform. There's also Mets and Yankees stationery, baseball-themed stationery, Yankees Pez dispensers, a couple of foam rubber baseballs from a local 99-cent store, and three baseball beanbags I picked up at a birthday party for my cousin Cherri's sons.

As I did a box in memory of Mom two years ago, now I want to do one in honor of Elena.  I know this isn't top priority now, but it's on my mind.  I spotted a black cheerleader doll in a local Rite Aid, or I might try to find an Afr-Am cheerleader Barbie.  Elena owned a Fashion Barbie, with a brunette, blonde, and red wig, in the early 1960s.  She was also a cheerleader in high school and college, as well as a champion disco dancer later on, with Scott as her partner.  She has a few secretarial jobs, and later became an elementary school teacher.  She was going for her Masters in elem ed in an accelerated program, and was all but finished with her last semester when this third bout of cancer hit.

http://www.amazon.com/tag/bratz%20boyz%20adventure/glance

I wanted to write about last year's gifts, with the help of my Amazon.com order history, but I'm out of time now.

Posted by mnl_1221 at 8:18 PM EST

Updated: Monday, November 10, 2008 8:42 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Mood:  incredulous

I've been desiring Las Posadas.  It's a Mexican tradition, or Latin American, from December 16-24, in which participants walk from door to door re-enacting Joseph and Mary seeking shelter in Bethlehem.  I've done it once, about four years ago, on or around my birthday.  My siblings and I went to this Hispanic celebration in Manhattan, and a group went out enacting Las Posadas in and around Washington Square Park (or was it Union Square Park?).

I even put a question up at answers.yahoo.com, "Where can you do Las Posadas in New York City?"

Last night, on my way home, which is in a partly Hispanic neighborhood, on my block as I was carrying a few groceries, I heard a group coming up behind me singing.  This was around 8:55, and I was rushing home to see "The Rise and Fall of the City of Mahagonny" on PBS.  I turned around and saw a group of about fifty people walking, some of them carrying lyric sheets, singing in Spanish.  As the approached, I asked the man in front, "Are you doing Las Posadas?"  He said yes.  I stepped aside and watched them as they passed.  I couldn't understand most of the words they were singing, but they sang solemnly, in low tones.  Someone, probably the man in front, carried a censer, and the sweet incense filled my nostrils. 

After the group passed, I followed behind.  Now I walk with a cane, so by the time I reached my own house, the group was already way ahead of me on the next block.  I watched them a minute or two, then went inside, just in time to catch "Mahagonny" beginning.  ("Whiskey Bar", aka "The Alabama Song", which was recorded by the doors, is the second song in the opera.  Audra McDonald sang the lead.)

How about that?  I go looking for Las Posadas, and it comes to me!

I'm now going to look at a Posada or two on Youtube.com.

 http://www.daily-word-of-life.com/xmas.htm

Posted by mnl_1221 at 7:46 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Mood:  rushed

I'm off work today because I had to wait for the Con Ed person to come read the meter.  He came about five minutes after I awoke--around 8:40am--and I had to go to the bathroom!

At around 11:30 I called my job to see if they needed me, but Joe said he had enough tutors for the day.  The semester is ending, and we're staggering our hours.

So I went out and bought some milk and juice for breakfast, then went straight to the internet cafe, intending to be here only a half-hour or hour--ha-ha!  That was 12:30, and it's now going on 3:30.  I looked up the American Tract Society about writing tracts, and printed out my God and Chocolate tract, first transferring it to MS Word.  I was also on Amazon.com.  There are quite a few picture books about African-Americans at Christmastime!

I also sent an e-card to Brandon for his fourteenth birthday, and one to Elena, which I forgot to send last year, where I wrote: "Congratulations--it's a teenaged BOY!"

I should be at home cleaning up newspapers and stuff.  Actually, I started a few days ago, cleaning up a lot of junk from the living room coffee table.

Now the kids are coming into the internet cafe; it's their turn.  And, I'm afraid I don't have enough money with me to cover this session!  Oh, well.  I need to go home before the milk turns sour, if it hasn't already.  Good thing it's winter!

Posted by mnl_1221 at 3:25 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Mood:  lyrical

Oliver at the Free Synagogue of Flushing went very well, with well-attended, happy audiences and a couple of good reviews.  I was in the chorus, in four scenes, and I even had a line: "Bill Sykes!" 

by Judi Willing, qboro Contributor

11/15/2007

http://www.zwire.com/site/news.cfm?newsid=19026947&BRD=2731&PAG=461&dept_id=576260&rfi=6

 

FSFCTG presents ‘Oliver!’

http://www.queenscourier.com/articles/2007/11/09/news/columns/news01.txt

I actually started my Christmas shopping in November, on the day that Oliver! closed.  BTW, even before I found out about the auditions in June, I'd been longing to see the movie Oliver! again.  Well, I ordered it over Amazon.com a few days ago, and it arrived today!  Actually, on my way to the Food Stamp office in LIC, I ran into the letter carrier on the street, and she said, "Can I give you your package now?" and I said, "Sure, yeah!"  The package was Oliver! on VHS for its 30th Anniversary (it was released in 1968).  Depending on when I get home, I might view it tonight!

 

I'm on a computer at a relatively new internet cafe in my neighborhood.  Nearby a computer is playing a stream from a radio station 93.1 FM, all Christmas songs.  I'd intended to buy through Amazon.com my birthday present for Brandon, but this computer wouldn't allow cookies, which are necessary for purchase.  For these kids' 14th birthday or eighth-grade graduation I've gotten them my favorite novel, The Chocolate War, in some form or other (except Joanne--I got her the novel Speak, because I felt it had been too soon since Leila got her copy.)  However, on Amazon.com I've found another book which Brandon might enjoy.  I've printed out Page 1 of its website.

 

Now tomorrow is "The Feast of Saint John Lennon".  I was thinking of asking my siblings to come with me to Strawberry Fields, but now I'm thinking I might stay home.  I did a lot of walking around Thursday, and my feet hurt.  Also, I want to do some serious cleaning up, or at least some laundry, this weekend.

 

I've had a head cold-cum-chest cold going on two weeks now.  I missed three days of work.  A deep chest cold in mid-October floored me for more than a week.  This time around, I got sick of being sick and missing work and losing money!  After three days I did feel a little better and return to work, but the sickness still lingers on.

 

Yesterday afternoon and evening I decided to amble into Manhattan to visit the American Girl Place, see the Rockefeller Center tree, and to shop at Hallmark for cards.

 

It's Tracy Partridge!  No, it's the latest American Girl, Julie Albright, 1974, of San Francisco, in her Christmas outfit.  You know you're getting old when your childhood or adolescence becomes an American Girl character!  In late 1974, I was 16 going on 17, in my senior year of high school!

 

So I took the 7 train to 42nd Street and 5th Avenue and walked the seven blocks, cane and all, to American Girl Place on 49th Street.  Actually, I walked up to 50th Street, gazed at the tree, fed a couple of volunteer kettles, and strolled past the display windows at Saks Fifth Avenue.  I went inside AGP, looked at the book section and the historical doll section.  Julie has a little 45rpm record container like I did when I was 13; in fact, I still have that little box and its records!  I bought her Christmas story, which is actually called Happy New Year, Jullie!

 

Today, after my Food Stamp recertification visit, I waited in the cold and snow for the Q101 to take me to Party City on Steinway Street.  I always go to that store for Halloween, but rarely for Christmas.  I decided to do some exploring.  I picked up a couple of whistle toys for myself, plus an "echo chamber" microphone.  I found some inspirational message cards on sale, and I picked those up, too.  I rode the train to Forest Hills and took the bus to my neighborhood.

 

I saw a couple of Nativity-themed picture decorations at Party City, but I didn't buy any yet.  I have one that's pretty old.  These displays nearly always--maybe even always--depict the Holy Family as white Europeans, which they weren't; they were Middle Eastern Israelis, probably with brown skin.  Maybe I'll make a display out of construction paper!

 

I wrote an e-mail to my family asking them what they want for Christmas.  "You all know my financial situation," I began the letter, indicating that I can't promise them much, but that I want to know what they'd like, affordable and nonaffordable.

 

This summer Ken and Becky lent me the money to accompany them on a trip to Hawaii!  There's a medical conference every five years there that Becky attends, and this was their third time--and my first!  I have some details of the trip on my Yahoo! blog:

 

http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-U4HEIkY8daqtGh5EdQw5FQ--?cq=1

 

I think I'll stop now.  I might make my third batch of chicken soup within these past two weeks!  And I might watch Oliver!

Posted by mnl_1221 at 8:32 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Mood:  special

I'm surprised I made no entries here during December 2006!  How busy was I?  Anyway, I had Craig Allen at NLF make me a CD based upon an out-of-print LP of decades ago, 60 Years of Music America Loves Best, which my family grew up with.  It was especially appropriate just months after Mom's death, which happened July 2006, of heat stroke. Aunt Gladys, who had gone away to Japan, let us use her apartment Christmas Day.  Her daughter, my cousin Kim, was with us.  The gifts were especially plentiful that year, particularly from Ken and Margie.  Anyway, I also gave my family members lotions or lotion soaps or other toiletries from Bath and Body Works.

Right now, November 2007, a woman named Krista Bell is in charge of Operation Christmas Child for New Life Fellowship.  I and Jaye Lee (no relation) are the leaders for the Kairos small group. 

Personally, I'm planning to assemble a box for a Girl 10-14, based upon a chocolate theme, probably getting plenty of items from Hershey's Times Square.  Now I've seen a special Beanie Baby bear celebrating the 100th anniversary of Hershey's Kisses, but I was thinking, wouldn't it be nice if I could find a chocolate lab Beanie Baby for the box I plan to prepare.  Lo and behold, I found one in Flushing--a chocolate lab puppy named Diggidy.  He's so cute!  (He?)

I also bought the Hershey's Bear, called Cocoa Bean, at a store in my neighborhood.  Whether I'll put the bear in a second box I'll prepare or in a box prepared by someone else, I'm not sure yet.  Probably the latter.

Posted by mnl_1221 at 6:34 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink