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The High Street
What is a High Street? Well, the
term "High Street" infers two or three things to me. Firstly
the natural high brought on by shopping. Secondly the high of "high
art" or "high fashion" which can be experienced in shops
like Marks & Spencers or Sketchleys.
Then of course there's the "Street".
This to me implies a sort of Janet Street-Porter sort of street. And
by this I mean the high street can be an ugly and deeply distressing
place where people talk in a really stupid way because of their horribly
cantilevered teeth.
This is a street
from the olden days. Everything was black and white back then,
right up until Hitler bombed some colour into us. The arrow
in this picture marks the spot on Taunton High Street where
several WW2 bombs fell. Luckily a brave local man used only
his face to bat the bombs away to safety.
...If
you visit this spot today you'll see a plaque which reads: The
people of Taunton say well done to Roger Cratt, who fearlessly
used his awful face as an anti-air raid tennis racket and saved
this branch of Shoe Express by wacking several earth bound explosives
down towards the bank.
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HOME
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Enter Here.. on the
high street
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On our local
high street Snoop and I visited a typical newsagents shop.
The shop keeper's name was Waxy and had only four teeth. He
told us that the type of magazines found on his shelves adequately
reflected
the kind of society we live in today. Here's just a sample
of the more unusual journals he managed to knock down off
the shelf with the cricket bat he keeps under the counter..
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NON-READERS
WIVES
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Non-Readers
Wives was described
thus: "Mostly very nice." Will Self in The Times
Literary Supplement
'Do
you hang around for hours in the newsagents even though you're
illiterate? Can't seem to find the right kind of journal for
you? Fed up with Gay Hamster Insertion Monthly? Had enough
of OAPs In Mud? Too many difficult words in Varicose
Voyeur? Then get your self a copy of
Non-Readers
Wives*
today.
Its packed full of naked women whose no-brain husbands are completely
unable to read. Honestly! It's a wonder they can even operate
a camera!
*If
the top shelf in your mag shop is too high to reach then you
can either get your mum to help you or just nudge one down with
a long stick. Don’t worry, the newsagent won't mind. He's
probably too ripped to the tits on meths and dope to even notice.
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Free Chuck
Norris Duvet Cover
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It's
Time To Get Your Boots On Boys!
In this
months full colour (but mainly
green) Nam Magazine: Top Ten Tanks! Have they really got toilets
inside? Plus: Big
Guns and pictures of dead
people! What do they look like up close? Also: We've all got
a big jaggedy army knife but does yours have a compass in the
handle? Exclusive: "I wear heels at home.." says Norman
Schwarzkopf: what every soldier should know about dressing elegantly
for dinner parties. >Click
Here to Hear the Nam Magazine Radio Ad<
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Snoop also found this mag in
the Pet Section. The complete range of magazines for dogs looked
like this: Ball Chaser, Stick Chaser, Fetch!, Pant, Growl, Yapper,
Modern Yapper, Snapper, Crapper, Cat Scene, Postman, Leg & Lamppost,
Country Leg & Lamppost, Sniff, Sniffer, UK Sniffing, Crotch Sniff,
Butt Sniff, Sniffin' Around, Wet Nose, Howler and Crotch Inspector
Quarterly. The most notable titles we found curiously missing
from the shelves were Modern Bitch, Dogue, Sm-Elle, Waggy Tail
and the dog news organs Newshound, Bone Digger, Tracker and Modern
K9 Digest. |
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Click below
to send mail to Snoop & Tim. If you're comment is worth
answering (and, god, our expectations aren't too high) either
Tim or Snoop will send you a personal response.
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Click here for
five flour facts
Click Here
to visit the Games Tortoise and get the latest games help
Click Here
to visit the celebs page (includes a snippet from a song by God's
beardy supreme: Terry Waite)
Click Here
to visit the morbid and highly macabre death page
Click
Here to visit
the the best recipe modern science has to offer
Click
Here to visit
the the page that is just for dogs
click
here for a lesson
in hygiene from Mr Hare
Click here
to read some old tosh about graphs. I know what you must be thinking,
who gives a rats frost bitten ass about graphs? Right? Well all I
can say is I'm sorry the content of this site isn't more exotic. If
you want thrills why not go looking for specialist porn or a site
where you get to see hamster torture.
COMING SOON
ASHER-CAM
Via our live streaming video link see Jane Asher hard
at work in her kitchen, making cakes and polishing her precious collection
of nazi merabilia.
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