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               we

   are

a            

construct            

within                                

our                                                  

brain                                                            

the

brain

is

larger

and

maybe

touching

on

infinity

jealousy

is

an

uncaged

demon

more

like

the

warder

to

the

caged

prisoners

actually

; o )

there

is

an

incredible

violence

in

the

process

of

teaching

the

imposition

of

rubbish

by

one

mind

on

another

war

is

a

legal

device

where

one

man

may

kill

another

with

impunity

a

man

just

may

view

it

as

sex

but

for

a

woman

its

getting

pregnant

with

YOUR

BABY !

i

am

not

going

to

be

allowed

to

cease

to

be

a

pity

that

death

is

its

own

approach

an

unfolding

of

gates

and

paths

usually

irreversible

one

can

just

sit

down

and

write

for

ever

its

absolutely

bloody

amazing

all

our

attachment

machinery

ongoing

purveying

of

triviality

i

sneezed

and

blew

the

house

apart

“ damn

my

iron

levels

are

up

again ”

sometimes

there

is

peace

and

the

quietness

of

hearing

what

you

are

doing

the

sound

of

rustling

fabric

as

you

pull

the

curtain

down

the

great

poets

short

lives

that

flared

brilliantly

to

their

cost

“ beneath

the

alps

the

danube

runs ”

emily

dickinson

what

is

the

primary

issue ?

its

the

ζons

of

twits

that

don't

know

shit !

its

the

broken

machinery

that

sees

best

so

the

primary

issue

for

those

that

see

is

health

practical

reality

is

an

ever

changing

flux

of

viewpoints

women

actually

want

to

get

pregnant

actors

are

emotional

trollops

age

definitely

wearies

them

women

approaching

certain

types

of

conceptual

thinking

is

like

a

dog

trying

to

be

a

fish

i'm

all

for

reclining

buddhas

i

just

never

saw

one

nostalgia

half

in

shade

half

well

lit

high

contrast

if

chopin

is

not

melancholy

what

exactly

is

he ?

the

ocean

makes

me

cry

what

is

the

why

of

infinity ?

what

is

infinity

why

follows

from

the

what

i

think

thats

about

as

close

as

i

can

get

to

why

don't

tell

me

the

chinese

are

finally

getting

tired

of

supporting

the

western

world

with

slave

labour

mao

tse

tung

must

be

turning

in

his

grave !

foxconn

what

they

eat

wouldn't

keep

a

brain

intact

i

don't

mean

rice

i

mean

DHA

if

you

are

relatively

new to

writing

poetry

it

may

take

years

before

you

are

writing

in

a

way

that

is

more

comfortable

to

reread

soon

some

women

their

powers

of

observation

are

stretched

by

observing

they

have

a

child

i

think

if

you

don't

want

fame

you

don't

have

to

have

it

its

a

construct

like

everything

else

translation

is

so

difficult

its

almost

impossible

dirge

of

a

prisoner

about

to

be

shot

on

the

shores

of

west

hill

island

on

lake

taihu

the

sands

and

water

are

melancholy

but

serene

kapow !

the

birds

rise

for

their

universe

has

ceased

but

unknowing

they

fly

on

where

would

i

rather

die ?

on

the

shores

of

west

hill

island

looking

across

at

the

hills

is

there

only

one

future

or

many ?

i

think

the

net

like

the

car

while

useful

can

also

be

fatal

just

in

different

ways

winter

sun

so

low

and

so

far

NORTH !

in

religion

the

plagiarism

is

so

thick

you

can't

cut

it

it

swamps you

you

actually

have

to

have

things

breaking

down

so

they

are

not

working

as

well

as

they

are

working

i

am

not

content

to

be

myself

and

just

know

what

an

ordinary life

knows

i

wish

it

didn't

kill

me

so

much

but i

would have

to

stop

wouldn't

i ?

local

identity

another

fraud

“ if

you

are

going

to

be

raped

you

may

as

well

lie

back

and

enjoy

it ”

whoever

said

that

doesn't

understand

the

female

approach

to

sex

schizophrenic

no

reality

orientation

just

a

bunch

of

attitudes

re

infinity

i

have

seen

a

lot

of

“ what ”

but

no

why

you

have

to

get

to

“ what ”

before

you

can

go

to

why

though

jesus

buddha

and

mohammed

all

complete

and

utter

fictions

did

i

leave

out

harry

potter ?

modern

silliness

is

no

different

from

the

ancient

“ what

is

truth ? ”

pilate

had

more

of

god

than

jesus

obnoxious

suicidal

even

infinity

cares

about

spelling

and

spacing

harvey

norman

salesmen

hungry

wolves

“ normals ”

live

lives

entirely

without

intensity

the

mysterious

call

of

the

sea

execution

is

a

form

of

amnesty

the

limitation

of

justice

is

injustice

given

the

nature

of

the

world

that

justice

can

ever

occur

is

amazing !

don't

start

compromising

before

you

have

too

compromising

is

always

something

that

happens

after

the

event

like

“ oh

well

we

compromised ”

its

a

fiction

that

any

one

person

can

lead

to

understanding

it

has

to

be

self

driven

living

by

yourself

is

difficult

because

you

need

other

points

of

view

to

function

successfully

the

man

who

can

make

jehovah's

witnesses

run

: o )

she

was

too

hardened

to

be

in

tears

but

was

upset

they

had

a

child

in

the

car

to

feed

apparently !

his

child

and

her

grandchild ?

its

obvious

that

life

is

an

image

in

religious

terms

what

it

is

an

image

of

is

GOD

in

poetic

terms

i

don't

know

you

can

get

the

wrong

idea

that

i'm

singling

out

religion

or

schizophrenia

what

i

am

saying

is

that

ordinary

life

is

INSANE

you

can

say

jehovah's

witnesses

and

mormons

are

crazy

but

i

don't

think

they

are

any

more

crazy

than

christianity

the

internet

is

breaking

down

jehovah's

witnesses

and

mormonism

i

talk

to

god

all

the

time

thats

what

this

dialogue

is

religious

conversion

is

such

an

extrodinarily

damaging

process

it

makes

you

realise

there

is

no

hope

like

arguing

with

jehovah's

witnesses

zen

is

very

sophisticated

what

it

is

is

a

continuity

of

brain

washing

techniques

“ why

r

u

right

wing ? ”

i

don't

know

that

i

am

right

or

any

wing

but

i

am

not

inured

with

the

mass

mind

it's

a

pile

of

crap

poems

homilies

same

source

but

a

different

style

of

thinking

if

zen

works

so

well

why

does

it

turn

everyone

into

damaged

goofs

death

is

the

absence

of

some-one

that

is

they

are

no

longer

there

and

never

will

be

again

it

is

not

established

by

their

body

or

a

funeral

but

only

by

their

absence

you

must

expect

to

be

thwarted

in

every

direction

you

turn

maybe

god

is

a

man

because

menopause

is

the

cruelest

trick

of

all

communism

replacing

religion

is

one

cult

replacing

another

poachers

turned

gamekeepers

are

still

poachers

each

generation

is

divided

by

a

ravine

that

separates

it

from

the

previous

the

rolling

stones

altamont

1969

look at their physique's

and energy

another

culture

another time

its

only

40

years

ago

what

happened ?

its

a
s

far

apart

as

ancient

greece

the

whole

problem

of

discovering

yourself

as

an

exceptional

person

is

you

are

surrounded

by

the

unexceptional

and

can't

take

them

as

a guide

you

have

to

read

across

the

centuries

life

has

all

sorts

of

pain

if

we

are

prepared

to

see

it

it

always

amazes

me

the

way

and

degree

to

which

the

brain

and

behavior

is

shaped

by

hormones

i know it doesn't seem fair re others

but

its always this way with the very high functioning autistics

the

health

issues

you just have to read the histories

you are one in a million

always a price

but infinity usually gives a way out, one just has to have the courage and perseverance to step the required path

a really good brain is so difficult a thing for nature to achieve that it always comes with severe imbalances in health

its the difference between being able to see out of reality and being stuck in it like all the “norms”, wether human or animal

alian  de botton  on marriage

“ weddings are covert funerals. The bereaved bury sexual and personal liberty and are recompensed with champagne and domestic appliances ”

hes a bit more real on that subject than others

for

some

reason

: o )

eileens comment :

hes not so hot imo

im sure there r plenty of men that think that Lol

women too actually but they dont tell men that just female friends

“ u gain a child

  when u marry a man ”

that idea that 2 birds in the bush r more valuable is male fantasy

fueled by themselves

its only more of the same as wot they've got

already

if alain de botton was really intelligent he'd take that marriage comment one step further and comment that sexual freedom is crap anyway

its not wot people like to imagine it is at all

humans being like cows thinking the grass is greener

it isn't

andrews comment :

yeah its his limitation

why hes not quite top notch

i was looking at the big hole

in one of the skulls

and

then

realised

it

was

made by a  hammer

i

wonder

if

the

violence

of

the

gladitorial

contests

and

games

was

part

of

the

glue

that

kept

the

roman

empire

together

turning the natural violence of humans inward

sort

of

cathartic

as

one

gets

older

one

gets

busier

and

busier

doing

what ?

nothing

there

is

no

copyright

on

a

good

poem

it

is

interpreted

infinitely

by

each

reader

“ forget

it ! ”

i

did

forget

it

and

was

forgotten

“ i

categorically

deny

dying ”

said

the

dead

man

the

weirdness

of

dying

being

compelled

through

a

process

a

monastery

is

just

a

power

structure

the

moon and earth

were

formed

by

the

collision

of

two

planets

the

size

of

mars

and

venus

sorta

makes

genesis

look very

uninteresting

people

have

the

wrong

idea

about

imagination

versus

reality

they

take

the

wrong

bits

of

imagination

and

make

them

real

and

they

take

the

right

bits

of

reality

and

make

them

imagination

the

first

thing

i

do

when

i

am

about

to

give

a

talk

is

ask

myself

“ what

am

i

trying

to

do ?

what

do

i

hope

to

achieve ?

to

whom

am

i

speaking ? ”

the

second

thing

i

do

is

walk

away

the

world

will

never

be

right

all

you

can

do

is

save

yourself

the

people

who

reject

you

are

best

that

way

they

don't

take

your

time

there

is

no

finality

to

anything

just

goes

on

and

on

and

on

when

a

person

dies

tho

something

finishes

medicine

is

just

a

bunch

of

standard

ideas

its

too

advanced

a

notion

that

doctors

following

“ standard

of

care ”

are

not

acting

in

a

patients

best

interest

schizophrenia

is

avoidant

of

testing

hypotheses

about reality

which

is

why

they flock

to

facebook

little

looney presentations of themselves

untested

existing

in a

vacuum

food :

protein

and

sugars

and

minerals

and

vitamins

sylvia

plath

“ the

perfection

of

being ”

thats

where

she's

coming

from

i

used

to

be

out

shooting

below

freezing

past

midnight

now

i

just

look

at

the

moon

through

the

window

the

dying

come

to

the

beach

why

should

that

be?

i

think

zen

is

the

illusion

that

the

non - talented

can

aquire

talent

which

of

course

they

can't

fame

what

i

crave

and

am

never

going

to get

feminized

men

masculinized

women

yup

a

sir

henry

neville

play

  ;

  o

  )

facebook

is

selective

for

schizophrenics !

the

problem

with

the

net

is

there

are

some

really

strange

people

on

it

strange

mad

and

DANGEROUS

my

experience

of

life

is

mostly

sour

billy

you

are

an

unrewarding

burden

just

fuck

off !!!!

women

the

thought

police

a

rats

incautious

exposure

is

being

suicidal

warfarin ?

she

has

so

many

exes

it

feels

like

i

am

dealing

with

soiled

goods

perhaps

i

am

khrushchev

a

friend

poet

demon

in

the

antiworld

the

past

just

goes

endlessly

by

it

occurs

there

is

no

recovering

it

the

problem

is

the

nature

of

mediocracy

it

is

the

rejection

of

the

exceptional

religion.

english

education

life

in

general

it

just

makes

you

want

to

puke

recursion

its

not

like

you

can

go

beyond

recursion

recursion

itself

is

the

end

of

the

matter

a

carving

on

a

stone

portal

there

is

a

carving

that

is itself

the

portal

the

wall

everything

there

is

no

point

to

life

beyond

living

day

to

day

is

the

bible

the

word

of

god ?

almost

entirely

its

the

word

of

man

you

can

worship

it

but

it

won't

do

you

any

good

since

you

are

its

estrangement

why

eat ?

why

not

consume

yourself ?

belief

is

always

flawed

what

do

you

expect ?

if

we

didn't

get

depressed

the

world

would

be

even

worse

than

it

is

manic

nuts

running

amok

its

bad

enough

as

it

is

if

life

has

any

point

its

this

sort

of

understanding

whats

the

point

there

is

no

point

there

is

no

point

medicine

is

a

 conspiracy

of

twits

autism

is

entirely

without

bounds

if

you

want

to

see

the

general

level

of

humanity

look

at

the

comments

in

you

tube

or

this

splattering

their

eggs

and

sperm

across

the

world

winter

passes

slowly

summer

always

passes

quickly

leftists

are

air

heads

politicians

are

like

the

wizard

of

oz

some

front

that

gets

pushed

out

into

the

media

that

then

gets

forgotten

what

was

unusual

about

stalin

is

i

don't

think

anyone

else

would

be

as

careful

and

persistent

in

destroying

an

opponent

you

can't

rebel

against

evolution

unless

you

are

born

to

it

when

humans

weep

its

like

a

mud

pond

emptying

its

funny

how

winter

gets

you

down

a

slow

erosion

unbelievably this was written 2,800 years ago by  hesiod

“ do not let a flaunting woman coax and cozen and deceive you: she is after your barn. The man who trusts

womankind trust deceivers. ”

lonely shepherds in danger of losing their barns !

very interesting to read the hard life they lived, my god you needed to be strong with good joints for the continual backbreaking labour

orgosolo sardina  chanting/song

no

matter

how

great

or

competent

something

is

it

is

reduced

to

penury

by

break

down

the

human

genome

for

instance

or

diabetes

or

menopause

or

old

age

or

children

growing older

women

profligate

of

time

attention

and

effort

why

are

they

like

that ?

more

children

i

guess

a

late

afternoon

sleep

a

saints

breath

balm

applied

by

god

.... the

sweeping

of

angel

wings .....

it's

hard

to

understand

how

sophisticated

religious

brain

washing

is

if

i

mute

what

i

say

to

suit

social

propriety

conciliation

or

personal

affrontment

then

what

i

write

becomes

pale

lily

livered

terrible

things

have

happened

and

always

will

publicity

is

a

form

of

suicide

fame

is

only

palatable

when

you

are

almost

dead

and

even

then .....

everybody

has

these

huge

blind

spots

even

cats

todays

“ big

men ”

are

not

even

motes

in

eternities

eye

there's

a

certain

inevitability

to

disasters

an

entrained

ignoring

of

warning

signs

if

men

have

one

advantage

over

women

its

that

they

don't

go

through

menopause

what

i

find

a

bit

peculiar

the

way

interest

in

toni

packer

has

dropped

off

because

she

is

now

bed - ridden

is

that

the

interest

must

have

always

been

in

her

and

not

“ inquiry ”

per

se

its

called

a

relationship

slave

and

slavemaster

i

guess

it

is

the

world

always

is

always

has

been

and

always

will

be

upside

down

normalcy

the

tyranny

of

dull

men

and

women

thought

is

braided

nothingness

on

nothingness

recursion

forms

a

self

supporting

web

its

like

a

definition

of

existance

so

thats

what

thought

is

it

doesn't

come

from

anywhere

it's

self

supporting

and

recursive

if

you're

going

to

lie

you

may

as

well

lie

properly

: o )

there's

an

old

saying

“ health

family

wealth ”

your

priorities

should

be

and

in

that

order

doctors

are

about

15%

right

be

   warned !

theres

some

central

facts

of

life

like

male

and

female

for

instance

though

our

lives

revolve

around

these

differences

we

seem

to

ignore

them

or

pretend

they

don't

exist

on

a

social

and

personal

level

education

the

process

of

force

feeding

information

BIZARRE !

the

only

artistic

thing

ted

hughes

ever

did

was

marry

sylvia

plath

oh

and

his

pechant

for

emerging

unscathed

from

tragedy

emotional

teflon

the

wonder

of

being

a

yorkshire

man

with

humans

the

pair

bonding

mechanism

is

unusually

intense

pointless

is

a

weird

strange

space

love

is

really

a nuts

and

bolts

business

mechanical

it

takes

a

broken

brain

to

see

that

intact brains work so

well

that

it

is

hidden

from

them

any

idiot

can

criticize

a

poem

and

they

do

i

think

the

weakness

of

the

nobel

prize

for

literature

is

that

it

rewards

commercially

successful

writers

sylvia

plath

janet

frame

les

murray

james

k.

baxter

never

graced

its

lists

today

i

got

nothing

done

as

usual

: o )

women

menopause

they

will

kill

themselves

because

they

are

no

longer

female

menopause

is

an

atomic

bomb

man

announces

to

group

“ i

am

eileen's

editor ”

stunned silence and

an

emanation

of

awe

its schizo in mechanism, but because it in in synchroncity with infinity then its real

you can look at john and see that both the mechanism and lack of synchronicity is screwed

unadulterated infinity will take you

straight

to

literal

death

of

course

the

trick

is

to

juggle

it

a bit

i've

had

a

bit

of

an

odd

thought

actually

with

the

decline

of

estrogen

the

brain

loses

its

female

essence

you

are

becoming

more

male

and

this

more

even

balance

is

giving

a truer

perspective

on

life

i wonder if

that's

what

happened

to

sylvia

plath

in

her

last

years ?

the point is really that you have that synchronicity with infinity

thats what speaks

you really are at the point of just trusting what you write

thats

about

all

there

is

too

it

honestly i don't care a fig now, i just write

i think its a mistake to worry about writing like sylvia plath (lorelei !)

you and i are very different people

what's important is to write as ourselves

its this fact of identity of writing as oneself

that's

what makes for good poems

once

you

do

that

you

are

aligned

with

infinity

so

richness

and

content

is

no

problem

you

just

have

to

trust

it

if

you

just

read

poetry

you

are

going

to

be

damaged

you

need

to

write

it

as

well

eileen writes:

i've

always

known

love

was

only

on

loan

stolen

to

be

given

back

OR

i've

always

known

your

love

was

on

loan

stolen

to

be

given

back