this is work in progress or homilies or miscellaneous items

that don’t warrant a page by themselves

or seem to fit better here



pending poems  index



chronological order is from the bottom to the top of  the page



i like both of traci brimhall’s poems  on this page , she is writing from personal experience, i think its just when she tries to do things with a bit of less than sincere imaginative heft that her poems can  go awry 

through a glass darkly

my  reply

after the sun rises

moonlight on the trees

they never pull the asylum down

where is the joy ?

i


got


up


this


morning


i


was


going


to


do


gardening


clean


the


house


and


mow


the


lawn


i


got


a


heap


of


writing done


the


garden


house


cleaning


and


lawn


didn’t


get


done



and


i


have


a


dental


appointment


tomorrow

the


point


of


a

poem


is


that


it


is


a

unity


of


action


with


linguistics



it's


not


just


writing


its

 doing 

the sadness of hormones

robots chasing something

everything


is


a


mix


of


right


and


 wrong

linguistic interrogation mutates schizophrenia


its the whole point of it

look


you


can


write


about


something

or


you


can


do


something

writing


about


something


without doing


is


meaningless

poetry


there’s


no


money


in


it


and


it


takes



a

lot


of


time


so


what’s


the


point


 of it ?

the


first


part


of


problem


solving


is


to

see


you


don’t


understand


its


that


simple

mediocrity


is


so


thick


on


a


poetry


board



you



can



crush



it

if


you


read


poetry


you

have


to


be


very


careful


to

write


it

because


it


is


very


damaging


otherwise

its


not


even


possible


to


discuss


a


poem


you


can


reply


to


it


as

a


poem


and


that’s


about


it

“ he was a failed artist ”

artistry is creating innovative new constructs from damage

the


internet


makes


things


transparent



prices


for


one


thing



intellectual


shortfalls


for


another

religion


they


use


the words


of


others


and


don’t


use


their


own


words


its poisonous

the


devil


is


nonsense


though


perversity


is


not

god is gullible and stupid

my


experience

of


god


is


he/she/it


is


very


imperfect

women


and


illness

one


shakes


one’s


head


you


can


tell


me


its


not


so


because


you


don’t


want


to


think


it


so



but


that


doesn’t


make


it


not


so

i


think


sex


is

what


keeps


life


circular


the


secret


of


a


good


con


is


to


be


partly


convinced


your


self



infinity


partly


believes


in


reality


even  god

has clay feet

if


zen


is


not


nutty


what


is


 it ?


mentally


retarded



gurus


fairy


stories


pseudo


historical


fiction


endless


craziness

thomas


kinkade


is


excrement


his

paintings


are

amplified


 kitsch !


juxtapostions


of


inconsistent


elements


that


jar

why would i bother to talk to you if you didn’t have some authenticity

there’s


a


difference


between


visions


and


day


dreams



what’s



the


 difference ?

if


you’ve


ever


had


a


real


vision


you


are


interested


in


anyone


else


who


has


unfortunately


hens


teeth


are

a


a multitude


 compared !

we are constanly pursuing the illusion of finding some-one the same as ourselves

i don't think any sexual orientation is comfortable with other sexual orientations

knowledge of yourself lessens but does not eliminate the need to interact with others

with somethings its enough to know myself and its better not have to others knowing

the weirdness of what works well

the


woman


who


was


jealous


of


the


evening

 sky 

the


problem


of


life


is


the

problem


of


unresolvable


knots


where

what


you


need


gives


rise


to


unending


deeper


problems

you


cannot


resolve


problems


by


making


them


simpler


than


they


are

like

the


gross


oversimplifications


of


diets

the


recursive


complexity


of


nutritionally


supported


biochemistry


cannot


be


circumvented

whom


the


gods


favour



they



deny

fame

what is entertainment but a distorted reality giving boyancy over life’s unpleasantness

do these two  paintings  have similarities ?

there


can


be

a

genuine


perception


of


ultimate


reality

a

s


a

child


of


6


or


seven


that


is


lost


with the


various


neural


prunings

the


infinite


is


a


limited


notion


fractals


are


a


limited


notion


unlimited


is


a limited


notion


limited


is

an


unlimited


notion

pretty


well


anything


i


do


is


poisoned !

humans are not an intellectually adventurous species, social learning is its fortι and limitation

one


day


you


wake


up


and


realise


how


the


world


is

it


can


never


be


any


other


way

heraclitis


is


a


miracle

you


can


only


see


something


if

you


work


at


it


species


evolve


to


diets



diet


is

not


separate


from


human


biology


love


is


not


the


be


all

and


end


all


the

problem


all


religion


has


and


its


all


the


same


is


they


are


just


mediocre


minds


basically


it


does


fulfill


a


social


purpose


makes


men


less


murderous


to

each


other


within


the


same


religion


or


social


grouping


of


course


you


need


to


develop

a


more

fluid


and


artistic


schema


not


religious


though


dali


did

quite


well


on


a


combination


its sorta philosophical


even in wrong minded stupidity there can be sense at times

when

you


watch


a


tv


program


you


can


believe


in


the


story


or


disbelieve


in


the


story


all


education


is


moving


into


the


volunteer


realm


the


world


is


not


a


better


place


for


me


correcting


you


the


world’s


first


nutritional


supplement


armed


invasion

arabs


and


africans


invading


western


europe


on


the


back


of


vitamin D


imo


dali


is


not


100%


coherent

your


brain


palette


is


emotion


whereas


mine


is


thought


i


hate


men


hate


hate


hate


why

are


they


such


stupid


bastards


what


do


i


need


them


for ?

women


r


like


overgrown


roses


they


need


trimming


to


bring


out


the


best


and


of


course


they


are


full


of


thorns


i


don't


think


men


realise


how


animalistic


women


are


this


work



a


unique


synthesis


of


modern


and


ancient


what


i've


learnt


with


women


is


you


need

to


massage


what's


between


the


ears


bears


are


as


intelligent


as


humans


especially


polar


bears

the


net


is

a


huge


involvement


trap


women


love


because


if


they


didn't


they


would


never


stick

around


they


are


too


capricious

it's


interesting


the


extent


to


which


politics


is


about


ideas


i think am starting to understand you better, you have an extraordinarily strong natural sense of what it is about but an improverished conceptual superstructure which no religion despite your protestations and very little philosophy provides

the


moron


“ norms ”


think


because


they


can't


understand


it


that


it's


not


understandable !



intelligence


says


i


can't


understand


it,


that's


all

i've been thinking about this for more than four decades, that fiction can abstract to be truer than  truth

lewis carroll’s writings for instance

why


is


there


something


rather

than


nothing ?


it's



because


there


are

infinite


possibilites


and


one


of


those


possibilities


is


it


can


exist


is  spirituality


what it


seems


or


just


another


 day  dream ?

people


used


to


go


mad


a


lot


once



it


was


syphilis



and


lead



and


arsenic

what


is


immortality


a


fiction


a


figment



yet


wasn't


heraclitus


immortal



what


does


he


know


of


it?

“ when the truth is fiction and fiction is true ”

i always remembered those lines from the story of the stone

why was mikhail bulgakov such a genius ?

even at his most sentimental he was a still a genius

showing


nothing


but


aces


all


the


time


can


be


a

bit


intimidating



i

swear


i


don't


know


where


they


come


from


i think i have a sort of charisma because people do respond to it, also as a child i noticed it

something


is


only


liked


by


the


masses


if


it


doesn't


hurt


their


brains


which

only

run


along


certain


lines


sickly


sentiment


being


the


main


one


visions


need


not


be


true


or


very

true


at


least


broad


visions


are


less


true


than


narrow


visions


i


think


a


true


vision


is


of


the


instance




( maybe they have no dimension )

it's


sorta


disturbing


but


ultimately


there's


no


morality


no


right


or


wrong

why


is


our


life


 poisoned ?

what


people


mean


by


hypochondria


is


complaining


before


you


are


about

to


drop


dead

when


there's


no -


one


there


i


know


it's


about


right

however tidy


we


make


the


world



it



 unravels !

am


i


right


or


am


i


wrong


if


i


am


right


what


does


it


 matter ?



only


to


 me

there


are


some


things


it


has


taken


me


years


to


get


of


the


million


not


even


one


is


right


of


ten


million


perhaps


one

schizophrenia and retarded are paradigms i use to describe reality, don’t be offended

i do find that for ones own sanity that removal of some  (blogs, messageboards etc)  posts and posters is necessary though in a religious sense one is supposed to  “ accept all ”  but there’s too much aggression and schizophrenia out there

i write this of course and i am the first one removed

one can be schizophrenic but not necessarily insane

being mild mannered or weak doesn’t make a person any less of an arsehole

i guess this is what is called “ passive aggression ”

islam


is


a


medieval


religion



osma


bin


laden



acting

a

s


a


proxy



for


those


ancestors



who



fought



the


crusaders

the

rot


with


modern


art


set


in


when


andy


warhol


convinced


the


world


that


what


he


did


was


art


he


had


a


good


conceptual


understanding


but


art


melds


that


with


productive


labour


“ zen is nutty ”


no results found for  “ zen is nutty ”


double check on bing


we did not find any results for  “ zen is nutty ”.


unreal !


“ christianity is nutty ”  on bing


7 results


about 31 results on google


it's


a


strange


strange


world


where


the


millions


rule

and


the


lonely


true


voice


is


all


that

is


saying it


one


hundred


billion


morons


can't


be


wrong




or


can


they


 be ?

one


can


be


a


fruitcake


but


not


wrong


science


doesn't


have

it


wrong


but


the


view


that

materiality


is


the


ultimate


reality


is


wrong !



it's


a


trap


i


have


even


seen


toni


packer


fall


into


i


think


one


of


the


modern


problems


is


physics


has


got


confused


with


metaphysics


heraclitus


got


physics


wrong


but


it


doesn't


matter


modern


physics


has


it


right


but


it


doesn't


help


humans


just


have


so


little


tolerance


for


anything


different


geothermal ligands are the chemical  starting  point of ife


what this implies is there is other intelligent life in the universe


its not probable, its certain, all no doubt with their equivalent of biofilms as well


the ligands are pretty basic to functional biochemistry and the compendium and  BCD  supplement principles, for instance why non protein bound mineral forms suit bad bacteria so much!

life


is


terminally


incomplete

unceasingly


moving



what



does



this



 mean ?

you


can


tell


the


twits


what


they


don t


want


to


hear


well



they


are

successful


at


something


not


hearing

there's


nothing


sadder


than


middle


class


who


can't


make


the


grade


as


middle


class



like



me


pacific barrel eye  fish


the eyes are set within the transparent head so they can see from within the head, what look like the eyes are in fact nostrils


good


or


bad


the


outlook


is


always


unknown

by


the


time


you


have


done


something


you


have


worked


out


how


to


do


it


a


planet


and

a


star !

why


is


everything


i


do


cryingly


difficult



because

i


am


prepared


to


go


into


that


area ?

what


is


life


about ?


bearing

with



the


emptiness


and


utter


futility


of


it's


nothingness


it's


nutty


to


believe


in


historically


fictitious


figures


like


buddha


and


jesus


and


mohammed


does


religion


make


schizophrenics


or


just


make


them


worse ?

does sitting do anything useful or does it entrain or even create schizophrenia ?



if


it's


useful


what


is


the


context


if


it


entrains


schizophrenia


that's


pretty


much


evidenced


by

the


nuttiness


of


zen


a


man


without


a


woman


is


a


victim



a


man


with


a


woman


is


a


victim



why


does


evolution


have


to


be


so


 smart ?

i keep forgetting how people react to anything i write

that desire to kill me

advertisements


why


do


all

those


women


sound


like


they


are


having


oral


sex


and


the

men


humping


and


the


public


lapping


it


 up ?

witches


just


an


excuse


to


hang


old


women


and


gain


their


property


i


looked


a


bit


i


looked


deeper


why


do


i


have


to


get


involved


with


this ?



what looked


young or nascent


is


in


fact


senile


decay

the


world


is


tangibly


distinctly


truely


 schizophrenic 

if


the


world


is


schizophrenic


and


you


deliver


insanity


to


the


schizophrenics


who


can


be


blamed?

there


is

utility


here


if


you


are


prepared


to


take


it


all


things


pass


what


once


was


is


no

more


neural


pruning


is


murderous !

women


don't


rate


their


lives


highly


they


do


rate


their


needs


highly tho


the


brain


is


female


the


face


has


a

beard


everything


is

upside


down

i'm


not


a


person


who


lives


for


today



maybe


i ought


to


more !

criticizing


something


is


easy


making


something


is


not


if


you


don't


have


to


do


something


for

money


you


can

understand


it


better


de botton


pretender


to


the


philosophy


crown


certainty


you


are


right


doesn't


actually



make



you



right


no-


one


is


interested


they


are

all


too


busy


doing


something


else



being


wrong


basically


in all these years i don’t think that reading any poem you haven’t written yourself is straight-forward, there are so many internal barriers to accepting there can be a bit of sense to it

so


sick


of


wrong

turnings


endless


wrong

turnings


wouldn't


know

a


right


turning


if


i


fell


over


it

just


a bit


of


sense

or


nonsense


or


sense


eternity fulfilled our destiny


yesterday remembered today



spiked


by


the


icicle


eyes


my


dream


failed


roses


don't


hold


the


pillars


up


the


absent stone


does



when


you


are


looking


at


a


painting


you


are


seeing


some-one’s


mind



or


reading

a


poem


university


english


is


a


complete


and


utter


waste


of


time



it


has


just


become


poisoned



maybe


it

always


was

(whisper)


actually


i


think

the


notion


of


god


is


kitsch


why


is


the


world


full


of


 nuts ?

i


don't


think


meditation


does


anything


except


embed


schizophrenia


it's


not


trying

to


be


something


that


you


want


it


to


be


they


can


look


but


don't


understand


cattle don’t care particularly where they put their feet

the


huge


demands


that


just


paying


anyone


attention


makes


there

is


some


real


interesting


stuff


on


the


net


that


has


just


disappeared


the


author


knows


and


the


reader


knows


but


it


is


gone


i


guess


the


author


knows


if

they


are


still


around


when


you


don’t


need


it


you


can


see


what


something


is


when


you


do


you


can’t

i think


i


annoy


women


being

a


sort


of


“ failed male ”


they


can


see

there’s


something


there


but


i


am


too


damaged


to


be


of


any


use


to


them


women’s lib


a


lesbian


model


of


reality

it


took


me


a


long


while


to


realise


even


the


sick


and


needy


have


their


self-esteem


wrong


minded


though


it


might


be

women


have


no


notion


of


“ policy ”


they


take


each


case


individually



i


am


not


saying


it


is


wrong

“ you are writing junk ”

“ why don’t we discuss the junk you write ” ?

“ there is none ”

“ oh well isn’t that always the way ?

mean and miserable natures are universal  ”

i


had


a


long


way


to


go


and


still


have


a

long


way


to


go


“ how do you write this much ? ”

you just sit down and days on end and end after end you write

if anyone lived a selfless life, vincent van gogh did


there is something about the dissociation of prostitutes that rings alarm bells


watch your health and keep your options open

but


we


really


are


empty


if you use your powers of observation its never lonely

even if you are by your self


little

imagined


scenes


it's


amazing


how


we


delude


ourselves


 cat 1

i like this akiane kramarik painting

one could liken the sea to god or infinity and the pyramids are something formed out of, but estranged from the sea and the bubbles are the human condition, a sort of half way house, well less than half way actually ,  the sea has minimum content for maximum geometry

its interesting the painting has no people in a painting may be truer for having less of the animate, friedrich casper for instance

sex


genetic


fusion


the


impetus


of


life


god


gives


the


time


of


day


to


anything


half


authentic



fool



including


himself

there’s


something


wrong


with


the


world


and


it's


intrinsic


and


its


never


going


to


be


any

different


its actually those with the better brains that get wasted by today’s diet and lifestyle

american


culture


specializes


in


the


display


of


fake


emotion

life


is


looney


tunes


and


the


human


approach


to


death


is


the


looniest


of


them


all


i


criticise


any


religion


because


life


is


basically


meaningless


and


religion


is


the


attempt


to


make


meaning


which


is


an illusory subset


within the larger realm of meaninglessness

extreme  uv in the upper atmosphere


this guy says low solar activity for the next fifteen years


the media are spinning up catastrophically high sunspot activity




i


suppose


they


are


not


mutually


incompatible


for an object so big and long lived


it


has


some


surprisingly


short


term


instabilities


there's


more


than


one

geometery


out


there

parallel


lines


may


never


meet


or


not


meet


equal


angles


can


be


unequal


the


moon


shines


brighter


than


the


sun

square


is


a


contradiction


two


sets


of


parallel


sides


that


meet


and


don't


meet

euclidean space

existance


is


its


own


origin


each


heartbeat


changes



the



day


the


best


con's


are


half


sincere


the


vast


majority


of


humanity


never

have


and


never


will


have


read


john keats

is


this


your


own


thinking


or


some -


one


else's


thinking ?

i


am


a

nightmare


to


myself


the mid life crisis


is not so much a crisis


as being stuck on a bare plain


is


there


any


work




is


there


something


or


 nothing ?

when


you


get


older


the


cycle


of


life


becomes


apparent



from


the


wrong


side


: o (

where


does


time


begin


and


 end ?




my


 shoebox ?

if


you


want


to


know


what


old


age


is


like



mother


teresa


has


already


told


you



empty


and


without


meaning


wikipedia


is


the


acme


of


mediocracy


i


just


want


to


go


to


sleep


and


sleep


the


sleep


of


endless


sleep


i


feel


foolish


for


trying


to


tell


you


anything


you


just


want


to


be


robust


about


it



things


happen


and


you


get


hurt


a


lot


and


there's


no


clear


right


and


wrong


charismatic


people


always


have


a


screw

 loose 

when


you


look


into


something


it


all


changes


family


is


about


the


only


sanity


except


for


the


insanity


; o )

i think respect is an unreal quality

respect is an unreal quality

 alain de botton 

clever enough to use the words of others to bolster his own reputation

but


that’s


an


old


trick


akiane


god


in


small

doses

religion


spirituality


the


net


the


joining


of


lives


that


should


be


separate


reading


philosophy


does


not


make


you


a


philosopher


i


have


no


advice


life


is


too


hard


and


pointless


and


more


often


than


not


i


am


on


the


wrong


side


of


it


life


is


just


an


endless


succession


of


conundrums


that



open


up


into



more



conundrums


alain


de


botton


a


bit


empty


upstairs


pied flycatcher 


if you think about it, its quite species advantageous because he's rearing two broods


one doing well in good conditions


one surviving in harsh conditions

so


often


we


overlook


what


is


right


under


our


noses


or


have


unrealistic


expectations


about


what


can


be


achieved


quoting alain de botton

one of the most surprising things about getting older is how unresolved and unsure one continues to feel

my  reply

one feels surer and more resolved but life is not less uncertain

when stalin got to hell the devil brought up ivan the terrible and genghis khan so they could all bow down before stalin

as the three bowed to him, stalin raised an eyebrow and asked

where’s hitler ?

the


brain


seems


to


retain


a


sense


of


developmental


shortfalls


regardless


almost


of


how


old


you

are


and


if


it


can


recover


through


improved nutrition


or


other


factors it


will


try


to


make


up


the


shortfalls

and


this


can


happen


semi-


successfully


at

least


as


late


as


the


early


sixties


if


i


am


anywhere


i


don't


know


where


if


i'm


not


anywhere


i


don't


know


where


either


i


believe


in


female


supremacy


it's


not


actually


my


belief


it's


evolutions


belief


socrates was happy to have a state assisted suicide and I suspect seneca wasn’t that far off welcoming his own execution and walter raleigh at his execution kissed the axe and said


“ this is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries ”


of which he had a few  (diseases)


keats had a particularly painful end


well a hollow medically supported existance is the norm now, tragic death is passι tho fog brained suffering is not


you will have worked out by now that women and children are happy to walk over your half dead body


autism is a paradigm that obviates philosophy

christians


never


read


the


bible


anyone


who


reads


the


bible


cannot


remain

a


christian


it's


really


depressing


so

much


of


my


life


frittered


away


into


utter


meaninglessness


over


fifty


the


main


problem


appears

to


be

staying


alive


the


breeding


madness


of


the


young

if


i


was

disillusioned


about


life


before


why


am


i


more


disillusioned


 now ?

julian assange has the disease of trying to make the world confrom to his idea of a  better place

he’s paying the price

the


painfulness


of


realizing


everyone


is


separate


from


you


pythagoras's


theorem


is the


boundary


condition


between


euclidean


and


non


euclidean



geometery


akiane


skilled


but


not


that


bright

the whole menopause hormone thing is quite an eye opener, the extension of life for the price of a degree of crippling


unlike joints where we are being specifically degraded to crimp our life span


 there


 are


 natural

 mechanisms


 to


 protect


 true


 genius


 from

 fame 

i think a prodigy is technically proficient with an adult skill

it rarely includes creativity

people don’t have to say anything, but you can see from their behavior how they think

poems have layers of meanings

its a bit hard to break them open and say well it means this

william mcgonagall writes prose very well and if you read the poems as prose they are  not so bad 


hamish henderson gives me a bad vibe, his talent sort of smeared in a non useful way!


one of the first requirements of poetry is to write what you are happy with and not give a fig for anyone else

spike milligan  understood  that

there


was


never


any


normal


life


for

 me 

going


around


in


circles


i


have


come


back


to


where


i


am


which


is


 nowhere 

the


larger


interest


most


people


just


cannot


see


it


the whole problem with intellectual property is its complete and utter financial worthlessness, unless met in commercial reality in some way

god


is


in


the

detail


and


correctly


seen


large


scale


kitsch


and


“ spirituality ”


go


together


people


are


in


general


solid


bricks


of


stupidity


it's


funny


the


one


door


that


is


unambiguously


closed


to


me


is


“ spiritual ”

it's


like


it


has


collapsed


the


world


has


got


more


extreme


in

societal


broadness


and


personal


narrowness


there's


something


very


random

about


war


and


coherent


you


tend


to


overlook


where


you


are


right


and


underlook


where


you


are


wrong


the


university


system


is


a


disease


retirement


settling


down


for

a


comfy


fading



it

never

happens



the


river


erodes


the


rock

too

quickly


federal


governmental


systems


have a


huge


power


yet


are


decayed


stream of


conciousness


gets


suppressed


out


of


kids



the


monster


of


normality


and


conformance !

heidegger


makes


the


very


important


point


that


we


are


changed


by


technology



who

we


are


becomes


different


because


of


technology


i


put


my


hands


in the sea


i


am


touching


the


sea


and


the


sea


is


touching


me


glances


may



never


be wasted


but


touch


is


without


meaning


we


look


to


see and the waterfall


of


tears


is


impersonal




the above is a reply  to

when


i


think


of


these


things


we


are

writing


or


painting


to


ourselves


and


that


is


about


all


there


is


to


it



impenetrable


glass


barriers


to

each


other


a


woman


contemplating


her


own


mortality


something

just


short


circuits !

if


people


treat


you


like


god


then


you


start


to


behave


like


god


generally


what


i


write


doesn't


have


one


meaning


or


two


but


layers

philosophy


is

the


failure


of


reason


not


it's


exaltation


at some point


you


will


have


to


censor


me


simply


because


i


am


making


sense



if


that


doesn't


make


you


think


what


is ?

you


understand


a


little


bit


not


 alot

no


anti-


catholic


ever


did


better


than


this

heidegger's


embrace of nazism


is a flaw in philosophy


itself

why


shouldn't


a


decent


theory


of


the


universe


erode


the


notions


of


beginning


and


end


the


same


way


quantum


theory


eroded


the


certainty


of


place ? !