in my deepest delusions


i worry that my work may not fit the criteria for the nobel prize for literature


or maybe not so deep!


it really boils down to this work having an idealistic nature


which in fact it does


because it's voluntary


it is in fact a category breaking idealism


that of infinity pursued


untrammelled by worldly realities


money


family


fame




category breaking is really like a joker


it can be nominated


to be anything




to be fair to the nobel committee


they occasionally give very deserving awards


and its not easy for writers in non-english languages


their main weakness is the way commercial success is basically a criteria


tho they have given it very occasionally without a real commercial backdrop


i know the value of what i write but no-one else does


i can actually see it all disappearing with me when i die


its going to disappear when i die i know




sad and not sad


its value is what it is


and wether it persists or not


that doesn't change