(Inspired by the song - 'The Long Goodbye' - Ronan Keating)
I know they say if you love somebody
You should set them free
But it sure is hard to do
It sure is hard to do
And I know they say if they don't come back again
Then it's meant to be
But those words ain't pulling me through
Cos I'm still in love with you
I spend each day here waiting for a miracle
But it's just you and me going through the mill
(climbin' up a hill)
This is the long goodbye
Somebody, tell me why
Two lovers in love can't make it
Just what kind of love keeps breaking a heart?
No matter how hard I try
You're gonna make me cry
Come on, baby, it's over, Let's face it
All that's happening here is the long goodbye
*** *** ***
From an unknown source the cascading water sparkled with sunlight. So deep underground the awesome phenomenon held spectators spellbound. How, from where did the sunlight penetrate?
Vincent had never grown tired of pondering that question. This was his special place, the place where he came to think, to dream to wish. Here he would watch the water cascade over the rocks amid sundogs that glistened in a myriad of colours. The sight never failed to fascinate him, and the sheer beauty of it all filled his heart with hope and clarity that healed his wounded soul...
Usually…
Right now he doubted that anything could mend his broken heart ever again…
For last week, for the final time, he’d sent Catherine away.
Over the years they’d bid one another endless goodbyes…each time more poignant than the one that preceded it…but always he had known that some day it would end…for an absolute…because…their relationship…was impossible…
Still…
He loved her so much…and he knew, (and this was the worst of it) that she loved him too…deeply… and knowing that… and sending her away, knowing it would be the final goodbye… had been the hardest thing he had ever had to do…
Regrets?
Yes he had them. That first night he’d tossed and turned in his bed and unable to sleep had ventured here, to his special place to sit and dream…and wish… and sob till he thought he could weep no more…and then when he thought his heart was truly broken…some memory of a time they’d shared would trigger another bout of tears…and his heart would break all over again…
‘Oh Catherine…Catherine…why is it so hopeless? I love you. I love you… so much.’
He remembered everything, every nuance of their time together, time that had always been so limited…so special…some of it grievous…there’d been injuries…attacks on both his life and hers…but together…they’d seen it through…and their love…their devotion for one another had grown…so strong…
So very, very strong…
Father, bless him, had at first tried to come between them, having their best interests at heart…foreseeing the pain that would surely befall them in time…yet…would they have denied themselves the love, the joy the companionship they had shared…if, in hindsight, they had seen what the future had stored up for them?
No.
Vincent could say that truthfully. And he knew without a shadow of a doubt that Catherine would answer likewise.
What they’d shared between them, some people searched a lifetime for…it was not something either would regret having found…even so…he’d held no delusions it could last…it was impossible…they were impossible…
Because…
Because…
Of what he was…
Vincent swallowed with difficulty, and placing his clawed fingers against his face he wished to claw away the flesh down to bone, to tear and rip away the face that made him the beast that no woman should look upon with pity…let alone with love…
It was incomprehensible!
He roared…the very sound bouncing off the cavern walls…wrenched from the bowels of his heart…a deep anguished sound that would still any passer by in his tracks and make him weep for a tragedy not beheld.
Vincent wanted to die.
For without Catherine…what had he left?
Nothing.
Last week it had all seemed so…so…simple…as if simplicity itself could be a tangible thing…believing that breaking with Catherine was for the best…he loved her enough to let her go…to tell her that they should not see one another again…to bid her a final farewell…and wish her a happy life someplace else…with someone else…
He balked at that last…how could he have dared say that?
That faceless husband that rose in his nightmares to torment him…the man that would give Catherine the children her heart longed for…the man that would give to Catherine everything that would be denied her if…God forbid…she should tie her life to his…
‘Oh God…oh God…why did you do this to me!’
His head bowed, Vincent sobbed freely…there was no one to hear him, and no one to disturb him…Mouse maybe…food would miraculously appear while he slept…Mouse shared his pain in as much as Mouse could share anyone’s pain…that thought gave Vincent a little comfort…knowing he wasn’t completely alone in his grief…
In retrospect his relationship with Catherine had been akin to riding the carousel, two things…one, they were in an endless loop and two, one day it would stop…and they would have to make a decision… a decision that would affect their future…
Vincent swallowed with difficulty…it had been that…that evaluation of their relationship…of which he had been most afraid…
He felt it then, the sheer red hot arrow that shot straight through his heart, burning, disintegrating everything in its path…coupled with the blinding realisation that he should never have sent her away…
‘Catherine…oh Catherine…forgive me…I was wrong…’
A hand squeezing his shoulder made him jump…and he turned to see Father’s concerned face peering down at him…
“Vincent?”
His voice thick with emotion, Vincent replied, “Father?”
“I’m concerned about you…it’s been a week…you need to eat, rest…”
“Has Catherine…”
“No.” Father replied sadly.
Vincent knew it was too much to ask if Catherine had returned…he’d made it too final…that last goodbye…yet even so some part of him had hoped… that maybe…just maybe…she’d not listened…just as she’d not listened to all those other times…
“Come, my son…let’s go back to my chamber…I’ve missed you…we all have…”
Vincent relented, unwinding himself from the ledge where he’d been for days, rubbing the cramp from his legs… rolling the kinks from his shoulders…he teetered when he stood, feeling weak…and leaned on his father for support.
The last thing he wanted was to return to the hub and learn to live again…but he didn’t want to worry his parent…so he would return for a dutiful time…and then when he felt able he’d come back to the waterfall…and then…
Whatever happened then remained to be seen.
His heart was too empty to contemplate a future without Catherine…or anything else…though death seemed the better option…
Yes that’s what he needed… the sweet oblivion of endless sleep…the ultimate end to his pain…
Soon he would return to the cascading falls… where the sunlight dancing on the water would be the last thing he would ever see…
*** *** ***
Alone in his chamber, his stomach rebelling against the soup his father had forced him to partake of, Vincent held a pen over his journal, not knowing what to write…
Till suddenly words oozed from him…
Sometimes I ask my heart did we really
Give our love a chance
and I know without a doubt
That we turned it inside out
And if we walked away
it would make more sense
But it tears me up inside
Just to think we still could try
How long must we keep riding on this carousel
Going round and round and never getting anywhere?
On a wing and prayer
This is the long goodbye
Somebody tell me why
Two lovers in love can't make it
Just what kind of love keeps breaking a heart?
No matter how hard I try
You're making me cry
it's over, let's face it
All that's happening here is a long goodbye
Are you ever coming back again
Are you ever coming back again
Are you ever coming back again
back again…back again…back again…back again…
As he wrote tears coursed down Vincent’s cheeks…slowing only when…someone whispered his name…
“Vincent…”
His breath caught in his throat and he dared to recap his pen before looking up.
A vision stood in the entrance of his chamber…a vision in soft pastel satin and lace…beauty personified…
“Catherine?”
Her eyes welled with tears as she floated across the chamber toward him, “Don’t…you…ever…do…that…to…me…again…Vincent…” She scolded.
Wrapping her arms around his neck, her sobs soaked his cheek, “God, I love you so much…Vincent…I’ve missed you so much…never…never…send me away again…next time…next time…”
He felt her smile against his cheek and heard her whisper, “I’d like to say… next time…I might never come back…but that wouldn’t be true…” she kissed him with each pause, “but God Vincent…I swear... one more separation like that will be the death of me…”
“Me too.” He confessed wrapping his arms around her and drawing her down to his lap. He still couldn’t believe she had returned…that he’d been lucky once again…and he thanked God that this woman would never be obedient…
“I’m so sorry Catherine, I was wrong…forgive me…”
She drew back from him to gaze into his eyes. They were full of sincerity and love…love such as she had never seen before…Catherine gasped as the full force of his love for her swept through the Bond…
“No more long goodbyes my love…” he whispered huskily, “I promise.”
She tilted her head and questioned him doubtfully, “No more long goodbyes?”
He shook his head, “none…” he licked his lips and taking a deep breath he told her truthfully, “Catherine…I love you so much and…” Whatever he was about to add he never got the chance, Catherine’s whoop of joy stunned him to silence and when she touched her lips to his, he was truly lost…
Their first sweet kiss was deep and passionate and filled with the promise of all their dreams…
There’d be no more room for goodbyes…
