Chapter Four: Emotions: Thinking, Feeling and Acting

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background="04000640egdysm.jpg"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#000066" FACE="Arial" ><B>Interpersonal Communication</b></FONT><FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#000099" FACE="Arial" ><B> </b></FONT><B>    |     </b><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Interpersonal Communication"><U><B>home</b></U></A></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>A Communication Website for Students and Teachers by Lynn Meade </b></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width=200 BGCOLOR="#0000BF" TEXT="#F7F7FF"> <div> <B><IMG SRC="04db7810.gif" border=0 width="183" height="129" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></b></div> </td> <td valign="top" height=380 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <I>Chapter Four: Emotions: Thinking, Feeling and Acting</I></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <IMG SRC="07154700.gif" border=0 width="84" height="112" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <B>What are Emotions?</b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">When a person has strong emotions, bodily changes may occur</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Feelings are often apparent by observable changes: Blushing sweating, etc. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">The mind plays and important role in determining emotional states. </div> <bR> <div> In his book Shyness, ZImmbardo looked at more than 5,000 subjects</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">80% described themselves as having been shy at some time</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">40% described themselves as being presently shy</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Those who labeled themselves as "not shy" behaved in virtually the same way as their counterparts: Blush perspire, racking heart-rate.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">The difference between the two groups seemed to be the label used to describe themselves. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">The person who has the symptoms and thinks, "I'm such a shy person!" will most likely feel uncomfortable and communicate less effectively than another person with the same symptoms who thinks, "Well, I'm a bit shaky (or excited) today, but that's to be expected. </div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <IMG SRC="07fc2100.gif" border=0 width="450" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> Risk</div> <div> But risks must be taken,</div> <div> because the greatest risk in life is to risk nothing.</div> <bR> <div> The people who risk nothing do nothing,</div> <div> have nothing, are nothing, and become nothing.</div> <bR> <div> They may avoid suffering and sorrow,</div> <div> but they simply cannot learn to feel,</div> <div> and change, and grow, and love, and live.</div> <bR> <div> Chained by their servitude, they are slaves;</div> <div> they have forfeited their freedom.</div> <bR> <div> Only the people who risk are truly free.</div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="07fc2100.gif" border=0 width="450" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="0876c510.jpg" border=0 width="108" height="81" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></b></div> <div> <B>Universal Emotions:</b><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > People from all cultures express these emotions in the same way</FONT></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Happiness</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Surprise</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Anger</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Disgust</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Fear</div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <IMG SRC="07fc2100.gif" border=0 width="450" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <B>L</b><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#003399" FACE="Arial" >et others lead small lives, but not you.</FONT></div> <div>  Let others argue over small things, but not you.</div> <div>  Let others cry over small hurts, but not you.</div> <div>  Let others leave their future in someone else's hands, but not you. </div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="07fc2100.gif" border=0 width="450" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> Emery and Campbell indicate that there are only 4 basic emotions: Mad, sad, glad, and scared. </div> <div> All emotions are derivatives of the four.  </div> <div> Too much sadness becomes depressions</div> <div> Too much gladness becomes mania</div> <div> Too much fear becomes panic</div> <div> Too much anger becomes rage. </div> <bR> <div> Robert Plutchik identifies 8 primary emotions: Joy, acceptance, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger, and anticipation.  </div> <div> He suggests these primary feelings can combine to form other mixed emotions. </div> <div> Anticipation and Anger mix to be aggressiveness</div> <div> Disgust and sadness mix to make remorse</div> <div> Fear and surprise mix to make awe. </div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <IMG SRC="07fc2100.gif" border=0 width="450" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> Culture and Emotions</div> <div> In one experiment of students with varied ethnic backgrounds-Caucasian, African American, Asian, Hispanic--the participants were asked to identify 56 photos representing their social situations. They identified the type of emotions, intensity and appropriateness.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Ethnicity seemed to play a role in the interpretation</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Blacks perceived the  emotions in the books as more intense than the Caucasian, Asian and Hispanic subjects</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Asians perceived the emotions as least intense</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Blacks reported a greater frequency of anger expressions than did the other groups</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Caucasians perceived the display of several emotions as more appropriate than did the other groups</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Asians perceived the display of emotions as least appropriate.</div> <bR> <div> One aspect of communication competence is the ability to understand our own cultural filters when judging other's behaviors. </div> <bR> <div> <B>Gender and Emotions</b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">As a group women are more likely than men to express both positive emotions (love, liking, joy, and contentment) and feelings of vulnerability (fear, sadness, loneliness, and embarrassment)</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Men rarely express these emotions, especially to male friends, although they may open up to the woman they love. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Men reveal strengths</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Women are more likely to use emoticons (such as the symbol :)  )</div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <IMG SRC="08877560.jpg" border=0 width="119" height="86" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <B>Power and Emotions</b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">People who are less powerful learn to read more powerful person's signals.  </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">One experiment revealed that "women's intuition" should be relabeled "subordinate's intuition." </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">In oppposite-sex twosomes, the person with less control-regardless of sex--was better at interpreting the leader's nonverbal signals than vice versa. </div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="07fc2100.gif" border=0 width="450" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> Consider these definitions on human relations (Walker & Brokaw, 1986)</div> <bR> <div> The greatest comfort is               <B>kindness</b></div> <div> The greatest handicap                    <B>fear</b></div> <div> The nicest feeling                    <B>appreciation</b></div> <div> The worst mistake                    <B>bitterness</b></div> <div> The best help                         <B>clear thinking</b></div> <div> The greatest power                    <B>love</b></div> <div> The sorriest pain                    <B>anxiety</b></div> <div> The most needless burden               <B>false guilt</b></div> <div> The pleasantest attitude               <B>cheerfulness</b></div> <div> The highest barrier                    <B>false pride</b></div> <div> The most wasteful action               <B>self pity</b></div> <div> The deepest need                    <B>understanding</b></div> <div> The brightest hope                    <B>personal maturity</b></div> <div> The most pressing ache               <B>loneliness</b></div> <div> The greatest problem                    <B>the self</b></div> <div> The most constant need               <B>self assurance</b></div> <div> The saddest feeling                    <B>rejection</b></div> <div> The greatest yearning                    <B>tenderness</b></div> <div> The sweetest joy                    <B>romance</b></div> <div> The swiftest resolution               <B>self-knowledge</b></div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="07fc2100.gif" border=0 width="450" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <IMG SRC="089787a0.gif" border=0 width="120" height="122" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <B>Emotional Contagion</b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Emotions can be transferred from one person to another</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Researchers has 2 volunteers identify their emotions by survey</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">The volunteers were left in a room facing each other for 2 minutes while "waiting for the researcher"</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Time after time, the less expressive partner's moods came to resemble the modes of the more expressive one --as revealed in a survey. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"We can catch feelings from one another as though they were some kind of social virus."</div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="07fc2100.gif" border=0 width="450" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <IMG SRC="08b5a810.jpg" border=0 width="90" height="129" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> Anger Provoking Actions by Others</div> <div> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="436" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 23 ><NOBR><div> <B>Type of Behavior</b></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="114"><div> <B>Males</b></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="126"><div> <B>Females</b></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 19 ><NOBR><div> Physical Aggression</div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="114"><div> 45</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="126"><div> 55</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 19 ><NOBR><div> Verbal Aggression</div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="114"><div> 25</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="126"><div> 34</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 19 WIDTH="170"><div> Insensitivity</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="114"><div> 9</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="126"><div> 37</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 19 WIDTH="170"><div> Condescension</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="114"><div> 18</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="126"><div> 48</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 19 WIDTH="170"><div> Dishonesty</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="114"><div> 2</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="126"><div> 5</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 19 WIDTH="170"><div> Inefficiency</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="114"><div> 1</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="126"><div> 1</div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> Harris 1994 In <I>Becoming Aware</I> by Velma Walker and Lynn Brokaw</div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="07fc2100.gif" border=0 width="450" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <B>Expressing Emotions</b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">People who know how to express their emotions are healthier than those who don't.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Inexpressive people-those who value rationality and self-control, try to control their feeling and impulses, and deny distress. These people are more likely to to get a host of ailments, including cancer, asthma, and heart disease. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Overly expressive people also suffer psychologically</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">When people lash out verbally their  blood pressure jumps an average of 20 points. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">The key to health is to express emotions constructively</div> <bR> <div> <B>Expressing Emotions</b></div> <div> See how many feeling you can write down....</div> <bR> <bR> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">People who act out angry feelings-even by hitting an inanimate punching bag--actually feel worse than those who experience anger without lashing out. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Use language that expresses that you are responsible for your feelings</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">No-You're making me angry</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Yes-I'm getting angry</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">No- You hurt my feelings</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Yes-I feel hurt when you do that</div> <bR> <bR> <div> Most people suffer from impoverished emotional vocabularies.  Most people use good, bad, terrible, or great to describe their day.  </div> <bR> <div> <B>Thoughts Caused Feelings</b></div> <div> Cognitive psychologists argue that it is not events that cause people to feel bad but rather the beliefs they hold about these events. </div> <bR> <div> In job interview, people who become nervous are more likely to use negative self-talk when they think about their performance. </div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <IMG SRC="07fc2100.gif" border=0 width="450" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <B><U>The Criteria of Emotional Maturity</U></b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Wing0a73006f011800000000.gif" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">The ability to deal constructively with reality </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Wing0a73006f011800000000.gif" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">The capacity to adapt to change </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Wing0a73006f011800000000.gif" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">A <I><B>relative</b></I> freedom from symptoms that are produced by tensions and anxieties </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Wing0a73006f011800000000.gif" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">The capacity to find more satisfaction in giving than receiving </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Wing0a73006f011800000000.gif" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">The capacity to relate to other people in a consistent manner with <I><B>mutual</b></I><I> </I>satisfaction and helpfulness </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Wing0a73006f011800000000.gif" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">The capacity to sublimate, to redirect one's instinctive hostile energy into creative and constructive outlets </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Wing0a73006f011800000000.gif" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">The capacity to love </div> <div> <B>William C. Menninger, MD</b></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <IMG SRC="07fc2100.gif" border=0 width="450" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>Irrational Thinking and Debilitative Emotions</b></div> <div> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="525" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 76 WIDTH="184"><div> <B>The Fallacy of Perfection</b></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="322"><div> Believe that worthwhile communicators should be able to handle every situation with complete confidence and skill. Assume that people won't accept you if your imperfect. </div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 96 ><NOBR><div> <B>The Fallacy of Approval</b></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="322"><div> It is vital to get the approval of every person.  The people will go to incredible lengths to seek approval from others even when they have to sacrifice their own principles and happiness to do so. </div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 115 ><NOBR><div> <B>The Fallacy of Shoulds</b></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="322"><div> The inability to distinguish between what is and what should be.  "There should be no rain on weekends," "People ought to live forever." "I should be able to find a quick solution to every problem," "I should always be happy," "I should always demonstrate unselfishness."</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 114 WIDTH="184"><div> <B>The Fallacy of Over generalization</b></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="322"><div> Limited Evidence: "I am so stupid, I can't even remember how to so my income tax." "Some friend I am, I forgot my friend's birthday." </div> <div> Exaggeration of shortcomings: "You never listen to me," "Your always late," "I can't think of anything."</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 172 WIDTH="184"><div> <B>The Fallacy of Causation</b></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="322"><div> Based on the irrational belief that emotions are caused by others rather than by one's own self-talk. Becoming overly cautious about communicating because they don't want to cause any pain or inconvenience to others. "Keeping quiet when another's behavior is bothering you." "Pretending to be attentive when you are really late for an appointment and want to go."</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 153 WIDTH="184"><div> <B>The Fallacy of Helplessness</b></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="322"><div> Suggests that satisfaction in life is determined by forces beyond your control. People continue to see themselves as victims.  "There's no way a woman can get ahead in this society  It's a man's world." "I was born a shy person, I would like to be more outgoing but there is nothing I can do about it." Most "I can't" statements should really be rephrased as "I won't."</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 76 WIDTH="184"><div> <B>The Fallacy of Catastrophic Expectations</b></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="322"><div> If something bad can possibly  happen, it will. "If I invite them to the party, they probably won't come." "If I apply for the job I want, I probably won't get hired."</div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="1" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="470" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="VOID" RULES="NONE" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 75 ><NOBR><div> <IMG SRC="07fc2100.gif" border=0 width="450" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>What really matters: Character</b></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="1" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="470" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="VOID" RULES="NONE" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 551 WIDTH="466"><bR> <div> Which is more important: Skill, talent and intelligence or character? </div> <div> A host of thinkers, modern and ancient, agree: Character.</div> <div> This may seem odd in a society where skill leads to fame and well-known people succeed despite their transgressions, but even authors who encourage worldly success place character above skill.</div> <div> Author Stephen R. Covey defines character as being made up of the principles and values that give your life direction, meaning and depth. These constitute the inner sense of what's right and what's wrong. You know the difference between right and wrong based on inner traits of integrity, honesty, courage, fairness and generosity. </div> <div> Philip Eaton, president of Seattle Pacific University, echoes these thoughts in a column written for the Seattle Times. "History should teach us that we need more than competence...Competence can make the trains run on time, but only character, based on enduring values, can make our society something more than efficient. Good character leads to goodness. Good character brings health, life and hope. People will always get hurt in the presence of bad character."</div> <div> Dr. Russell Gough, author of <I>Character is Destiny</I> (Prima, 1998), says: "Knowledge without character--without, that is, virtues such as honesty, self-control, responsibility, and compassion--is worthless at best and evil at worst. Or, as President Theodore Roosevelt famously expressed it, 'To educate a person in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to society.'"</div> <div> These writers agree that our character is what shows when we are put to the moral test. In a rough situation, do we lie or tell the truth? Do we choose honesty and fairness even when this could lead to losses? As Mark Twain said, "The weakest of all weak things is a virtue which has not been tested in the fire."</div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="07fc2100.gif" border=0 width="450" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <B>Minimizing Debilitative Emotions</b></div> <div> 1.  Monitor your emotional reactions. </div> <div> 2.  Note the activating event</div> <div> 3.  Record Self-talk</div> <div> 4.  Dispute your irrational beliefs.</div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <IMG SRC="07fc2100.gif" border=0 width="450" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> I believe that courage is all too often mistakenly seen as the absence of fear.  If you descend by a rope from a cliff and are not fearful, to some degree, you are either crazy or unaware.  Courage is seeing your fear in a realistic perspective, defining it, considering the alternatives and choosing to function in spite of risk. Leonard Zunin. </div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <IMG SRC="07fc2100.gif" border=0 width="450" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> In Class Overheads</div> <bR> <div> There is Power in A Name</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Ms, Miss, Mrs.,</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Black, African, American, Negro</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Blind, Visually Impaired, Visually Challenged</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Handicapped Kid</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Policeman, Policewoman, Police officer</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Steward, Stewardess</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Redskins, Indians, Native Americans</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> We are attracted to those who have a speaking style similar to ours.</div> <bR> <div> <B>Linguistic Solidarity-</b>adopting the same slang and speech mannerisms.</div> <bR> <div> <B>Convergence</b> - adapting another’s speech style</div> <bR> <div> <B>Divergence</b> is speaking in a way that emphasizes differences.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> Small Talk</div> <bR> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Feed the other person information that might start a conversation</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Ask questions about shared locations, people, places, events</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Avoid yes and no questions</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Don’t disclose too much information</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Avoid short answers</div> <bR> <div> <B>Compliments</b></div> <bR> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Need to be sincere</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Compliment the person rather than an object. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"You have great taste in clothing" which compliments the person versus "I like your dress" which compliments the dress. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"That hairstyle suits you." versus "Nice hair cut"</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"You have a beautiful home" versus "You have wonderful taste.  Everything looks so lovely. "</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>