Chapter Nine: Improving Communication Climates

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border-top:1px solid #393939; clear:both; display:none; width:100%!important; position:relative; z-index:999999!important; height:90px!important"> <div class="adCenterClass" style="display:block!important; overflow:hidden; width:916px;"> <div id="footerAd_container" style="display:block!important; float:left; width:728px"> <iframe id="lycosFooterAdiFrame" style="border:0; display:block; float:left; height:96px; overflow:hidden; padding:0; width:750px"></iframe> </div> </div> </div> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=100 BGCOLOR="#CCCCFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="04000640egdysm.jpg"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#000066" FACE="Arial" ><B>Interpersonal Communication</b></FONT><FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#000099" FACE="Arial" ><B> </b></FONT><B>    |     </b><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Interpersonal Communication"><U><B>home</b></U></A></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>A Communication Website for Students and Teachers by Lynn Meade </b></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width=200 BGCOLOR="#0000BF" TEXT="#F7F7FF"> <div> <B><IMG SRC="05cb2ac0.gif" border=0 width="178" height="172" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></b></div> </td> <td valign="top" height=380 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <I>Chapter Nine: Improving Communication Climates</I></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <IMG SRC="07fc2100.gif" border=0 width="450" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <B>Life is an Echo</b></div> <div> <B>What you send out--Comes back</b></div> <div> <B>What you sow--You reap</b></div> <div> <B>What you give--You get</b></div> <div> <B>What you see in others--Exists in you</b></div> <div> <B>Zig Ziglar</b></div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="07fc2100.gif" border=0 width="450" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <B>Communication Climate:</b>  The Key To Positive Relationships</div> <bR> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Communication climate refers to the emotional tone of the relationship. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Satisfied customers have a 5:1 ration of positive to negative statements</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">The ration for dissatisfied couples is 1: 1</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Studies show that performance and job satisfaction increase when the communication climate is positive.  </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Teacher confirmation plays a significant role in college student's learning.  </div> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="1" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="439" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="VOID" RULES="NONE" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 43 ><NOBR><div> <IMG SRC="07fc2100.gif" border=0 width="450" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <B>Anyway</b></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="1" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="439" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="VOID" RULES="NONE" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 675 WIDTH="435"><div> [The verses below reportedly were engraved on the wall of Mother Teresa's home for children in Calcutta, and are widely attributed to her. However, according to The New York Times, the verses actually were written by 19-year-old Kent Keith in a motivation booklet for high school counselors published while he was a student at Harvard in 1966. In 2002 Keith was communications director at the Honolulu YMCA.]</div> <bR> <div> People are often unreasonable, illogical,</div> <div> and self-centered;</div> <div> Forgive them anyway.</div> <div> If you are kind, People may accuse you</div> <div> of selfish, ulterior motives;</div> <div> Be kind anyway.</div> <div> If you are successful, you will win some</div> <div> false friends and some true enemies;</div> <div> Succeed anyway.</div> <div> If you are honest and frank,</div> <div> people may cheat you;</div> <div> Be honest and frank anyway.</div> <div> What you spend years building, </div> <div> someone could destroy overnight.</div> <div> Build anyway.</div> <div> If you find serenity and happiness,</div> <div> they may be jealous;</div> <div> Be happy anyway.</div> <div> The good you do today,</div> <div> people will often forget tomorrow;</div> <div> Do good anyway.</div> <div> Give the world the best you have,</div> <div> and it may never be enough;</div> <div> Give the world the best you've got anyway.</div> <div> You see, in the final analysis,</div> <div> it is between you and God;</div> <div> It was never between you and them anyway.</div> <bR> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> <IMG SRC="07fc2100.gif" border=0 width="450" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <B>Confirming and Disconfirming </b><B>Communication</b></div> <div> <B>Confirming communication-</b>messages that convey valuing</div> <div> <B>Disconfirming</b>-messges that show lack of regard.  </div> <bR> <div> <B>Types of Confirming Messages</b></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Recognition</b></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Acknowledgment</b></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Endorsement</b></div> <bR> <div> <B>Disconfirming Messages</b></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Verbal Abuse</b>: Come here, fatty!</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Complaining:</b> Why can't you clean up after yourself.</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Impervious Response:</b> Ignoring the other persons attempt to communicate</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Interrupting:  </b></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Irrelevant Response: </b></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Tangential Responses:</b>  Using the other person's words as a starting point for a different topic.</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Impersonal Responses:</b> Loaded with clichés; Get used to it, that's life. </div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Ambiguous Responses:</b> Have more than one meaning</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Incongruous Responses:</b> Contain messages that sees to contradict one another:  A:  I love you   B: I love you, too (Giggles)</div> <bR> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Being ignored can be more discomforting than being dismissed or attacked. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">It is psychologically healthier to have someone disagree with you than to ignore you. </div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="07fc2100.gif" border=0 width="450" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> Communication is the lifeblood of every relationship.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" >  When open, clear, sensitive communication takes place, the relationship is nurtures.  When communication is guarded, hostile or ineffective, the relationship falters.  When the communication flow is largely obstructed, the relationship quickly deteriorates and ultimately dies.  Where communication skills are lacking, there is so much lost love-- between spouses, lovers, friends, parents, and children.  For satisfying relationships, it is essential to discover methods that will help us at least partially bridge the interpersonal gaps that separate us from others. </FONT></div> <bR> <div> Robert Bolton in his book <I>People Skills</I> as reported in <I>Becoming Aware</I>. </div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="07fc2100.gif" border=0 width="450" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>"Let Go"</b></div> <bR> <div> <B>to "let go" does not mean to stop caring;</b></div> <div> <B>it means I can't do it for someone else.</b></div> <div> <B>to "let go" is not to cut myself off;</b></div> <div> <B>it's the realization I can't control another.</b></div> <bR> <div> <B>to "let go" is not to enable,</b></div> <div> <B>but to allow learning from natural consequences.</b></div> <bR> <div> <B>to "let go" is to admit powerlessness,</b></div> <div> <B>which means the outcome is not in my hands.</b></div> <bR> <div> <B>to "let go" is not to try to change or blame another;</b></div> <div> <B>it's to make the most of myself.</b><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#000080" FACE="Arial" ><B> </b></FONT></div> <bR> <div> <B>to "let go" is not to care for, but to care about.</b></div> <bR> <div> <B>to "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.</b></div> <bR> <div> <B>to "let go" is not to judge,</b></div> <div> <B>but to allow another to be a human being.</b></div> <bR> <div> <B>to "let go" is not to be in the middle</b></div> <div> <B>arranging all the outcomes,</b></div> <div> <B>but to allow others to affect their own destinies.</b></div> <bR> <div> <B>to "let go" is not to be protective,</b></div> <div> <B>but to permit another to face reality.</b></div> <bR> <div> <B>to "let go" is not to deny, but to accept.</b><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#000080" FACE="Arial" ><B> </b></FONT></div> <bR> <div> <B>to "let go" is not to nag, scold or argue</b></div> <div> <B>but instead to search out</b></div> <div> <B>my own shortcomings and correct them.</b></div> <bR> <div> <B>to "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires,</b></div> <div> <B>but to take each day as it comes</b></div> <div> <B>and cherish myself in it.</b></div> <bR> <div> <B>to "let go" is not to criticize and regulate anybody,</b></div> <div> <B>but to try to become what I dream I can be.</b></div> <bR> <div> <B>to "let go" is not to regret the past,</b></div> <div> <B>but to grow and live for the future.</b></div> <bR> <div> <B>to "let go" is to fear less and love more.</b><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#000080" FACE="Arial" ><B> </b></FONT></div> <bR> <div> <B>- Author Unknown -</b></div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="07fc2100.gif" border=0 width="450" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>How Communication Climates Develop</b></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><U><IMG SRC="0a76f970.gif" border=0 width="111" height="151" ALT="Metafile Companion Picture (32-bit)" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></b></div> <div> After a climate is formed it can take on a life of its own and grow into a <B>self-prepetuating spiral</b>:  a reciprocating communication pattern in which each person's message reinforces the other's. </div> <bR> <div> <B>Escalatory Conflict Spirals</b> happen when one attack leads to another</div> <bR> <div> <B>De-escalatory Conflict Spirals:</b> Rather than fighting, the parties slowly lessen their dependence on one another, withdraw and become less interested in the relationship.  </div> <bR> <div> <B>Defensiveness Causes and Remedies</b></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Defensiveness</b> suggests guarding yourself from an attack. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Probably no communication pollutes and interpersonal climate more often than <B>defensive spirals.</b>  </div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Face-Threatening Acts</b>- messages that challenge the image we want to project.  Often results in defensiveness. </div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Types of Defensive Reactions</U></b></div> <bR> <div> <B>Attacking the Critic. </b></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Verbal aggression</b>:" Where do you get off calling me sloppy?  At least I pay my share of the bills on time."</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Sarcasm:</b> Disguising the counterattack in a barbed, humorous message: "You think I ought to study more?  Thanks for taking a break from watching soap operas and eating junk food to run my life."</div> <bR> <div> <B>Distorting Critical Information</b></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Rationalization</b> is the invention of logical but untrue explanations of behavior that is acceptable to the self. " I would help you out, but I really have to study."</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Compensation</b>: Uses a strength in one area to cover up a weakness in another: "I may not be around much but I give those kids the best things money can buy!"</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Regression</b>: Play helpless: "I'd like to have a relationship with you right now but I just can't.  (Won't should replace can't)</div> <bR> <div> <B>Avoiding Dissonant Information</b></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Physical Avoidance</b>: Steering clear of people who attack a presenting self. </div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Repression:</b> We mentally block out dissonant information</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Apathy:</b> Acknowledging unpleasant information but pretending that you don't care about it. </div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Displacement</b>: We vent aggressive of hostile feelings against people or objects that are seen as less threatening than the people or objects that threatened us originally. </div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <IMG SRC="07fc2100.gif" border=0 width="450" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <I>Jack Glibb studied the relationship  between  communication and interpersonal climates.  He identified communication that promotes defensive climates and those that foster supportive climates.</I></div> <bR> <div> <I>Categories of Defensive and Supporting Behaviors</I></div> <div> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="523" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 34 ><NOBR><div> <B>Defensive Climate</b></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <B>Supportive Climate</b></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 251 WIDTH="239"><div> <B>Evaluation</b></div> <div> <B>Judging another's actions as good or bad</b></div> <div> You don't know what your talking about</div> <div> Those jokes are disgusting</div> <div> You have no discipline</div> <div> Your sleeping too much</div> <div> You shouldn't have done that</div> <div> You did the right thing</div> <div> You shouldn't feel that way</div> <div> This is the worst paper I have ever read</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="265"><div> <B>Description</b></div> <div> <B>Describing another's behavior or actions</b></div> <div> I don't understand how you came up</div> <div> with that idea/</div> <div> When you tell off-color jokes I get really embarrassed.</div> <div> I wish you hadn't have done that</div> <div> You seem more sleepy lately</div> <div> Your running late</div> <div> You seem pleased with your decision</div> <div> You seem to be experiencing lower grades this semester</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 308 WIDTH="239"><div> <B>Certainty</b></div> <div> <B>Certain that only one opinion can be correct: Mine</b></div> <bR> <div> This is the only idea that makes sense</div> <div> Only a fool would vote for that person</div> <div> There's no point in discussing it any further</div> <div> If you don't see it than you are a dumb as they say</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="265"><div> <B>Provisionalism</b></div> <div> <B>Shuns absolutes and is open to possibilities</b></div> <div> One way to look at it is....</div> <div> It is possible that...</div> <div> The way I tend do see the situation is...</div> <div> I feel strongly on this subject, but I would like to hear what you have to say. </div> <bR> <div> <I>(Don't assume everyone sees thing the same way you do)</I></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 177 WIDTH="239"><div> <B>Control Orientation</b></div> <div> <B>This is a situation I will control</b></div> <bR> <div> Well, I like the Honda more than the Ford you want, and it's my money that's going to pay for it. </div> <div>  </div> <bR> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="265"><div> <B>Problem Orientation</b></div> <div> <B>This is a problem we can solve together</b></div> <div> It seems that we have really different ideas about how to spend our vacation.  Let's talk through what each of us wants and see whether there's a way for both of us to have a good vacation. </div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 139 WIDTH="239"><div> <B>Neutrality (indifference)</b></div> <div> <I><B>Appearing withdrawn or detached:  Whatever</b></I></div> <div> Like what I think really matters</div> <div> Move on</div> <div> I don't care</div> <div> It doesn't matter to me</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="265"><div> <B>Empathy</b></div> <div> <B>Identifying with another's emotions</b></div> <div> It sound like you really feel uncomfortable with your job</div> <div> I don't blame you for being worried about the situation</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 175 WIDTH="239"><div> <B>Superiority</b></div> <div> <B>My opinion is better than yours</b></div> <div> I know a lot more about this than you do?</div> <div> You just don't have my experience...</div> <div> Is this the best you could do?</div> <div> I remember when I used to that..</div> <div> As long as you live in my house...</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="265"><div> <B>Equality</b></div> <div> <B>We both have opinions lets hear each other out</b></div> <div> I want to hear what you have to say about this</div> <bR> <div> Let's tackle this problem together</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 232 WIDTH="239"><div> <B>Strategy</b></div> <div> <B>Manipulative, fake, having hidden agendas</b></div> <bR> <div> Would you do something for me if I told you it really matters</div> <bR> <div> Remember when I helped you with you math last semester?</div> <bR> <div> If you love me, you will...</div> <bR> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="265"><div> <B>Spontaneity</b></div> <div> <B>Straightforwardness-directness and honesty</b></div> <bR> <div> I really need your help with this computer glitch.</div> <bR> <div> Would you help me with my English assignment, I'm struggling for a topic. </div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <IMG SRC="07fc2100.gif" border=0 width="450" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <B>Why is Communication Difficult?</b></div> <div> When two people talk, six possible messages get through</div> <div> What you mean to say</div> <div> What you actually say</div> <div> What the other person hears</div> <div> What the other person thinks he hears</div> <div> What the other person says about what you said</div> <div> What you think the other person said about what you said. </div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="07fc2100.gif" border=0 width="450" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> Responding Nondefensively to Criticism</div> <bR> <div> 1.  Seek More Information</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800000000.gif" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Ask for specifics: <FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" >What did I do that is unfair?</FONT></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Guess about Specifics: </b>So you object to the language I used in writing the paper.  Was my language too  formal?"  "When you say that I'm not doing my share around the house, do you mean that I haven't been helping enough with the cleaning?'</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Paraphrase the Speaker's Ideas:</b> " Your salespeople seem to think its a great inconvenience to help a customer find anything around here." "So you didn't get enough help locating the items you were looking for, it that it?"</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Ask What the Critic Wants?</b></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Ask about the Consequences of Your Behavior: </b>"Why does it bother you when I lose money at poker? You know I never gamble more than I can afford?" "It's not the cash itself.  It's that when you loose, you're in a grumpy mood for two or three days, and that's no fun for me. "</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Ask What Else is Wrong</b>: "Is there anything else wrong?"</div> <div> <B>2.  Agree with the Critic</b></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Agree with the Facts:</b>"You're right, I am angry."</div> <div> "Now that you mention it, I did get pretty sarcastic."</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> : "I can see how you might think that."</div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="07fc2100.gif" border=0 width="450" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> What you are </div> <div> speaks so loudly</div> <div> I cannot hear what you say</div> <div> Ralph Waldo Emerson</div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="07fc2100.gif" border=0 width="450" height="16" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>