This is Weird! ---Trickster Priest, meet Clown Prince Part 4.A A "Slayers" production by G. A. Curtis Wildcat The only flames that exist in Curtis World come from my fireplace, comprende? ---------- THREE YEARS AGO - The diminutive, black-haired thief snuck into the palace in the dead of the night. No one would convict him, Phibrizzo, one of Shabranigdu's foremost loyalists, of stealing the three most powerful amulets on the continent from a wealthy prince---as long as he remained in the form of a child. This was only the second time he appeared as a kid in all his years, and he was going to put his appearance to good use. He was going to steal the amulets, retreat to his sanctuary, and destroy them. His attempt at thievery didn't go unnoticed. As he snuck towards the room where the amulets were stored, a man in a purple coat and jester's hat stepped out of the shadows. "Kid, you're not supposed to be here," he growled. "Go home." He stepped into the moonlight, which lit up his white face and dark-green hair---odd, especially for a human. "And what makes you think I'm going to leave?" Phibrizzo shot back. "Do you want me to tell the king about that little stunt you pulled with the fountain and the brass racquet?" The man dashed at him, brandishing a dagger. Phibrizzo deftly shot out of the way; he started to go for his more powerful weapons, but restrained himself. He couldn't afford to have himself found out as a Monster Lord. This routine continued on for several minutes until the man finally halted his attack, staring straight at the monster. "If you don't go, I'm going to have to give you some pie," he said. Perhaps it was Phibrizzo's imagination, but there was something about the man's smile that followed that sent violent chills down his spine. The mention of "pie", though, made no sense. What could be so harmful about pie? "I'll take the pie, and then I'll do what I set out to do," the disguised Monster lord retorted. "All right, fine. Here," the jester remarked, holding out a slice of pie. It was decorated with a little smiley face, with cherries for eyes and chocolate cream for a mouth. Phibrizzo took the pie slice and polished it off in 60 seconds flat. "Farewell, my boy," the man said as he walked away. Phibrizzo resumed the hunt for the amulets, wiping the chocolate cream off his mouth.... A chuckle escaped his lips. (What...what's happening...?) he shouted mentally. The chuckle became childish giggling. (It must've been...that pie!...Heh...eh-heh...) Phibrizzo stumbled back towards the door, hoping to get out of the castle, but fell face-first on the floor instead. Something in the back of his mind said that he was going to get caught, but the gales of all-out laughter prevented him from moving more than a couple feet. (Blasted...court jester!...I'm going to....) He gasped momentarily, then resumed his cackling. (...be the...ha-hah...first monster to... heh...become a total...ha-ha-heh...lunatic....!) The force of the laughter drove any and all conscious thoughts out of his mind. Even deeper within, where his transformation abilities were present and ready to work, something snapped under the weight and collapsed, burying them permenantly. The monster general remained where he was, pounding the floor in-between fits. And that was where the maids and attendants of the prince found him the next morning: on the floor, with swirls for eyes and a huge grin on his face. -- PRESENT TIME --- Violent explosions consisting of fireballs and flying bandits partially blocked the horizon. Shouts of "Money!" and "Fight!" echoed distantly throughout the forest. Through it all, a half-mile away from the explosions, Xellos was taking a light nap underneath the shelter of a tree. When the fighting finally ceased, he glanced up and looked around. "Sounds like Lina'll be back soon," he muttered. "Guess I'll rejoin her and the others." He teleported out of the tree. And wound up rematerializing directly above a purple-coated man with a white face. It took all of his concentration to keep from falling on top of him. (-Strange individual,-) he thought. (-He does seem rather familiar, though...-) --- THREE YEARS AGO --- Xellos found the raven-haired boy stretched out on a bed in the doctor's office. He didn't appear to be in too good a condition, either. (-Not much surprises me,-) Xellos thought, (-but this one takes the cake! Just who in the world did this to you?-) He leaned over and whispered something in the boy's general direction... The kid snapped out of it immediately, blinking his eyes. He then frowned and glared straight at Xellos. "No, I do NOT have bad taste in transformations, XELLOS," he snapped. "What'd you say that for?" Xellos shrugged. "Beastmaster Zelas told me to wake you up. She didn't say how." He chuckled a little. "Besides, purple really isn't your color." Phibrizzo sighed angrily. "I really ought to have a talk with her one of these da--" His entire body shuddered violently. "What?! Errgh!" Xellos blinked, confused. "Something wrong?" "I should know if there's something wrong," Phibrizzo said, nearly shouting outright. "And I DO know, because for some odd reason, I can't change back to my normal form!" "And...how'd this happen?" Xellos inquired, intrigued. "Welllll," Phibrizzo started, drawing out the first word, "I was raiding that castle in order to seek and destroy those amulets. I was attacked by a man in a purple coat and a white face. He had this grin that scared even me, and that's saying something. He threatened me with pie, I took it and ate it, and it turned me into a literal laughingstock for the next 10 minutes. I don't know where he is now, so don't even ask." Phibrizzo tried changing back again by putting every ounce of effort into it. This time, he managed to summon his monster form for a full minute, but the strain of maintaining it that long caused a violent vibration that nearly shattered his body---as well as nearly putting a hole in the roof. His eyes widened as he realized something. "Could laughing that hard have messed up my morphing?" His hands went to his face. "The most powerful of Shabranigdu's minions, trapped in a child's form?" He had to restrain himself to keep from sobbing; the last thing he needed was to be embarrassed in front of Zelas Metallium's loopy priest. "Possibly," Xellos said with a wide grin on his face. "But I can say this for certain: you can use that form to good advantage, since children 12 and under eat at the taverns for free! And the special this week is: `blueberry pie'!" Too late for restraint. "You're not helping," Phibrizzo groaned as Xellos phased out. "I only wish I knew where to find that joker...." he growled as he disappeared as well. ---------------- PRESENT TIME -------------- (-He's the one!-) Xellos mused, staring at the man below him. (-He's the same one from Phibrizzo's description!-) He landed behind him, deciding to talk to him and find out more. "Pardon me, sir, but you wouldn't have happened to have an encounter with a purple-shirted kid a few years ago, huh?" "Oh, yeah," the man chuckled, turning around. "What's it to you, Zero-Eyes?" Xellos just shrugged. "Just checking and making sure," he said. "Who are you?" "It's not really important, since I can't stay too long in this world, anyway," the white-faced man grinned. Xellos's eyes opened a bit wider. "And what's that supposed to mean?" "What I mean is, I'm from another plane of reality. A plane where people such as yourself are mere forms of entertainment for the masses. I didn't want to just watch the action, so I decided to find a way to become a part of it." He gestured to himself. "And as you can see, I succeeded. I tried a little experiment with that kid; I was merely trying to make him LAUGH. Unfortunately, I had to return home, so I couldn't see what happened next." "I see..." a smile of Xellos's own faded into being. "Any chance you could make people laugh without that particular experiment? Without poisoning the food or the air, I mean? Could be good for a few laughs on our part, as well." "I have all kinds of ideas!" the man shouted dramatically. "And they don't have be diabolically evil, either!" "Very well, then," Xellos smiled. "I guess I can work with you for a while. They don't call me `Xellos, the Trickster Priest' for nothing." "And they don't call me `The Joker' for nothing, either," the man snickered eerily. He stared at Xellos. "What happened to that kid, anyway?" "He's still alive, but he cracked like an egg," was all Xellos had to say. But that was okay; the Joker never had a doubt, and Gotham City wasn't the only place where he was going to be infamous. ---- Continued in Part 4.B. Two strawberry black-headed sorceresses? A certain Knight becoming clumsy? The Joker's in town, and those pranks aren't the only ones up the sleeve of his purple sport coat!