This is Weird! ---Go Fish Part Six of Negative Three A "Slayers" production by G. A. Curtis Wildcat Kharlosa Khosmosa, Kurthish, and Perana are mine. The song used later isn't...MAN, it isn't. *laughs* Where this fanfic is going this time, flaming would be useless. This takes place shortly after Part Five. ---------------------------------------------------------------- Phibrizzo sat on the edge of the bed, a large towel wrapped around him. His eyes were staring straight ahead, seeing nothing. A brown-furred hand waved in front of his face, but he never even blinked. The possessor of the hand, Kharlosa Khosmoa, walked over to where his partner Kurthish was sitting on a chair. "You were right. He's completely out of it," the catlike mazoku told him. Kurthish nodded. "When we transferred our memories regarding what we knew of Earth's anime, cultures and technology, it likely caused his mind to go blank temporarily. He'll be like that for the next few hours until he can completely digest that information." "I wasn't even aware that he had a mind to begin with," Kharlosa muttered. He shrugged. "Oh, well. Anything you want to do? Because I really don't want to stare at him all afternoon. That zoned-out expression is beginning to scare me." Kurthish looked at him, his expression curious. "Something's been bothering me. I know we haven't been around for very long, but don't you think there's a slight shortage of mazoku in the area? Outside of us three and Xellos, there aren't any in a 20-mile radius of this inn." One of Kharlosa's eyebrows arched. "Yeah, but I'd assumed it was because Lina Inverse and other competent humanos had something to do with it." "That's mostly true," Kurthish admitted, "but it isn't the complete truth. The mazoku that serve under Zelas Metallium, Dynast what's-his-name, and Gaav are the ones that Lina has faced on her travels...plus a rogue mazoku or two. Around the time of the War of the Monsters' Fall, most if not all of Boss Phibrizzo's servants bought it; if there are any left, they've done a spectacular job of shielding themselves." Kharlosa sighed irritably. "I hate it when you get all analytical...you're right, though. That just leaves one..." "Deep Sea Dolphin," they murmured in unison. The room was silent for a few seconds as the two mazoku worked this thought in their minds. Kharlosa finally spoke the question that was on his mind: "But why would Dolphin keep all her minions close to her? I mean, wouldn't she have wanted them to go out causing destruction like any other mazoku?" "In case you forgot, someone---I think it was Xellos, although I could be wrong---caused Dolphin to go insane," Kurthish explained, pointedly ignoring Kharlosa's last statement. "Anyone loyal to her would want to make sure she was safe. They'd probably anticipate that some kind of special reward would be given them if she ever snapped out of it." Kharlosa's eyes brightened. "So, what are you suggesting?" Kurthish smirked. "You up for a little trip, Kharlosa? When we exchanged memories with Phibrizzo, we got some of his in the process. We know exactly where to go, and what we should do." It looked like a sound idea. Kharlosa walked over to a nearby desk, pulled out a sheet of paper and vial of ink, dipped one of his claws into the vial, and wrote out a quick message in case their boss woke up while they were away. With that done, the two of them teleported out. The note read: "Gone fishing. We'll save you a trout. ---Kharlosa" ------------------- Deep Sea Dolphin's undersea fortress was something to look at...if you could withstand the pressure of being 4,000 feet under sea level. It was nearly three-quarters of a mile long and shaped like a giant trident, with one of the tips a hundred feet tall; the building's glass roof was created by Dolphin herself, and was impossible to cave in. Besides, it helped to have a nice view of the area. About a third of the mazoku who inhabited the building had either aquatic abilities or were leaning that way; thus, many of the rooms had pools that allowed them to venture out into the outside sea. For centuries, though, loyalty to their master had confined them to the palace in the hope that Dolphin would regain her sanity. Without her, they wouldn't know what to do. On occasion, a mazoku would be brave enough to leave the castle and gather information on current events; but other than that, no one dared to leave the ailing Dolphin by herself. Two of the mazoku guards at the fortress's foyer were startled when Kurthish and Kharlosa teleported behind them. They didn't stay startled for long, and they knew fellow mazoku when they saw them. "You two!" one of them shouted. "Who do you serve?" "Check our signatures, idiot," Kharlosa snapped before taking off like greased lightning down the hallway. "And eat my dust while you're at it!" Kurthish shook his head sadly before looking back at the guards. "We work for Phibrizzo. Sorry about this," he explained as he followed Kharlosa down the hall. One guard looked at the other, incredulous. "They work...for Phibrizzo?! I was sure that the last of his minions were destroyed a millenium ago!" "They've had to be kidding," the other mazoku told him. "Phibrizzo wouldn't want to waste his remaining energy on someone like them. Would he? And wasn't he destroyed not too long ago in that Giga Slave fiasco? Maybe they were created by whoever came to power after him." Oh, if only they knew. ----------- When Kharlosa was running at full steam, his speed was nearly unequaled. Although not quite at full blast, his current speed was enough to land him in the fortress's left prong within ten seconds---the one previously mentioned as being a hundred feet tall. When Kurthish followed him in, it took all of his willpower not to gasp at the sight. A massive silver diamond was hovering in the center of the room, bathed in a bluish-white pillar of light. Floating within the tinted diamond was the form of a twenty-year-old. Her mouth was shouting something, but the transparent cage prevented any sound from passing through. Her eyes were wide open, and she repeatedly pounded the barrier in a centuries-old attempt to break free. "Eeesh," Kharlosa muttered. "I wonder what Xellos said to freak her out." "Don't ask me," someone muttered from inside the room. "I wasn't there, and I doubt I want to know." Startled out of his wits, Kharlosa's index finger jerked upwards and fired off a trio of energy bolts in the voice's general direction. The shots *spanged* against something and phased out upon reaching the ceiling. The voice's originator sighed before stepping out of the shadows. "That has to be one of the weirdest attacks I've ever seen." Kharlosa took a moment to get his nerves under control, then shot back with a retort. "And that has to be the spikiest mohawk I've ever seen, Red." "It's the *only* mohawk you've ever seen," Kurthish told him calmly, his eyes still fixed on Dolphin's prison. "I'm assuming introductions are in order, Miss...?" The tall mohawk-headed mazoku nodded, smoothing out a wrinkle in the maroon uniform she was wearing. She spoke again with a gruffness that belied her near-skeletal frame. "Perana. I'm Mistress Dolphin's next-in-command after her priest and general. I've been assigned the duty of guarding her. Tell me what it is you're doing here in her private chamber, or else." "I knew something was fishy around here," Kharlosa wisecracked. "I'm Kharlosa Khosmosa, and he's Kurthish. To put it simply, we decided that the world could always use a few more mazoku and came to stop the insanity." Perana tilted her head slightly, then sniffed the air a few times. "I recognize that scent," she growled. "The both of you reek of Phibrizzo!" Kurthish glanced briefly at Kharlosa, who was trying his hardest to look smug. "I guess it was a good thing you tossed him out the window into those hot springs, after all." Perana shook her head angrily, repeatedly stomping her foot on the floor. "That's not what I meant! Phibrizzo's power surrounds you both!" Kharlosa stared back at her, chuckling. "Man, you're nervioso. We try to do a world of mazoku a favor, and you're all suspicious just because our boss has a bad rep." Perana folded her arms haughtily. "So I was right. You two were created by Phibrizzo after all! What kind of purpose does he have in wanting to restore my mistress's mental health, and why didn't he just come himself?" "We came here of our own free will, Miss Perana," Kurthish told her. "Phibrizzo is...incapacitated at the moment. He doesn't know about this, mostly because he doesn't know that there is a way of returning Dolphin's mind to her." "And you expect me to believe you?" Perana scoffed. "Whether you believe it or not is up to you," Kurthish said, smiling slightly. "Besides, dignity won't permit him to pay any visits anytime soon." "Dignity?" "Maybe one of these days I can show you what I mean." Kurthish turned his gaze to Dolphin, then back to Perana. "*After* we release Dolphin's mind and get you a few cheese steaks." "I *always* look like this, idiot!" Dolphin's guardian snapped. "I look like this by choice. Any mazoku knows that the amount of food he eats doesn't effect how he appears physically!" "And that 'any mazoku' is you?" Kharlosa joked. "When Kurthish sits around the house, he REALLY sits around the---" *SMACK* "---ow!" "ANYWAYS, getting back on topic," Kurthish said loudly while rubbing the back of his hand, "I came here to free a mazoku lord, and that's what I'm going to do." "So, you're really intent on releasing my mistress...very well," Perana decided, unfolding her arms and sitting down on the floor. "In order to crack the diamond prison it's necessary to use a sound so high that most people, mazoku or otherwise, wouldn't be able to hear it. That much I know." Kharlosa stepped forward. "That's my cue." Opening his mouth slightly, he rapidly vibrated his vocal cords at a high intensity. The resulting sound waves passed straight through the diamond, cracking and then shattering it completely. The whole process took two-tenths of a second, but it got the job done by dropping the crazed monster onto the floor and extinguishing the light pillar. Almost immediately, a high-pitched screaming assaulted the ears of everyone in the room. "I'm assuming the next step is shutting her up?!" Kharlosa yelled at his partner. "Right as rain," Kurthish snapped. "Perana, I'll quiet her down! You make sure she doesn't go anywhere!" If it meant helping Dolphin, Perana was eager to do it. She bolted from her seat and engaged an armlock just as Kurthish slapped something over the high-level monster's mouth. The struggling didn't stop, but at least her screaming did. Before they want on, Perana was curious about something. "What was it you put on her mouth? I've never seen it before." "It's called duct tape," Kurthish said, chuckling. "Comes in handy in sticky situations." He stepped back to re-examine their captive, his laughter gone. "I'd seen pictures of Deep Sea Dolphin, but I don't think they compare to the real thing." Even touched in the head, Dolphin was a sight to behold; the sea was her chosen palette. Her blue hair (some of it tied into dual ponytails) literally seemed to melt into the dress that she chose to wear (it was actually an optical illusion, but Kurthish and Kharlosa didn't know that), her sapphire earrings seemed to shine with their own light, and her turquoise eyes... ...screamed insanity. Kurthish shook his head. "Now the next step is figuring out how to soothe her mind and bring it back to normal." Perana tapped a few fingers against her chin thoughtfully. "Well, I do remember Xellos saying something to me shortly after Mistress Dolphin went berserk, but I could never figure out what he meant. He said something like: 'Soothe the raging hydra. Fight insanity with insanity with music that surpasses dimensional boundaries.' When I asked him what he meant, he said 'That is a secret' and shuffled off." "That *is* rather loco," Kharlosa murmured. "What does it mean?" "If I knew, there'd be a lot more monsters in this world," Perana deadpanned. "The fact remains that his puzzle has remained unsolved to this day." "I know what he means," Kurthish said, sneering in disgust. Two heads immediately spun to face him. "Well, what do you know about this?" Kharlosa snapped. "Out with it!" "I'm not entirely sure, but the gist of it is 'sing a song so stupid it couldn't possibly be of this planet, and she'll calm down.' There's only one song that I can think of that matches that description," Kurthish explained, wincing at the thought of it. "A song?" the others asked in unison. "Well, it's more of a musical chant, actually," Kurthish said. He scratched the back of his head nervously. Kharlosa's expression fell. "Wait a second. You couldn't possibly mean----no. No stinking way! It's one of the dumbest songs out there!" he yelled, his voice on the verge of panic. "Well, since it matches Xellos's puzzle perfectly, I'm singing it," Kurthish growled warningly, his voice rising to echo throughout the chamber. "And unless you want Dolphin to remain as she is, I'll need you two as backup. Miss Perana, Kharlosa knows the backup role well enough. Just do as he does." Kharlosa groaned as he resigned himself to his fate. Not really understanding, Perana stood next to him with her arms still engaged in the lock. Finally, Kurthish gathered a deep breath and started to recite the song's lyrics as a melody kicked up in the background... "Hubba hubba zoot zoot. Aba-uba zut zut a-num num. Hubba hubba zoot zoot. Aba-uba zut zut a-num num. Ahu-appa hu-appa aha-huappa a-num nummm." "Ahu-appa hu-appa aha-huappa a-num num..." Kharlosa chanted half-heartedly, his right eye twitching. "A-num. Hubba hubba zoot zoot. Aba-uba zut zut a-num num. Hubba hubba zoot zoot. Aba-uba zut zut a-num num. Ahu-appa hu-appa aha-huappa a-num nummm." This time, Perana joined Kharlosa in singing the backup; it took everything she had not to burst out laughing. Following that, the two of them tried their hands at singing the song, and then recited the basic chant a few times before Kurthish began singing again. At the end of the performance, Perana had given up all pretense of struggling and was rolling on the floor, holding her sides against the hilarity that threatened to overcome her. In so doing she had released the armlock on Dolphin, who collapsed to the floor. Kharlosa had stomped over to Kurthish and was yelling in his face, threatening to disclose the entire account to Phibrizzo once they returned. Kurthish was looking as nervous as possible, wondering how he had convinced himself to do this. And Dolphin? She sat there on the floor, her eyes *really* seeing for the first time in over 900 years. Suffice to say that the first thing she saw was a pair of arguing monsters who weren't familiar to her. But for the first time, she was relaxed and in control. And the first thing she did was to storm over to the arguing duo and yell: "Mmml oo mph hmmm mmllllrrr hmmms meemre mmozzem mml?!" Not skipping a beat, Kharlosa reached over, yanked the duct tape off Dolphin's mouth and resumed his argument. Her eyes goggled, but she refused to let anyone know how much that had stung. Instead, she let the sting boost her earlier request: "WILL YOU TWO FOOLS CLOSE YOUR MOUTHS BEFORE I CLOSE THEM MYSELF?!" Her cry got the desired effect, but she didn't get the chance to say anything else; Perana had engulfed the mazoku lord in a huge hug. "MistressDolphinit'sgoodtoseeyouupandaround. Nowwecangooutandbreakstuffagain! Yahoooooo!" Kurthish was amazed. "With someone that skinny, I didn't think she'd be that strong." "Yeah. You'd know, 'Slim Pickens'," Kharlosa said sarcastically. To Dolphin, he said: "Deep Sea Dolphin, I presume?" Dolphin broke Perana's hold, drew in a few breaths, and glared straight at the wild-haired monster that spoke to her. "Who are you two? State your business here," she proclaimed authoritatively, rubbing her sore mouth. Kharlosa growled irritably. "For the last stinkin' time, *WE WORK FOR PHIBRIZZO!* Sheesh. It's like we're talking to walls here." Kurthish smacked the back of Kharlosa's head, effectively taking over the conversation before Dolphin could take offense. "I'm Kurthish, and he's Kharlosa. I'll cut straight to the point. What was the last thing you remember?" "Who wants to know? Your boss?" Dolphin asked, seeming to glare straight through him. "No. Me. Phibrizzo has nothing to do with this. Right now, he's sitting on a bed somewhere with his mind suffering from temporary information overload. I had nothing better to do with my time, and I figured your minions would be tired of watching over you decade after decade." "Oh. Glad they even care. Well, I remember trying to learn from Xellos what my sister Zelas's role was in the War of the Monsters' Fall...besides that barrier, I mean. After that, it's as if nothing happened to me at all." "You willing to drop that question?" "No. Why?" "It's been over 950 years since you went insane, and you might want to learn about the things that have happened since then." This interested Dolphin. "I see. Tell me everything you know." She pointed out Perana, plus a few other mazoku who had heard the commotion. Lastly, she turned to Kurthish. "Follow me to my conference room, and start from the beginning." She turned slightly to glare at Kharlosa. "And no funny business. Do you understand me?" Kharlosa nodded, grumbling silently as he disintegrated the "I swim like a flounder" sign held behind his back. --------------------- Several hours had gone by since then. By that time, Dolphin had gotten a clear picture on world events and on what her siblings had been up to. She wasn't the least bit surprised about what had happened to Gaav and Phibrizzo, although some of the actions taken by the other two siblings puzzled her somewhat. Finally, she decided to drop in on Dynast and Zelas in order to say hi (and also in the case of Zelas, to smack her around a bit). "You'd better keep this conversation a secret," she had told Kurthish. "If my siblings found out that I was thankful to Phibrizzo's last henchmen, they'd never let me hear the end of it." And that was that. The two minions teleported back to the inn, stopping long enough to snag a trout at a nearby river. Phibrizzo was still sitting on the bed when they got back, but this time he was fully conscious. He looked up as they rematerialized. "I saw your note. Did you catch anything?" "Yeah. We got ourselves a trout," Kharlosa said, smiling. "We caught ourselves a dolphin too, but we decided to throw it back." The trout, which had hung limp in Kharlosa's arms since he'd caught it, slapped his face a few times with its tail before leaping free and sliding out the window. Angrily, Kharlosa dove after it---right into the hot spring. "Come here, dinner! You ain't getting away from me!" Phibrizzo was all grins as he watched the scene. "About time he did something stupid. Heh, heh, heh." "Okay, you've had a laugh at our expense," Kurthish muttered, resisting the urge to facefault. "Anything else, boss?" "Yeah, go to the market and buy some pepper. I prefer my fish extra-spicy. Ha-ha!" Kurthish just groaned and stared out at the window at Kharlosa, who tried again to grab their dinner but succeeded only in ramming his face into the side of the pool. "So we're stuck here for the rest of the day. Terrific." --------------------------------------- Hmmm....I think at this point, I'd better leave those guys alone for a while and head back to the real stars of the show. Can't let the mazoku have all the fun, and besides: I'm replacing the plotlines I lost. Next time: Amelia enters a poetry contest. Lina, Gourry, and Xellos have an intellectual conversation. Luna discloses some details of an excellent adventure. Zelgadis drinks some coffee.