"Hamsters In Love" by DVGBA
MSTed by Curtis Wildcat

Chapters 3-5

------------

Chapter Three

>Hamsters in Love by DVGBA
>
>(Start of story notes: Hamha once again. I hope you enjoy the story 
>so far. I'm sure you were wondering what's going to happen next.

Kharlosa: (laughing) Hah!  Just how sure *is* "sure" nowadays, eh?

>This chapter will answer your questions and at the same time, it
>will surprise you. Trust me.

Phibrizzo: Make me.

>Just a little reminder that the information I used is based on
>watching the first 20 Hamtaro episodes. So don't be surprised if
>the story later becomes held in winter.

Kurthish: If it snows hard enough, does it mean that none of the
characters will meet at the clubhouse?
Kharlosa: I can go along with that.

>This also means that a few characters in later episodes will not
>appear until future chapters. So anyway, I will respond to some
>newer reviews.

Kurthish: In response to actual reviews posted by actual reviewers!
Phibrizzo: (Space Ghost) Nope, nope, nope, no, maybe, no...

>To M2 the Mewtwo Guru, it's pretty good to see me cook up a good
>romance. I think you'll be surprised with this chapter.

Kharlosa: Now, scram and play chess with a Dragonite or something.

>And to rini124, holy cow! Another reviewer with the caps lock on.
>Thankfully, I'm glad to hear that you totally enjoy Hamtaro/Bijou
>romance stories. Just a question, are you the one who runs the
>Hamtaro and Bijou's Love webpage?

Phibrizzo: (terrified) Chibi Moon?!  She's read this story?!
Kurthish: So she's into webpage design...that should prepare her
for Crystal Tokyo's rulership rather nicely.
Phibrizzo and Kharlosa: (angrily) Kurthish, shut up!

>Maybe you should put a link to this story from the webpage. Oh, and
>one more thing before the story continues. Watch out for a little
>of Boss/Bijou. Don't worry, Hamtaro and Bijou are still a couple
>and it will remain that way.)
>

Kharlosa: A couple of squeaky annoyances.

>There was silence in the clubhouse since Bijou went to the bedroom
>to talk with Boss about what happened yesterday. All the other Ham-
>Hams were sitting at the round table, wondering what might happen
>yet.

Phibrizzo: Featuring Boss as Sir Galahad.

>Stan looked at Cappy and Panda, who haven't spoken a word yet. "Hey, 
>you two Ham-dudes," Stan broke the silence.

Kurthish: (Stan) So, uh...you like rummy or something?

>"Umm... are you talking to us?" Cappy asked. "Yes," Stan answered
>and asked, "don't you two worry about anything around here?"

Kharlosa: (Cappy) We worried about the 60%-off sale on all baseball
hats.  Does that count?

>"Not really," Panda said, "I don't do much other than fixing
>whatever is broken. I'm just too busy to think of other things."
>
>Panda went to the exit door to check if it was broken from
>yesterday. "Hmm..." Panda began, "the hinges seem to be out of
>place.

Phibrizzo: You'll have to close its mouth.  Try using two yards of
duct tape.

>I might want to spend the rest of the day fixing it before we all
>leave. We don't want to lose a door here." "HEY," Stan yelled, "you
>think that a DOOR is the most important topic of discussion?"

Kurthish: (Panda) Hey, it's open.  Okay?  It's not a door anymore.
It's---
Phibrizzo: We know, Kurthish.

>"Maybe we should all take a walk," Maxwell suggested, "I don't like
>to be stuck here all day." "That's a great idea Maxwell," Sandy
>said as she smiled proudly, "you are so smart."

Kharlosa: Isn't there this group of people out there made up of
geniuses?
Kurthish: Notice that there aren't any animals in that group.  That
should account for something.

>Maxwell blushed. "Yeah, we really need some fresh air," Pashmina
>said while Penelope replied with an "Ookyoo!" "I'd love to come
>with you guys, but..." Hamtaro began,

Phibrizzo: (Hamtaro) I need to wash my hair.  Each and every one of
them.

>"I am still tired from yesterday. Plus, I'm starting to get worried
>about Bijou." "And I'm worried about this door," Panda reminded. 
>"Then it's settled," Maxwell confirmed, "let's go have some lunch 
>outside."
>

Kharlosa: Bacon, egg, sausage and bacon, egg and ham, egg, sausage
and ham...
Phibrizzo: That's enough.

>With that, all the Ham-Hams, except for Panda, Hamtaro, and Snoozer, 
>left the clubhouse with Panda opening the door for everyone who 
>exited. "I really need a nap now," Hamtaro said,

All: (Oberon, from "Gargoyles") Sleeeep!  Sleeeep!  Sleeeep!
Kurthish: For some reason, Tom Servo comes to mind.

>"I'm still tired from yesterday." He yawned as he founded a spot
>to lie down and fall asleep. The only sounds that were made are the
>collision of a sunflower seed and wood. Panda was really working
>hard on that door.
>

Kharlosa: (Panda; darkly) There!  I've got that hinge hammered down
for the count!
Kurthish: Amazing what kind of tools you can get out of something
easily devoured.

>Bijou entered the bedroom and discovered that she couldn't see. 
>"Huh," she started to complain, "Where are zee lights?" A voice 
>started to answer,

Phibrizzo: So you haven't seen the light yet.  What else is new?

>"Oops, sorry about that. I turned them off so I'll be able to think
>easier. Now if I could... gah!" A crashing sound was heard.

Kurthish: Clear!

>"Hey, my hard hat fell off." The 'being' in the room was struggling
>to find a switch. "Hmm..." Bijou was feeling the wall for some sort
>of switch, "is this it?" The lights turned on as Bijou saw a fallen
>Boss.

Phibrizzo: (shocked) Seed-hammered doors, electricity...what's next?
Science labs run by rodents?
Kurthish: Fear can be a dangerous thing in the hands of housepets.

>She rushed towards him. "Are you all right?" she asked. "Yeah, I'm
>all right," Boss replied. As soon as he saw Bijou, he suddenly
>bolted to his feet and was blushing like crazy.

Kharlosa: (Boss) So you found out about my hockey card collection...
took you long enough to notice.

>"Uhh..." he started to struggle for words, "so... I was
>wondering..." "...vat happened yesterday?" Bijou finished. She knew
>exactly was Boss was going to say. "Boss," she continued, "we must
>talk about... what happened yesterday. Please sit down."

Kurthish: And if you don't want to talk about it, tough.  When a
hamster starts talking, its hard to stop.
Phibrizzo: Unless your name is Oxnard, that is.  Just give him a
snack, and he'll quit yammering.

>
>Both Boss and Bijou sat down on a nearby bed. They were silent for
>a few minutes thinking of what they should say to each other. Bijou
>knew that Boss loved her, but she didn't like him back the same
>way.

Kharlosa: (Bijou) So how about this: "I love someone else.  Let's
just be friends"?
Kurthish: (Boss) I don't know. (sighs) Rehearsals always take so
long...

>There were several reason as she was about to explain. "Boss,"
>Bijou began, "Oxnard explained to the other Ham-Hams and I about
>what happened yesterday. I couldn't believe that you were there.
>Why?"

Phibrizzo: Would you believe he just happened to be in the area?
If not, please get upset.

>Boss struggled to find out why, but he had to answer to the best of
>his ability. "I didn't know what to expect," he answered, "I had to
>prove to Oxnard that there was no scream."

Kurthish: Hey, how exactly do you prove that there was no scream?
Do you find some sort of tape recorder and play it back?
Kharlosa: (Boss) I was not screaming; I was yelling.  There's a big
difference!

>"So you decided to think of my screaming as some sort of game?"
>"No, what are you talking about?" "Boss, you are a coward," Bijou
>was furious now, "thinking you know everything."

Phibrizzo: Anger distorts the brain's thinking, as always.

>"But I'm not perfect." "That's a lie. You only care for yourself."

Kurthish: So if Boss is lying, does that mean he's perfect then?
Phibrizzo: Don't ask me.

>Bijou started to cry. She couldn't handle the emotions she was
>having and sobbed uncontrollably.

Kharlosa: Bijou.  Niagra Falls.  Can you tell the difference?

>"Don't cry Bijou," said Boss in a comfortably voice, "I'm sure
>we'll talk this over." "Please leave me alone," said Bijou while
>crying, "I don't want to see your ugly face."

(Phibrizzo does a double-take, then tries to suppress all-out
laughter)
Kharlosa: Go, Bijou!  Say it again!
Kurthish: (Bijou; as Python-esque French knight) Your mother vas a
guinea pig, and your father smelt of elderberries!

>Boss knew there was nothing he could do to reverse Bijou's mood. He
>had to think of something.
>
>All the other Ham-Hams were outside taking a walk. Sandy and Maxwell 
>were leading the group holding hands.

Kurthish: It should be noted that none of those were their own.

>Behind them were Pashmina, Penelope, Dexter, Howdy, Stan, Cappy,
>and Oxnard. They were all looking for a nice open area to have
>lunch at.

Kharlosa: I'm kind of partial to "Taco Bell" myself.

>"Hey, there's a good spot," suggested Dexter, "would you agree
>Pashmina my dear?" "Oh you don't know a good enough spot," Howdy
>yelled at Dexter and pointed to another direction,

Phibrizzo: (points away from the screen) See that?
Kharlosa: I'm not falling for that old trick, boss.
Phibrizzo: (lowers his hand) Oh, well.

>"now there's a good spot to have lunch. Would Pashmina agree with
>that?" "Umm... actually," Pashmina started to speak before being
>interrupted by Stan. "Hey sweety," he began, "how about we have
>some lunch away from these two fools?"

Kurthish: (Pashmina) Actually, you guys stay here.  I'm heading over
to "Pizza Hut".

>"THAT'S IT! You asked for it," Howdy yelled. He was furious as he,
>Dexter, and Stan started yet another fight, once again being
>cleverly covered by the 'cartoon cloud'.

(Phibrizzo hums battle music from "Final Fantasy VII")

>Both Pashmina and Penelope sweatdropped. "Not again," Pashmina
>complained, "don't these boys ever get along?" Penelope replied
>with an "Ookyoo!"

Kharlosa: (Pashmina) Say "Ookyoo" twice for yes, and once for no.

>Perhaps the strangest thing was that the fight was actually moving
>at the same exact speed as the other Ham-Hams.
>

Phibrizzo: It should be; these guys are fighting on a treadmill.
Kurthish: Isn't fighting bad for business?

>Boss couldn't hear himself thinking as the excessive crying of Bijou 
>only gets louder. Boss got concerned that if someone was sleeping, 
>he/she could have woken up by Bijou's crying.

Kharlosa: You mean, like Snoozer?

>He could only at least try. "Bijou, please stop crying," Boss
>reminded her, "what if someone, especially Hamtaro, heard you
>crying?" The thought of Hamtaro immediately made Bijou stop crying.

Kharlosa: (Bijou) Hamtaro's sitting in the next room, juggling three
rubber balls while balancing a plate on his noise.  I must stop
crying!

>"You're wright," she responded, "I can't be a baby about zis. Only
>by talking, we could solve our problems." Boss was surely glad to
>see Bijou stop crying. 

Phibrizzo: Now that Bijou has stopped whining, Boss can go back to
sleep again.

>It was now much easier for him to think. "So where can we start
>Bijou?" he asked. "Umm... well..." Bijou had to think carefully
>about the good side of Boss.
>

Kharlosa: The side that doesn't get messed up when he sleeps at
night.

>Meanwhile with the other Ham-Hams, they found a nice open spot to 
>have lunch and run around a bit. Maxwell and Sandy were really the 
>only ones to actually eat lunch.

Kurthish: Everyone else was doing the running around.

>Dexter, Howdy, and Stan were still fighting, with the 'cartoon
>cloud' covering up the fight. Pashmina and Penelope were trying to
>stop the fight with no success.

Phibrizzo: Okay, who should we root for?
Kurthish: (chanting) Howdy!  Howdy!
Kharlosa: There's your answer. (nudges Kurthish) Stop that, pal.

>Cappy was finding some new 'hats' to put on while Oxnard watched
>everything around him as he nibbled his sunflower seed. Pashmina
>suddenly got the idea on how to teach the boys,

Kharlosa: Shove some apples in their mouths, then go back to
teaching elementary mathematics.

>as in Howdy, Dexter, and Stan, a lesson and whispered her plan to
>Penelope, who approved of the plan.

Kurthish: (Pashmina; as "Big O's" Roger Smith) My name is Pashmina.
In a fanfic that has lost its sanity, I am a negotiator.

>Sandy and Maxwell were glad to be able to spend some time together. 
>They have been a couple for a few weeks, but it was difficult to find 
>some time together. Surely, they were happy to say the least as they 

(Kharlosa shields his eyes)

>rubbed their cheeks against the other while making a 'schmubby-wubby' 
>sound.
>

Phibrizzo: (stands up and walks away) Excuse me for a second.
(Phibrizzo exits stage left.  A second later, there is a series of
violent coughing noises)
Kharlosa: If you can't take the cute, get out of the theater.
(uncovers his eyes)

>Pashmina also whispered her plan to Oxnard and Cappy as they both 
>approved. The four of them were sure that this plan would work. And 
>now, their plan was in action. "Say Oxnard," Pashmina began, "would 
>you like to share your sunflower seed with me?"

(Phibrizzo re-enters the theater and sits back down)
Kharlosa: (singing) Caring is sharing, it can be----
Phibrizzo: (snaps) Do *you* want a case of the dry heaves?
Kurthish: The moral of the story: never combine a singing fish, a
gum advertisement, and this.

>"Oh, sure Pashmina," Oxnard answered, "I couldn't bear to finish my
>seed." He gave his one sunflower seed to Pashmina. This was Cappy's
>cue to sing, "Oxnard and Pashmina, sitting in a tree,
>K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"
>

(Kharlosa hisses at the screen)
Kurthish: That's "kissing", not "hissing".
Kharlosa: (hisses) I know.  Why do you think I'm so ticked off?

>Stan, Dexter, and Howdy stopped fighting as they heard this. "Hey," 
>Howdy yelled, "we can't let Oxnard get Pashmina like THAT!" "I'll 
>agree," Dexter said, "let's teach Oxnard not to impress her with our 
>backs turned." "You said it dudes," Stan agreed.
>

Phibrizzo: Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large
groups. (1)

>All three of them were rushing towards Oxnard and Pashmina when 
>Penelope got in the way and yelled "Ookyoo!" "What's the big idea?" 
>Howdy complained.

Kharlosa: (Howdy) What are you trying to do?  "Cute" us to death?

>"Yeah," Dexter said, "we were going to teach Oxnard a lesson here!"
>At that point, Pashmina, Oxnard, Cappy, and Penelope were all
>laughing, seeing that Howdy, Dexter, and Stan were tricked.  "Yo,"
>Stan asked, "what's so funny?"

Kurthish: (Cappy) I just realized that it was the *goat* that ate
the reel of film, not the cow!

>"Well," Oxnard said while laughing, "Pashmina pretended to have a
>crush on me in an attempt for you guys to stop fighting." "I can't
>believe it," Pashmina laughed, "they fell for our trick."

Phibrizzo: The trap is set.  Here comes the net!

>The three boys sweatdropped. "I can't believe we were outsmarted,"
>Howdy realized. "We shouldn't have fought all this time," Dexter
>said.

Kharlosa: (Stan) Because of our fight, we never got to have lunch.
This is all your fault!

>"I guess we owe beautiful here an apology," Stan suggested as all
>three said in unison, "We're sorry!" 

Phibrizzo: (Darth Vader) Apology accepted, Captain Needa.

>"Aww," Pashmina said, "well, I suppose that I should accept your
>apology then. But if you guys fight again..."

Kurthish: (Pashmina) No more mid-day snacks for you, and I'm taking
your Game Cube away.

>As she finished saying this, she rubbed Oxnard's cheek with hers
>making that 'schmubby-wubby' sound.

Kharlosa: The same sound that renders countertops clearer than
crystal.

>"We'll talk later," she whispered to him. "Huh?" was Oxnard's only
>reply.
>
>Maxwell and Sandy were sitting close to each other, observing the 
>sunset.

Phibrizzo: When that sun gets back up there, they'll be waiting.

>They knew that their 'magic time' has come. Their lips got closer
>to the other, and as they were about to kiss...

Kurthish: A nearby squirrel wanders right between them.

>"Hey, Sandy and Maxwell," called a voice. They were interrupted
>just before they kiss. Both of them looked behind them as the
>others were about to leave.

Kharlosa: (random hamster) On second thought, let's just leave them
there.  I mean, they can find their own way back.  Right?

"You two stalling again," Stan continued. Both Maxwell and 
>Sandy blushed as they followed the rest of them.
>
>Back at the clubhouse, Panda was making the finishing touches to
>the door.

Phibrizzo: All this for a broken hinge?  Panda, you need another
hobby.

>It was completely repaired as he used a towel to wipe his face full
>of sweat. He wondered if Bijou and Boss finished their discussion
>just yet and waited for the others to come.

Kurthish: (Panda) Hey, are you guys done babbling yet?  I'm trying
to concentrate here!

>
>Boss and Bijou were finishing their conversation on what happened 
>yesterday. "...and there you have it," Bijou was about to finish,

Kharlosa: (Bijou) He took me to see a movie, and I still think we
should've gotten popcorn.

>"Hamtaro and I are together. Our bond is too strong to break, 
>regardless of vat happens."

Phibrizzo: And to think it all came about because of a song and a
tabby cat. (sarcastic) They were right.  Love *is* blind.

>Boss listened to the whole lecture and now realized that Bijou and
>Hamtaro are a couple. "Well," Boss started to respond and rememberd
>giving her a sunflower filled with sunflower seeds,

Kurthish: Of course.  What else did you expect to find in a
sunflower?  Old bottle caps?

>"you should take this." He went up to the sunflower and gave it to
>Bijou. "Hamtaro should have given this to you when he and I visited
>the sunflower field," he explained, "now maybe you should give it
>to him."

Phibrizzo: (Boss) Or else.

>"Boss," Bijou became surprised and asked, "are you sure you want me
>to do that?"

Kharlosa: Just take the stupid thing, okay?

>"Exactly," Boss answered, "you and Hamtaro are together and are
>meant to be. Yet, I really care about you."
>

Kurthish: (Boss) Hamtaro, I challenge you!

>"Boss... you are so sweet," she said. "I love you Bijou," Boss 
>admitted, "you're the most beautiful girl I ever saw and you are
>also so nice."

Kurthish: (Boss) In fact, you're the *only* beautiful girl I've ever
seen, so that's not really saying much.

"oh... Boss," she knew he was going to say that, "you were 
>brave enough to say that. But there is something else I have to 
>say..."

Kharlosa: (Joan Jett; singing) I hate myself for loving you...
Phibrizzo: (same) Can't break free from the things that you do...
Kurthish: (same) I wanna walk, but I run back to you...
All: (same) That's why I hate myself for loving you!

>Boss was even more surprised than before, now he couldn't believe
>what he was going to hear. "It may sound worthless now, but..."
>Bijou was nervous, but she couldn't stop herself, "I love you too."

Phibrizzo: You should've quit while you were ahead.

>Boss couldn't believe what she said. "You mean... that..." "That's
>right Boss. I'm actually... in love with two boys at zee same time,
>you and Hamtaro."

Kharlosa: You were right, boss.  It isn't a love square or any of
those shapes.
Phibrizzo: See?  What did I tell you?

>"But... how?" "It's hard to explain. When I first realized when I
>was in love with both of you, I made a promise to myself that zee
>first boy to admit his love to me will become my boyfriend."

Kurthish: So they were boys, but not friends.  I get it now.

>"So... because I was so nervous and unable to express my love to
>you..." "...that's wright. If you haven't been so nervous, you
>would have been with me weeks ago. But now that's zee past.

(Phibrizzo smacks Kharlosa on the back of his head)
Kharlosa: Is this an excuse to quote that Disney monkey?
Phibrizzo: Yes.  What of it?...Oh.  Never mind.

>I'm with Hamtaro." "I realize that." "I know. Boss, don't worry
>about zee mistakes you made. I'm sure you'll make them up in zee
>future." 

Kurthish: A billiards tournament.  Whoever wins gets to talk about
their hobbies without being interrupted.

>"Thank you Bijou. I'm be sure to make them up." Bijou hugged Boss. 
>She knew that he'll be fine now. But she wanted to make sure that 
>Boss will remain like that. So she gave him a quick kiss on the 
>cheek.

Kharlosa: You were supposed to make him more understanding of your
situation.  How is *this* supposed to work, amigo?

>Boss blushed and said, "Woah... Bijou, you really didn't have to do
>that." "Well," she responded, "I knew you were going to need it
>sometime." Before she left, she took the sunflower seed-filled 
>sunflower and left the room as Boss followed.
>

Phibrizzo: Okay, what did you go into this room for?  Strange
how you can remember who you like, but you can't remember what you
were supposed to get.

>Hamtaro woke up just in time to see Boss and Bijou reenter the 
>clubhouse. "Hamha Boss and Bijou," Hamtaro greeted them and asked, 
>"did the discussion go well?"

Kurthish: (Boss) Oh, she kept on ham-hawing about something or
other.  Why?

>"Well," Bijou answered, "Boss now realized that you and I are
>together." She now remembered something and continued, "There's
>something I would like to give you." She took a sunflower and gave
>it to Hamtaro.

Kharlosa: (Hamtaro) You shouldn't have.  Really, you shouldn't have.
I actually wanted a new coaster.

>"Bijou," Hamtaro was surprised to receive the same sunflower that
>Boss gave Bijou, "you really didn't have to..."

Phibrizzo: In fact, you would've been better off giving that
sunflower to Stan or Penelope.

>"I think you should have been the one to give it to me," Bijou
>said, "Hamtaro, we're meant to be. I love you and that will never
>change."

Kurthish: Meant to be...insignificant.  Like gnats in a universe of
windshields.

>With that, she rubbed her cheek against Hamtaro's while making an
>'schmubby-wubby' sound. Hamtaro and Bijou left the clubhouse
>holding each other's paw.

Kharlosa: Bionic hamsters.  How else could they do that?

>"Boss, you made the right decision in realizing the truth," Panda
>said. "Yeah, I guess so," Boss confirmed.

Phibrizzo: (Boss) But I still think I should've acted confused the
whole time.

>"I should get going too Boss," Panda said as he left. "OK Panda,"
>Boss said, "see you tomorrow."
>

(Kharlosa takes a glass of cold water and makes like he's about to
throw it at someone)
Phibrizzo: (testily) What did I say about the "Ranma" jokes?
(Kharlosa pulls out a sign and holds it in front of him)
Phibrizzo: (angrily) What do you mean, "no comment"?
Kurthish: Pandas can't talk, boss.
(Phibrizzo screams as loud as he can.  The others snicker)

>All the other Ham-Hams were outside. They were all going on their 
>separate ways to their homes. As Oxnard started to head home... 
>"Oxnard," a voice called. Oxnard turned around and saw Pashmina with 
>Penelope.

Kurthish: (Pashmina; as the Joker) I know I should honor you as a
worthy adversary and all, but the truth is I really did hate your
guts. **raspberry**
Phibrizzo: (calmer) Okay, now that's....freaky. (shivers)

>"Penelope," Pashmina suggested, "how about you go on without me?
>You know your way now." Penelope replied by saying "Ookyoo!" and
>left.

Kharlosa: Take a left at the oak tree.  No, no.  Your *other* left.

>"Oxnard," Pashmina started, "thank you for helping me teach those
>boys a lesson." "Well um..." Oxnard replied, "you're welcome
>Pashmina." "Sorry for rubbing against you. I had to prove my
>point."

Kurthish: The point being that getting zapped each time you touch
a hamster can get really annoying.

>"Hey, that's all right. I understand what you had to do." "That's
>great. Oh, I forgot to give you this." She gave Oxnard his seed
>back. "I almost forgot about this."

Phibrizzo: (sighs dejectedly) So close.

>"Thank you Pashmina. I was wondering where that went." "Oh, and
>there's just one more thing I had to give to you." "What is it?"

Kurthish: A court summons.  Jury duty.

>Pashmina decided to give Oxnard a kiss on the cheek. "Once again,
>thank you Oxnard," she said as she followed Penelope. She was
>watching the whole thing occur. Oxnard couldn't figure out why
>Pashmina kissed him.
>

Kharlosa: Transfer of garlic breath?

>He thought that it was something he needed and continued on his way
>home.
>

Kurthish: Something he needed?  Here.  Have a piece of reality.

>"So, could I walk you home... girlfriend?" Hamtaro asked as he and
>Bijou were walking home. "Actually," she suggested, "how about I
>walk you home... boyfriend."

Phibrizzo: (Bijou) I'll drop you off at the bus stop, but you're on
your own from there.

>"Yeah," Hamtaro agreed, "that sounds good." Hamtaro and Bijou soon
>arrived at his house. "Well, Hamtaro," Bijou asked, "where are you
>going to put your sunflower?" "Well," Hamtaro answered, "I'm sure
>I'll put this next to Brandy's doghouse.

(Kharlosa pretends to eat something)
Kurthish: (Hamtaro) Hey, where'd the sunflower go?
(Kharlosa yawns)

>That way, I'll be sure to pick up a quick snack before I pick you
>up." "Oh, don't worry about it Hamtaro. I'll pick you up tomorrow,"
>Bijou said as she gave Hamtaro a good-bye kiss.

Phibrizzo: I hope you've been weight-lifting, Bijou.  Hamtaro gained
a little weight over the past week.

>"I love you Bijou," Hamtaro said. "I love you too," Bijou replied.
>He watched her depart as she headed back to her home. Hamtaro then
>placed his sunflower next to Brandy's doghouse.

Kharlosa: (Hamtaro) Hmm...no one should find this here.  I hope.

>"I hope you don't eat those sunflower seeds," he reminded Brandy as
>he yawned at him.

Kurthish: Well, it's the moment of tooth.
Kharlosa: You're really into puns, aren't you?

>Hamtaro went back to his cage in Laura's room.
>
>When Laura went home, she jotted down her thoughts into her journal
>as Hamtaro was sitting on her desk nibbling on a sunflower seed. "I
>was so glad to see Travis at school," Laura began,

Phibrizzo: (Laura) He was there to give away tickets to his next
baseball game tomorrow.

>"today's the first full day that he's my boyfriend. I feel so proud
>of what happened last night. I'll never forget that day."

Kharlosa: Has a desert ever frozen solid in the middle of summer?

>'And today's the first full day that Bijou was my girlfriend,'
>Hamtaro's mind wondered, 'although she was talking to Boss most of
>the time,

Kurthish: (Hamtaro) I was able to entertain myself by beating
Dexter's high score on "Tempest"!

>things have turned out OK. I hope to spend more time with Bijou
>tomorrow.'

Phibrizzo: I hope there's a hailstorm tomorrow.

>"Well, today was sure great," Laura smiled proudly, "I wonder what
>tomorrow will bring." 'Heke' was Hamtaro's only response.
>

Phibrizzo: (deadpan) Tomorrow brings a "Heke".  Guys, is it
too undignified to facefault?  I've never done it before.
Kharlosa: (puzzled) Dignity?  Who needs dignity with a show like
this?
Phibrizzo: (deadpan) Well, that answered my question. (abruptly
falls out of his chair)
Kurthish: (winces) Ouch.

>(End of story notes: I hope you enjoyed this third chapter. I had
>to put in some Oxnard/Pashmina as a way to make Stan, Howdy, and
>Dexter stop fighting.

Kharlosa: Even though Oxnard was pretty much acting clueless about
the whole thing.

>I'm sorry if you didn't actually approve of that, but I have to end
>a rivalry to make things more interesting later. It'll be worth it.
>I'm sure you enjoyed the drama of the third chapter.

Kurthish: Put a little hat on a snowball, and maybe it won't melt.

>It was sure to surprise you a few times. Remember to send in a
>review as well as a rating of the story so far.) 

Phibrizzo: (gets up off the floor) I'm getting tired of this.  Can I
take a short break?
LoN's voice: As long as you're back in the theater inside of two-to-
five minutes.
Phibrizzo: That should be all the time I need.  You two bozos follow
me.

(Everyone leaves the theater)

-----------------

(1...2...3...4...5...6)

(Phibrizzo is sitting on the left side of the console, while his
two monsters are leaning against the blast door.  Kharlosa has the
complexion of a tabby cat, wild black hair, brown fur, a foot-long
tail, and is wearing an orange shirt and pants; Kurthish is more
humanlike and has short brown hair, a white-trimmed black robe over
black pants and a white shirt, and is quite a bit stocky.  He's
holding the shovel he took out earlier)

Phibrizzo: Let me in on something, you two.  How'd you manage to
come up with all those jokes over the course of the first three
chapters?  You've only existed for what, two weeks?

Kurthish: Boss, you modeled us after people that are already alive.
We would've remembered most of the stuff they knew eventually, and
besides: mother ordered us to be in top form for when we guard the
enemy of all who live.  She activated those memories to help us out.

Phibrizzo: (livid) She's ordered you to do what?!

Kharlosa: (sarcastic) I knew you'd be thrilled.  The Lord of
Nightmares wants Lina Inverse *alive*, so she commissioned me and
Kurthish to watch her from a distance.  This means that if needed,
we have to interfere in fights that involve her in some way.

Phibrizzo: (furious) Do you know what this means!?

Kurthish: That we just joined up with the strangest group of humans
to come along since the cast of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"?

Phibrizzo: (eye twitches) Eh?  Explain.

Kurthish: I mean, think about it.  You have Inverse, of course.
There's also the idiot swordsman, the obsessive part-chimera, the
Justice Brat, and who knows who else I'm forgetting.

Kharlosa: Including but not limited to the loco priest with the even
more loco catchphrase.

Phibrizzo: (groans; waves them off) That's besides the point!  I had
originally given you orders to annoy and pester them into
submission, and now look at what's happening! (throws up his arms in
annoynace, then gets off the console) I don't like this at all.  Are
you thinking what I'm thinking?

Kurthish: Maybe, but where are we supposed to get rubber bands and
a paintbrush at this point in time? (1)

Phibrizzo: (glares at him) Why must you insist on being so stupid?

Kharlosa: I knew of a human who poked a dragon with a stick, and
I asked him the same question.

Phibrizzo: (annoyed) What did he say?

Kharlosa: He said, "It sounded like a good idea at the time." (1)

LoN: (interrupts) Kurthish, give back Blissey.  *Now.*

(Kurthish panics and frantically tosses the shovel up into the air,
where it disappears a second later.  This is followed by the the
sirens going off)

Kharlosa and Kurthish: Movie Sign!

(The two of them run around for a bit, then dash back towards the
theater.  Phibrizzo remains where he is for a moment, his left eye
twitching)

Phibrizzo: She named a titanium shovel "Blissey"?  I wonder if this
is how people feel when they don't get enough sleep. (teleports
away)

------------

(6...5...4...3...2...1)

(Everyone returns to their respective seats)

Phibrizzo: Before we get on with this, I need to make sure of
something: please, do not make any more "Ranma 1/2" jokes.  Do you
see what I'm getting at?  They're driving me ballistic.

Kharlosa: Hey, they're funny.  What can I say?

Kurthish: Kharlosa, he's right.

Kharlosa: (looks at him) Come again?

Kurthish: He's already irritated with us.  Have you ever seen the
boss when he's *angry?*  Trust me, pal.  It ain't a pretty sight.
Besides, even the funniest jokes get tiresome after a while.  For
his sanity if not for anything else, okay?

Kharlosa: (sighs) Okay, okay.  I'll give it a shot.

Phibrizzo: (slightly relieved) Great.  You won't regret it, boys.
You ready?

Others: Yeah!

Phibrizzo: Alright then.  It's time.

---------

Chapter Four

>Hamsters in Love by DVGBA
>
>(Start of story notes: I bet you've been impatient throughout the 
>weekend just waiting what will happen next.

Kurthish: The day of the carnival arrives!  Knock down 4 slices of
Pepper Jack cheese with a ping-pong ball, win a prize!

>Well, not exactly. I've pretty much gotten an average of 3 reviews
>per chapter. Not bad, but I hope to spark some thinks up in the next
>couple of chapters. 

Kharlosa: ---by rocking down to Electric Avenue.

>I'm cooking up a totally dramatic plotline. And I know what you're
>thinking.

Kharlosa: Dramas about hamsters are rather anticlimatic.
Phibrizzo: Fanfiction is the bane of my existence.
Kurthish: I wish I had some ice cream.

>Anyway, before we get started, let's get to the reviews. First to
>chichiri, I've got to agree with you. Hamtaro and Bijou are a great
>couple. Whoever thinks otherwise doesn't understand. There are many
>hints that they like each other on the anime.

Phibrizzo: Whatever those hints were, I'm pretty sure that Miaka's
protectors weren't present for them.

>And to rini124, I'm glad that you still like this. Just one more
>thing to those that are ready to mindlessly bash me with unfair
>reviews, make sure you read through the whole story.

Kurthish: Rini can't go home, so she's blackmailing Sailor Pluto
with fanfic reviews.
Kharlosa: (Pluto) No, you can't return to Crystal Tokyo yet.  Now
stop calling the Shuffle Alliance "a bunch of chowderheads"!

>This is just a simple heads up just in case some horrible person
>reads one paragraph and puts up a review full of strong language
>and death threats.  Also I suggest not using caps and excessive
>amounts of exclamation marks.

Kurthish: (annoying voice) You do, and I'm gonna do somethin' to
ya.  Somethin' bad. (1)

>That'd be all. Enjoy the 4th chapter of Hamsters in Love.)
>

Phibrizzo: Why should I?  You're not the one forcing this on me.

>It has now been about a week since Hamtaro and Bijou became a
>couple. Things have been used to by now. They agreed that they will
>pick up and drop each other off at their houses every day except
>for Sunday.

Kharlosa: On Sundays, they get picked up by a local motorcycle gang
that Laura and Maria befriended just recently.

>On Sundays, they would meet in an neutral area before heading for
>the clubhouse. Today is Sunday, and Bijou has been waiting for
>almost an half hour. "...vere could he be?" Bijou asked herself.

Kurthish: (Hamtaro) Give me one more minute!  I've almost beaten
Triclyde, and---aw, crud!  Let me try again!

>
>Laura had been sleeping in for quite a while now. She was tired
>studying for tomorrow's science test. Hamtaro wasn't sure when she
>was going to wake up,

Phibrizzo: Maybe she stayed up *real* late and will wind up sleeping
until noon.

>as he promised Bijou that he was going to meet her in a hidden
>area. He was given directions yesterday, though he couldn't quite
>figure out exactly when to turn left or right.

Kharlosa: Right.
Kurthish: Right?
Phibrizzo: No.  Left.
Kharlosa: Left?
Phibrizzo: Right.
Kurthish: I thought you said "left".
Phibrizzo: I *did* say "left".
Kharlosa: I was right!

>"...Laura, someone is at the door," her mom called. Laura finally
>woke up, but very slowly. She didn't realize how much she slept
>until she looked at the clock. "Oh no," she said while yawning,
>"why do I always stay up late?"
>

Kharlosa: Maybe it's because Laura's a "Rurouni Kenshin" fan.

>She went downstairs wearing her usual clothes. She was wondering
>who was at the door. When she opened the door, she saw Travis. "Hey
>Laura," he said, "there's a new kid at the neighborhood and he is

Kurthish: (Travis) ---not expecting us to actually say his name out
loud until later in the show.

>very good at soccer." "Really," she asked, "even better than you?"
>"I'm not sure," he answered, "but maybe I can find out for myself.
>How about you watch the guys play soccer?" "That'd be a great
>idea," she said with excitement.
>

Phibrizzo: It's fun to watch a group of guys running around a field,
kicking something repeatedly and getting paid for it!
Kurthish: You ever try watching sports without putting them in
perspective?
Phibrizzo: There's no fun in that.

>Hamtaro watched Laura and Travis leave. "Finally..." he said, "I
>thought she would never leave." Hamtaro was so excited about today.
>He was so glad that it'll tomorrow be one week since he and Bijou 
>became a couple.

Kharlosa: Um...it'll *let* tomorrow be one week?  What?
Phibrizzo: (impatiently) Today, today...
Kurthish: Forget tomorrow; good grammar's nine-tenths of the law. (2)

>He learned how much more special it is to have a girlfriend in the
>past week thanks to Maxwell's book-smart explanation. Hamtaro hopes
>that Bijou will remain his girlfriend forever seeing as he loves
>her so much.

Kurthish: Sure, if you think until the series finale is "forever".

>Hamtaro left his cage and left a house through a tunnel he made
>when he first got out. He then zoomed through a pipe leading to the
>ground. He flew out and landed on Brandy's head.

Phibrizzo: Brandy gets hit by the automatic lawn sprinklers.  You
know what happens next.

>"Hi Brandy," he said happily, "I can't wait to see my girlfriend
>Bijou today." He hopped off Brandy's head as he took off to see
>Bijou, remembering the directions that she gave him. Brandy lets
>out his usual yawn before going back to sleep.
>

Kurthish: The robotic dog: yawns and sleeps all day, thus keeping
the area quiet.
Kharlosa: Not to mention it saves on maintenance.

>Bijou was still waiting for Hamtaro to arrive. She hoped that he'll
>be here soon as she started to feel a rather chilly wind. She had
>noticed that there were some brown leaves that have been falling
>off the various trees around her. She spotted Hamtaro looking
>around.

Kurthish: (Hamtaro) Bijou, help me.  I let my mind wander, but it
hasn't come back yet.
Kharlosa: (growls) Kurthish, cerrado arriba. (3)
Kurthish: (confused) ....What?
Kharlosa: (annoyed) Oh, forget it.

>It was obvious that he was looking for her. "Over here Hamtaro,"
>she called out. She hoped that he heard her. When Hamtaro looked at
>her, she knew that he was coming.

Phibrizzo: He's coming...and he's angry.

>He ran over to her, glad that he saw her. "Bonjour Hamtaro my
>love," she said as she rubbed her cheeks against Hamtaro's while
>making a 'schmubby-wubby' sound.

Phibrizzo: (Bill Cosby) And the pain...was tremendous...(shakes his
head slowly)
Kharlosa: (falsetto; sarcastic) Aww, how cute.

>She was so happy to see him, even though he was a bit late. "Hamha
>Bijou," Hamtaro replied as he returned the favor, "sorry I was
>late. Laura woke up late again."

Kharlosa: You do not want a phone line in her room.  You do *not*
want a phone line in her room.

>"I noticed," Bijou said, "I have been waiting." She couldn't help
>but to say how much she loved Hamtaro. She had a dream a couple of
>days ago when she and Hamtaro were in Paris...
>

Kurthish: (Jon Arbuckle) How do you say "chocolate milk" in French?
Phibrizzo: (Bijou) I dreamed that the cafe waiters overcharged me
on the pecan flambe.

>They were sitting really close to each other on top of the Eiffel
>Tower looking at the city below in a marvelous sunset. They had
>taken some sort of miniature hot air balloon to the top earlier.
>There was no moment better than this and Bijou had to do something.

Kharlosa: She took out an air horn and sounded the alarm.

>She closed her eyes as she brought her lips closer to Hamtaro's.
>He was doing the same thing. As they were about to kiss,

Phibrizzo: Hamtaro turned back toward the street and yelled,
"Whoever's playing that accordion, stop it already!"

>that's where the dream ended. She hopes that her dream will be a
>reality, like her previous dream.
>

Kurthish: She dreamed of becoming a character on a Japanese TV show
and earning her fair share of cranberries.

>Bijou just realized that she fell asleep. When she opened her eyes,
>she saw Hamtaro pulling away from her. "Did I fall asleep?" she
>asked. "Well, yeah it looked like it," Hamtaro replied,

Kharlosa: Colonel Custard fell asleep in the library with a frame of
reference.

>then started to trail off a bit, "I... sort of tried to... wake you
>up..." Bijou blushed as she knew what Hamtaro did.

Kurthish: Whipped cream in the paw and a feather in the face.  Do
the math, you joker.
(Phibrizzo leaps out of his seat and races off screaming)
Kharlosa: What's *his* problem?

>"Don't vorry about it," she assured Hamtaro, "I know vat you did."
>Before Hamtaro could respond, she had given him a soft kiss to the
>lips. To both of them, it felt wonderful.

Kurthish: Like devouring a pack of Shock Tarts.
Kharlosa: Is that good or bad?

>"So..." Hamtaro began to ask, "should we head for the clubhouse?"
>"Zure Hamtaro," she responded as she took hold of his paw. Both of
>them started to head towards the clubhouse. They couldn't wait to
>find out what's going on there.

(Phibrizzo re-enters the theater and sits down)
Phibrizzo: Kurthish, unless you're looking to get invited to my next
barbecue, do not mention that clown's name again.
Kharlosa: What was with the panic attack, though?
Phibrizzo: Need-to-know basis, and you don't need to know.  Let's
just get back to this.

>
>Outside near the clubhouse, Sandy and Pashmina, with Penelope 
>accompanying her, were talking about what had been going on in the 
>past few days. It's usual girltalk, the kind of conversation that 
>boys wouldn't understand.

Kharlosa: (Sandy) The local team traded half their starting lineup.
Kurthish: Hey, you talking about baseball?
Kharlosa: (Sandy) I was talking about shopping, idiot.  The store's
having a 50%-off sale.

>They have been waiting for Bijou for a while, but they knew that
>she's with Hamtaro. They would sing the occasional 'Guy and girl
>sitting in a tree' song, which would make Bijou blush. She got used
>to it quickly however.
>

Kurthish: After she smacked them with a "Wish you weren't here"
greeting card.

>When Bijou arrived, Sandy called her over. "I'm going to be with
>the girls," Bijou said to Hamtaro, "I'll see you at the clubhouse." 

Phibrizzo: (Hamtaro) If I'm not back in fifteen minutes, go ahead
and start the day without me.

>She kissed Hamtaro on the cheek before going to the other girls. At
>the same time, Hamtaro went to the clubhouse. He didn't want to
>faced with the same embarrassment he experienced when

Kharlosa: ---Samus Aran appeared on-screen and said, "Push the
stupid 'start' button already!"

>Sandy made him tell Maxwell that she liked him a lot. While Hamtaro
>found it difficult to tell Maxwell this, he had eventually done so.
>He remembered when he and Bijou were

Kurthish: ---sitting back in the stream of time and watching the
elephants ramble by.

>sitting next to Maxwell and Sandy, who were ribbing their cheeks
>against each other while making a 'schmubby-wubby' sound. That was
>a month before he and Bijou admitted their love to each other.

Phibrizzo: One month before the whole thing hits them like a
pumpkin launched from a catapult.

>
>Bijou came to the girls and was wondering what they were talking
>about. "Bonjour girls," she greeted them, "sorry I was late. I had
>to wait for Hamtaro to come." "Oh, we figured it out by now,"

Kharlosa: You're just using that as an excuse.

>Sandy said, "you're just in time. Pashmina was about to mention
>that she has a crush on one of the boys."

Phibrizzo: So Acme's expanded to anime?  The Road Runner must be
somewhere nearby.

>"Oh, who could it be?" Bijou asked. "It's not really necessary,"
>Pashmina said in a concerned voice, "I used him as a way to teach
>the other boys a lesson.

Kharlosa: (Pashmina) Sandwich Eating, Fanfic Reading, and
".hack//sign" Episode Watching, All at the Same Time...For Dummies.

>It's obvious that he doesn't feel the same way." "Oh come on
>Pashmina," Sandy said, "I know you like him a lot. I even saw you
>teach those boys a lesson and I can tell what you did with him."

Kurthish: (Sandy) Not only that, you found out that his owner's
mother's friend's cousin's father's sister's grandchild is a pro
football athlete!

>"You mean that you know about this Sandy?" Bijou asked. "Exactly,"
>Sandy answered, "Maxwell and I wanted to know what was going on

Phibrizzo: Can't pick up the "International Channel" anymore.  Why?

>behind us, so we watched. I shall explain..."
>
>Flashback to last week, while Maxwell and Sandy were having lunch,

Phibrizzo: (growling) Flashbacks should be illegal.

>they were wondering what had been going on behind then. It was
>obvious that Howdy, Dexter, and Stan were fighting not far behind
>them. Sandy didn't feel like separating the fight,

(Kurthish does an air guitar riff)
Kharlosa: Gotta keep 'em seperated.

>while Maxwell was totally frustrated when he tried to separate a
>brawl that interrupted a friendly game of soccer. They decided the
>wait, maybe the other boys would get tired and stop.

Kurthish: Yeah.  The wait.  Maybe the wait will inflict everyone
with sleepiness.

>
>Some time passed and the fighting never ceased. Maxwell and Sandy 
>were tired of this, as it was ruining their time together. They
>both decided to stop the battle together.

Phibrizzo: (Maxwell) When I say "go", you press Delete.  I'll press
Control-Alt.

>When they turned around, they spotted Pashmina whispering a plan to
>Oxnard and Cappy. They thought that Pashmina had an idea, so they
>watched.
>

Kharlosa: Simple enough thought process.  Goes straight from the
brain to the eyes.
Kurthish: The thought bone connected to the...sight bone.
Phibrizzo: (sighs) You guys have a lot of nerve.

>"Say Oxnard," Pashmina began, "would you like to share your
>sunflower seed with me?" "Oh, sure Pashmina," Oxnard answered, "I
>couldn't bear to finish my seed."

Phibrizzo: Don't feed the bears any seeds.  The "Berensteins" can
survive on their own just fine without you.

>He gave his one sunflower seed to Pashmina. This was Cappy's cue to
>sing, "Oxnard and Pashmina, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"
>

Kurthish: I'd love to smack the person who came up with that chant.
Kharlosa: (nods) What humans find so appealing about it, I'll never
figure out.

>Maxwell and Sandy tried not to laugh at this. Sandy thought that
>she could possibly bug Pashmina about this at a later period.
>Maxwell was studying the reactions of the other boys, which was
>largely exaggerated.
>

Phibrizzo: Howdy goes off and rides a tornado clear to Texas.
Kharlosa: Stan buys a large blue ox and sells him to a giant.
Kurthish: Dexter decides to masquerade as...well, Dexter!

>"Hey," Howdy yelled, "we can't let Oxnard get Pashmina like THAT!" 
>"I'll agree," Dexter said, "let's teach Oxnard not to impress her 
>with our backs turned." "You said it dudes," Stan agreed.
>

Kharlosa: Teacher left a textbook there.  Use it!

>All three of them were rushing towards Oxnard and Pashmina when 
>Penelope got in the way and yelled "Ookyoo!"

Phibrizzo: Meet Penelope, Team Hamtaro's newest fullback.
Kharlosa: With someone that small, don't you mean quarterback?
Phibrizzo: Not really; just ask Cosby.

>"What's the big idea?" Howdy complained. "Yeah," Dexter said, "we
>were going to teach Oxnard a lesson here!" At that point, Pashmina,
>Oxnard, Cappy, and Penelope were all laughing, seeing that

Kurthish: ...the acorn has fallen a little far from the tree.

>Howdy, Dexter, and Stan were tricked. "Yo," Stan asked, "what's so
>funny?" "Well," Oxnard said while laughing, "Pashmina pretended to
>have a crush on me in an attempt for you guys to stop fighting."

Kharlosa: (Dexter) You mean that giant hammer was made of plastic?
 (Phibrizzo glares at him and raises one hand, palm outward)
Kharlosa: (annoyed) What?  I said I'd stop it, and I meant it!
Kurthish: (annoyed; lowers Phibrizzo's hand) It's like facing a
shark in the sea of common sense.

>"I can't believe it," Pashmina laughed, "they fell for our trick."
>The three boys sweatdropped. "I can't believe we were outsmarted,"
>Howdy realized. 

Kurthish: By who?  Pashmina vos Savant?

>"We shouldn't have fought all this time," Dexter said. "I guess we
>owe beautiful here an apology," Stan suggested as all three said in
>unison, "We're sorry!"

Phibrizzo: Kharlosa?  Kurthish?
Kharlosa: I'm sorry.
Kurthish: Ain't apologizing for playing damage control.
Phibrizzo: (sighs) Apologize to the rodents, not to me.
Kurthish: In that case, my apologies for overestimating your I.Q.

>"Aww," Pashmina said, "well, I suppose that I should accept your
>apology then. But if you guys fight again..." As she finished
>saying this, she rubbed Oxnard's cheek with hers making that 
>'schmubby-wubby' sound.

Kharlosa: (Pashmina) If you guys fight again, I'll zap you all in
a really cute and annoying way.

>"We'll talk later," she whispered to him. "Huh?" was Oxnard's only
>reply.
>
>Sandy had a kick out of this, she couldn't wait to bug Pashmina as
>soon as possible.

Phibrizzo: She wanted to install a security system just to get the
enemy's reaction.

>But she tried not to bug her about this too soon. She wanted to
>wait until the perfect opportunity, but for now she really wanted
>to spend time with Maxwell.

Kurthish: She knew that if she spent enough time with him, she would
be able to figure out how to get "Windows XP" installed properly.

>"Wow! That was so cool the way Pashmina taught those boys a
>lesson," she said. "I've got to admit," Maxwell replied, "that was
>really smart of her." "Oh really? What would I do in that same
>situation?"

Kharlosa: (screams) *Cerrado arriba!*
(An irritated Kurthish nudges him, and the two whisper for several
seconds.  Finally, Kurthish nods and settles back in his seat)
Phibrizzo: Yeah.  I'd do the same thing, too.

>"Oh, you know. The usual 'use your ribbon to drag others out of the
>fight'." "Ah, you got me there. I don't like Stan's flirtatious
>attitude. So uncool of him."

(Kurthish hums the bass to Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby")

>"I understand what you mean. Maybe it would be better is he wasn't
>your brother." "What? No way! That would make it even worse. I'm
>glad that he's ONLY my brother."

Phibrizzo: ...and not, say, the producer of "The Birds".

>"I never knew of that result..." "Don't worry about that Max.
>Nobody is perfectly smart, yet you're the smartest hamster I've
>ever met."

Kharlosa: (mockingly) Nobody is perfectly dense, yet you're the
densest hamster I've ever met. (normal) I love ad-libbing.

>"Thank you Sandy." Maxwell couldn't help to think how beautiful
>Sandy was, especially in the glow of the coming sunset. Her orange
>fur looked more like a sunset during this time.

Kurthish: During the night, Sandy's fur turns a real dark shade of
blue.

>"Sandy," Maxwell said, "you look beautiful." Sandy started to 
>blush. "Really?" she said in surprise as she blushed, "you're so
>sweet."

Phibrizzo: Yeah?  We'll see how sweet he is when he ignores her in
favor of his new hobby: baseball.
Kharlosa: (as Robin Leach) ...and the part he enjoys most is: not
playing!

>She got closer to Maxwell and rubbed her cheeks against his
>producing a 'schmubby-wubby' sound. Maxwell returned the favor. Both
>he and Sandy knew that 'the kiss' would come soon.

Kurthish: You mean the kiss where a giant oak tree splits in half?

>"I love you Sandy," Maxwell said. "I love you too," was Sandy's
>response.
>

Phibrizzo and Kharlosa: **raspberry**
Kurthish: (shakes his head) And here I thought age brought maturity.

>Maxwell and Sandy were sitting close to each other, observing the
>sunset. They knew that their 'magic time' has come. Their lips got
>closer to the other, and as they were about to kiss...

Kurthish: (Bullwinkle) Hey, Maxwell, watch me pull a rabbit out of
my hat!
Kharlosa: Hi.  I'm Kharlosa.  Hey, how'd I wind up in this hat?
Kurthish: (Bullwinkle) Oh...don't know my own strength. (1)

>"Hey, Sandy and Maxwell," called a voice. They were interrupted
>just before they kiss. Both of them looked behind them as the
>others were about to leave. "You two stalling again," Stan
>continued.

Phibrizzo: Yeah, yeah.  Save your constructive efforts for that
outhouse.

>Both Maxwell and Sandy blushed as they followed the rest of them.
>
>"...and that's what happened," Sandy finished. "Vat was good and
>all," Bijou said, "but did you really have to explain every detail.
>Sandy blushed and said, "Whoops!"

Kharlosa: (as producer) So I'll pay you a couple bucks and seeds an
hour if you take a job as narrator.  Interested?
Phibrizzo: The *really* annoying narrators sure explain every
detail, that's for sure.

>She realized that she told the other girls about what she and
>Maxwell did. "Hey, that's all right Sandy," Pashmina said, "I'm
>glad that's over." Penelope jumped up and down and said "Ookyoo!"

Kurthish: Ah, yes; the monster version of the "Creature from the
Black Lagoon".

>Bijou, Pashmina, and Penelope started to walk to the clubhouse.
>Sandy watched them walk and grinned at Pashmina.

Kharlosa: (Sandy; sing-song) I know something that you don't know...

>"I'm not finished explaining yet," she said silently, "I know you
>like Oxnard and I'll make sure THAT message is sent."

Phibrizzo: So they have e-mail.  Anything else I don't know?
Kurthish: Yeah, the director had it shut down to make the show seem
more realistic.

>Sandy made an even bigger grin. She knew who to send the 'message'
>and it was Hamtaro.
>
>At the clubhouse, things were usual as the boys waited for the
>girls to arrive.

Kharlosa: Loud, annoying, and obnoxious?
Phibrizzo: You just described the past two weeks.
Kurthish: (annoyed) That was probably unnecessary to say.
Phibrizzo: (chuckles) Can't deny it if it's true, Kurthish.

>The only boy who didn't want to see the girls come in was Oxnard.
>For the past few days, he seemed to panic more and more. He's been
>like this ever since Pashmina give him a kiss. He didn't know what
>was going on, but he knew it was something.

Kurthish: Before you know it, hordes of rodents are probably gonna
travel overseas.

>Dexter, Howdy, and Stan have gotten along a lot better since
>Pashmina taught them a lesson. But at the same time, they thought
>that she and Oxnard were up to something.

Kharlosa: Teach them another lesson.  Like geography, for instance.
Phibrizzo: Yeah.  Anywhere but here.

>They really want to get rid of him so badly, yet if they fought
>again, Pashmina would have no choice but to choose Oxnard over
>them. So they really didn't have a choice.

Phibrizzo: (growls darkly) You should fight over someone else, you
fools!
Kharlosa: Don't bother, boss.  Asking for love advice from a mazoku
is like asking an anteater to drill his own teeth.
Phibrizzo: (sarcastic) Thank you for that cloyingly stupid simile.

>Boss has been a lot nicer to the others since he realized that
>Hamtaro and Bijou became a couple. Panda, as usual, would
>occasionally fix a broken object, yet he would sometime sneak away
>from the others in claims that he has a "secret project".

Kurthish: Panda built a television, plugged it in, and the first
thing that came up was "Survivor".

>The others really wanted to know what it was, but Panda kept
>changing the subject. Cappy would struggle to find the perfect
>position for his green cap whenever Pashmina and Penelope arrive to
>the clubhouse.

Kurthish: Straight ahead with the brim bent downwards.
Kharlosa: A fashion statement for pets.  Amusing.
Kurthish: What's even more amusing is that I don't know what his cap
looks like. (chuckles nervously)
Phibrizzo: Think it's a bad guess.

>Dexter, Howdy, and Stan didn't find him a threat however, as they
>feel he is one of the youngest Ham-Hams and figured that he likes
>Penelope.

Phibrizzo: (disgusted) Spare me.  No, wait: strike me.

>While Cappy denies of this, he couldn't keep his crush a secret for
>long. Tensions were rising as the boys patiently waited for the
>girls to arrive. Yet, no one was sure who was going to enter as
>they can only wait.

Phibrizzo: (unenthusiastic) Behold, the stunning cliffhanger.
Others: (slowly waving their arms) Yayyyy.

>
>(End of story notes: I decided to end chapter 4 at this point. Real
>interesting stuff, don't you think? I tell you, I bet you're excited 
>for the next chapter.

Kharlosa: (deep voice) I am the one who laughs.  I have come...to
laugh! (normal voice; laughs evilly)
Kurthish: Needs work, bud.

>What sorts of surprises shall we expect in chapter 5? Oh, you won't
>have to wait long. Send in your review and don't forget the rating
>between 1 to 10.) 
>

Phibrizzo: (Groucho) Give me a number from 1 to 10.
Kurthish: (Chico) 11.
Phibrizzo: (Groucho) Right.

Chapter Five

>
>Hamsters in Love by DVGBA
>
>(Start of story notes: Hello once again. Been a while since chapter
>4, but I had difficulty with chapter 5. Lack of time was a primary
>reason as well as a growing sign of writer's block.

Phibrizzo: A giant brick with the writer's name on it.

>Trying to describe a scene well is difficult and with the many
>characters, it's hard to determine who I can make them say.

Kurthish: Which was why "War and Peace" was written: to save time.

>I have received a number of reviews, though I have a couple of
>biased negative reviews. One from Sai Para

Phibrizzo: The reviewer who knew too much.

>[it was an anonymous review so I have no trouble removing that] and
>another from Kalamazoo702 [signed review, so it might be harder to
>remove the review; though he only registered to make the review;
>looking for the cheap way out huh].

Kharlosa: It's what those in the writing business call "living la
vida loco".

>And both of them personally told me that Melody is their hero
>because of her review. Oh, such fools. Though I have no problem
>with Boss/Bijou fanfics,

Kurthish: I *do* have a problem with those who write them.

>it sickens me if the authors of those fanfics flame me because I
>write a Hamtaro/Bijou fanfic.

Phibrizzo: (surprised) Was that meant to be accurate?
Kurthish: No.  I just didn't know it was true.

>Well anyway, to the positive reviews. First to apologize to
>TurquoisePhoenix for not seeing her review.

Kharlosa: As a turquoise phoenix, the wings tend to block out most
of the sunlight.

>I realized that there was a problem with the reviews update thing
>in fanfiction.net.

Kurthish: It only comes in Sanskrit.

>Thankfully, it's fixed. I don't have enough time to get to the
>other reviews. Don't worry, I read all of them. As for the general
>status of the story, I was glad to bring up some Oxnard/Pashmina.

Phibrizzo: Oxnard and Pashmina, pilots of the world's largest seed.
Kurthish: You mean, "Gundam Seed"?
(Phibrizzo nods...)
Kurthish: You need a lot of work on your puns, boss.
(...and then grumbles.)

>Although I would rather have some Dexter/Pashmina, it would have
>been more proper if I could try something that hasn't been done
>yet.

Kharlosa: You mean it's been done? (pauses) Oh.  Right.

>This won't be the only first in this fanfic series, I've got a
>couple of surprises up my sleeve. I won't tell you just yet as
>nothing has been confirmed.

Kurthish: A wristwatch and an umbrella have been confirmed, but
nothing with the story as of now.

>When I have confirmed my future plans for Hamsters in Love, you
>will hear it in my author notes. Finally, we shall continue the
>fanfic. Enjoy.)

Phibrizzo: (sweet sarcasm) Put your trey table up and your seat in
the full and upright position, or we will come along and smack you
with a rubber glove.  Thank you.

>
>All the boys in the clubhouse were trembling with a somewhat sense
>of fear. None of them knew who was going to enter next.

Kharlosa: Clark Gable?
Phibrizzo: A dancing goomba?
Kurthish: Monterrey Jack?

>As the door cracked open, everyone dove under whatever was near
>them... nothing happened just yet so one-by-one and slowly, each of
>the boy hamsters climbed from whatever they were under.

Kharlosa: (Boss; coughs) When are you morons gonna clean all the
dust from under here?

>They seemed to have 'spoken' too soon when they discovered who was
>entering the clubhouse.
>

(Everyone holds their breath)

>It turned out that Maxwell, one of the two boy hamsters who haven't
>came in yet, entered the clubhouse as all the other boys quickly
>fell over.

(Kharlosa and Phibrizzo follow suit.  Kurthish, meanwhile, calmly
munches on a root beer candy.)

"What's with you guys?" he asked, "you've been like this
>everyday." "We can't help it," Dexter replied, "all of us have been
>nervous for all the wrong reasons."

Kharlosa: (as they climb back into their seats) Speak for yourself,
Fruit Breath!  Give us a scientific answer!

>"Ugh... all of yous have something to worry about," Maxwell
>complained, "but I've noticed that all you worry about are the
>girls." "He's exactly right," Boss exclaimed, "the past week has
>been hard for me because of Hamtaro being with Bijou.

Phibrizzo: It's hard for you *every* week, mostly because you get to
deal with *them*.  It's a nightmare.  Admit it.

>But I've pretty much gotten used to it. Speaking of Hamtaro, why
>isn't he here yet?"
>
>At that point, Hamtaro entered. "Hamha everybody," Hamtaro called
>out happily, "sorry I'm late. I'm sure you know the rest."

Kurthish: (Hamtaro) Had to take a few extra seconds to defeat King
Hippo.

>"Uhh... we sure do," Boss said sarcastically. Hamtaro, being so
>curious about what the others are thinking, asked "so what's going
>on here?"

Kharlosa: (Boss) An insane woman's swinging a guitar at a robot, and
a polar bear's sitting on the lawn and swatting at passing jets.
Nothing new here, though.

>"Well, it's pretty much obvious," Maxwell answered, "the past week,
>I have investigated the current situation and noticed a growing
>sign of jealousy."

Phibrizzo: Well, one thing's for sure: it ain't over here.  If it
is, I'll dye my hair white.

>"Huh?" Hamtaro became confused at the sight of that word. "Jealousy
>is when you don't like things that aren't going your way," Maxwell
>answered.

Kurthish: (Maxwell) ...but that's not important right now.  Did you
see Tony's new car yet?

>
>All the boy hamsters were now paying attention to Maxwell as he
>began explaining the events of the past week. "Everybody seems to
>be acting strange for some sort of reason. Panda sneaks out of the
>clubhouse at random times. Cappy endlessly adjusts his cap.

Kharlosa: Try explaining just how strange is "normal".  Whether
you'll excuse the expression or not, we don't need a recap.

>Dexter, Howdy, and Stan have been directing their anger towards
>Oxnard. And Boss seems to have been a lot nicer to everyone. This

Phibrizzo: ---is because he was advised to break bad news slowly,
so as not to upset the downsized.

>is some strange behavior that I have been witnessing for the past
>week." By the time Maxwell finished explaining, all the boy
>hamsters, except for Panda and Hamtaro, have fallen asleep.

(Everyone applauds)
Kurthish: Give the rodent a Pulitzer!

>Panda, however, has already sneaked out, obviously working on this
>'secret project' he had mentioned a couple of time.

Phibrizzo: Well, it's not secret anymore, Mr. 007.

>As for Hamtaro, he was paying attention the whole time, surprised
>that everyone else has fallen asleep. "I expected better response
>than this," Maxwell groaned.

Kharlosa: (Maxwell) Where's my recognition?  Where's my fame?
Where's my audience?

>
>By this point, the door opened once again. This time, the ones
>entering the clubhouse were, you guessed it, the girls.

Kurthish: And the timing has never been more spectacular.

>Bijou and Sandy went to their boyfriends, Bijou to Hamtaro and
>Sandy to Maxwell. Each of the couples rubbed their cheeks against
>each other making that 'schmubby-wubby' sound.

Phibrizzo: If ever you need to buy some "Windex", let me know.

>Pashmina could only look at the other boys, who have fallen asleep.
>"Think I should wake them?" she asked. Penelope replied with an
>"Ookyoo!"

Kharlosa: This is what happens if you can't give a yes-or-no answer.

>"All right then," Pashmina began, "let's see what I can do." She
>pondered for a moment and in just a couple of minutes, she figured
>out what to do. "Oh boys..." she said seductively.
>

Phibrizzo: (Pashmina) I had a picnic set up 5 feet from that
sleeping tomcat.  No, he's perfectly harmless.  Why do you ask?

>In a split second, all the sleeping boys woke up, now realizing
>that the girls are here. Unfortunately, they ending up running
>around in random directions

Kharlosa: (tour guide) ...and here we see a group of talking pets
running around like crazy.  Nothing more to see here; let's move on
to Tokyo Tower...

>complaining about if they look perfect. "My apron still has that
>chocolate stain from 3 days ago."

Kurthish: You had chocolate?

>"Oh no, I forgot to clean my eyeglasses." "Where's my sunflower
>seed?!"

Phibrizzo: (snaps) We don't care about your stupid sunflower seed!
Just quit your whining and go back to sleep!

>Out cried the various complaints about little things as Pashmina
>and Penelope witnessed this with a sweatdrop. The love sessions of
>the two couples were also interrupted by the noises.

Kurthish: (alternating voices) John...Marsha...
Kharlosa: (random hamster) Gangway!  Coming through!  Where's that
book?!  I must find the book!

>"Maybe it wasn't a good idea," Pashmina complained. Penelope sadly
>replied with an "Ookyoo!"
>

Kurthish: Can you imagine her hosting a talk show?
Phibrizzo: And what if she had that "Muppet" Beaker as a guest?
Kharlosa: (chuckles) Ah, yes.  *Very* informative.

>Order was eventually restored as Boss got into his senses and
>stopped the madness. "What wrong with you guys," Boss shouted,
>"can't you see that you've been like this every day for the past
>three days?"

Kharlosa: Master of the insanely obvious, my abilities are nothing
next to your strength.  Behold the powers of the Duke of Duhhh...

>"Haven't we already mentioned," Dexter repeated, "WE CAN'T HELP
>IT!" Dexter's yelling knocked Boss over. "OK, OK..." Boss said,
>"you didn't have to yell."
> 

Phibrizzo: (Dexter) But we like being hoarse.  Got a problem?

>All the Ham-Hams were gathered at the round table. Sitting in a
>clockwise direction are: Hamtaro, Bijou, Penelope, Pashmina,
>Dexter, Howdy, Cappy, Maxwell, Sandy, Stan, Boss, and finally
>Oxnard.

Kurthish and Kharlosa: (singing) We dine well here in Camelot; we
eat ham and jam and spam a lot. (hum the music for a little bit)
Phibrizzo: (shakes his head) Quit it, you losers.

>There seems to be a 'cup of tea' for each of the Ham-Hams. It
>wasn't long until one of the Ham-Hams realized who was missing.
>"Where's Panda?" someone asked. "Ugh, he always sneaks out when no
>one is looking,"

Kurthish: Maybe he's just heading back to check the score of the
basketball game.

>Boss groaned, "just what kind of trick is he trying to pull
>anyway?" "Maybe he might be preparing Christmas decorations," Howdy
>guessed,

Kharlosa: Is that your final answer?

>"it's only a little more than a month before Christmas you know."
>"How can you be sure of that?" Dexter asked as he took a sip of
>his cup of tea.

Kurthish: What's that little notepad with boxes and numbers I see
over there?

>"Well, you know that Christmas is about decorations. And the best
>part about it is the presents."

Phibrizzo: The presence of whoever irritates you the most in life.

>"Always thinking about money Howdy?" "You know it." "Oh come on
>now. We all know that Christmas is about being with your family..."
>

Kharlosa: Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of a
massive blizzard.

>As Dexter explained the real meaning about the holiday, someone was
>at the door. Obviously, it was Panda. He was taking a break from
>his 'secret project' to find out what's going on.

Phibrizzo: (Panda) Wonderful.  I'm trying to develop an automatic
rubber band shooter, and I have to go back and---hey, what are you
staring at me for?

>He saw that all the Ham-Hams were discussing the current
>situation(s). He wondered on what the others have to know why he
>sneaks out at random times.

Kurthish: (confused) What?  Who?  When?  Where?  Why?  How?
Phibrizzo: Ignore it.

>Before anyone thought of noticing him, Panda slowly snuck away and 
>softly said to himself, "Don't about what I do.

Phibrizzo: (annoyed) On second thought, I take that back.

>It'll all be worth it in a few months."
>

Kharlosa: (Panda) All I have to do is build those trapdoors in the
floor, and my revenge will be complete.

>After Dexter finished explaining, Maxwell suggested that they
>should all head outside. "...I think it's about time we should
>forget our problems.

Kurthish: I think we should forget about your problems, too.

>Even if it only lasts about an hour," Maxwell finished. "Like, that
>would be a great idea Maxwell," Sandy agreed. All the others
>agreed.

Phibrizzo: Forget an hour; forget about it for the rest of your
miserable lives.
Kharlosa: Thanks.  We will, boss.

>They really wanted some fresh air as there are concerns for colder
>weather. Though Pashmina isn't as concerned considering that she
>wears a scarf.
>

Phibrizzo: (mumbles) You may want to consider a muffler.

>Soon, everyone was outside. Everyone managed to run around a bit,
>have lunch, or maybe have some conversation. Either way, everyone
>was having a good time.

Kurthish: The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and somewhere
out there Cloud Strife was hired as a janitor.  Life...is good.
Kharlosa: More or less.

>Oxnard just stood there as he nibbled on the usual sunflower seed.
>He couldn't help but to look at Pashmina. He can recall what
>happened a few days ago.

Kharlosa: King Kong climbed Kaiba Corp HQ, and Pashmina was sitting
on his head the whole time.

>
>"Oxnard," Pashmina started, "thank you for helping me teach those
>boys a lesson." "Well um..." Oxnard replied, "you're welcome
>Pashmina." "Sorry for rubbing against you. I had to prove my
>point."

Phibrizzo: (Pashmina) My point being is that if your target's
sitting on the ground outside, electric attacks are useless.

>"Hey, that's all right. I understand what you had to do." "That's
>great. Oh, I forgot to give you this." She gave Oxnard his seed
>back.

Kurthish: Wait a sec.  Is this a flashback?
Kharlosa: Figure that out yourself.

>"I almost forgot about this." "Thank you Pashmina. I was wondering
>where that went." "Oh, and there's just one more thing I had to
>give to you."

Kurthish: (Pashmina) A postcard.  You're due at the psychologist's
office next week for your appointment.

>"What is it?" Pashmina decided to give Oxnard a kiss on the cheek.
>"Once again, thank you Oxnard," she said as she followed Penelope.
>She was watching the whole thing occur.

Kharlosa: One thing's for sure: you can trust her not to interrupt
your conversation with stupid questions.

>Oxnard couldn't figure out why Pashmina kissed him. He thought that
>it was something he needed and continued on his way home.
>

Phibrizzo: Of course, he needs a package of Skittles more than he
needs a Kiss.

>To this day, Oxnard was still unsure why Pashmina kissed him. But
>he couldn't help it as he was attracted to her. Does she have a
>crush on him?

Kurthish: Very un-safe.
Phibrizzo: A "yes" or "no" will be fine, thanks.

>Oxnard had no choice but to ask. But how should he do it without
>attracting attention,

Kharlosa: You could try learning Morse code, senor.

>especially from Dexter, Howdy, and/or Stan. Just as he was about to
>call out her name, Stan came over to her.
>
>"Hey beautiful," Stan said to Pashmina, "would you like to have some 
>lunch with me?"

Kharlosa: Sounds like a Johnny Bravo pickup line.
Phibrizzo: They had to watch the Cartoon Network before they decided
to appear on it.

>"Well, I..." Pashmina slowly began, but stop when she noticed
>Oxnard hiding in a nearby bush, obviously calling her over.
>"Hold on a second," she said to Stan, "you may prepare the lunch.

Kharlosa: (Pashmina) You can eat it yourself, too; I just found
something else to do.

>I'll catch up with you in a minute. Please keep an eye on
>Penelope." Penelope followed Stan as he went to prepare the lunch.
>
>Pashmina came up to Oxnard and wondered why she called her over
>for.

Kurthish: (singing) And from the rear, a voice was heard; that same
great voice with a trembling word rang loud and clear:
Phibrizzo: (Pashmina) What am I doing here?

>"Oxnard," she asked, "is there something you wanted from me?" He
>nodded in response and began, "Pashmina, uh... it's about what
>happened a few days ago." She knew this was coming.
>

Kharlosa: (Oxnard) I *told* you not to take that baseball away from
Ken Griffey, but nooo...

>She remembered teaching the boys a lesson on how not to fight for
>her love and proved her point by rubbing her cheek against
>Oxnard's.

Phibrizzo: Between then and now is a huge blur.

>And that kiss she gave him, it was only a thank you kiss and
>nothing else. She didn't mean to actually make him fall in love
>with her. She had to do something without breaking his heart.
>

Kurthish: Um...dance?
Kharlosa: I'd take that over a heart-to-heart if I knew how.

>"Oxnard," she began, "I know what you are going to say." Oxnard was 
>carefully listening to her as she continued, "When I taught Dexter, 
>Howdy, and Stan a lesson on not fighting over me,

Phibrizzo: A spitwad war erupted in the back.
Kharlosa: Kids started playing dodgeball in the class.
Kurthish: The objects of the lesson dozed off.

>I was proving my point by rubbing against you. And the kiss I gave
>you..."

Phibrizzo: (Pashmina) Sorry.  I mistook you for a prairie dog.

>Oxnard wondered what she was going to say, he got real nervous as
>he was unsure if she liked him or not. "...it was more like a...
>'thank you' kiss rather than a 'I like you a lot' kiss," she
>finished.

(Kharlosa hums dramatic sting music)
Kurthish: (announcer) Now that Pashmina has issued these news, how
will Oxnard react?  Find out after this!

>
>Oxnard couldn't believe what she said. He was unsure of how to
>react. His eyes are filled with tears as he felt nothing but
>sadness. "Th... that can't be..." he stuttered.

Phibrizzo: (Oxnard) No one told me that Hiei was a secret "Trigun"
fan!
Kharlosa: (stunned) Wow.  Who'd have thunk?

>"I'm sorry Oxnard," Pashmina apologized, "I like you as a friend,
>but not in the way you think. Please forgive me." She tried to
>comfortably hug Oxnard,

Kurthish: ---but wound up face-to-face with Pepe le Pew.

>but he quickly backed away. "First you tell me that you just like
>me as a friend," Oxnard yelled, "then you try to hug me. This is
>getting ridiculous."

Phibrizzo: Ridiculous to you, but not to the mazoku.
Kharlosa: You know that we've been bugging Oxnard this entire time?
Phibrizzo: (looks at him; sinister) And...?
(Kharlosa looks at him for a moment, growls, then resumes watching)

>"Wait a minute..." Pashmina tried to calm him down and asked
>nicely, "can't we talk this over?" "You can talk THAT over with the
>other cool boys," Oxnard yelled continuously, "just leave me
>alone!"

Kurthish: "Yelled continuously"?  I can imagine "angrily" or
"irritably", but no one's an Energizer bunny.
Kharlosa: Except for the rabbit itself.

>He blindly ran off crying endlessly as he dropped his sunflower
>seed. "Oh no," Pashmina complained, "what have I done?" She started
>to cry.
>

Kurthish: (Anne Robinson) Pashmina...with one vote, you *are* the
weakest link.  Good-bye.

>Nearby, Maxwell and Sandy was walking, holding each other's paw.
>They hear some crying. "Uh oh," Sandy said, "that sound's like
>Pashmina."

Phibrizzo: The "Hamtaro" gang play out a "Scooby-Doo" episode. (as
Freddy) Hey, someone's crying.  We'd better investigate!
Kurthish: Proof that even the anime characters are connected to
Velma somehow.

>She lets go of Maxwell's paw as she went to Pashmina. It was
>obvious that she was crying. "What's wrong Pashmina?" Sandy asked.
>"I... tried to assure Oxnard that...

Kharlosa: (Pashmina) ...the L.A. Lakers made it to at least the
semi-finals...
Kurthish: Heh.

>I only like him as a friend..." Pashmina said while crying, "but
>he was yelling at me and... ran off crying. What have I done
>wrong?" She then cried even louder than before.
>

Kurthish: You told him that you only like him as a friend.  *That's*
what you did wrong.
Kharlosa: Right.  You're not supposed to like him at all.

>Soon, all the Ham-Hams came to the source. Pashmina explained what
>happened before while crying. The crying wasn't as loud as before,
>considering that she slowly ceased her crying.

Kharlosa: But considering nothing else, the crying is still enough
to crumble rock.

>"I know that Oxnard was going to be heartbroken," Boss laughed, "it
>shows who's laughing now." "Boss, that was so mean," Bijou
>exclaimed, "can't you see that it is a serious situation?"

Phibrizzo: (laughs) Yeah, it's all you, and you know it.  Say it
again, Boss!

>"I wouldn't say that it's a serious situation," Howdy said,
>"Pashmina rejected Oxnard, so I'm sure she likes me the most."

Kurthish: Bold words considering the utter lack of seriousness.
Kharlosa: (Dogbert) Somewhere between love and zoology lies
stupidity.

>"Hey, you wouldn't seem to care that the dear Pashmina is
>heartbroken," Dexter retorted, "now if you'll excuse me. I'm going
>to comfort my dear Pashmina."

Kharlosa: Uh-oh.
Phibrizzo: (technician) Sir, we've picked up several massive energy
spikes.  It's those blasted Ham-hams again.

>He was about to head for Pashmina, when Boss, Howdy, and Stan
>tackled him and triggered a fight, covered up by the 'cartoon
>cloud'.

Kurthish: Guess the techie spoke too late, eh?
Phibrizzo: (waves him off) So my timing was off.  Leave me alone.

>Pashmina stopped crying as she overheard a fight. She knew that
>she remembered something from a few days ago.
>
>"I can't believe we were outsmarted," Howdy realized. "We shouldn't
>have fought all this time," Dexter said.

Phibrizzo: (Stan) I can't believe we're stuck doing another blasted
flashback.  We shouldn't have taken this stupid job.

>"I guess we owe beautiful here an apology," Stan suggested as all
>three said in unison, "We're sorry!" "Aww," Pashmina said, "well, I
>suppose that I should accept your apology then.

Kharlosa: (Pashmina) However, you must agree to be my servants for
life.

>But if you guys fight again..." As she finished saying this, she
>rubbed Oxnard's cheek with hers making that 'schmubby-wubby' sound.
>

Kurthish: Little hearts appear and take their toll on the audience.
Phibrizzo: (screams) *Make the cuteness stop!*
Kharlosa: Another victim of the power of suggestion.

>"I think it's a good idea that we should all look for Oxnard,"
>Maxwell suggested. "No, wait..." everyone was surprised when
>Pashmina said this. "What do you mean?" Hamtaro asked.

Kharlosa: (Pashmina) Let's grab some popcorn and watch "Big Jake",
*then* find Oxnard.

>"I should look for Oxnard myself," Pashmina said, "I'm responsible
>for what happened. Not just that. Take a look behind you." The
>others turned around to find out that there was a fight behind
>them.

Phibrizzo: (calmer) Battle royale: Hamtaro, Hercule, the two Dark
Tournament announcers, and Launchpad McQuack.

>"Huh, wait a minute," Sandy said, "now I remember. When you said
>that if those boys were to fight again, you would choose Oxnard
>over them."

Kharlosa: (Pashmina) Uh...I did?  You sure I didn't mean someone
else?  Um...rewrite!

>Pashmina nodded and said, "Maybe I should give Oxnard a chance."
>She left and started to look for him.
>

Kurthish: You might as well give Howdy a community chest card while
you're at it.
Kharlosa: If it means giving up Indiana Avenue, I say go for it.

>All the others were observing the fight that Boss, Howdy, Stan, and
>Dexter were involved in. "Think I should stop the fight?" Hamtaro
>asked.

Phibrizzo: Nah.  Let 'em fight for a while more.  Wait until
everyone's gone home, then break it up.

>"Oh Hamtaro," Bijou answered worriedly, "I wouldn't vant to zee you
>get hurt, Besides, ze haven't had lunch yet." "Yeah," Cappy
>shouted, "I'm dying to have some food."

Phibrizzo: (stands up) Allow me to oblige you!
(A black fire beam emerges from his hand.  However, it rebounds off
an invisible barrier and strikes Phibrizzo instead)
Kharlosa: Now you know why I didn't try that sooner.
Phibrizzo: (coughs; sits down) Oh, shut up and vegetate.

>Soon, the others agreed. "I'm not going to try and pull those other
>boys out of the fight," Sandy remarked, "they threw themselves into
>it and they wouldn't want to experience what will happen next."

Kurthish: A rain of beavers falls from the sky.  Wrecked houses and
fallen trees are everywhere.

>The other Ham-Hams left the four combatants to themselves as they
>continue to fight.
>
>(End of story notes: Chapter 5 comes to a close. What do you think
>will happen next?

Kharlosa: I say Chapter 6 will take place.  Any takers?
Kurthish: I say that it should be hypothetical.

>I'm sure you would like to know. Anyway, sorry for the Christmas
>references. I already mentioned earlier that I was going to have
>the story later take place in winter.

Phibrizzo: (Calvin) What's going on up there?!  Bring on the snow!

>I'm also sorry for making this chapter shorter than the others,
>but I know that the next chapter will be really good. I promise you
>that.

Kurthish: (Elton John; singing) You'll have the best, I promise you
that...
Kharlosa: Don't make a promise you can't keep.

>Please leave a review as well as a rating from 1 to 10 if you
>wish. Negative reviews may or may not be accepted based on who you
>are

Phibrizzo: Meaning that if your name is Lina Inverse, we couldn't
care less.

>[that means if you're Sai Para or Kalamazoo702, DO NOT REVIEW; I
>know what you're going to say, so don't bother].) 
>

Kurthish: (singing) Sai Para Para...whatever will be a bee...it will
really sting a lot...Sai Para Para.
(Phibrizzo chokes back a guffaw)
Kharlosa: Just plain dumb and stupid.

------------

(1) -- I did not make this up.

(2) -- It wasn't until some time after I put in the "Today,
today..." riff that I remembered a fanfic author named Steven Today.
Afterwards, I just thought the joke would be good for a two-liner.

(3) -- What Kharlosa said was Spanish for: "Shut up" (at least, I
think so). Don't think I'm trying to impress anyone with knowledge
of Spanish; I looked up that phrase in an online dictionary.


To be continued

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