Wildcat Science Theater 3000 Episode Three "Technical Difficulties" Original story authored by Kristen Sharpe. MSTed with permission. Story MSTed by G. A. Wildcat Swat Kats copyrighted by Hanna-Barbara. MST3K belongs to Best Brains. Sonic and Tails, plus Dr. Robotnik, Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts, belong to Sega. Anything else?....oh, yeah; Curtis Wildcat and Shila, as well as several unknown characters they mention throughout the razzing, belong to ME. Real time: Y2K. ------ (Cut to a darkened Satellite. Everyone's asleep, except for Wildcat, who's roaming the hallways of the ship, infuriated) -Wildcat: (muttering) Blasted two-piece, four-winged clawhopper....if it comes back on this ship, I'll tear it apart with my bare paws if I have to. (enters the bridge; pauses and looks at the Hexagon Door) Hmm....I think I saved my game at the beginning of the Pastmaster stage. Maybe playing a little bit of "Swat Kats" ought to cool my nerv---- (Robotnik's image materializes on the monitor, interrupting him. His investigation robot, which resembles a grasshopper with claws and tank-like treads, is standing next to him, as is Scratch and Grounder) Robotnik: My dear, dear, Wildcat. You dissapoint me very much. -Wildcat: (snarls) About what? Robotnik: (sinister) You didn't know? Tire tracks were spotted all around the 3 decks above the bridge. -Wildcat: (shakes his head) Not my fault. T-Bone and Razor took the Cyclotron for a spin around the ship, checking things out. They then took the bike into the Holocabana and simulated a full-blast encounter against Rex Shard to keep their minds from collapsing. Robotnik: (puzzled) Cyclotron? -Wildcat: In case you forgot, you zapped their bike, Glov-a-Trix, flight togs, and several backup ammo clips for the Glov-a-Trix in a spare storage room on the ship. Robotnik: I know that, Fuzzy. That doesn't mean they can make a mess of the whole ship. (sighs) Oh, well, I suppose I should be happy that the ship's got a team of nanites. But still, for letting those Swat Kats escape your authority, I'm sending a very special movie just for you. -Wildcat: (groans) NOW?? It's midnight! You weren't supposed to send it until 12:30 this coming afternoon! I could've gotten in a cool 8 hours before insomnia kicked in! Grounder: (indignant) No one CARES about your precious beauty sleep, Curtis! -Wildcat: (snaps) Except ME, you clunky tin can! Scratch: (grins) Which is why we're going to send up the film immediately. You'll be cracking before the movie's half over! -Wildcat: (clenches his sword, but doesn't draw it) We'll see about that, birdseed. Robotnik: It's a Swat Kats fic entitled "Technical Difficulties". It's a little escapade orginally written by the author Kristen Sharpe, where the Swat Kats become, shall we say, 'live-wire'! Have fun, and...(low voice)....in the words of Francine.....(falsetto) "If you have the munchies, we have no fresh dough ready, so don't order pizza. Just order spaghetti!" (bursts out laughing, and his image disappears) -Wildcat: (furious) That last line made no sense, blast it!..... (Wildcat resists the urge to scream. Just as he is calming down, though, the red light above the Hexagon door begins to grab his attention. -Wildcat: (stretches) Alright, here we go....(goes through the hexagon door) - 6: The front doors to the Pizza Cat Parlor slide open. 5: A castle door slams into the floor. 4: Small bubbles float upwards through a small ante-chamber. 3: A typical Megaman boss door rises open, bottom-to-top. 2: Several teal glowlamps light your way towards the next door. 1: The typical vault door, embedded in walls remniscent of the original "Metroid" mazes, turns and opens to your right. - (Wildcat enters the theater and takes the seat on the far left) ------------------------------------- Prologue ------------------------------------- "No, look, - it's *GONE*!" -Wildcat: I reckon. High, near hysteria, the voice echoed down the darkened hallway... and to the curious ears of one eavesdropper. Smirking at his handiwork, the eavesdropper slunk away from the pool of light, streaming from the doorway where the voice was emanating. "Are you sure? It was deactivated! - it can't have gone anywhere by itself!" a second, more restrained, voice soothed. Yet even the soothing tone was unable to hide an uncontrollable nervous edge that tinged it with urgency. "I'm *positive*!" the first voice yelped, before dropping to an urgent stage whisper. "I was examining it in the lab - I left it in the examining tray...*inside the KAT Scan*!!" -Wildcat: (blandly; meows) "Look, check back in the other lab - maybe you just forgot where you left it." Footsteps echoed down the empty, sterile corridor as the voices erupted into the hallway. The dark figure ducked into the shadows, hearing the voices grow closer and then dim as light poured into the hallway from another open door. "It's not here - I told you!!" -Wildcat: Your brain? "You'll have to tell.... ....find it," the calmer voice whispered insistently, becoming so low it was difficult to hear at points. "NO!!!!" The voice dropped back to a whisper quickly. "You still don't realize what this thing *is*!!! I had to fill out mounds of paper work - I waited over *two years* for a response! They're *paranoid* about this thing! It..." -Wildcat: (voice) It can create "Slurpees" like all get out! "*What* were you studying?!" "A top secret prototype artificial intelligence device - developed a little over twenty years ago." -Wildcat: (dissapointed) If it's based on actual intelligence, what hope is there for society? "They had that then - and we don't now?!" "AI was abandoned after the experiment. I don't know a lot of the story - just pieces. It... it's classified. Some college student hacked into the computer system - got the plans - and then he... he built a copy of the prototype! Don't ask..." -Wildcat: (hisses) Is this a reference to the "War Games" movie? The voices faded as the speaker's voice dropped to a true whisper. Carefully, the listener slunk closer to the open door, curious, as it strained to hear the two lab coat-clad figures. "... kid must've been a genius.... ...set the prototype loose.... It got so bad the government stepped in to contain the situation. The FBI caught the kid - nobody knows what happened to him. They classified the file and destroyed everything involved... except the original prototype... I don't think the government even knows that it still exists..." -Wildcat: Guess I was right. Abruptly, the speaker broke down. "I pulled so many strings to even get permission to *look* at it!! When they hear I *lost* it.....!!!! - I might as well tell them I lost a culture of the bubonic plague!!!" -Wildcat: Good idea. A couple of missing people here and there, and everyone will think it's perfectly normal. Hearing enough, the silent audience of one slunk away as the young scientist blubbered on. "Hey, calm down - look, I've gotta friend.... They'll never know... When they *do* realize,..." the second voice soothed as the eavesdropper glided down the corridor, a part of the shadows he resembled. -Wildcat: That he ate all the hard candy left over from his bachelor party.... The eavesdropping figure rounded a corner and crept down the next corridor. He was almost home free, just a little farther away from the voices.... Abruptly, light flashed over his shoulder. Without a backward glance, the intruder broke into a run, racing to the end of the hall where it opened on the elevators as a shout rang out. "Hey! Who's there?!" -Wildcat: Just me and my shadow. ------------------------------------- The guard increased his pace as he charged down the hallway. Entering the lobby with the elevators, he found no one. The elevators were shut down for the night. There was no other exit. The guard reached up to scratch his head, eyeing the scene suspiciously. Finally, he wandered back down the hallway. "I gotta get some more coffee," he muttered. -Wildcat: Make sure it's decaf, or you'll be bouncing off the walls for a week. ------------------------------------------------------------ "You sure you can do it, Jake?" Chance Furlong called up to his friend, Jake Clawson, shuffling his huge feet for a better stance on the small seat area of the chair he was perched atop. Jake was balancing himself precariously on Chance's broad shoulders, holding a long flourescent tube in one hand as he tried to remove the burnt-out tube from the light fixture just above his head. His hands were gloved against the open connection of the still-lit fixture, the thick rubber making them awkward as he tried to gain a grip on the slick, rounded surface of the flourescent tube. Making Jake's precarious position all the more unstable was the fact that Chance's rickety chair was situated atop their jet, the TurboKat, just behind the canopy. -Wildcat: (circus announcer) This act was outlawed on several continents! "Okay, stretch time again," Jake announced, standing on his toes and stretching as he tried to snap the replacement tube into the light fixture. -Wildcat: (Mr. Fantastic) It'll be QUITE a stretch. "Maybe we should've gotten a ladder," Chance commented, glancing down at his chair's legs, wobbling unsteadily on the uneven metal, and trying to steady both the chair and Jake. -Wildcat: Even though cats are smart, they have brains the size of sunflower seeds. (ominously) A paradox. "If *somebody* hadn't run over it with the tow truck, that would have been the way to go," Jake returned, a slight growl rumbling his normal tenor. "Besides, Chance, any idiot can change a light," he added confidently, glancing down at his friend. -Wildcat: How many idiots does it take to change a light bulb? "Yeah, in a normal room - not a thirty foot high hangar," Chance replied, steadying himself again as Jake's weight shifted. -Wildcat: Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to figure out what zero plus one is. He needn't have worried; Jake's balance was amazing, more so than that of most kats. "There," Jake announced, finally snapping the tube in one-handed as he held the burnt-out tube in his other. Casually, he tossed the old tube up into the air and leapt after it, somersaulting before landing on the floor of their underground hangar. -Wildcat: (circus announcer) The amazing Jake Clawson! Can jump through the air without the aid of a trapeze! (normal) But then again, he can also do it on top of a missile, so what does it matter? Chance yelped as he lost his footing on the chair from the force of Jake's thrust, quickly jumping down before he could fall. Scowling, he glared at Jake past one of the TurboKat's stabilizers. Jake landed nimbly and stuck a hand out to catch the falling tube. Smirking, he twirled it deftly just in front of Chance's nose as his friend jumped down from the jet to join him. "Show off," Chance muttered sourly, glaring at his friend. -Wildcat: (Groucho Marx) Yeah, that's it. Show off! "*Now*, it'll work," Jake announced, still smirking as he jogged across the huge room and flipped the light switch by the ladder that led to the garage above. There was an electrical crackle accompanied by a shower of sparks from the light fixture With a final flicker, the rows of lights illuminating the hangar died and darkness descended on the twosome. -Wildcat: (cheers) YEAH! YOU KNOW IT! "Well, *congratulations*," came Chance's voice through the black nothingness. "On what - blowing a fuse?" "No, on not being just any idiot." (Wildcat laughs) -Wildcat: (to himself) Robotnik could've picked a worse movie to torture me with. "Very funny," said Jake, glad he couldn't see Chance's smirk as he started to walk forward in search of a flashlight - even a kat's eyes couldn't see in this kind of darkness. "Don' worry, I'll fix it." No sooner had he finished the sentence than a rumble began, emanating from the huge level still farther beneath them and vibrating the floor beneath their feet. "That's the backup generator," Jake muttered in confusion. "That shouldn't start just because I blew a fuse." "Yeah, you musta shorted out the transformer," Chance growled. -Wildcat: More than meets the eye. "That's impossible," Jake shot back. "Lemme get the flashlight and we'll check the fuse box." The room was suddenly filled with thumps and bumps, including Jake's loud yelp. The sounds of a news report abruptly blared through the hangar, echoing in the vast space. "Well, I found my work table," Jake grumbled, reaching down to rub his throbbing shin. "This is Ann Gora for Kat's Eye News. MegaKat City has had a massive power failure....," the familiar newswoman's voice echoed through the hangar. "Oh, great, Jake - you blacked out the whole city," Chance muttered dryly. -Wildcat: (Kane) The obelisks of light require electricity to stay fully powered. GDI must NOT know about this. "Shhh....," returned Jake, trying to hear the rest of the report. "....having to broadcast this using a private backup generator," Ann continued. "We will keep you informed as more develops and as the cause of this blackout is discovered." -Wildcat: (Commander Feral) Curse those Swat Kats! "Here, I found a flashlight," Chance announced as the report finished and a beam of light suddenly knifed through the darkness. It illuminated Jake's face, his yellow- orange eyes, fully dilated in the darkness, squinting at the sudden light and narrowing to vertical slits. "Wonder what caused the blackout," Jake muttered, turning his face away from the light. Keeping his back to the blinding brightness, he used the light to find the "off" switch and silence the radio. -Wildcat: You must construct additional pylons. "Got me," returned Chance. He turned to flash the light across the nose of the black fighter jet sitting across the room. The light glinted from its sleek metal surface. Chance smiled with pride. "Y'know the TurboKat looks better'n ever with the new armor," he commented. "Yeah," Jake agreed, letting himself feel a touch of pride as well as he looked at the magnificent jet. "Let's hope that new agrecite alloy is as good as it's supposed to be." "Wanna test it out?" Chance asked suddenly, turning back to Jake and once more hitting his friend dead center in the eyes with the flashlight's beam. -Wildcat: (bored) Anyone for tennis? "Sure, guess the SWAT Kats better make sure MegaKat City stays quiet in the dark, dark night," Jake replied, blinking. "Lemme fix that fuse and we're outta here." Chance turned to lead the way to the fuse box. He could hear a quiet mutter behind his back as Jake followed. "If only his aim was as good when he uses the targeting scope." -Wildcat: You mean he doesn't? (something registers in his mind, and he chuckles) Checkpoint #3. ---------------------------------------- Some minutes later, the TurboKat roared from of its underground hangar and, free, hurtled into the night sky. "Y'know, the hangar's backup generator could be put to use powerin' the T.V., Razor," said Chance, reverting to his partner's alias as he shot a glance back at Jake from the pilot's seat. "When the fuses aren't blown," he added with a toothy smirk. "Hangar use only, T-Bone," returned Razor, also switching to Chance's alias as he effortlessly slipped into the familiar guise of his SWAT Kat alter-ego. He pointedly ignored T-Bone's second comment. -Wildcat: (Razor) Maybe if I ignore him, he'll shut up. "Yeah, well, I guess I'm ready for some fun with the ol' TurboKat," returned T- Bone, tightening his grip on the stick situated between his legs with his left hand as his right reached for the throttle. He slowly slid the throttle forward, the widening afterburners' roar music to his pilot's ears. "That armor isn't even slowin' 'er down," he purred. -Wildcat: (Razor) The shop is selling some turtle shells dirt cheap. Want one? (Pause) -Wildcat: (groans) Just not the same without Tails in here. "It only weighs a fraction more than your regular aerospace alloy, remember?" Razor clarified, a smug smile tugging up the corners of his mouth. "How else d'ya' think I could've talked you into it?" "Let's see how it holds up under pressure," T-Bone shot back. "Hang onto yer stomach!" he warned, pulling the stick towards him. The TurboKat shot straight up into the clear, star-flecked sky. Then, screaming, "ROCK AND ROLL!" T-Bone sent the jet into a barrel roll and let it plunge downward to roar over MegaKat Bay. -(Wildcat starts singing the Swat Kats theme, but stops for a yawn) ---------------------------------------- "Well, that should take care of my work here," the shadowy figure announced as he strode through the darkened hallway. He glanced at the dim outline of a white sign on the wall, reading "Main Generator - Left," the blacks words just barely distinguishable. Smirking, the kat pointed a finger at the sign, a stream of blue light shooting from his fingertip. -Wildcat: (Jack Nicholson; low voice) Alright, Sparky, here's the deal.... As the light vanished with a flicker of sparks, the kat muttered to the charred sign. "MegaKat City Light and Power won't be generating anything for a while," he chuckled. "Even the backup generators won't cut on - MegaKat City is virtually helpless for the rest of the night. Oh, you do your work well, Hard Drive," the tan kat complimented himself with an evil chuckle as he leapt over two uniformed figures slumped in the hallway, breathing faintly. "Enjoy your naps while they last, boys," Hard Drive called gaily back to the unconscious security guards. -Wildcat: Good idea... (Wildcat starts to doze off) Hard Drive's smirking face sobered for a moment as he searched the walls of the hallway. His eyes lit on an electrical outlet. -(There is a blue flash to Wildcat's right. Half-asleep, he doesn't notice) "Now, for a timely exit," he pronounced as the bulky suit he was wearing flared to life with an electric blue glow. Without warning, the suit's glow intensified to a cool blue flame. Gasping in surprise, Hard Drive found himself engulfed in the electric blaze. "What's going on?!!" he snarled, desperately fidgeting with a small control panel on the front of the suit. "My surge coat's malfunctioning!" -Female voice: (snaps) Wildcat, wake up! -(Wildcat jolts awake and sees the electric blaze in front of him) -Wildcat: (Bill Cosby; garbled) Fire! Do you understand "fire"?! ----------------------------------------- "Wha...!" T-Bone yelped, watching as his navigational instruments went wild, splashing red-orange light over the control panel and the pale yellow fur of his face before suddenly stilling. T-Bone stared in confusion at his controls. "Razor, all my compasses just freaked out!" he called back to his partner. -Wildcat: (singing) Freakazoid, Freakazoid, la-la-la-la-la-la-la... "Lemme see." Razor leaned forward into his harness to study his instruments. "Hmmm.... look's like we just passed through some kinda freaky electromagnetic disturbance." Another "hmmm...." escaped his lips as he punched commands into the onboard computer, bringing up his dimensional radar display. -Wildcat: Hmmm....hmmm....hmmm....hmmmm....(shakes his head)....Oh, confound it. I hate it when my lips dry out. "We just passed over MegaKat City Light and Power," he mumbled half to himself, putting a finger to the skeletal image of the power plant projected on his screen. He looked out at the city below. "The power hasn't come back on yet either," the slim kat added, thinking that he and his partner should have been paying more attention as they had their fun. -Wildcat: (Razor) They seem to be having power surges with the tesla coils..... "Sounds like we'd better head down there and have a look, partner," T-Bone announced as he turned the jet sharply and headed for the power plant. ---------------------------------------- "Finally, I've got that malfunction under control," muttered Hard Drive, scowling at the annoyance as he stalked out of the power plant's main door into bright moonlight. "I'll make my exit out here," he grumbled. "Maybe their equipment somehow...." -Wildcat: (Hard Drive; as Picard) ....destroyed the Borg.... No sooner had he left the sheltering darkness of the doorway than an all-too- familiar sound reached his ears, making him cut off his half-thought mumbles abruptly. His head jerked skyward in time to see the TurboKat fly over the building. Growling a curse under his breathe, Hard Drive ducked back into the doorway and watched the great black jet land in the deserted parking lot in front of the main building, using its VTOL engines to land vertically. -Wildcat: (strained voice) Hey, get that jet off me! ---------------------------------------- The TurboKat's canopy slid open and the two SWAT Kats leapt out. -Wildcat: HELLO, WASHINGTON! "See anything, Razor?" asked T-Bone as he checked his glovatrix, eyes scanning the building's facade. "Negative, T-Bone," Razor returned, cautiously starting across the parking lot toward the building, "but we'd better keep our eyes open. Somethin' weird's goin' on around here," he added, ears pricked and flicking this way and that, searching for any sound. -Wildcat: As opposed to up there. ---------------------------------------- "If I could just get to the power lines," Hard Drive muttered, watching the SWAT Kats head for the side door to his left. Seeing their attention focused on opening the door, he began to creep out of the doorway, away from the two crimefighters and toward the two huge pylons to his right. -Wildcat: (Samir Duran; as Hard Drive) The explosion will be the perfect cover for escaping into the power lines. (looks around; still Duran) Speaking of which, I think I'll grab a midnight snack. Cerebrate, hold the phone. (Wildcat leaves the theater, snickering a little at the last line. The movie continues running) - (1...2...3...4...5...6) - (Wildcat stumbles onto the bridge, looking bone-weary and tired. He slowly makes his way towards the refrigerator, intent on fixing a sandwich. On the way over, he passes Tails, who looks equally exhausted, getting some water) -Wildcat: (tired) Tails, what in the name of Robotnik are you doing? Tails: (snappish) I'm suffering from insomnia, and I was about to ask you the same question. -Wildcat: (tired) I'm just as tired as you are, kid, but I don't really have much of a choice. Tails: (shuts off the water, and sips) What are you doing? Playing video games again? -Wildcat: (shakes his head angrily) No. (opens the fridge) I'm watching a Swat Kats movie. Tails: (gasps) Robotnik?? He wasn't supposed to send us anything until 12:30 tomorrow afternoon! -Wildcat: (sighs, throwing together a snack) I know. Robotnik's making me stay up and watch the movie as punishment for the havoc that T-Bone and Razor had wrought in their ride around the ship. He's obviously thinking that a late-night video will force my nerves to snap. Tails: Sounds like him. (finishes off his water; then refills his glass) Well, I'm going back to sleep. If you survive this movie, don't wake me up. (Tails walks away) -Wildcat: (looks at him) Don't worry. I won't. (Wildcat picks up his snack: a ham and cheese sandwich with mayo) -Wildcat: Snack time. Finally. (Right before the first bite, the red light above the hexagon door blinks. Growling irritably, he shuts it off, then heads back through the door) - (6...5...4...3...2...1) - (Wildcat re-enters the theater and takes his seat, munching on his snack) -Wildcat: (to himself) From now on, don't brush until after you eat. T-Bone had seen his friend perfectly, his features clear and instantly recognizable. But Razor had been a three-dimensional green outline, running towards him through a schematic world of green lines and black background, his voice strange as he called out to T-Bone. Now, Razor had disappeared from view. T-Bone desperately tried to relocate his friend, tried to locate himself. The world had suddenly been reduced to nothing more than a green and black schematic. -Wildcat: (confused) What in the world....I thought the movie was supposed to pause when I left. (shakes his head) Oh, well. The less of this I have to watch, the better. ------------------------------------- Not replying to T-Bone's calls, Razor dove into the cockpit as soon as he could fit under the still-raising canopy and clambered into the pilot's seat. He looked at the screen in front of him. His suspicions were confirmed; a schematic outline of T-Bone's face glowed from the dimensional radar's screen. "T-Bone! You're inside the TurboKat's computer!" Razor gasped. -Wildcat: A T-Bone-powered 900Mhz processor. Great. "WHAT?!" T-Bone yelped, staring unseeingly at Razor from the screen, his simplified features not hiding his shock. "*Inside* the computer?! Then,.... what am I seeing?!" he stammered. "You're using the dimensional radar...and the radio... I think....," Razor replied, the shock on his face replaced by worry and his habitual thoughtful look. "Then, how....?!" T-Bone started. "What...?!," he suddenly muttered, interrupting himself. "Chopper....," he murmured. -Wildcat: (Swedish Chef) Throw da Swedish Copter in da chop-chop. (takes a bite of sandwich) "What is it, buddy?" Razor asked. "I'm pickin' up an Enforcer chopper headin' this way." T-Bone grinned, his head on the screen cocking like he was listening to something. "Feral's in it too; I can hear 'im chewin' somebody out on the radio." -Wildcat: Here we go again. "You're using all the TurboKat's equipment!" exclaimed Razor, his thoughtful look deepening. "Great, I have super powers," T-Bone returned sarcastically. "Big whoop when yer stuck in a computer. Now, let's fire up the engines and get outta here before I get ta' find out what Feral does with 'hotshot vigilante' jets." -Wildcat: He throws them in the jailhouse hangar. What else could he do with them? (continues munching) Before Razor could move, the engines came to life with a roar of sound, powerful VTOL engines thrusting the TurboKat into the air. "Ah, T-Bone,.... please tell me you did that," Razor muttered, scanning the instruments before him quickly. -Wildcat: Thank you, people, but I still think you need a band of common sense. "Yeah, - guess *I'll* be gettin' us home," T-Bone returned, his worried expression replaced by his usual, smirking grin. "Hope you can handle flyin' like this, bud," Razor commented as he strapped in. "No problem....if you'll take yer hands off the stick." "Oh, sorry," replied Razor, releasing the stick which he had been holding instinctively. It immediately moved a bit, settling into the position T-Bone wanted it at. " Uh, oh, Feral wants ta' chit chat," T-Bone muttered suddenly. -Wildcat: (Feral) Before I arrest you cursed Swat Kats, do you want some coffee? (finishes his snack) No sooner had he said it than the thundering growl of Enforcer Commander Ulysses Feral rumbled over the radio. "Hold it right there, SWAT Kats - I've caught you two destructive vigilantes in the act - you're not getting off *this* time," he growled. "Y'know, I'm startin' to think Feral has some kinda radar so he can find us whenever we look the most guilty," Razor commented. -Wildcat: (salesman) Introducing the new Swat Kat Locater! Finds the Swat Kats whenever they look the most guilty! -Voice: (Feral) Hey, I ought to try that. -Wildcat: (startled; looks around, then calms down) I'm sure I didn't hear that. "Yeah, and it works overtime," T-Bone returned before snapping back to the Enforcer Commander, "Yeah, Feral, you caught us in the act of leavin'." With his words the TurboKat's throttle slid forward and the jet streaked away into the night sky, Feral's threats vibrating the radio speakers long after the TurboKat's glowing afterburners had ceased to be even dots on the distant horizon. -Wildcat: (Feral; voice eventually tails off) You owe me 15 dollars for that intercom system, and furthermore..... ---------------------------------------- "Well, Chance, I have no idea how to get you outta there without Hard Drive's surge coat," said Razor, somewhat despondently as he pulled off his helmet and mask, balling the mask up and stuffing it in the helmet before tossing both into his locker. He turned back to face the TurboKat sitting across the hangar on its launch platform. -Wildcat: (Razor) "Stratego" board is set up. Wanna play? "As best I can tell, you've been turned into some kinda electrical impulse that's fused with the TurboKat's computer. I don't guess that's really dangerous or anything - I think Hard Drive does it all the time to pull off his techno thefts. The only problem is: Hard Drive doesn't stay in the computer for extended periods of time....," Razor stopped, letting his thoughts trail off, and concentrated on unzipping his flight suit. -Wildcat: Partly because he doesn't want to get hooked on some small-town website. "Razor, *what*?" T-Bone demanded, recognizing Razor's reluctance to tell him the rest of his thought. "Well, if you stay in there too long, you could fuse with the TurboKat itself or.... you might just fade away as your electrical energy disperses." "So we gotta wait 'til Hard Drive makes his next move to get him and the surge coat," said T-Bone, his deep sigh the only indication that he'd acknowledged Razor's last comment. -Wildcat: (T-Bone) And then we can find out whether Hard Drive drinks "Jolt" or not. "Yeah, I gotta hunch he was up to more than just making life miserable with that blackout," returned Razor, now Jake once more, back in his mechanics coveralls. "Well, I'm headin' for bed." "Hey, whada I do? I don't suppose computers get to sleep, do they?" asked T- Bone. -Wildcat: I shut down mine at night, usually. It's the only piece and quiet you're going to get. "Actually, you should be able to shut down for the night," Jake replied. "Or I could stay up and intercept some "Scaredy Kat" reruns - computers don't need sleep." -Wildcat: (shakes his head and groans) Jake knew without seeing it that T-Bone's face was alight with one of his wide, fang-filled grins. "The *computer* doesn't -* you* do," he returned sternly. "You may not 'get tired' while you're an electric impulse, but you need rest mentally. If I catch you up all night, I'll unhook some systems and make sure you sleep - ya' got that, bud?" T-Bone grumbled. -Wildcat: (monotone) Rowrrrrr. "Cha-ance...." "Yes, *Mommy*," T-Bone snickered in reply. -Voice: Oh, so it's "Sonny" that's in the computer. Wonderful. I'm cuckoo already. -Wildcat: Whoever's doing that, please stop. Jake rolled his eyes and turned away to climb the ladder into the garage above. "You gonna be okay down here?" "Sure. Somehow I don't think I could get the TurboKat in my bed," returned T- Bone. "Hey, there's a good side," Jake called back, stopping poised on the ladder. "I don't have to listen to yer snoring from the other side of the room for one night," he said with a mischievous smile, scrambling up the ladder as a net from the TurboKat flew past him. "Even with all my targeting systems your aim's still lousy!" he yelled incredulously through his laughter, his voice echoing down into the hangar from his safe vantage point. -Wildcat: (in unison with T-Bone's next statement) "Ha, ha," T-Bone snapped dryly. -Wildcat: I thought of that one years ago. Hearing Jake's footsteps fade away, he shut down the system, letting himself slip into a kind of half-sleep. He was hyper-aware of everything around him: the faintest of noises from equipment in the hangar, sounds from the world above, radio signals that the emergency ban constantly monitored, everything. Still, it was like he perceived it all on one level and was aware of nothing beyond his own dreams, grateful signs that his mind was still functioning like any normal kat's, on the other. It was strange and different, a feeling he couldn't even conceive of living with for the rest of his life - short as that might be. -Wildcat: Incredibly, I have never believed that one could ever live a normal life in this town. ---------------------------------------- "Commander, you're just grabbing at straws!" announced Deputy Mayor Callie Briggs, almost standing on tip-toes in her high heels to see over Commander Feral's huge desk. "With all due respect, Deputy Mayor, your SWAT Kats were at the power plant twenty minutes after the blackout started - I saw them leaving myself. They are my most likely, most *obvious*, suspects!" Commander Feral snapped back. -Wildcat: (Callie) I suspect YOU of having a mental case. "So they sabotaged the power and then hung around for twenty minutes for your Enforcer choppers to spot them so everyone would know they were responsible?" "Some criminals enjoy taking credit for their crimes," returned Feral, glaring at the blond she-kat over his desk. -Wildcat: Yeah, like Robotnik. "Commander, if the SWAT Kats wanted to be destructive and cause the city a major power shortage, they could just *bomb* the power plant!" -Wildcat: With a Scrambler, no less. Callie was exhausted and slightly frazzled. The power outage had occurred just as she was finishing Mayor Manx's latest speech, due early that morning. She'd failed to save the file on her computer prior to the outage, and, as a result, she'd lost her entire night's work. It had taken until 3 am that morning to rewrite the speech on the ancient manual typewriter she'd somehow inherited; so much for the wonders of modern technology. Now, she'd come to handle some routine paperwork at Enforcer Headquarters, after only three and a half hours of sleep, only to hear rumors that Commander Feral, for the millionth time, had an APB out on the SWAT Kats, blaming them for last night's power outage. -Wildcat: (Callie) Another "Armored Personal Bombing"? Wow, he must really hate them. Callie adjusted her glasses and brushed a strand of damp golden hair from her face before glaring up at Feral again. 'This day is getting off to a *miserable* start,' she thought. "My mind is made up, Deputy Mayor - those SWAT Kats are to be brought in for questioning and held if they are sighted within MegaKat City," Feral snapped, dropping his head back to his work, a sign that the 'interview' was over. "Easier said than done," Callie snapped under breathe before turning and stalking from the Commander's office. -Voice: You're next, Feral. -Wildcat: (snarls) Either cut it out, or show yourself. -(The voice shuts up) Stepping out of Feral's office, she walked down the hall to the elevators and stepped into the first one that arrived; it was empty. As the door closed, Callie reached into her purse and pulled out her triangular communicator. ---------------------------------------- The young Enforcer at the main desk in the lobby many floors below looked up from his computer terminal and scanned the room. It was empty. Smiling, he produced a comic book from under the computer's keyboard and dove into it. -Wildcat: (Robin) Holy comic book, Batman! No sooner had he found the page he'd been on earlier than the lights flickered abruptly. The rookie raised his head as he felt a crackling electric charge fill the room, his fur standing on end. He watched as a bolt of electricity exploded from an empty socket across the room in a blinding flash of blue-white light. Blinking, he stared blurry-eyed as the electric mass coalesced into a feline shape. Seconds later, Hard Drive stood in the center of the lobby, showering sparks from his still-glowing surge coat. -Wildcat: (singing) /~It's a beautiful morning~/ He smiled coolly at the young Enforcer and casually flipped a hand at the sliding electronic doors that opened off the street into the lobby, shooting a stream of electricity from his fingertips. The doors sparked and the motion sensor above the door exploded. Hard Drive turned to face the speechless Enforcer. "Lights out," he announced, raising a glowing hand. -(The image on the screen suddenly flickers off) -Wildcat: (yells) HEY, TURN THAT THING BACK ON! -Voice: Still the same old Wildcat. -Wildcat: (suspicious) Hey, I recognize that voice, now.... -Voice: And if it isn't Shila, then score two points for me. -(Another anthromorphic cat appears near the right-most seat) -Wildcat: (shrugs) Don't know how you got here, but I could care less. Could you help me razz the movie until it's over? -Shila: Sure. Why not? -(The image on the screen flickers back on, and Shila gets in the seat on Wildcat's right) T-Bone cut the radio systems back on and scanned the transmission from Callie, letting the TurboKat's systems give him her location as he heard her reply to Razor. "It's Feral, Razor," Callie said with a sigh. "Last night he saw you two leaving the power plant after the blackout and,.... - you know Feral - he thinks you're either high-tech vandals or scheming some kind of plan." -Shila: (Feral) No, they couldn't be. They're too stupid to think of a plan. There was a ding as the elevator decelerated. Callie glanced up to see a dimly lit 'G' above the doors. -Wildcat: My life's rating. -Shila: You wish. "Oops, gotta go," she whispered into the communicator as the doors slid open. Callie lowered her communicator and dropped the hand that held it down toward her purse before looking up to step out the opening doors. She gasped. -Shila: (Callie) What the...it's Jack Nicholson! ---------------------------------------- Razor caught the sound only faintly as her mouth wasn't near the speaker. "Miss Briggs?" he called, a hint of worry creeping into his voice. There was no response. -Wildcat: (Mr. T) I pity the foo' who listens to you! ---------------------------------------- Hard Drive stood framed in the doorway of the elevator. "Why, hello, Deputy Mayor," he purred, putting a hand out to keep the doors from closing. -Shila: (Callie; calmly) Hello, Hard Drive. "Hard Drive!" Callie gasped loudly, pressing the red distress button in the center of her communicator as she let it fall discreetly into her purse. "Yes, indeed - now, how about coming along quickly and quietly?" Hard Drive cooed as an electric light ran along his right sleeve to form a sparking glow at his fingertips. -Wildcat: Ol' Sparky must've gotten that on "eBay". Squaring her shoulders, Callie stepped out of the elevator as the doors slid closed behind her. ---------------------------------------- "Hard Drive!" Razor and T-Bone echoed Callie with one voice as the smaller SWAT Kat slammed his fist onto the button beside the intercom to silence the once more screaming alarm and dashed for the TurboKat. "We'll be right there, Miss Briggs - just hang on," he added under his breathe as he vaulted onto the TurboKat's wing. -Wildcat: And hang up. "She's in Enforcer Headquarters," T-Bone informed him, his face appearing on the screen in front of Razor as his partner slid into his usual seat at the rear of the cockpit. Though it would look strange to any who happened to see him flying in an apparently pilotless jet, he preferred the familiarity of his own instruments. As Razor strapped in, the TurboKat's platform lowered to take-off level. "Let's rock n' roll!" announced T-Bone as the engines fired and the jet shot off down the tunnel to the surface, rocketing into the sky in seconds. (Wildcat hisses) -Shila: Something wrong? -Wildcat: We watched 2 Mega Man movies before this one. -Shila: "We"? -Wildcat: Tell you later. Razor felt an excited thrum pulsing through the TurboKat as it hurtled into open sky. He frowned. The jet's awesomely powerful engines created vibrations all their own to be sure, but he knew the sound and feel of the TurboKat's engines by heart. This wasn't normal. His eyes widened as sudden realization came to him. The pulse was T- Bone's excitement, humming through the very body of the jet itself. -Wildcat: Hummingbirds just can't cut it. "Easy, buddy, - we'll get there," Razor assured quietly, pushing aside the cold rush of fear for his friend that surged through his being and focusing on the business at hand. He punched a button beside the screen before him to bring up an image of Enforcer Headquarters, a flashing red blip indicating Callie's location. It wasn't anything T-Bone didn't know, but he hadn't exactly divulged the information yet. "Yeah, and then I get to sit around and wait." T-Bone's tone was bitter. -(Shila rests an arm against Wildcat's shoulders) "Only until we catch Hard Drive," Razor returned as he leaned forward into his harness to do an inventory of his weapons. -Shila: 40 Mega Missiles. And it Hertz. "Hey! That tickles," T-Bone chuckled suddenly as Razor's fingers ran over the controls. -(Wildcat nudges Shila under one arm with his tail) -Shila: (mutters; lowers her arm) Do that again, and I'll give your shoulders a sleeping potion. "You can feel that! T-Bone, we gotta get you outta there fast - you're really starting to fuse with the TurboKat!" Razor gasped, feeling his stomach tighten, the earlier fear rushing over him in a wave that he quickly suppressed once more. -Wildcat: It was worth a shot. "Yeah, but first we gotta stop Hard Drive." 'Then, we get you outta there as fast as we can,' Razor thought. -Shila: Run, run, run as fast as you can. -Wildcat: You can't catch me; I'm the gingerbread man. ---------------------------------------- "Stupid malfunction," Hard Drive snarled as the violent glow emanating from his surge coat subsided. Callie had backed away from him when he'd first become enveloped in the blinding light. Now, she stood just beside the elevator, using her body to cover the controls where the 'up' button was lit. She shot a quick glance at the floor indicator above the elevator. Fifth...and it wasn't moving. "C'mon," she muttered softly. -Shila: Obviously the Tech Support elevator. Hard Drive ignored her, impatiently adjusting something on the control panel on the front of his suit. "Hey!" -Wildcat: .....is for horses. Hard Drive twisted his head to see a black-haired she-kat clad in the familiar slate and beige of an Enforcer flight suit standing in the hallway just past the front desk where the rookie was slumped in his seat unconscious. Lieutenant Felina Feral took in the scene before her in seconds, reaching for her blaster. Hard Drive was a split-second faster. He jerked his head back to Callie, diving for her. -Wildcat: Response time: .34. To Wildcat, that's like standing still. -Shila: ....? -Wildcat: One of my friend Timer's catches from the future. Supposedly the fourth season of "Pokemon". -Shila: (venomously) Oh. REAL wonderful. Callie sensed his intentions an instant before he turned back to her, dodging from him to the left. Hard Drive caught her arm and jerked her to him, whirling to face Felina as a wave of Enforcers, alerted by her shout, charged up behind the lieutenant. "Not another step!" Hard Drive snarled, rasing a sparking finger to Callie's chin. "Hold your fire!" Felina bellowed to the other Enforcers, throwing a hand back behind her to emphasize her words. -Wildcat: OW! OW! OW! HOT-HOT-HOT-HOT-HOT!!! -Shila: You're starting to get all the good one-liners. -Wildcat: If you think you can do better, go ahead. -Shila: (growls) Honestly, I don't know why I like you so much. Hesitantly, the Enforcers lowered their blasters, still on guard. "When he gets here, tell the *last* SWAT Kat he'll have to meet me on the roof of the MegaKat Trade Towers tonight at midnight if he wants to still have at least *one* friend," said Hard Drive, coolly eyeing the lieutenant, confident behind his hostage, whose eyes were widening with his words. Felina's face hardened as she listened to Hard Drive. "And let's just say that the sight of a single Enforcer chopper could get her sent on a little 'trip'," he continued. "Call this a 'personal matter'." With that, Hard Drive's suit flared to life, turning him and Callie into an electric glow that arced over the Enforcers into the socket through which he'd come. -Shila: Zip your mouth shut, Wildcat. -Wildcat: I didn't say anything. -Shila: I know. I said it anyway. Felina growled in frustration as she lowered her blaster and slid it back into its holster. Sighing, she exhaled deeply, blowing upward to flip straggling hair out of her eyes. For the first time, she suddenly became aware of a distant roar. Looking out the sliding glass doors at the front of the lobby, she saw the TurboKat descending in the middle of the street outside. "Tell the Commander what's going on," Felina suddenly snapped to the nearest Enforcer, having made a fast realization. The SWAT Kats needed to know what was going on and get out of there before her uncle or anybody else could interfere. She could already hear mutterings passing through her fellows about the Commander's APB on the SWAT Kats. -Shila: (Feral) What?! The retail store is on fire?! I'll be right over! "And get that guy looked at," she added, bolting for the door and gesturing back toward the unconscious rookie. "*I'll* deal with the SWAT Kats - *alone*." Her tone brooked no argument, and she was practically out the door before anyone could say anything. Felina nearly collided with the door, expecting it to open. She looked at it in frustration, eyes coming to rest on the charred motion sensor. With a growl, she grabbed the edges of the two doors and began to push them apart. The motors along the sliding track squealed their disapproval as she forced the doors ajar enough to squeeze her way through; she had a message to give before anybody could interfere. -Shila: Caution: automatic sliding doors may not automatically open. The TurboKat's landing gear had barely hit the pavement before Felina was running up to it. "I think we got trouble," Razor muttered to T-Bone, punching the button to open the canopy as he caught sight of the disgruntled young she-kat, black hair tussled in the gusts from the slowing VTOL engine fans. -Wildcat: (T-Bone; as Ash Ketchum) Payment for your bike, payment for your bike! That's all I ever hear! -Shila: (pained) Ouch... "Hard Drive's got Miss Briggs," Felina called as the canopy slid open. "Crud," Razor growled softly as Felina continued. -Wildcat: Eat dirt. "And, he said...." She was hesitant as she started to ask about Hard Drive's claims, fearful they might be true. "Said I'm dead?" T-Bone finished for her. "Not by a long shot! I'm sorta... misplaced at the moment, but as soon as I get my hands on that scrawny low-life...." He paused and added abruptly as though under his breath, "If I *had* hands..." -Shila: It would come in handsomely. "What?!" Felina demanded, brow furrowed in confusion. T-Bone wasn't making any sense... and she couldn't figure out where he was. She could see Razor's head protruding from the cockpit, but the larger T-Bone was nowhere in sight. "Felina!" -Wildcat: Elmo! The commanding shout interrupted her thoughts. Felina glanced over her shoulder to see Commander Feral storming down the steps from Enforcer Headquarters. "He wants to bring you in for sabotaging the power last night," she growled, watching him. "Fat chance," returned T-Bone as the VTOL engines roared back to life. -Shila: You got that right. -Wildcat: (laughs) Good one! "Hard Drive wants you to meet him at midnight on top of the MegaKat Trade Towers," Felina shouted above the engines' roar, turning her head back to the jet and backing away as it slowly lifted into the air. Razor gave her a thumbs up to acknowledge that he'd heard as the canopy started to slide forward. "What're you going to do?" Felina called, shouting to be heard over the roar of the VTOL fans. -Wildcat: Send him a postcard. -Shila: (singing) /~Return to sender~/~Address unknown~/ "I guess we have a date at midnight," Razor called back as the canopy slid closed. Felina watched the jet rise above the street. Behind her she could hear her uncle's angry growl. She sighed as she turned to face him, squaring her shoulders and setting her jaw; she was going to ger her head bitten off over this one, but she wasn't going down without a fight. ---------------------------------------- "So whada we do, bud?" T-Bone asked, setting the TurboKat for the hangar. He couldn't see it, but he knew Razor's face was set in that familiar thoughtful look. "I meet him," his friend returned simply. -Shila: You got a problem with that? "WHAT! You can't just...." "To Hard Drive you're dead, remember, bud?" T-Bone could feel Razor's mischievous grin. "One *lone* SWAT Kat and his jet will meet Hard Drive tonight on the roof of the MegaKat Trade Towers." -Wildcat: Hiyo, Turbo! Away! T-Bone chuckled, his grin filling the screen. "*Of course*," he returned. -Shila: Just what do you think Razor expects out of this? -Wildcat: Coup de'tat Hard Drive style, maybe. ---------------------------------------- A warm night breeze fluffed Callie's long hair as she stood beside Hard Drive on the gravelly roof of one of the MegaKat Trade Towers. A bright full moon lit the night, helping her searching eyes as she scanned the purple-blue sky. She chewed her lip worriedly, twisting her bound hands in an attempt to lessen the pain from the tight cords. Hard Drive glanced at her, scowling. "The wait will be over soon enough," he 'assured'. -Shila: (Callie) I hope so. I'm starting to get a cramp. (shouts) YOU OWE ME BIG FOR THIS, HARD DRIVE! -Wildcat: (Hard Drive) Payment for your bike, payment for your bike! Shut up, already! -Shila: (pained) Please stop. Please... -Wildcat: (mockingly) Don't worry. You brought that one on yourself. "Yes, it will," she returned simply, green eyes flashing as she glared at Hard Drive. Inwardly, she doggedly forced herself to believe that the SWAT Kats could handle whatever Hard Drive had planned for them...and that Hard Drive's comments about there being only one SWAT Kat were his own boasting imagination. The distant rumble of an approaching jet reached both kats' ears. -Shila: (whiny voice) Look, mommy, there's an airplane up in the sky! -Wildcat: I hope Zapana hasn't taken my Pink Floyd tape. Callie looked toward the sound. The jet's profile was unmistakable. She mouthed a soundless prayer as Hard Drive stepped away from her to meet the approaching TurboKat. ---------------------------------------- "Ready, bud?" Razor asked, his eyes running over his instruments out of long cautious habit when he was in the unfamiliar territory of the pilot's seat. He needn't have worried - T-Bone received the warning signals even before the warning lights lit. "All set," T-Bone returned. "Just give the word when you're ready." -Wildcat: Sasquatch. -Shila: Huh? -Wildcat: The word. -Shila: Oh. ---------------------------------------- "Here they come, Sir," the nondescript tan-furred Enforcer reported to his Commander, looking upward in time to see the TurboKat flash across the patch of sky visible between the brick walls that towered around their chopper. He let his eyes wander back down the walls, estimating for the millionth time just how close the rotors would be to them when they made their ascent. "Alright," Commander Feral returned curtly, flipping the switch on his handset. "Felina, are you in position?" he asked, holding the handset up to his mouth. -Wildcat: (gym teacher) In baseball talk, you've been off base for years. "Roger," she returned, voice staticy over the short range frequency they were using to avoid detection. "Stand by for my orders," Feral snapped, abruptly switching frequency. "McFurland, Wilson - do you copy?" he demanded. -Shila: Two copies, no staple. -Wildcat: Oops. That's the shredder. "Yes, Sir," a voice returned. "Alright, McFurland - first clear chance you get, get the Deputy Mayor out of the area while Hard Drive is distracted with those vigilantes. Feral out." Feral flicked the handset off and set it down, a small smile turning up the corners of his mouth. "Maybe I'll be able to catch three criminals tonight," he muttered. -Wildcat: Gotta catch them all. (Shila cringes) One nagging little thought quickly replaced his smile with a tight sour expression. The fact that the SWAT Kats showed tonight said they had guts and that they cared about the Deputy Mayor. Still, he had a duty to fulfill.....; he'd just wanted to enjoy catching the vigilantes, not worrying if it was the right thing to do or not. ---------------------------------------- The TurboKat landed gently on the roof of the MegaKat Trade Towers, its VTOL engines scattering the loose gravel. The canopy slid back and Razor jumped out from the pilot's seat. Eyes narrowed, he walked slowly toward Hard Drive, stopping a few feet from the lanky techno-crook. "Where's your partner, SWAT Kat?" Hard Drive demanded, looking around worriedly as he lunged backward to grab Callie roughly. -Shila: (dull voice) Which way did he go, George? Which way did he go? -Wildcat: You sound a lot better like that. -Shila: (growls) Is that a shot? -Wildcat: No. "You should know," Razor snapped, his voice cracking, fists clenched as a shudder of inheld fury washed over him. Callie gasped softly, dropping her head for a minute, long hair covering her face as she quickly set her jaw. Then, she raised her head to watch the scene before her. Hard Drive's face twisted into a horrible grin, his confidence restored. "Don't worry - you'll see him again...," he sneered, shooting a stream of electricity over Razor's head, "SOON!" -(Abruptly, the screen flickers off) -Wildcat: (mutters) I don't know what's going on, here, but something's not right. -Shila: Maybe it wasn't meant to run this late at night. -Wildcat: If that was true, do you think I'd be awake right now? -Shila: Good point. Let's wait a minute for it to come---- -(The screen turns back on) -Shila: (glances at the screen, puzzled, then settles down) Razor dove to the left seconds before the lasers scorched the gravel where he'd been standing. He caught himself on his hands, flipping to land on his feet. As he did so, he heard the TurboKat's VTOL engines come to life. "What the...!" Hard Drive gasped, releasing Callie and whirling to see the TurboKat rise from the roof. "Two can play at your little game, Hard Drive!" shouted Razor, tackling Hard Drive. -Wildcat: Sorry! Hard Drive hit the gravel on his stomach with a grunt of pain. ---------------------------------------- Callie suddenly felt herself grabbed none too gently from behind. Quickly, she kicked back, hitting her assailant's shin as she spun to face him. She gasped as she saw the two Enforcers behind her. -Shila: (Enforcers) You will be assimilated. Resistance.....is futile. The tall, gray-furred Enforcer closest to her smiled wanly. "Officer McFurland - SWAT Team," he introduced himself. "We're here to rescue you," he explained, gritting his teeth at his smarting shin as he reached into a pocket for his pocketknife to cut Callie's hands loose. -Wildcat: Jerk. ---------------------------------------- Meanwhile, T-Bone felt the grinding of metal as the TurboKat's stabilizers scraped against the underside of Hard Drive's jet. Quickly, he fired the rear engines, blasting out from under the other jet. Airborne, he made a tight turn and circled back to hover some distance in front of the blue jet. "Bring it on!" T-Bone dared, locking the other jet in his sights. -Wildcat: (taunts) T-Bone has no brain! No brain, no gain! -Shila: (shakes her head) Worthless. The blue jet's computer noted his actions as its radar tracked the TurboKat's movement. It ignored him. Its programming was locked on a specific mass of body heat below. Locating Razor, the jet stopped. Its target was located just above another familiar heat ratio; one its orders were rather specific about. Noting the other jet's lack of action, T-Bone smirked, "Guess I'm smarter than the average jet." He centered his attention on Razor grappling with Hard Drive, the dimensional radar allowing him to watch both his friend and the blue jet simultaneously. -Shila: (deep voice) Hey, BooBoo.... -Wildcat: (high voice) Yes, Yogi? -Shila: (Yogi) I'm smarter than the average bear. -Wildcat: (BooBoo) Yogi, someone named "Winnie" wants to talk to you. -Shila: (Yogi) Take a message. I'm busy raiding picnic baskets. Razor was suddenly flung back, away from Hard Drive, as the techno-crook's surge coat glowed to life. He hit the roof on his back with a 'whoof' sound as the air rushed from his lungs. "Crud!" T-Bone growled, aiming the cement machine gun at Hard Drive. He paused, registering movement from the blue jet. Focusing his attention on it, he saw its lasers targeting Razor again. "Oh, no you don't," T-Bone growled, training the cement machine gun on the lasers. He opened fire with a barrage of cement globs, spraying the nose and canopy of the other jet with the thick globs. "YES!!! Move over, Sureshot!" T-Bone crowed as he used the targeting scope to zoom in on the laser tips and note their generous coating of cement. Then, he watched the other jet with a smirk. "Just try ta' fry my partner now, Afterburner-Fer-Brains." -Wildcat: (Garfield) Pardon my ignorance, but shouldn't the stove be turned on, first? The blue jet did indeed try. T-Bone watched with satisfaction as first the hardened cement and then the laser barrels glowed red. "Any second," he purred. The lasers exploded, flinging shredded metal. The blue jet shuddered with the explosion but stayed aloft, motionless. Its sole orders were now impossible to carry out. It waited. T-Bone took a second to enjoy his triumph. Then, he focused his attention back on Razor and Hard Drive. The three-dimensional image of his face on the screen split in a surprised smile as another figure entered the scene. -Wildcat: (T-Bone) It's Scaredy Kat! -Shila: Shut up. It's just Callie. -Wildcat: Hmph. ---------------------------------------- Hearing the explosion, Hard Drive staggered to his feet to glare up at the TurboKat, noting the smoke trailing from his own jet. With a growl he turned to advance on the fallen SWAT Kat before him. "You and your stupid jet!" he snarled, hands glowing with electricity as he stepped toward Razor. A sharp crack on the back of his head sent him to his knees. -Wildcat: Hello, Washington! -Shila: ....? Razor dazedly shook his head, looking up to see Callie standing over Hard Drive with a short two-by-four she'd picked up. Behind her, two Enforcers looked on in amazement. "That's for T-Bone," Callie announced. "Thanks, Miss Briggs," Razor muttered, shaking his head as he got to his feet and moved toward Hard Drive. "No problem," Callie returned. She smiled. "I can't let you guys have all the fun." -Wildcat: That's the same thing I told Sabrina when I rescued her and X from Overdrive Ostrich. -Shila: Your CAT got zapped, too? -Wildcat: Yeah. (Callie) Would you like some coffee with that? -Shila: (shakes her head) At her feet, Hard Drive groaned and stretched a glowing hand toward Razor. Callie rapped him on the head. "One lump or two?" she asked sweetly, flashing a glowing smile at the back of the scrawny kat's head. -Shila: (glares at Wildcat) If you're putting this recording on the 'net, we should probably do away with the side comments. -Wildcat: (waves her off) Suit yourself. With a moan Hard Drive dropped his hand to support his throbbing head. Callie held the two-by-four ready to strike again as Razor warily approached him. "Alright Hard Drive - enough games," Razor snapped, lifting his right arm. -Shila: (Razor) You've beaten me twice at "Battleship" already. Hard Drive raised his head to find himself looking up the triple barrel of Razor's glovatrix, Razor's angry scowl just above it. Over Razor's shoulder he could see the hovering TurboKat. Further, behind him was a she-kat with a two-by-four and a great swing. "I give up!" he moaned. The air was suddenly filled with noise as two Enforcer helicopters exploded from their hiding places in back alleys, advancing on the towering skyscrapers from two sides. -(Abruptly, the screen flickers off) -Wildcat: (hisses) That is really becoming annoying. -Shila: Patience, Wildcat. Let's wait and see if it comes back on. (A couple minutes pass. The screen doesn't come back on) -Wildcat: (taps a button on his armrest) Hey, Robotnik! What's going on? The movie's not playing! -Robotnik: (from a speaker above the movie screen) That's because we're experiencing some "Technical Difficulties" of our own. Nothing wrong with the equipment down on Mobius, though. (sinister) In case you were thinking about gloating. -Wildcat: (shakes his head) No, I wasn't. The problem up here, then? -Grounder: (in the background) Boss, didn't you say something about some renegade virus wrecking havoc somewhere up above Mobius? -Shila: Oh, so THAT'S the problem..... -Robotnik: (snaps) Who's that? -Wildcat: One of my Super-Cat friends back on Earth thought I deserved some company, so she had my Mansion's supercomputer beam her up here. -Robotnik: (puzzled) What...how...I thought I....? (shakes it off) Can't be helped. However, she's to stay here as a permenant resident....(laughs)...Better get used to good company, Wildcat. Understand? -Shila: (mutters something under her breath) Stuff it through your ears. I do what I want. -Wildcat: (growls at Robotnik) -Robotnik: (sinister) I said, "Understand?" Say it. -Wildcat: (snarls; speaks quietly and slowly) I understand. -(The speaker switches off) -Wildcat: As if. -Shila: So, what do we do? Sit and wait? -Wildcat: I hope we don't have to wait muc----- -(The screen comes back on) -Wildcat: (growls) About time, too. -Shila: Hey, where's Hard Drive? -Wildcat: Inside the computer. -Shila: (mutters) "Think I'm gonna get it for that?" he asked with a wry smile. "I'll put in a good word," Callie offered with her own faint grin. -Shila: What? Who's that? -Wildcat: The Mystery Man. You didn't see him earlier? ---------------------------------------- Felina was waiting for the explosion Callie had predicted. The radio before her crackled, and she tensed. "Lieutenant, pick up McFurland and the Deputy Mayor - the two of you get her home. I'll pick up Wilson and get him back to Headquarters to clean that crud off him," was Feral's only comment, his voice carrying an almost relieved quality. Felina smiled and set about carrying out her orders. -Wildcat: (Feral) Hope you lifted weights in high school. Those two are pretty heavy. -Shila: I have a feeling this "McFurland" character is going to be a major cause of pain for the next hour or so. -Wildcat: (sarcastic) No, really? ---------------------------------------- Razor stretched as best he could in the cramped space of the cockpit, now back in his familiar position at the rear of the cockpit, his seat being the only one accessible from the cargo bay. His stretching revealed several protesting muscles as well as the aching beginning of a few nice bruises. Yawning, he smiled briefly at the memory of the young Enforcer who'd helped them escape. His thoughts wandered farther back to his meeting with Hard Drive. The orange kat snickered to himself as he remembered the look on Hard Drive's face when the TurboKat had started 'flying itself'. "So, how was my acting back there?" he asked T-Bone. -Shila: (T-Bone) For a performance like that, you deserve an Academy Award for Best Actor. There was no response. Razor glanced down at the screen in front of him. T- Bone's face conveyed some form of mesmerized joy, his mouth upturned in a wide smile, eyes squeezed shut. ------------------------------------- T-Bone was lost in the most amazing exhilaration he'd ever felt. He could *feel* the air streaming around the TurboKat's nose, rushing under the wings, lifting them. He could feel that he was.... *flying*. Flying like one feels in dreams - that amazing, weightless floating.... but *far* faster.... rocketing across the sky, skyscrapers passing below in a schematic blur. He could feel... himself.... the TurboKat.... him! -Shila: (T-Bone) I'M FLYING! I'M FLYING! -Wildcat: What's that I see? Ooh---it's a haystack with a needle in it! -Shila: (mumbles) Alright, Wildcat, I get your point. ------------------------------------- "T-Bone!" Razor's voice finally reached him and he snapped out of it. "It's *incredible*, Razor," he murmured, his voice dazed. "What's incredible?! What're you doing?!" Razor demanded. "I can *feel* it, Razor. Feel myself... flying." -Wildcat: (singing) I wanna fly like a seagull to the sea--- (Wildcat is interrupted as Shila smacks the side of his face) Razor's head sank to his chest briefly, mute in his misery as he realized what had yet to hit T-Bone. T-Bone sensed the response he couldn't see. His schematic face frowned in confusion. Then, the reason for Razor's reaction hit him. He reeled with the thought. He could *feel* the TurboKat. The metal outer frame of the jet had become like his own skin. He had merged with the jet... maybe completely.... maybe *permanently*. "I.... it's..... I.... Ah, *crud*." As T-Bone felt a certain despair filling him, he suddenly became aware of something else nagging at the back of his mind. 'Commence command protocol one.' -Wildcat: (Threepio) I'm an interpreter. I can't tell an electrical socket from a computer terminal. -Shila: Wow. How long have you had that problem? -Wildcat: (Threepio) Well, ever since Artoo kept prattling on about "Master Kenobi..." -Shila: It got cold after that line. -Wildcat: Alright, alright. As clear as a voice speaking to him, T-Bone heard the words. "What?" he muttered. The thought tugged at the fringe of his consciousness, almost a subconscious urge. Vaguely, a part of his mind registered and understood the order. But it was like a separate part of his mind, connected to but somehow not really a part of him. Confused, T-Bone shoved the thought aside and started to speak again. Whatever the thought was, he had more important things on his mind. As soon as his attention centered on something else the thought returned in force. -Shila: (as Crow) Take me to a bakery....no, wait.... "T-Bone, what is it?" Razor knew instinctively that the confusion and conflict on T-Bone's face was something even more than the thought of being permanently fused with the jet. "I don't.... It...." -Wildcat: Spit out your sandwich and try again, T-Bone. T-Bone broke off. Receiving the mental transmission for the muscles T-Bone was no longer composed of, the dimensional radar's readout converted the electric signal to images as the on-screen image of T-Bone's face shook its head as though trying to shake off a clinging annoyance. "T-Bone?" -Shila: (T-Bone) Ax-Slax? -------------------------------------- Faintly, T-Bone heard Razor calling. His friend's voice seemed far away, muted and drowned by that nagging little thought that had grown to an imperious command. -Wildcat: Call a lawyer.... T-Bone found himself unable to answer Razor. He couldn't do anything. The commanding "voice" dominated his thoughts, driving out any other coherent idea. Desperately, T-Bone tried to collect his thoughts to fight back. With all his strength he focused on one word - 'NO', - repeating it incessantly. Everything he had was poured into mentally screaming that single word. Yet, his efforts only seemed to make the commanding voice intensify. It grew more insistent. -Shila: Yes, you WILL call a lawyer! YES! As the big SWAT Kat struggled, everything around him faded away, he saw nothing, heard nothing, his entire attention focused on what had become a battle for control of his mind itself. -Wildcat: (Overmind) Know that I am the Overmind, the eternal will of the Swarm, and that you have been created to serve me. ------------------------------------- Razor sat helplessly in his seat. T-Bone's face on the screen before him was contorted in pain, but there was nothing he could do. T-Bone obviously couldn't hear him - or was unable to respond if he could. Without warning, Razor felt the TurboKat rise abruptly into a vertical climb. -Shila: (ears twitch) Oh, no... "T-Bone! What're you doing?" he gasped. He had hardly finished the sentence before the jet went into a high-speed upside-down loop, g-forces pressing Razor into his seat. Razor grit his teeth at the sickening sensation. He relaxed as the jet leveled out, heading toward the bay. His relief was short-lived. The TurboKat suddenly dove, plunging toward a skyscraper. -Shila: (screams, and grips her armrests in terror) -Wildcat: Relax. This ain't the "Disaster Transport". -Shila: (calms down slightly, but begins shivering) Razor gasped, eyes focusing on an air conditioning unit on top of the building that steadily grew until it seemed to fill his field of vision. Then, engines screaming, the jet's nose again pointed skyward as it rose into another climb, looping again. -Shila: (frightened) I think I'm gonna die.... -Wildcat: Hush. Razor felt his stomach lurch this time. The speeds were greater, the loop tighter. "T-Bone!" he screamed as he felt the jet rise almost before completing the loop. -Wildcat: (as 2SD's Little Dog) STEAK! * This time Razor heard a roar louder than the screaming engines filling his head as the blood rushed to it. His vision blurred and dulled, blacking out completely at the corners, becoming fuzzy like poor TV reception at the center. Desperately, he fought for his consciousness. It seemed like hours before he felt the jet level out. -Shila: (grabs Wildcat) GET ME OUT OF HERE!! -Wildcat: If you don't like it here, you don't have to stay here. -Shila: (long groan; hooks her claws into the seat's upholstery) No. I MUST stay for the duration.... Razor waited, heart thumping wildly. Would the jet climb again? He couldn't take much more. The g's he was pulling would undo the best. The jet held steady and Razor spared a glance at the screen before him. T-Bone's face was strained, contorted,.... hurting. "T-Bone! What's going on?! What're you doing?!" Razor gasped. "I'm...not.....it....AGHH!" T-Bone screamed in pain. "Razor! Get outta here! Eject *now*! I can't keep....! It.....!" "T-Bone!" Razor gasped as T-Bone's face on the screen blurred. "Go.... *NOW*!" T-Bone shouted. -Wildcat: (Bart Simpson) Chill out, man. Don't have a cow. Razor heard the click of the canopy release triggering a split-second before air rushed into the cockpit. No sooner had he registered the action than he felt himself being catapulted into the air. For several seconds he was paralyzed in the incredible rush of speed as his seat shot out of the jet. Feeling the paralyzing g-forces lessening, Razor jerked out his oxygen mask, shoving it over his nose. He reached a finger down to the two buttons on the end of his seat's right armrest, pushing the left one. Hearing the small jets that would keep the seat airborne fire successfully, he grabbed the handgrips that rose beside the seat and looked for the TurboKat. It was some distance below him, continuing a wobbly course toward the bay. Razor watched as it abruptly jerked to the right, turning back toward him. Equally abruptly, it jerked to the right again, traveling in a full circle. -Wildcat: (singing) ~/The wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'/~/don't know where I'll be tomorrow... "I gotta get down fast - T-Bone's losing with whatever he's fighting," Razor muttered to himself, angling his ejektor seat downward. Quickly, he searched for a narrow opening between buildings. Seeing none, he sent the ejektor seat into a dive, plunging down among the towering structures. He could hear the TurboKat's engines grow louder as it turned back towards him. -Wildcat: (Genie from "Aladdin") Let him go, but smoke 'em if you gotta. ---------------------------------------- "Lemme guess - SWAT Kat fan?" Callie asked, tapping McFurland on the shoulder from behind. -Wildcat: (McFurland) No, it's battery-operated. They had been flying over the city in silence for several minutes, Felina piloting, McFurland filling the position of copilot but lost in his own thoughts. Of course, he wasn't much of a copilot anyway; all Enforcers learned the basics of flying a chopper in a one week crash course at the academy. Only those in flight training ever became competent pilots. "Yeah,.... I mean,.... I know what the Commander says about 'em, but....," he mumbled sheepishly, first looking at Callie's smiling face and then looking down at the instruments before him. -Wildcat: (McFurland) .....I don't quite understand what he means by "Fetch me a sub sandwich and a coffee". "But he's pretty talented at being a jerk when somebody can do the job better than his force," Felina finished with a small smile. "Well, I wouldnt've said *that*, but.... yeah, the SWAT Kats're awesome," McFurland added, eyes taking on a dreamy look. "Wanna be a fighter jock, McFurland?" Felina asked, studying him. She was somewhat surprised to realize that he was her own age, if not older. She briefly wondered why a kat like him would have such a low rank. He seemed like the sort of kat who would quickly distinguish himself. His response to her question snapped her from her musings. -Wildcat: Hey, Shila, you've been pretty silent since the whole ejection thing. Something wrong? -Shila: (slaps him) NO, DUH! -Wildcat: (rubs his face) Francine and Polly Esther pale in comparison...... -Shila: (hisses) Not another word, Wildcat. "Love to,...," McFurland responded, cracking a wide grin as he added, "but I'd hurl on the way up and keep on hurling for the rest of the flight.... when I wasn't screaming "I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die!" Felina and Callie both laughed at him. "I'm serious," McFurland returned, giving both such a perfectly straight, pathetic face that they burst into laughter again. -(Wildcat gets up and moves to the seat on the far right) -Shila: Wildcat, where are you going? -Wildcat: To a place where I won't get slapped. -Shila: (nods) Hey; if I got slapped by someone who had a rough time against Dr. Viper, I'd move away, too. This time McFurland joined them. "What in the....!" Felina gasped without warning as she turned her attention back to her instruments. Following her gaze, McFurland looked at the instrument panel. "Ah, Lieutenant Feral, if that altimeter was reading correctly, we'd be dead in about a second," he joked nervously, watching the altimeter's needle drop to zero. -Shila: Listen to him. The kat speaks for all of us. He'd hardly finished the sentence when red warning lights lit in succession across the panel. "McFurland, radio HQ - we're gonna make an emergency landing - NOW!" Felina shouted to the other officer, who had already snatched up the mike and hit the radio switch. "It won't work!" McFurland shouted back, throwing the useless mike at the blinking lights of the control panel. -Wildcat: (McFurland) It says it needs a chip to operate! Callie gripped the back of his seat tightly, reaching a hand toward her purse uncertainly. "Okay, we get on the ground, then we'll worry about it," Felina returned, scanning the rooftops below. Sensing that the helicopter was having some form of total electrical malfunction, she quickly hit the button for the huge spotlight mounted on the front of the chopper, praying it would work. Landing without any form of light to guide by would be *very* difficult. Felina glanced through the glass in front of her. The only light visible was the dim glow of the street below. "Shoot," she growled. -Shila: Bang. Bright lights below suddenly caught her attention. Felina looked just ahead. The wide four-lane street below was awash with light. In its center was an Enforcer chopper surrounded by gray cruisers, headlights trained on the helicopter, emergency lights flashing. Cars were packed in a tangle snarl behind the choppers. Even at this hour, traffic was bad. "What's goin' on down there?" McFurland asked, leaning forward to see below better. -Wildcat: (random Enforcer) The guy parked in front of the coffee shop is taking too long. -Shila: (Felina) According to reports, he bought a box of Scottish music tapes and is in a sticky situation. "We'll find out after I land this thing," Felina snapped in response, scanning ahead for a less crowded part of the street on which to land. Abruptly, her controls locked. "What in the...!" Felina yelped, as she felt the steering column become rigid before suddenly jerking forward out of her hands and heading the chopper for the street below. "Lieutenant Feral, what're...?" McFurland started. "It's not me - the crazy chopper's gotten a mind of its own!" Felina snarled, grabbing the steering controls and trying to pull the column back. "Arrrhhh! I can't budge it!" she growled. "McFurland! Try your controls!" she shouted, reaching forward to slam a finger to the button that would give power to the other set of steering controls. McFurland watched for the light on the main console that would indicate he had control. "It's not giving it to me!" he muttered, as the light stayed dull. -Wildcat: (McFurland) It needs a chip, I tell you! It needs a chip! -Shila: (disgruntled) Please explain. -Wildcat: (shrugs) If Megaman's blaster required chips to switch arsenals, so can the choppers. "Try it anyway!" Felina shouted, breathing heavily through clenched teeth as her fingers tightened around the steering controls before her. McFurland grabbed his steering column and experimentally pulled it back towards himself. There was no response from the chopper. He looked over at Felina, shaking his head. By this time the chopper was hovering just above street level. Its rotors slowed, holding it steady over the first car that had found itself stopping to let an Enforcer helicopter land. Seeing several Enforcers running towards them, Felina threw open her door. -Wildcat: (Felina) HELLO, WASHINGTON! -(Shila glances towards him, then re-focuses her attention of the film) "I need these cars outta here - NOW! All my systems've gone crazy! I have *no* control!" she bellowed above the roar of the rotors and the angry honking now audible from the street. "Send someone around to the other side. I've got the Deputy Mayor, and I'm gettin' her outta this thing before anything else happens." "Roger that," an Enforcer shouted, his insignia indicating he was a captain. He waved a hand at several Enforcers behind him. "You heard her," he shouted, "go help the Deputy Mayor out. The rest of you," his hand indicated a group to his right, "help me get these cars movin'." Finished, he reached for his handset, raising it to his mouth. "Commander, your chopper trouble seems to run in the family," he announced into the handset. -Wildcat: (Genie) THAT'S RIGHT! IT CAN BE TAUGHT! McFurland hurried to the chopper's large side door and slid it open. "C'mon, Deputy Mayor," he called to Callie, stretching a hand towards her as he saw several Enforcers waiting below. Felina waited impatiently as McFurland put an arm around Callie and gently handed her down from the helicopter into the waiting arms of the Enforcers below. "She's clear," he announced to Felina, turning to join her at the front of the chopper. -Wildcat: (McFurland) All activities will be continued, but the Yankees game is CANCELLED. Felina nodded. "Good. You clear out too; I'll stay and see if I can set 'er down." McFurland shook his head. "I'm stayin' in case anything happens," he declared decisively. "That's an order, *Officer*," Felina returned, dark eyes narrowing. "Ma'am," McFurland plopped into the copilot's seat, "I'm stayin'." -Shila: (growls) -Wildcat: (Darth Vader) Patience, young Shila. You will soon join the dark side. Felina shook her head, the shadow of a smile creeping across her face. "Alright," she relented, settling herself into the pilot's seat to await developments. They had several minutes of impatient waiting ahead of them before the Enforcers below would able to create enough room for Felina to land the chopper. As they watched the scene below in silence, the helicopters occupants started to feel sorry for the Enforcers redirecting cars and dealing with the irritable, confused drivers. -Shila: (random driver) Hey! I have to get to work! -Wildcat: (random Enforcer) You think I actually enjoy this job?! As she watched the scene, Felina's earlier thoughts on McFurland's rank returned. Hesitantly, she glanced at McFurland. He seemed like a very candid kat who wouldn't mind the question even if its answer was that he'd been demoted for misconduct. Still, one never knew... Curiosity eating away at her, she settled on what she did best - the direct approach. "McFurland, how come you're still just an officer at your age?" she asked bluntly. -Shila: (McFurland) Because I'm lazy and incompetent, and I give roaches a run for their money in despicableness. -Wildcat: Your taunts are getting worse. -Shila: This from a cat who thinks he's surrounded by idiots. -Wildcat: That's exactly what I'm talking about. He ducked his head for a minute, and Felina instantly gave herself a mental slap for being so rude. Before she could stumble through an apology, however, McFurland had raised his head to treat her to a quirky little smile. "Well, I've only been out of the Academy for about a year," he mumbled sheepishly. "It took me a while to figure out just exactly what I wanted to do in life... and well,...." "Point taken," Felina returned, looking a tad sheepish herself. Before she could apologize, the voice of a megaphone-amplified Enforcer boomed from the street below, indicating that it was time to land the helicopter. "Well, here we go," Felina breathed, gripping the steering controls again. To her surprise, the chopper responded immediately. Mouth hanging agape for a minute or two, Felina set the chopper down neatly, sharing a sigh of relief with McFurland as she cut the engine. -Wildcat: AAAAAAHHH----hey, wait a second....never mind. "I think I'm sticking to the jets from now on," Felina commented to no one in particular as she unstrapped and opened the door at her side. "Felina!" The lieutenant looked up sharply to see Commander Feral striding toward them. -Wildcat: (Feral) Hello, Washington! -Shila: (annoyed) Cut it out. "Uncle?" she muttered, surprised to him. "What're you doing here?" she asked, jumping out of the chopper as Feral stepped up beside it. "My chopper had a total electrical failure - then, it decided to get a mind of its own and took us off course. It finally *let* me land here," he replied in a growl, glancing beyond her to see that everyone else in the chopper was accounted for. -Wildcat: You're late. "Sounds *awfully* familiar," Felina returned with narrowed eyes, jumping down out of the chopper. Feral growled. "Something funny's going on around here," he rumbled, yanking out his handset. "I'll radio Headquarters and get a crew out here to get these things out of the street." -Shila: (Feral) ...and then I'll ask for a sub sandwich and some coffee. -Wildcat: And some chips. -Shila: .....I'm starting to sound too much like you. ---------------------------------------- Razor cautiously slunk out of an alleyway, glancing upward. Nothing, not even the sound of distant engines. He frowned. "Where'd it go?" he asked himself quietly, crinkling his nose at the foul aroma wafting from the alley's overflowing trashcans. He was worried for T-Bone. The jet had nearly overtaken him just as he'd plunged into the alley. Even as he'd descended, he'd seen it suddenly bank sharply and streak away. -Shila: One of the great mysteries of our time: would the Wright brothers freak out if they saw the Turbokat? Cautiously, Razor reached up to depress a tiny button just by his ear on his helmet. The tiny but powerful radio within clicked on, speakers mounted beside each of his earholes crackling to life. "T-Bone, do you copy?" Razor murmured to the tiny microphone near the front of his helmet. -Wildcat: (Dilbert) The copier's out of toner. -Shila: (Alice from "Dilbert") And we have ourselves a nest of paper trolls. Faintly, he thought he heard words. Suddenly, the speakers blared with a string of garbled syllables, almost drowned by static and a horrible ear-piercing scream that intensified until Razor slammed his hand down on the button to cut the radio off. "Crud!" he growled, more worried than ever for his friend. Hearing something above, he looked up in time to see an Enforcer chopper thunder overhead, flying low. "Too low,... unless it's after somebody,"Razor muttered, watching the helicopter. Then, the wail of sirens reached his ears. "Somethin's goin' on," the SWAT Kat commented to himself, setting out at a jog in the direction the chopper had been flying. -Shila: The auto shop on the corner of 2nd and 3rd is having a sale. ---------------------------------------- "I don't know what's wrong with it, Sir," a surprised Enforcer announced to Commander Feral after his fourth attempt to restart his cruiser. "It won't do anything - I can't even get the lights to cut off!" -Wildcat: (Bugs Bunny; yells) HEY, TURN OFF THAT LIGHT! "They're all that way," Felina reported, stepping up behind the Commander. "So are the cars back there," she added, pointing to the snarl of traffic just beyond the police barricade. "And I can't radio Headquarters!" Feral growled, his face set in a tight scowl. "I want to know what's going on here!" -(Slowly, Shila begins edging back towards Wildcat) Having finished his eavesdropping, McFurland turned away from the irate Commander and stepped over to Callie, who was leaning against one of the cruisers, looking tired and worried. "Having fun yet?" he asked. -Shila: (Callie; as Misty) No, I'm not having fun! That pest Ash Ketchum still owes me for a bike! -Wildcat: (Razor; as Ash) I'll pay you back, honest! I just need a little time! -Shila: (rubs her head) That annoying brat is in MY head now. THANKS A LOT, WILDCAT. -Wildcat: (snickers) Glad I could help. She responded with a tiny smile. The street had taken on a surreal, otherworldly look in the bright headlights and ceaseless flashing red and blue lights of the Enforcer cruisers. Crowds had gathered to stare at the scene, talking to themselves, some shouting questions to the harried Enforcers who shot back only curt replies. Callie paused briefly to take in the scene before replying. Finally, she answered, "Well, it *definitely* beats attending one of the Mayor's golf games." -Wildcat: (Robin) Holy hole in a doughnut! -Shila: (chuckles) For some reason, I love that line. "Looks just like a scene from an action movie or something, doesn't it?" McFurland grinned. "All we need is a few good explosions." Suddenly, a distant roar reached their ears. Both kats looked up to see the TurboKat hurtling down from above. It thundered down between the buildings, just above the wide street. As the kats on the street below watched in horror, the jet launched a missile at one of the Enforcer cruisers. -Wildcat: (hisses) You just HAD to open your mouth, McFurland! Enforcers leapt out of the way as the crowd on the sidewalk screamed in terror. "Why'd I even open my big mouth?!" McFurland yelped, throwing Callie to the ground as the cruiser exploded. -Shila: Because it wasn't small enough to keep shut. Callie hit the asphalt hard. As she did so she felt a strange sensation, strange and familiar. She gasped as she recognized the feeling. That was all she had time for before she was engulfed in blue light. McFurland yelped as he felt an electric tingle run up his arm, jerking it away from Callie. "What in the...?!" he started, but broke off in a gasp as he realized that Callie was gone. -Wildcat: Minutes later, after realizing that Callie would not return, he went on to discover that time DOES stand still. ------------------------------------- Razor reached the scene seconds later, fighting his way through the panicked crowd that had been watching the Enforcers' troubles earlier. As he broke free of the stampede, he stopped, stunned. Before him, Enforcers were scrambling to shelter, some making it, some being slammed to the pavement and pinned in the thick globs of cement globs that were raining down from the TurboKat's cement machine gun. The kats trapped in the blocked traffic were abandoning their cars and running to the nearest open business along the street. It was a scene of total chaos. -Shila: I wish I could remember who those "Enforcers" were in the "Mighty Ducks" series of movies. -Wildcat: Whoever they were, I wish Feral would hire them. As cement streaked past him, the SWAT Kat ducked into a canopied doorway just off the sidewalk and slammed a hand onto the button on top of his helmet again. "T-Bone, *please* - what're you doing?!" he shouted into the receiver. Only static answered him. Razor cut the radio off and turned to peer out at the street beyond. His eyes came to rest on a familiar gray-furred Enforcer several feet away, crouched behind a car. He smiled briefly at the memory the kat brought to mind. Ears suddenly catching a sound above, he looked up to see the TurboKat banking and climbing to swing around for another pass. Smile replaced by a firmly set line, he jumped from his hiding place and raced to the tall Enforcer. McFurland's head jerked up as the SWAT Kat came up beside him. His face twisted in confusion. "Mind tellin' me what's goin' on?" he asked. -Wildcat: (Razor; slurred) My, uh, jet is, like, going crazy. But then again, you, uh, already know that, you....you.... -Shila: And I thought Dr. Viper was terrible... Razor ignored the question. "Where's Miss Briggs?" he asked. "She disappeared," McFurland returned, lowering his head in shame. "I... I was right here with her... she just vanished in this blue light..... like Hard Drive....." McFurland's head jerked up, yellow-green eyes narrowing dangerously. Razor met his gaze. -Shila: (McFurland) We're eyeball to eyeball, and I think the other guy just blinked. "Of course," the SWAT Kat murmured, suddenly remembering that strange, almost pleased, smile Hard Drive had given him before he disappeared. Angrily, he growled, "We were *supposed* to rescue Callie.... or think we could rescue her anyway." "But why?" -Wildcat: (Razor) Big Pokemon tourney. Wanna come? -Shila: (hisses) Razor glanced up at the TurboKat. "I think I know," he rumbled, the growl in his voice deepening. "Razor! What's with the TurboKat?!" Felina's shout abruptly interrupted the conversation. He looked to see her several feet away ducking behind her chopper. "Some 'technical difficulties', Lieutenant," Razor shouted back. Feral appeared, jumping down out of the open side door to Felina's chopper. "You!" he gasped, seeing Razor. -Wildcat: (Razor; as T-Bone) ME! Your point? "Easy, Uncle - he's not doing it - the jet's malfunctioning," Felina told him sternly before he could say more. "Just stay out of the way, SWAT Kat." Feral spat the words 'SWAT Kat' as he eyed Razor with distrust. "The Enforcers will handle this." -Shila: (growls) Yeah, like you handled Dr. Viper, you tremendous----- -Wildcat: (interrupts) Baffoon. -Shila: (confused) Huh? -Wildcat: You know the rules. Profanity isn't in the book. -Shila: (remembers) Oh. Sorry. The Commander ran around the chopper into the open street as the TurboKat's engines once more grew louder. Razor looked up. It had taken too long in its turn; it could move faster than that. He smiled faintly. T-Bone was still there, fighting. Then, something flashed across his mind. "...'handle it...'," he repeated Feral's words, his memory suddenly seeing the great bazooka that Feral had been carrying. "NO!" he gasped, vaulting over the hood of the Enforcer cruiser and racing into the street. -------------------------------------- McFurland watched the SWAT Kat race into the street, wondering just what was going on. He was suddenly aware of a faint sound, strangely audible above the chaos around him. His ears pricked, twitching around toward the high-pitched sound. Frowning, he turned to search for its source. -Shila: A mouse! And it's squeaking! Quick, get some motor oil! ---------------------------------------- Feral had gathered what remained of his Enforcers and positioned them behind a cruiser parked at the center of the intersection. He himself had backed a little away from the car and was leveling the bazooka's barrel in the TurboKat's general direction. -Wildcat: (Bill Cosby) Your father comes home, he's gonna shoot you in the face with a bazooka! "Get ready men!" he commanded as the TurboKat shot into a loop before quite reaching them for the second time. He was vaguely beginning to believe that scrawny SWAT Kat; this jet was acting bizarre. "I want to take that thing out *in the air* - as far above MegaKat City as possible." -Shila: (Feral ala "Bill and Ted") There were glass towers, and a lot of choppers. It was most tranquil. The TurboKat thundered back towards them, streaking down from far above. "NO!!!" Razor screamed, suddenly jumping in front of Feral and knocking his gun away from the jet. "You *can't* shoot it down!" "Out of the way, SWAT Kat - I have a job to do and I don't care how attached you are to your *little toy*!" Feral snapped. "No, Commander, you don't understand! T-Bone,.....!" -Wildcat: (Razor) .....is not just any idiot! "Commander,....!" An Enforcer's warning shout cut Razor off. Instinctively, the SWAT Kat jumped to the side. Even as he did so, he felt a rush of air. Razor looked back to see Feral pinned down in a monstrous blob of cement. "Men, open fire...NOW!" the Commander shouted as struggled to get to his feet. -Shila: No, no! CLOSE fire! We can't let that thing escape! Razor watched the TurboKat loop to make another pass at the street. Catching movement out of the corner of his eye, he turned to see Enforcers aiming their blasters at the jet. His shout of "NO!" was drowned in the jet's thunder as it hurtled down on the street, a small barrage of Enforcer energy blasts bouncing off its fuselage. As he watched, Razor breathed a prayer of thanks that he'd just gotten that new armor installed. -(Shila edges up next to Wildcat. The calico doesn't notice) Abruptly, a flash of movement caught his eye. He jerked his head around to see a nearby Enforcer carefully taking aim at the incoming jet with a powerful energy rifle. Without thinking, Razor tackled the Enforcer, slamming them both to the pavement. The two grappled for several seconds before Razor finally knocked the rifle from the other kat's hand with such force that it skidded under a nearby Enforcer cruiser. "So this *is* your plan!" growled the Enforcer, getting to his feet and grabbing the front of Razor's flight suit. He wadded the blue material into a ball, gripping it in his fist as he drew the other back for a punch to the SWAT Kat's jaw. "No,..." Razor returned curtly, his sweeping kick knocking the Enforcer to the asphalt and freeing him, "it's not." -Wildcat: (Razor) I'm making this up as I go. -Shila: No wonder no one seems to be able to beat them. Turning from the Enforcer, Razor whirled to face the incoming TurboKat as he heard the roar of its engines growing closer. Even as he turned, he gasped, recognizing a familiar sound. He watched in horror as a matchead missile streaked toward Feral's chopper. The chopper exploded in a fireball that flung Razor back. The SWAT Kat looked like no more than a doll as he hurtled across the hood of a nearby cruiser. The "doll" suddenly came to life as Razor flipped in midair, executing a flawless handspring off the hood and somersaulting to land in a low crouch. He got to his feet slowly, blinking and gagging at the painful heat and noxious fumes from the inferno before him. He stared in horror at the flaming remains. Then, he glanced toward the TurboKat. It had stopped and was hovering in the air above the street as though... waiting. -Shila: (begins whistling the theme to "Jeopardy") -------------------------------------- McFurland's sharp eyes had finally caught on a blinking red light. Cautiously, the Enforcer advanced on the light to find what appeared to be a video surveillance camera attached to the side of the nearest building. He watched as the lens of the camera lit with a blue light. McFurland jerked his head around to see where it was aimed. It pointed out into the street. As he surveyed the street, the Enforcers, cruisers, the TurboKat, everything, faded into the distance. Only the blue pinpoints of light that seemed to encircle the area, the area in which two Enforcer choppers had landed themselves, were visible to his eyes. The gray-furred kat's eyes widened as he remembered Callie's sudden disappearance. -Wildcat: Halfway through this thing, and I feel like snoozing the rest of the way through. -Shila: (sarcastic) Good idea. -(Wildcat falls asleep on Shila's right shoulder) -Shila: (hisses) He has to take EVERYTHING I say seriously! ------------------------------------- There was no time to shout a warning, no time to do anything. The entire intersection was engulfed in electric flame as blue light streaked from the camera-like devices, meeting in the air above the intersection with a sizzling crack. "What...?!" Razor gasped, throwing up his arm to shield his eyes. -Shila: THUNDERSHOCK ATTACK! -(Wildcat mumbles something, but doesn't wake up) -Shila: (groans) I can't believe I just said that. The light vanished as suddenly as it had appeared. McFurland's wide eyes watched as the mass of light streaked into the air, connecting with the line supporting the street lights above the intersection and disappearing. Slowly, he lowered his gaze to the street below, blinking. He gasped as the floating blob of color dominating his vision, a brilliant after-image of the light show of seconds ago, faded out of existence, and he saw the street. It was empty of life. The flaming chopper was still sending clouds of dark smoke into the sky, the emergency lights of the Enforcer cruisers were still futilely flashing, but there wasn't an Enforcer in sight. "Uncle!" Felina shouted in shock, leaping from behind her chopper and charging into the empty street. -Shila: Felina, ABBA has a question to ask: does your mother know that you're out? "Lieutenant!" Razor yelped, recovering from his own shock and diving after her, tackling her and throwing them both to the pavement as a laser blast from the TurboKat sizzled through the air over their heads. Rolling away from Felina, Razor looked up at the TurboKat. His eyes widened as he realized that the jet's lasers were probably targeting them again. The TurboKat's lasers, positioned within the wings, were impossible to track. "Hey, Mr. Jet!" -Shila: (TurboKat) Hey, Mr. McFurland, I'm on my coffee break right now. Leave me alone. Razor and Felina jerked toward the voice. Officer McFurland stood beside the Enforcer cruiser which he'd been crouching behind seconds ago, his face split in a nervous smile. The TurboKat rotated in midair to face the gray-furred Enforcer. "Is your engine running?" he announced playfully, tensing to leap away. -Shila: Better go catch it. -Robotnik: (from speaker) That's an old joke. -Shila: No one asked you, Butterball. (shuts off the speaker) The TurboKat did nothing, hovering in place as the faintest hint of amusement flitted through T-Bone's mind, for an instant breaking through to him, breaking through the wall of commands. "Now!" Felina heard Razor whisper in her ear as he jumped to his feet. She understood immediately and followed him, leaping to her feet and racing toward the nearest car. The moment passed. T-Bone saw the two moving shapes through the dimensional radar's 360 degree view. The command protocols snapped back into his mind, overriding any thought or emotion. The two kats leapt across the car's hood even as a spray of laser fire showered around them. -Shila: (singing) ~/Make it rain/~/Ohhh, make it rain/~ On a sudden thought, Razor slowly raised his head to peer over the hood. It was unscathed save a few small discolorations. "He's not shooting to kill," he murmured. "Let's get outta here before 'he' starts. By the way, is 'Turbo' *his* first name?" -Shila: (Razor) Yeah, I'll take a "Chance" on that. Razor followed the sound of the voice to see McFurland slip up beside them. He didn't get a chance to respond to the comment as Felina suddenly hissed in his ear. "There," she announced, pointing to an alleyway several feet to their right. Razor nodded agreement. "On three," he said softly. "Three!" the threesome announced together, leaping to their feet to dash into the alleyway, red beams from the TurboKat slicing the air around them. "So what'd you do to tick your jet off?" McFurland asked as the three kats raced down the narrow alleyway. -Shila: (Razor) Long story, Officer. It all started when I told him he couldn't watch "Scaredy Kat" anymore.... "Long story," Razor replied, skidding to a stop by a dimly lit doorway. The three kats stood in silence for several minutes, listening. Abruptly, they heard the TurboKat's roar far above. Fearfully, they pressed themselves against the brick at their backs. The sound faded in seconds. With a thoughtful frown, Razor raised his glovatrix and punched a button on its side. The red triangle atop its flat surface slid away to reveal a glowing screen. A bright green blip was moving steadily toward the screen's far right corner. "It's moving away," he breathed. "Okay, hold it - what's going on?!" Felina demanded. "That thing's after us - jets don't do that on their own!" -Shila: Lack of intelligence aside....ooh, I forgot. T-Bone's in there. "Only if they have a mind of their own," Razor returned softly. "WHAT?! Razor, I know that thing's high-tech, but that's....!" Razor cut her off. -Shila: (Felina) ....not even worth mentioning! "Me an' T-Bone had a run-in with Hard Drive at the power plant last night. His suit had a malfunction - the long and short is: T-Bone got trapped inside the TurboKat and...merged with its computer. Now,...something's happened - something else took control. T-Bone ejected me...he was in pain - fighting.... whatever." Razor paused. "But it's not *T-Bone* that's doing this! I *know* it's not!" -Computer: Keep in mind that T-Bone IS on this Satellite, Miss Jameson. -Shila: (nervous) Um, right. I gotcha. Felina nodded her agreement quietly. She might not exactly *know* the SWAT Kats, but she trusted them. Felina Feral threw as much of her stubborn will into defending those she believed in as she did into battling supervillains. "I believe you." -Shila: That's right, Razor. Although it may get me turned into volcanic ash by the time this movie is over, I believe you. She believes you, too, if it's any consolation. "Ditto," McFurland jumped in. "But ah.... will he - it - start bombing the general area to get to us?" he asked in concern. Razor shook his head. "I don't know - I don't know what 'it' *is*!" -(The screen flips off) -Shila: (flatly) It's called a "Technical Difficulty", moron. (smacks a button on the armrest) Hey, Robotnik! What in the world's going on? The screen's off again! -(No response. A faint snoring sound is heard in the background) -Shila: (growls; shuts off the speaker) Probably off snoozing somewhere. (yells; frustrated) AAAAGGH! -(Shila's frustrated yell wakes up Wildcat) -Wildcat: (yells) HELLO, WASHINGTON! (shakes his head) Wha....that was quite a dream! I dreamed that I was under attack by a---- -Shila: The dream was real, Wildcat. And speaking of which, the screen's turned itself off again. -Wildcat: (mutters) Man, I wish Razor would take care of that virus. This is really bothering me! -(The screen turns on again) -Wildcat: (blank) .....If that happens again, be prepared to beam yourself back home. -Shila: (shrugs) Whatever. And by the way: there's no blood flowing through my arm, so if you could please get off of it...? -(Wildcat gets off of it and moves it aside, grumbling) -Shila: (inaudibly; purrs at his discomfort) Several feet away, on the opposite side of the street, bright streetlights glinted from the sleek hood of a gorgeous classic Mustang. Razor cautiously walked across the street to the beautiful red car. "Man, I figured I could find a clunker,...but this....," he murmured, noting the long-since expired parking meter beside the car. He turned to face the Enforcers. "The way I figure it this virus - or whatever - can probably only affect electronics - stuff with circuitry." He patted the car's hood. "This baby doesn't have anything complex like that. I just hope it has an engine," he added, turning to the car's door. -Wildcat: A trio of horses won't even get you across the river. "Yeah," McFurland agreed. "Who'd leave this beauty sitting around? Or, better yet, *why* would they?" "We're about to find out," Razor returned, sliding into the driver's seat, having easily picked the door's simple lock with his glovatrix's tool. In seconds the SWAT Kat's practiced hands had hot-wired the ignition. The car's engine came to life with a growl, settling to a smooth purr. Razor stepped out and, ears tuned to the engine, circled the car, studying it with a trained eye. "Nothin's wrong with it," he muttered incredulously. -Wildcat: (Razor) ....but it DOES need a new paint job. "Then, let's go," Felina announced, somehow having found her way to the driver's side door. Both tomkats eyed her darkly. "Ladies first," she purred sweetly, then slid into the driver's seat. Razor and McFurland traded a dark glance and, with joint sighs, headed for the passenger's door. -Wildcat: (sighs) Women. Can't with live them...(Francine)....and can't throw them down a well and drown them. There really ought to be a law.... -Shila: (pouts) Oh, THAT was nice. -Wildcat: That was nothing. Ask Zarbon sometime. -Shila: HE'S an alien. -Wildcat: Considering where we are, what makes you think WE'RE not? -Shila: Good point, but insult us again..... ------------------------------------- Hard Drive stamped a booted foot impatiently as he watched the TurboKat descend onto the helipad before him. Scowling, he cast a glance back into the dark opening of the maintenance hangar that topped Enforcer Headquarters. He scowled even more fiercely as he turned to stalk out to the jet. "Open up," he demanded as he stepped up to the boarding ladder built into the side of the cockpit area. Obediently, the TurboKat's canopy slid away, opening the cockpit. It *seemed* docile enough. Hard Drive clambered into the jet and strapped in. His entire demeanor was nervous, his movements jerky as his eyes constantly swept across the controls. "Let's go," he ordered, as satisfied as he was going to get. "Roger," T-Bone's voice rumbled from a speaker somewhere, distorted and faint. As the engines fired the SWAT Kat's face appeared on the screen before Hard Drive. -Wildcat: If I had a dollar each time that was mentioned in that SPC Fanfiction chain.... -Shila: If I recall correctly, your human clone contributed a part. -Wildcat: Roger that. -Shila: Shut up and stop calling me that. "No tricks," Hard Drive snapped to the image. T-Bone's face showed no acknowledgment of his comment as the jet lifted off the roof. Hard Drive relaxed a bit. "I'm here to make sure you take care of your little friend, SWAT Kat," he cooed, tensing even as the comment escaped his lips, expecting some retaliation. There was no response. The face on the screen remained blank, unemotional as the rough voice asked, "Course?" -Wildcat: Of. "Downtown,... follow your partner's homing signal. You can track each other, right?" Hard Drive purred, completely relaxed now, reveling in his power over the SWAT Kat. "Roger,...... heading downtown..... tracking signal...." -Shila: (T-Bone) ....locating 45th Street....uploading location.....full coffee pot found.... -Wildcat: (Hard Drive) Excellent! Caffeine, here I come! "Good. Now, I want you to transmit that frequency...," Hard Drive continued. ------------------------------------- "This is *weird*," McFurland muttered, eyeing the empty streets darkly. Cars, some with flashing lights and blaring horns were parked everywhere, lining every sidewalk. Apparently, most drivers had been able to angle their cars off the street when the engines quit. "Looks like everybody's having car trouble." -Shila: (McFurland; cheers) WE HAVEN'T GOT CAR TROUBLE! EXCELLENT! "Yeah," Felina replied darkly, swerving abruptly to avoid a car that hadn't managed to get out of the street. "Ut ut uuh - breaking the speed limit, Lieutenant," Razor joked from the back seat, tsking reproachfully. "Like you guys don't with all your jet-powered vehicles," Felina shot back even as a whining sound filled the air. Seconds later, a flash of bright red streaked past the car. -Shila: (shouts) STOP! -Wildcat: (shouts) IN THE NAME OF LASAGNA! "What in the....!" Felina gasped, jerking the wheel to the right violently. "We got company," Razor announced, glancing out the back window of the Mustang. What looked like a pair of miniature jets were rocketing down the street behind them. "What *are* those things?!" McFurland yelped, twisting his head to see out the rear window. -Shila: (bad accent) We are the Stuka. You killed our brothers. Prepare to die. Felina glanced in the rear view mirror. "I've seen those!" she shouted, eyes widening. "They're Puma-Dyne's experimental spy planes!! What're they...?!" There was a sudden flash of light from one of the jet's twin laser barrels. -Wildcat: (as laser is fired) I spy with my little eye! Felina broke off and swerved to the left, evading the blast even as she slammed the accelerator to the floor. With a roar the engine responded, racing down the street. The jets easily accelerated and overtook them, spraying laser fire all around the speeding vehicle. One blast sliced through the rear window, melting a wide hole and narrowly missing Razor. "We gotta take those things out," the SWAT Kat shouted as he slammed the back of his glovatrix into the glass, shattering it. "You got it," McFurland returned, grabbing the handle to roll the window down. -Wildcat: (McFurland) .....but remember: no shooting until we get that sub sandwich and coffee. -Shila: Wildcat.... He suddenly felt something jab him in the shoulder. He turned to see Felina extending her blaster to him. "Forgetting something?" she asked with a smile. -Wildcat: The one thing you use when you want to illustrate a good point. "Oh, yeah," he muttered sheepishly, reaching a hand down to his empty holster. His blaster was more or less a permanent part of the roof of MegaKat Towers. "You mean pointing my finger at them won't have any effect?" he joked, accepting the blaster. -Both: No! Hearing Felina's dry, "No," behind him he leaned out the window and tried to take aim at the spy planes, squinting into the wind. Razor was already lining up a shot at the nearest of the incoming spy planes with his glovatrix as he crouched just below the backseat. Having flicked the switch that would activate the sensitive electronics in the hand part of the glovatrix, Razor tightened his fist and squeezed his pointer finger into the familiar circular pad in his palm. Nothing happened. He heard a blaster discharge to his left as McFurland fired at the rearmost mini-jet. The SWAT Kat watched as the laser blast left a smoking hole in the nose of the flying attacker. -Shila: (as spy plane) Thanks. Saves me the trouble of buying some "Kleenex". "Aim lower - under it - the fuel tank or battery should be just before the engines," Razor shouted to the Enforcer, taking aiming again. He tried a different finger this time - still nothing! As he studied the glovatrix with a sinking heart Razor suddenly noticed a faint, blinking red light beside the mini-scanner on his glovatrix. "What's that....?!" he started, but broke off as he suddenly felt something clamp down on his shoulders, gripping them painfully. -Wildcat: (sarcastic) Ooh, pretty light. He'd been so engrossed in his malfunctioning glovatrix he'd ignored the mini-jet swooping in over him while McFurland's attention was centered on its counterpart. McFurland looked back into the car as he heard the SWAT Kat's strangled cry. He was treated to a brief glimpse of Razor's churning feet as the mini-jet jerked the orange-furred kat out the shattered rear window, some form of steel talons digging cruelly into Razor's flight suit. Without thinking, the Enforcer dove through the opening between the two front seats after Razor. -Wildcat: Here comes Officer McFurland.... -Shila: ...and there goes Idiot Kat. His outstretched hand only felt the swish of air just behind the SWAT Kat's feet as the jet shot away with its captive. Simultaneously, his falling body hit the gear shift on the vinyl console between the seats, throwing the car into neutral. The Mustang abruptly slowed dramatically even as Felina floored the accelerator in confusion. The mini-jet still following them shot past the slowing vehicle below. "You hit the gear shift!" Felina growled, quickly taking her foot off the gas pedal and turning to search frantically for the gear shift under McFurland. -Shila: It happens. -Wildcat: (pokes underneath her arm with his tail) Her groping hands found it. Hearing something, she glanced up from her search even as McFurland gasped and started to shout a warning. (As Wildcat does so, Shila yelps and yanks her arm away) -Shila: Sheesh, sorry! -Wildcat: Please, don't take advantage of other people that way, especially when you're being less than subtle. It gives English a bad name. -Shila: (growls) Alright, we're even. Her wide eyes found the mini-jet swinging around and heading back towards them. Desperately, she jerked the stick forward and floored the accelerator, sending the car into a squealing reverse. Growling, Felina pulled the stick back, foot never leaving the gas pedal. Engine roaring, the Mustang streaked forward, shooting under its oncoming attacker. McFurland quickly pulled himself off the gear shift and scrambled into his seat. "Do I have to pay for this ride?" he asked with a tiny grin. Felina glanced over at him. "I think yer gonna have to pay for my *funeral expenses* at the rate you're going!" she growled. -Wildcat: (McFurland) I'll just send a card that says, "I'm so sorry you're dead." Does it sound too degrading? -Shila: (Felina) No. It's just degrading enough. "So,... ah.... do you prefer mahogany or oak?" McFurland asked as a laser blast bounced off the rear view mirror beside him. His eyes suddenly widened. "Lieutenant Feral!" Felina whirled to face ahead. She was forced over as McFurland dove across the car to yank the steering wheel to the left. On two wheels, the car skidded around another parked car, its parking lights flashing. McFurland released the wheel, giving Felina control again and scooted back onto his seat asking, "We even?" -Wildcat: No. You're odd. "We'll see," Felina responded as she spun the wheel to the right, sending the Mustang into a screeching turn onto a broad street and forcing McFurland to dig his claws into the vinyl seat to keep from being thrown against the door. "Hey! I thought we had to cross the Old MegaKat Bri....?!" McFurland started. "We're not takin' the bridge," Felina cut him off. "We'd be sittin' ducks. We'll take the tunnel - maybe that way we'll lose this thing." -Shila: IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME! -Wildcat: You really quack me up. McFurland nodded and twisted to find the spy plane. It was closing from behind again, their sudden change in direction having confused it little. The Enforcer looked back through the windshield. A series of signs stretched across the road ahead supported by a steel frame. His eyes read the words of the rightmost sign as they swept under it: "Old MegaKat Tunnel 1/4 mi." -Wildcat: Next coffee and sub shop: 2 mi. -Shila: Next band of common sense: 41 mi. -Wildcat: Next instant means of death: 11 feet in front of me. "Crud!" Felina suddenly shouted. McFurland jerked his head to see the mini-jet closing fast. Quickly, he rolled down the window and raised his blaster to fire at it. His shot connected on the jet's belly, the general area at which Razor had suggested he fire, in a flurry of sparks. The jet faltered briefly, falling back ever so slightly. -Wildcat: So close, and yet so far. -Shila: (as jet) NOOOO! MY DEAR, PLEASE RETURN TO ME! "Yesss!" McFurland crowed, taking aim again. He squeezed the trigger. This time nothing happened. "Aw, *crud*!" he groaned, flinging the useless blaster at the spy plane. It bounced easily off the vehicle's armor even as the flying attacker shot forward to come up alongside the car and ram it. The Mustang skidded across the road with the impact. "Great, just great," Felina muttered, realizing that they'd just lost their last weapon as she took a firmer grip on the wheel. -Shila: (Felina) Now we'll have to locate some nuclear wessels to help us. -Wildcat: That "Star Trek IV" movie still disturbing you? "Well, at least I think I shorted out the lasers," McFurland suggested hopefully, scooting away from the door beside him as it was *his* side of the car that was currently under attack. He looked ahead to see the dimly lit mouth of the tunnel looming before them. His eyes lit with an idea. "Lieutenant, drive as close as you can to the wall," he ordered, grabbing the door handle and bracing himself for the impact as the mini-jet slammed into the side of the car again. "Roger," Felina returned with a tight smile, catching onto his idea. -Shila: No, his name is McFurland. -Wildcat: Surely you don't mean that.... -Shila: Yes, I do. And stop calling me Shirley. The tunnel mouth grew larger by the second. McFurland's eyes flew from it to the mini-jet and back. "C'mon, don't be chicken," he purred to the jet. -Shila: Why'd you choose that joke instead of the "The-name's-McFurland....-Roger,-McFurland" joke? -Wildcat: Do you have any idea how hard it is to think up jokes on the spot? -Shila: Oh. As they reached the tunnel entrance the mini-jet rammed them again, forcing the car away from the concrete walls and making room for itself alongside. As it backed away to get room for another attack, McFurland threw open the car's heavy metal door, slamming the spy plane into the concrete walls. The spy plane suddenly found itself pinned between solid concrete and steel. Ear-piercing metallic screeching echoed through the tunnel. Despite its armor plating, the mini-jet's right wing bent with a tortured squeal and it dropped back, away from the Mustang. McFurland looked back quickly to see a tremendous explosion as the vehicle, unable to fly properly with its damaged wing, slammed itself into the asphalt. "YESSSS!!!" both Enforcers shouted, giving each other a high five. -Both: Par-ty! Par-ty! "Score one for the Enforcers!" Felina declared. "*Now*, we're even. Great job, Officer!" -(Wildcat dozes off) McFurland bowed his head mournfully for a moment. "Yeah," he sniffed only half-jokingly. He reached a hand out to pat the dashboard before him affectionately. "I'm sorry, Baby." The gray-furred kat bowed his head and murmured softly, still only half-joking, "Oh, the sacrifices we must make!" -Wildcat: (snores lightly) Felina grinned at his antics though she agreed whole-heartedly; she could get to like this car that was for sure. "Maybe the professor can fix her, too, " she commented, patting the console between them. -Shila: Never say "fix" to a kat. McFurland raised his head, a mischievous spark lighting in them. "Then, can we keep it?!" "Uhhmm.... we'll see. I have to admit to a little temptation there myself....." "Ah-ha! The conspiracy is complete!" McFurland announced as they shot out of the tunnel and down the road beyond. "And now - We're off...to see the wizard!" -Shila: Maybe they're going to stare down the creatures that turned the cowardly lion into a statue. (The screen clears. Moments later, these 2 words down below appear for a few seconds on a black background) ----- Part 2 ----- -Shila: .....of the last voyage of Joan of Arc. (The screen brightens again. Static appears off and on for the next couple seconds, and then the picture returns to normal) Blinking at the stinging rush of wet air, Razor glanced down between his writhing feet to see the Mustang rapidly growing smaller below. He looked back up at the belly of the spy plane, sharp eyes searching for any opening in the sleek metal. A tiny indentation suddenly caught his attention. He stretched a hand towards it, feeling it. Carefully, his probing fingers traced a rectangular panel on the fuselage of the vehicle. Frowning in deep thought, Razor picked at the indentation with the claw on his left pointer finger. He quickly found that the indentation was much deeper than he'd expected. "How much armor does this thing need?" Razor muttered, extending his claw to its limit. -Shila: I know how much it needs. It needs enough to----(turns towards Wildcat)----WAKE UP!! (Wildcat snaps awake) Finally, one hard tug succeeded in opening the tiny access panel. Razor let his eyes fly over the tangle of wires and circuit boards within. Abruptly, he felt something. The air pressure and the tone of the mini-jet's engines had changed. And there was a sudden, curious dampness in the air. Razor looked down and under the jet's belly quickly. Only clouds met his gaze. He looked below his dangling feet where he could make out the winking lights atop the skyscrapers below, veiled in a thin curtain of fog. Briefly, he wondered where he was being taken. 'No time to worry about that now,' he reminded himself. 'Cause I sure don' wanna show up there like this.' -Wildcat: (Razor) Momma always said to comb my fur before going out in public. Just as he started to reach for the panel again, the jet abruptly lost altitude. Razor felt moist air swirl through his facial fur, ruffling his loose flight suit as they dipped into the fog. The gravel roof of a skyscraper rushed to meet him, illuminated faintly by the rooftop warning lights. "Not again!!" the SWAT Kat murmured, eyes widening. -Shila: (points at the screen) Look! It's Drew Carrey! -Wildcat: No, it's Archie Bunker. -Shila: (Archie) What do ya mean, Swat Kat? Dare's only room fo' one on this chair! The rush of air suddenly stopped as, engines roaring, the mini-jet pulled up with Razor's clawed feet inches from the gravel below. Seeing his chance as the jet hovered above the roof, Razor plunged his hand into the panel over his head. Quickly, he yanked a sparking wire free and thrust it into the exposed circuitry. -Wildcat: PIRANHA! OW, OW, OW! "Bingoooo!" Razor shouted triumphantly as the steel talons released him and he tumbled to the roof below. He landed in a crouch, eyes searching for any form of cover on the flat roof. He shot a glance at the mini-jet above; it was enveloped in blue sparks. Razor watched as the spy plane teetered dangerously for several seconds. Abruptly, the sparks faded and the jet's afterburners came to life with a roar. "Yaaahhh!" Razor yelped, ducking as the vehicle hurtled over his head to vanish in the misty fog beyond the roof's edge. He stared after it for several seconds, waiting for it to return. The only sound to reach his flicking ears was the moaning wind as it whipped around the building beneath him. -Shila: (singing) ~/You can paint with all the colors of/~----- -Wildcat: (smacks her head and snaps her out of it) You did it to me, I can do it to you. -Shila: (rubs the side of her head) Just keep jabbering, Montana Mouth. "Well, that's over," Razor commented. "Now, I just need to...." He broke off, sensing a change in the wind noise. The pitch had increased. His ears swivelled to the left, eyes following them. Blinding light burst over the low concrete rim that surrounded the roof-line as the scream faintly audible seconds ago rose to a crescendo. Razor threw up an arm to shield his eyes, feeling that nagging deja vu tugging at the corners of his mind. As his sharp eyes adjusted he made out the unmistakable silhouette. "The TurboKat!!!" he gasped. -Wildcat: (Razor) HELLO, WASHINGTON! (Shila's fur rises slightly) The great jet hovered before him, its spotlight reflecting painfully from the thick fog. "Why, hello, SWAT Kat - ready to take it up where we left off?" an all too familiar voice boomed from the loudspeaker mounted on the belly of the jet near the spotlight. "Hard Drive?!" Razor shouted. -Shila: (whiny voice) Mother, I'm bored. -Wildcat: (high-pitched) You lost your mittens, and now you can't have any pie. (growls) What I would do to have Tails in here..... -Shila: (gasps) TAILS IS HERE?! HE IS SOOO COOL! -Wildcat: (shakes his head and groans) "How'd you ever guess?" the techno-crook purred. Casually, he ran his hand over the stick before him, toying with the firing button wistfully. He looked at the SWAT Kat helpless before him - *him* - pilot...*controller* of the most powerful weapon on the planet! He grinned maliciously, flipping the cap off the firing button in sudden decision. Razor eyed the jet; if Hard Drive was in it.... Thinking quickly, he scanned the rooftop, eyes lighting on an air conditioning unit. He tensed to jump. Before he could move a laser blast whizzed just past his cheek fur, scorching the gravel by his bare foot. -Wildcat: (Hard Drive) BOOM, baby! "Uh, uh, uuuhhh," Hard Drive purred. His smile grew as the lock tone sounded from the targeting screen before him. Then, he paused. "*You* do it," he cooed to T- Bone. "It'll be the perfect irony." -Shila: (T-Bone) You don't need irony. With all that electricity, you could run your own clothes-cleaners service. "Termination of SWAT Kat is against command protocols," the big SWAT Kat's voice responded. "*I'm* calling the shots here!" Hard Drive snarled, ignoring the emotion, the anger, creeping into the formerly blank voice. "The protocols change to *my* orders!" -Wildcat: (Hard Drive) ....and I order you to get me a sub sandwich and a coffee! -Shila: You obsessed with this coffee thing? Deep within, T-Bone's anger flared to life. Hope edged his anger; this time the commands were on his side. He didn't have to obey Hard Drive, and he wasn't. Even as the thoughts flashed through his mind, something else occurred to him. -Wildcat: It's a run-on joke from the last movie I watched. -Shila: Oh. 'I'm back! I'm thinking!' Even as he marveled at his sudden 'freedom', an idea swirled into being. "Hey,..... Hard Drive....!" T-Bone's strained voice, laced with the cockiness Hard Drive knew so well, caused the techno-crook to jerk his head to the radar screen before him quickly. "I'm ba-aaack!" the SWAT Kat warned as his trademark grin filled the screen. "And,... welcome... to... SWAT Kat Air! Say,.... Hard...Drive....ever thought about....bein' an....astronaut?" -Wildcat: (Hard Drive) Mars doesn't want me. NASA's afraid I'll take over. Razor watched in surprise as the TurboKat's rear engines roared to life. The VTOL engines retracted and the jet shot away, nose pointed skyward. Razor followed it, eyes only seeing the glowing circles that were the rear engines as it hurtled into the void of the sky above. The glow suddenly intensified to a flaming red, settling quickly to a bright blue as he heard the roar build to a scream. "The Speed of Heat! " he breathed. "T-Bone!" -Shila: He's going, he's going, he's GONE! -------------------------------------- "Hey, Hard Drive,.....whadya...think....of the ride," T-Bone rasped. The command protocols were growing ever more imperious by the minute. He couldn't hold out much longer; every comment, every indication of free will was an awesome effort. Still, he was determined to put Hard Drive out of commission for a while before he succumbed. "STOP....NOW...I order you...." Hard Drive's voice was a weak attempt at a snarl. -Wildcat: (Hard Drive) ....to give me my coffee. "Hey! Don't.... hurl..... on the... upholstery," T-Bone warned. He smiled faintly. "'Cause... it's Vomit Comet.... time!" he announced as he sent the TurboKat into a dive. -(Shila groans in despair, then curls up into a ball out of view of the audience) Hard Drive desperately clutched at the sides of his seat, feeling his stomach pitch. Waves of nausea and terror washed over him as the scream of the TurboKat's engines rose to unbearable levels. When the blackness crept across his field of vision, he gave into it willingly. -Wildcat: On-con-sis, Un-con-sus..... T-Bone let the TurboKat plunge, farther and faster than he'd ever dove before. As the flashing lights of the skyscrapers blinked into existence on the radar screen he realized with a thrill that he was no longer affected by g-forces. Sure, it made sense; he was pure electricity. But he'd never thought.... He could do *anything* with the jet. Abruptly, his joy faded. His thoughts clouded. Sighing inwardly, he brought the TurboKat out of the dive and lowered the VTOL engines. He waited, listening. Nothing; there wasn't a sound from Hard Drive, not even labored breathing. -(Shila uncurls and straightens, then shakes her head) "Out.... like a light," T-Bone purred weakly. "My.... turn," he mumbled as he slid away into oblivion again, lost in an abyss of darkness as the other "being" again claimed his mind. -Shila: (Borg) You will be assimilated. Resistence....is futile. The TurboKat hovered in place in the clouded sky. The command protocols demanded it wait for a vocal command from Hard Drive. Hard Drive slept soundly, dreaming of a quiet place where there were no deranged SWAT Kats. -Wildcat: (Hard Drive) Wow, it's a little TOO peaceful....Hey, could we have some music here, please? -(Shila taps a button on her armrest. The Village People's "Macho Man" plays briefly over the speakers) -Wildcat: (Hard Drive) Thanks. -------------------------------------- Razor stared after the TurboKat for a few minutes and then turned to find a way down from the roof. Seeing a door built into a shed-like structure, he trotted to it, guessing correctly that it opened on stairway leading down. As he reached the door, he raised his glovatrix in readiness to tackle the lock. "Crud!" he grumbled, remembering as he stepped up to the door that his glovatrix didn't work. "Well, looks like I'll just haveta' handle this the old-fashioned way," he commented, aiming a powerful kick at the door with a loud, "Hee-yaahhhh!" -Wildcat: Bruce Lee, eat your heart out. The aged wood ripped free of its hinges and sagged inward. Razor reached up to his helmet and pushed the red triangle at its center. Its light glowed to life. "Glad some things are too simple to be affected," Razor muttered. "Now, I just gotta figure out what's affecting everything else and how to stop it. If I can stay away from all the vehicles that're out to kill me," he added darkly as he shoved the door aside and started down the concrete stairs. "How're they finding...?" he started but broke off, quickly glancing down at his glovatrix where the red light he'd noticed just before he was yanked out of the Mustang was still blinking intermittently. "My emergency tracker!" Razor gasped as he stared at the blinking light. "No wonder they can find me everywhere!" -Shila: Who are they? -Wildcat: The New York Knicks. Coach's been wanting him to join for years. Quickly, he lifted a panel on the top of the glovatrix and pressed a button. He frowned as the blinking persisted. Urgently, he pressed the button again repeatedly. "CRUD!!" Razor snapped the top of his glovatrix down and quickly pushed a button on the electronically-enhanced kevlar strap that held the glovatrix tight to his arm. "It won't release!" he yelped as he stared at the form-fitting hand part of the glovatrix, also electronically-enhanced kevlar; it had to loosen for him to get it off. -Shila: (speaks into her watch) Mu 2, keep track of how many times they say that word in this movie, times that by 10, and give me that amount out of my salary when I return. -Mu 2: Confirmed, Miss Congeniality. -Shila: And while you're at it, shut off your voice box. In frustration, Razor slammed his glovatrix into the brick wall of the stairwell violently. He hacked at the wall with the back of it until his arm was numb from the shock of the impact. Breathing heavily, he raised the glovatrix toward his face and looked at the tracker screen. It glowed faintly but was soundless. Micro-seconds later Razor's shout of joy died on his lips as the familiar, faint beep returned, fainter and distorted but steady. "I just reinforced it with a mega-alloy," he moaned, turning and smacking his forehead into the wall several times, his helmet softening the impact. -Shila: I feel the same way about my computer. -Wildcat: That's what you get for installing that Windows 2000 prototype on it. -Shila: (angry) What are you suggesting? That I degrade back to version 3.1? That I fall way behind the technology curve? That none of my CD-enhanced programs will run? -(There's a slight pause) -Wildcat: Actually, that's not really a bad idea. -Shila: (falls out of her chair) GAHH! -------------------------------------- "So, this is the place?" McFurland asked, peering through the windshield as the sandy hills that surrounded the narrow road opened to reveal a modern style condo. "Yep," Felina returned, easing up on the accelerator for the first time that night as they approached the house. "Let's just hope the Professor's here." -Wildcat: (sing-song) Hi-ho, nobody's home. Everyone went out to play to-day. She brought the Mustang to a stop where the driveway ended a few feet from the front door. The two Enforcers stepped out of the car and surveyed the building. McFurland glanced back at the Mustang and carefully reached a gloved finger to its hood. -(Shila climbs back into her chair) "Whoa!" he yelped, yanking his finger back as it contacted the hot metal. "We're lucky she didn't overheat," he muttered, eyeing the car as he removed the finger from his mouth. "Awesome car," Felina purred. A voice interrupted their thoughts. "Enforcers! What is going on?!" -Shila: (McFurland; quickly) I DIDN'T DO IT! Felina and McFurland turned to see Professor Hackle standing framed in the doorway to his house, the tip of his dragging tail twitching in worry. "We were hoping you could tell us, Professor," Felina returned, starting to him. -Shila: (Felina) The Tigers lost the pennant. -Wildcat: (Hackle) And you had such high hopes for them? -Shila: (Felina; pauses) Yes. -Wildcat: (Hackle) No. Hackle's worried frown deepened. "Please come inside and tell me everything," he said, motioning past himself and into the house. -------------------------------------- Razor hopped down the stairs cautiously and into the subway terminal beyond, ears pricked to catch even the faintest sounds. Only the rustle of paper blowing in the light wind that swept down the stairs and into the terminal met him. Assured all was clear, Razor relaxed a bit and surveyed the empty terminal. Paper and empty Styrofoam cups rolled along the floor, playing their role of modern-day "tumbleweeds" well. With a frown Razor reached to slide his baggy sleeve up to reveal his watch. -Shila: (Razor) Oh yeah, I almost forgot; "Robocop" is on tonight. Thankfully, it still worked. Its black letters read "4:00." As he lowered his arm, Razor's face set into a determined scowl as he paced to the edge of the concrete floor, flicking on his helmet lamp and leaping down onto the subway tracks. "I'm comin', buddy," he muttered, voice echoing down the tunnel. "Let's see if they can find me down here," he added as he started down the tracks. -Wildcat: (thumbs towards the exit) Or, how about out THERE? -Shila: You go ahead. I'll stick around here. (Wildcat gets up and takes his leave) - (1....2....3....4....5....6) - -(Wildcat enters the bridge. All is quiet and dark, and only a solitary light above the Hexagon Door glows slightly to show that the theater is occupied.) -Wildcat: If I'm going to stay awake, I figure I ought to have something to eat. -(Wildcat reaches into a storage compartment near the Hexagon Door and pulls out a table tray on wheels. Once done, he walks over to the refrigerator and whispers into a small speaker) -(A minute later, a number of food items appear on the tray; however, we are unable to see them due to the darkness. Snickering softly, he pushes the tray through the Hexagon Door, then pauses) -Wildcat: If this works, no way can Robotnik stop me. Computer, run a check on the personell quarters. Is everyone asleep? -Computer: Yes. -Wildcat: Good. Overall condition of the Satellite? -Computer: The Satellite is 100% operational. All systems functional. The Satellite is maintaining standard orbit around the planet Mobius. The virus inhabiting the area has been discharged and is no longer a threat. -Wildcat: That's all I needed to know. Once the movie is over, start running the lukewarm water in Shower Area #2. Fill it up to the 2/3s mark, then shut off. I've got myself a little plan to keep Roblobnik from messing with my head tonight, and I need this to enhance the effect. -Computer: Understood, Wildcat. -(Wildcat continues through the Hexagon Door) - (6....5....4....3....2....1) - -(Shila is still in the same place she was before. Wildcat pushes the tray next to his chair and sits down) "MegaKat Memorial MRI Building," he read. "Perfect." He jumped to his feet, glancing down into the hole where the Metallikats were halfway up the ladder after him. "C'mon, guys, you can move faster than that!" he taunted, bounding away toward the one- story MRI building. ------------------------------------- "Hmmm.....," Professor Hackle frowned thoughtfully as Felina and McFurland finished their story. (There is a crunching noise) -Shila: Wildcat, what are you eating? -Wildcat: Doritos. Want some? -Shila: Are you serious? You got up just for a snack attack? They were all in the professor's sitting area, the professor in a comfortable easy chair facing the Enforcers. Felina perched on the edge of the couch while McFurland was seated on the armrest as comfortably as he would in his own house. "So, any ideas?" he asked, thumping the couch with his huge boots in a fit of pent- up energy. -Wildcat: Shila, when you go for snack attacks, you go in style. -Shila: Yeah? How do you go in style? -(Wildcat slaps her face with an unopened bag of candy) -Shila: I had to ask. (grabs the bag and tears it open) Spearmints! "I'm afraid I can't say for sure without examining one of the affected devices," Hackle replied. Worry spread across his features. "Though I have my fears." "Of what?" Felina asked, leaning forward even farther. Hackle sighed. -Shila: (Hackle) Just as well; life is just a "Voulez Vous". -(Shila yawns, then grabs some spearmint and starts chewing) "Over twenty years ago Puma-Dyne developed a powerful artificially intelligent computer. It was microscopic, completely invisible to the naked eye. It had the ability to control any device it entered. It was probably the world's first - and most deadly - computer virus." "How'd this thing work?" Felina pursued. -Wildcat: It would say in your sleep, "You are a moron. You are a moron....." "It affects a computer much like a real virus affects you - it turns the computer into a center for copying itself and reprograms it," Hackle returned. "It can be carried, like a living virus, inside anything electronic." "We couldn't have brought any of those *here*, could we?" McFurland asked suddenly, worry filling his voice as he almost leapt from his perch. -Shila: (around a mouthful of spearmint) Wildcat, I hate to disappoint you, but I'm going to have to leave, now. I feel downright exhausted. -Wildcat: Don't tell anyone where I am, okay? Robotnik's got Sonic under lock and key, and I don't want anything to happen to him. -Shila: Whatever. (speaks into her watch) Mu 2, teleport me out. -Mu 2: One mannerless femme fatale, beaming up! (There is a bright blue flash and a disgruntled groan, and Shila is gone, along with the spearmints) "It's not likely...they wouldn't ride on kats." Hackle shrugged and allowed a small smile to escape his lips. "It doesn't matter anyway - my security systems disable any foreign electronics. A precaution I've had for some time now. I should have mentioned it to you in case you had anything that might be affected." He looked at both apologetically. "Nothing here," Felina shrugged. -Wildcat: (shoves his face full of chocolate pie) "Aw, man," McFurland muttered, looking at his digital watch. Its tiny green letters were flashing 12:00. "That's it!" Hackle stood as fast as he was able, his tired eyes lighting. "May I see that, my boy?" he asked. McFurland slipped off the watch and handed it to him. "This could be just what we need," the aging kat pronounced. "Hopefully, it will have been affected," he added as he snatched up his walking stick and hobbled toward his lab. -Wildcat: (swallows) All hail the Professor! McFurland leapt to his feet and bounded after the professor in huge strides that quickly overtook the aging kat. Felina trailed the two. When she reached the lab, traveling at a more discreet pace, Professor Hackle was sliding a bizarre-looking apparatus over his head. It consisted of a head band from which a huge magnifying lens protruded, curving down from a metal rod to come in front of the professor's eyes. "Let's see what we have here," Hackle murmured as he laid the watch on a bare patch of his cluttered worktable and picked up a tiny screwdriver. "Cool gear," McFurland pronounced, donning another magnifying apparatus, identical to Hackle's. "Officer Robert McFurland at your service," the gray-furred tomkat announced turning to Felina with a widening grin and bowing grandly. "Howda I look?" he asked, looking up at Felina with a stupid grin. -Wildcat: Forget the Professor. ALL HAIL BRAK! She cocked an eyebrow. The magnifying lens fell across one of the tall tomkat's eyes lop-sided, making McFurland look like he had one huge eye in the center of his face. "Like a dorky cyclops," the lieutenant returned dryly. McFurland bowed again. Felina rolled her eyes, but smiled as the two of them turned to watch Hackle work. -Wildcat: (Felina) If I had anything planned, they wouldn't know what atrocities I had planned for them. ------------------------------------- Razor raced down the main corridor in the MRI building, shooting a glance into each room he passed. He didn't have a lot of time; the Metallikats couldn't be too far behind. His eyes swept across the bare rooms, some partially covered in plastic sheeting. "Hope they've installed the MRI machine," he muttered to himself. His, "Bingo!" tumbled out almost before the earlier sentence had escaped. He skidded to a stop beside the door to the first MRI room, peering inside. -Wildcat: (Razor) Alright, now to see which room the dentist's office is in. One way or another, that drill's going DOWN. "Okay, now how ta' get 'im in there?" Razor mumbled to himself, looking down at his glovatrix. "If this stupid *thing*...," he punctuated the word by smacking the glovatrix into the wall beside him, "weren't stuck to my arm...." His eyes narrowed as he studied the room. -Wildcat: See that book about glue, Razor? Don't read it, because you won't be able to put it down. ------------------------------------- The Metallikats paced down the hallways. There were no wrong turns, internal systems homed in on Razor's signal unerringly. As they turned down a hallway the signal intensified. They headed into the first MRI room. ------------------------------------- Razor gripped the ceiling panels tightly with his outstretched claws. He watched the two robots enter the room. "C'mon," he whispered under his breath. -Wildcat: (Razor) Where's Robocop? Endless seconds crept by as the robots surveyed the room. Molly stepped forward toward Razor and directly in front of the awesomely powerful magnet that the MRI machine housed. Nothing happened. -Wildcat: (raspberry) 'Crud!' The word flashed across Razor's mind even as it went into overdrive again, searching for a way out. Mac looked up to the ceiling, his eyes meeting Razor's. -Wildcat: (Mac; as Groucho Marx) Well, now, fancy meeting you here! Razor retracted his claws, falling downward. He twisted as he fell instinctively, landing on all fours in a ground-hugging crouch. A metal foot filled his view. Razor looked up at Molly. Then, he sprang into the air, twisting his body to send it just over her right shoulder beyond which he could see the door. Even as he landed he knew he'd miscalculated. He was in the path of the magnet. Razor grunted as his right arm was painfully jerked toward the magnet. Before he could react he was hurled across the room and into the magnet with a force that left him numb and dazed. -Wildcat: A little bit of "Advil" should clear that right up. The one flaw in agrecite - it was magnetic. Certain other mega-alloys on the other hand.... Razor shook his spinning head to clear it. There were more important things to worry about right now. His blurred vision quickly focused on the two robots advancing on him. Knowing it was useless, he pulled his right arm with all his strength. It was held over his head with the back of the glovatrix flat to the magnet. -Wildcat: (as a pirate; singing) Heave-ho, heave-ho, yo-ho-ho and a bottle of pop..... Coconuts: (from speaker) That's "rum", not "pop"! -Wildcat: Quiet. It's not worth going ape over. (shuts off the speaker) Razor's already abused shoulder muscles screamed with the effort, already hurting from the magnet's initial jerk that had nearly torn them coupled with the exertion of supporting Razor's full weight. Ignoring the pain, the SWAT Kat pulled again desperately as his dangling feet kicked the metal at his back. It was no use; he was trapped hanging by his right arm with his feet two inches off the floor. He watched the Metallikats step up to him with wide eyes. The two robots stopped a few feet from the SWAT Kat, seeming to study him but unseeing, their minds as blank as the virus wiped T-Bone's consciousness. Razor waited, returning the gaze with its opposite. Abruptly, Mac stepped up to the MRI controls, punching several buttons quickly. Razor heard a hissing sound from the machine behind him. His eyes widened. They were "quenching" the magnet - releasing helium gas onto it to shut it down. Mac checked the controls and then vacantly studied the panel again. As though gaining sudden knowledge, he plunged a metal fist into the panel. The control panel sparked and sizzled as the short Metallikat yanked a fistful of sparking wires free of it, flinging them aside. -Wildcat: OWWW! PIRANHA!! Razor gasped as the hissing sound increased. The quenching process was out of control now. Out of the corner of his eye he saw several red lights glow to life on the shattered controls. Helium was escaping into the room. The heavier-than-air gas would force the oxygen from the room. Even as Razor recognized the danger, Molly stepped up to him and grabbed the oxygen mask attached to his flight suit, crushing it in her hand. "Least maybe I finally get ta' find out....what's goin' on, huh?" Razor muttered to the speechless robots as he gradually found it harder and harder to breath. -Wildcat: (Ash) THAT'S ALL I EVER HEAR! I DON'T OWE YOU A THING! ------------------------------------- "Found anything?" asked McFurland, looking over the professor's shoulder. "Indeed." -Wildcat: (Hackle) It appears to be a rare case of the disorder known as "idioticus tremendous". Hackle produced a pair of tweezers, clamped tightly onto what appeared, even with the magnifying lens he was wearing, to McFurland to be nothing more than a black speck. The gray-furred Enforcer eyed it skeptically. Then, his eyes widened as he pronounced, "We have *killer lint*, Lieutenant Feral - no doubt hatching a vicious plot to conquer the known universe." His tone became gravely serious as he added, "This could be the end of life as we know it." -Wildcat: (sarcastic) Wow. Guess I better wash my "Cats Rule" T-shirt three times a day instead of two. "Not lint, my boy," Hackle interceded on McFurland's joke. "This is the virus." Felina looked past McFurland to study Hackle's tweezers. Seeing nothing, she grabbed the lens hanging in front of McFurland's face and jerked it into her line of sight. "Hey!" the officer yelped. -Wildcat: (Felina) ....is for horses! "So, that's it?" Felina asked. Hackle nodded, deep in thought. "Now, to reprogram it," he explained, carefully placing the virus on a slide and gently slipping it into a powerful electron microscope. -Wildcat: (Hackle) It needs the personality of Reggie Miller, the strength of Broadway, and the knowledge of Dilbert. "Reprogram?" McFurland asked, watching the Professor askance as his head was still being pulled to one side by Felina's tight grip on the wire attached to his headband. "Once reprogrammed this virus will be something like a vaccine, counteracting the effects of the others." "But that only gives us one "shot".... so to speak!" Felina groaned loudly, jerking the wire she was holding. -Wildcat: (McFurland) You're due for a rabies shot anyway. "Lieutenant, Lieutenant,...... wire.... please.... pain, pain....," McFurland pleaded. "Oh,...," Felina released her grip and McFurland straightened, rubbing his neck. "But, you see, it only takes *one* to build more for us," the Professor explained, probing into the virus with some tiny instrument. "Okay." Felina took a deep breath. "So, we're back to waiting." -Wildcat: (McFurland) Not bad. You've done worse. ---------------------------------------- A dull roar was the first sensation to work its way into Razor's numbed mind. The sound penetrated his sketchy, clouded dreams, gaining intensity. Slowly, he felt a solid surface form beneath him. Stubbornly, he held his eyes closed, refusing to return to the world. It was peaceful and painless in the darkness. But duty called. Razor opened his eyes to meet a blackness even deeper than that which he'd just left. He scrambled into a sitting position with some difficulty, finding himself pinned in a heavy steel net of some kind. There was a metal floor beneath him, vibrating in tune with the roar that had woken him, a thunderous cacophony now. -(Wildcat tones the opening notes of Beethoven's 5th symphony) As his sharp kat's eyes adjusted to the darkness, Razor recognized his surroundings. "I'm in the TurboKat's cargo bay," he murmured. Abruptly, he heard the engines change pitch and felt the jet lose momentum as he skidded across the slick metal. "We're stopping," he commented to himself. -Wildcat: (Razor) We're at the doughnut shop.....he's getting a cappucino.... Without warning, the floor beneath him dropped away as the bomb bay doors opened. Sudden bright light filled Razor's eyes as he was dumped out of the TurboKat's cargo bay onto cold concrete. "Well, well, the prodigal SWAT Kat at last." -(Wildcat's fur fluffs up. He hisses, his tail twitching wildly) Razor's mind registered the voice instantly. "Dark Kat!" he gasped as he looked up at the huge kat, a dark blur as his vision adjusted again, eyes narrowing to slits. -Wildcat: (growls) No, you mean Dark "Crud". Just the way to make this nightmare of mine complete. As Dark Kat's silhouette became distinct, Razor realized that the blinding light behind Dark Kat was one of the great searchlights that lit the landing strip atop Enforcer Headquarters. "Puzzled, SWAT Kat?" Dark Kat asked condescendingly. "Don't worry - I'll explain it all....while I think of a suitable way to destroy you." Turning from Razor, he shouted, "Bring him," over his shoulder. -Wildcat: (Dark Kat) ....for some coffee. Razor heard the familiar curious, chatter-giggling of Dark Kat's creeplings as the pink-skinned, winged creatures came forward to grab the net that surrounded him and drag him after Dark Kat. He twisted his head to look back at the TurboKat. It was almost invisible, blending with the black sky beyond. Briefly, he wondered how it could be so dark with dawn only an hour away. -Wildcat: (random creepling) Ee-ee! Catastrophe! Ee-ee! "It's always darkest before the dawn." The phrase came unbidden out of the depths of his memory. "It's always darkest before the dawn," Razor mumbled to himself, staring back at the jet. -Wildcat: Oh, boy. I'm gonna be up all night figuring that one out. ----------------------------------- "Well, Hard Drive, you did your work well," Dark Kat announced, his purple face lit eerily by the glow from the computer monitor he was studying in the dimly lit Enforcer lab. "The blackout was perfect, - there was ample time for me to put my new computer virus into all of the city's main computers, leaving it to spread to others - one SWAT Kat is out of commission and the other will soon join him! Far better than I expected of you." "Just remember all that when you pay me," snarled Hard Drive in return. -Wildcat: (Dark Kat; as Team Rocket's Meowth) I can't. I put so much effort into learning to talk that I just can't learn "Pay Day". Dark Kat ignored him and turned to Razor, still captive in the net. Razor was kicking angrily at the cackling creeplings that had him surrounded. The creeplings stayed well clear of his clawed feet but stubbornly refused to back off, intent on getting something out of one of his flight suit's pouches. One latched onto the hose to his oxygen mask, yanking it from the pouch of compressed air on the front of his suit. It howled and leapt away as the escaping air blasted it in the face. -Wildcat: (Razor; smug) At least now you won't have asthma anymore. "Take that," Razor growled, snapping at the little hands that came near his face. A triumphant garbled shout suddenly rang out as a creepling finally freed the Mongo pepper they'd been after from a pocket on Razor's suit. He watched darkly as it scampered away only to be attacked by its fellows. "I hope you choke," he muttered. "Really, that's not very civil." -Wildcat: And neither are you. Dark Kat's purring voice caused him to jerk his head back around to the huge kat. "Oh, and I suppose your little 'conquer the city' scheme is?" "Perhaps not 'civil' per se, but my little invention is rather ingenious," Dark Kat returned proudly, gesturing to the large, wall-mounted monitor he'd been studying. The screen showed an enlarged image of the virus at work within a computer. The microscopic, bug-like creation had just attached itself to the computer's motherboard. In seconds, leg-like projections from it were removing parts from the board and assembling them into what appeared to be a larger version of itself. -Wildcat: (Jafar; as virus) The world's mine to command.....Oh, wait. Wrong movie. Sorry, Iago. The reason for this became apparent as the new contrivance stood up on its hair-thin legs and began traveling around the computer's internal workings, selectively removing parts and using them to create more devices like the first virus. The new viruses spread out into the rest of the computer, changing and altering its structure. "You see, in minutes the virus will have modified the computer so that it is under its control - or rather, under *my* control," Dark Kat explained, smiling wickedly. "This virus is truly the crowning achievement of my genius." -Wildcat: If that's true, then you can just king me. Hard Drive scowled, barely hiding his nervousness as he watched it. The creation was far too like a *real* virus for his tastes. And after what he'd heard at Puma-Dyne when he'd stolen it..... The thought of Dark Kat having that kind of power, being able to control *every* electronic or mechanical device, even his surge coat, made him *extremely* uneasy. -Wildcat: (Hard Drive) Ooh, you big ol' purple-an'-ugly fleabag. Gimme my money. Dark Kat turned to look back at Razor. "Now, with your TurboKat, I control one of the most powerful weapons in the world - intelligent enough to be extremely dangerous with my virus," he purred. -Wildcat: (Razor) The only one intelligent here is the one watching this movie. "What does intelligence have to do with it?" demanded Razor, a hollow fluttering filling his stomach. "Can't you see?" purred Dark Kat. "The virus modifies every electronic device it enters to where it will respond to my voice commands - the more sophisticated the technology, the easier it is to alter for my needs." -Wildcat: (Dark Kat) The downside of all this is that I'm expecting a call from Microsoft sometime tomorrow afternoon. Razor felt the feeling in the pit of his stomach intensify. "So, that's why you had Hard Drive kidnap Callie and let us think we'd rescued her - you wanted to be *sure* you'd infected the TurboKat!" Razor growled. "*Precisely*. And, with my virus in every electronic device in MegaKat City, my Dark Kat City will be a dream no longer by this time tomorrow!" -Wildcat: One nightmare, to go! Dark Kat's raving was suddenly interrupted as a creepling squealed in anguish. Razor smiled slightly as he watched the creepling run in circles around the room, squealing and all-but foaming at the mouth. Hurling away the Mongo pepper its fellows had stolen from Razor, it jumped into the air, arms gyrating wildly, and flew from the room. The discarded Mongo pepper rolled across the floor, a deep gouge now ripped into its smooth surface from the creepling's eager bite,. As it approached them, several creeplings squealed and jumped away in terror, certain it had killed their comrade. -Wildcat: (random creepling) Ee-ee! You killed Etee! Ee-ee! Prepare to die! Ee-ee! "ENOUGH!" bellowed Dark Kat, lurching forward to crush the pepper beneath one great foot. As an oily liquid oozed from beneath his toes, the feline behemoth fixed the flock of creeplings cowering in a far corner with a fierce glare that silenced them instantly. "Score one for the opposing forces," Razor muttered. Dark Kat spun, reaching down to grab the front of Razor's flight suit through the net. In one fluid motion he yanked the SWAT Kat up to his livid face, giving the orange- furred tom a closeup of his blazing eyes. -Wildcat: (Dark Kat; as Daffy Duck) I said, give me a close-up! A CLOSE-UP! (pops half a burrito in his mouth) Razor slowly lifted his head to meet Dark Kat's gaze. He didn't struggle; he knew it was useless. He let his tired, aching body hang limp. Only his defiant yellow-orange eyes gave testimony to his unbroken fighting spirit. "Well, well - without your partner you've become rather outspoken," Dark Kat purred. "I guess someone must carry on...seeing as he's...'changed loyalties'...." He waited. Faintly, briefly, he saw the slightest waver in the SWAT Kat's gaze. -(Wildcat chews loudly, and swallows) -Wildcat: (Razor) Want a breath mint? Your breath smells like a beef-and-cheese burrito. Inwardly, Razor felt his stomach tighten. Dark Kat knew! Dark Kat's hideous laughter echoed through the room as he hurled Razor into the far wall. The SWAT Kat's head connected with a 'thump' and he slumped to the floor in a heap. -Wildcat: (Dark Kat) BOOM, baby! Eyes never leaving his handiwork, Dark Kat casually waved a hand to his creeplings. Several of the little creatures used the leathery wing-like membrane stretched under their arms to fly up to a wall-mounted security camera and position it on the sinister kat they served. "I think we're ready for that little broadcast of mine," Dark Kat purred, turning to face Hard Drive. -Wildcat: (Dark Kat) We're to set up a commercial to run during the Super Bowl. This had better work. Hard Drive nodded and walked to the laptop sitting on the floor beneath the camera, a wire connecting the two. He punched several keys and looked up. "It's ready." -Wildcat: (Hard Drive) ....to rumble. "Then, let's explain to MegaKat City why none of their marvelous electronics are functional," Dark Kat returned. -Wildcat: (Dark Kat; to Hard Drive) Cappucino at "Starbucks". One drop kills the whole thing. ------------------------------------- Felina was pacing the length of Hackle's workshop impatiently. McFurland watched her as he lay, stretched full length, amid the cluttered gadgets and tools on a worktable. Bored, he sat up and groped among the clutter for the television remote. Aiming the first remote-like object he found at the TV, he was rewarded with a blare of rock music from a powerful stereo somewhere at the back of the room. The Enforcer promptly perked up and feigned playing a guitar. -Wildcat: (Beavis-voice; singing) Na, na, na-na-na..... Felina stopped in mid-stride at the tremendous cacophony. Calmly, she spun on her heel and stalked to the worktable where McFurland was enjoying his little air guitar performance, her tail lashing. Grabbing her fellow Enforcer by the front of his uniform, she hissed, "Turn...It...Off." "Yes, Ma'am!" McFurland saluted with the remote in his right hand, pressing the "off" button in mid-salute. He watched the lieutenant whirl away from him and stalk off. "Nice sound system you have here," he called to Professor Hackle, eyeing Felina sheepishly before turning to find the real television remote. He pressed the "on" button and, being sure to turn the volume down, began to channel surf lazily. -Wildcat: (Beavis) This is gonna be cool. Heh-heh, heh.... Abruptly, Dark Kat's face filled the screen. "Ughha, *ug-ly*," the gray-furred kat muttered, hitting the "up channel" button. The grotesque purple face merely seemed to flicker briefly. Frowning, McFurland punched the button again. The screen flickered once more but the on-screen image remained unchanged. "Uh, oh - that's *not* a movie," he mumbled. "Lieutenant!" -Wildcat: ADMIRAL! Felina jerked her head first to McFurland and then immediately to Hackle's television as Dark Kat's deep voice filled the room. "Good evening, MegaKat City," the almost skull-faced kat oozed. "I suppose you've all discovered that every electrical device you own is nonfunctional - merely courtesy of the most dangerous computer virus in existence. Now, if you're wondering about getting help from your Enforcers...." -Wildcat: (Dark Kat) They're all at the doughnut shop. Stereo-typical. The screen suddenly changed to show Enforcers being herded into cargo helicopters under the watchful guns of several assault choppers. Then, it abruptly flipped to a shot of a cell in which Commander Feral, Mayor Manx, and Callie sat on the bare benches. "As you can see, MegaKat City is at my mercy," Dark Kat purred as his hideous face again filled the screen. ------------------------------------- "Not yet it's not!" Felina snarled, clenching her fists. -Wildcat: That's right. You haven't had your shots yet. ------------------------------------- "Oh, and if you're wondering about your precious SWAT Kats...." Suddenly, the TurboKat filled the screen, sitting on the runway at Enforcer Headquarters. -Wildcat: Hi, mom! "Their jet - along with the entire Enforcer squadron - is at my command," Dark Kat continued as his face reappeared. "And the only remaining SWAT Kat...." Dark Kat stepped aside, revealing Razor's inert form lying in the floor, crumpled like a discarded toy. ------------------------------------- "RAZOR!!!" Felina growled. "CRUD!!" ------------------------------------- -Wildcat: (yowls) ENOUGH WITH THE SCENE CHANGES, BUDDY! "By morning, I expect your government to hand MegaKat City over to me officially," Dark Kat announced, stepping halfway back into the picture, leaving Razor partially visible. "If they refuse my demands,..." he paused meaningfully, "then the medical equipment I have so graciously ordered my virus to ignore will cease to function along with everything else." "You *MISERABLE*....!!!" -(Wildcat holds up a hand. Claws pop out of his fingers) -Wildcat: (warningly) Finish that statement. I DARE you. Dark Kat couldn't hide his surprise as he whirled to see Razor staggering to his feet. The transmission abruptly blurred into static. -Wildcat: I'm hoping it becomes static sooner or later. (lowers his hand) ------------------------------------- Razor stood on unsteady legs, eyeing Dark Kat with contempt. "There's at least one thing you can never take from me," he declared. "And I won't let you take it from anyone else either!" His speech finished, the SWAT Kat slumped to the floor. -Wildcat: (as Dark Kat) What DOES he have? (A few seconds pass) -Wildcat: (as Hard Drive) A sub sandwich and coffee. ------------------------------------- "Well, score one for Razor," McFurland muttered, still staring at the screen. "Yeah, he just ruined part of Dark Crud's little attempt to convince everyone the situation's hopeless," Felina agreed. "Big Purple'll carry out his threat though," she added through clenched teeth. Abruptly, the she-kat whirled to punch the wall beside her. -Wildcat: I can imagine the trauma that poor wall is going to go through for the rest of its life. "But how *isn't* our situation hopeless?! He's got an army of vehicles - including the TurboKat-" -(Wildcat speaks in unison with McFurland) "And T-Bone," McFurland put in. "- on his side!!!" Felina finished, giving McFurland's addition an acknowledging nod. "But *we* have *this*," Professor Hackle put in triumphantly, raising his tweezers with the virus firmly pinioned between the tongs. "It's finished?" Felina asked. -Wildcat: (Hackle) If the virus's name is Dark Kat, yes it is. Hackle nodded. "Use these," he produced two gun-like apparatus, "to inject the vaccine. I've modified the virus's programming so that it should immediately disorient the affected equipment. The actual reprogramming will take some time, but the disorientation will prove useful should you need to defend yourselves. There are several 'shots' now - six for each of you." "Aah, a six-shooter. Guess it's time ta' call Dark Kat out," McFurland joked, his voice becoming a classic western drawl as he finished the phrase. -Wildcat: (as James Garner) Now, that sure is a childish way for a grown kat to make a living. "Yes, and if what you say about the SWAT Kat is true, it would be best if you 'vaccinate' the TurboKat with one of your 'shots'... quickly," Hackle added quietly, worry filling his voice. "Why?" Felina demanded, brow furrowing. "Because T-Bone *was* merely an electrical being existing within and manipulating the jet's computer systems...." -Wildcat: (Felina) And your point would be....? (waits a few seconds, then switches to Hackle) Just beyond your grasp. "In other words, he was... uh... 'possessing' the TurboKat?" McFurland threw in. Felina laughed. "Usually we fighter pilots are 'possessed' *by* our jets, not vice versa!" -Wildcat: In some cases, you're cursed with it. Hackle interrupted their conversation, continuing. "Yes, but by now he has likely fused with the computer. When that happens," Hackle shook his head, "He - his body and his memories - are no more than so much programming information within the computer....like any file's information." "And, any file can be.....," Felina started. -Wildcat: Deleted. "Reprogrammed," Felina and McFurland breathed simultaneously. ------------------------------------- Hard Drive fidgeted with the laptop in his lap distractedly, reaching one hand up to jerk the collar of his surge coat up. A cold, wet wind was streaming over the flat roof of Enforcer Headquarters, and the rubber-like suit, heavy with electronic gear and wires, provided little warmth. Hard Drive scowled as he studied the display before him, looking up to let his eyes follow the wire trailing from the laptop into the TurboKat's cockpit. "You,.....," he hissed, eyes narrowing as he gazed at the jet. A weak chuckle reached his already flattened ears, making the lanky kat growl in fury. -Wildcat: (T-Bone) ME! YOUR POINT?! "Sounds.... like... somebody.... should switch.... to decaf," T-Bone taunted from the cockpit. "We'll see how cocky you are when I delete half of you!" Hard Drive snarled. -Wildcat: (Hard Drive) I'll find that README.TXT file for "Lords of the Realm 2" if it's the last thing I ever do! "Then,... get.... on with it...- if you.... can," the SWAT Kat snapped back. "As soon as you fully merge with the computer I will!" Hard Drive growled. He smiled suddenly. "You can see how much I can manipulate the program already - you're powerless to control the jet, but I've left you able to talk. I want to hear you scream when I do this!" "You're... too thoughtful," T-Bone hissed. -Wildcat: (tauntingly) Ooh, Hard Drive. I didn't know you cared. Hard Drive ignored him, certain that, underneath the cocky voice, he'd rattled the SWAT Kat. The techno-crook turned to look back at his laptop. A series of .dll, .ini, and .exe files slowly faded into being on the computer's file listing. Abruptly, they flashed away only to return, once again slowly emerging, several minutes later. Hard Drive's face twisted in an evil smile. The file names were unreadable, a series of numbers and letters, but their extensions - .dll, .exe, and several others Hard Drive knew well - were unmistakable. They were the primary running files for a program - a program that was T- Bone. -Wildcat: (Hard Drive) Now, where IS that *.TXT file? I thought I left it in the C:\ drive, in the \lackomem\imstupid subdirectory..... ------------------------------------- "Don't you ever get tired of this?" Feral growled to Callie, plopping down on one of the bare benches, having finished his third, frustrated attempt to find a way out. -Wildcat: DUH! "Very," Callie returned with a small smile. She did indeed know what it felt like to be in a helpless position. It was, to say the least, frustrating. A look at Feral's face told her that he wasn't likely to take to it with the stoic attitude she'd developed. The two suddenly looked up as a loud metallic ringing echoed down the hallway outside their cell. Mac and Molly appeared at the doorway, a limp Razor held by each arm between them. Callie gasped faintly at the sight of the SWAT Kat, taking in his bedraggled flight suit and battered, heavily dented helmet. -Wildcat: The kats dragged in another kat. How cliche. (slaps his forehead) What am I saying? I just want this thing to end. The two robots wordlessly opened the cell with an electronic key card and flung the small kat inside. Callie quickly leapt up to catch Razor as he fell. She slipped to the floor under his weight, managing only to support his head gently. The golden-haired she- kat glanced up briefly as the Metallikats left and then returned her attention to the SWAT Kat. "Razor," she called softly, feeling Feral bend down beside her to study the injured kat. "Oohh, we're doomed - doomed, I tell you," Mayor Manx whimpered from his seat on one of the bunks. -Wildcat: I don't know why the mayors in some of these cartoons have to be such COWARDS. "Swat Kats", "Powerpuff Girls".....it's an idiots convention! Callie and Feral ignored him as they examined Razor. "He looks like he's had a time," Feral muttered, the faintest of grudging sympathies in his gruff voice. Razor's eyes fluttered at Feral's voice. His muffled words echoed off the floor. -Wildcat: (Razor) Since my next line is "I've fallen and I can't get up", I'll just find something else to say. "Man, I hurt." He lifted his head ever so slightly to meet Feral's gaze. "Do you believe me now, Commander?" he murmured before collapsing back into Callie's arms. Briefly, a tiny, sad smile escaped the corner of his lips. 'Would T-Bone ever be jealous if he could see me now?' he thought before the world faded into a welcome blackness that took the pain with it. -Wildcat: Thank goodness that the terrors of Little Tokyo are still working at the Pizza Cat... ------------------------------------- "Hard Drive, how goes our little 'project'?" Dark Kat demanded, pacing slowly across the tarmac, a flock of creeplings running before him. -Wildcat: (Hard Drive) There's a green fellow on the opposite side of the city named Piccolo. He claims to know you. Smacking the creeplings' inquisitive hands away from his laptop with a growl, Hard Drive glanced up at Dark Kat, a smile spreading across his face. "Another hour should do it, Dark Kat," Hard Drive purred, turning the laptop so that his employer could see the blinking files, now lingering on the screen before they faded, returning faster than ever. "Excellent - if this works properly the TurboKat can lead all my attacks," Dark Kat announced, his eyes lighting as he envisioned his triumph. First, MegaKat City would fall to him. After that it would be easy to take the out-lying areas that comprised the whole of MegaKat State. Then, the other states would fall, one by one. -Wildcat: The time will come when the citizens of the country will not enjoy the right to keep bare arms. "Come." Dark Kat suddenly snapped from his thoughts, whirling away in a swirl of his cloak. "We should be receiving a message from the government any minute now - the SWAT Kat will wait for the moment." -Wildcat: (Hard Drive) By the way: Microsoft called. They say they'll counter your virus with a bug that will freeze it upon startup. (seconds pass; Dark Kat-voice) No fooling them, is there? Hard Drive trailed Dark Kat slowly, scowling in thought. He knew what the sinister kat was planning. Thoughtfully, Hard Drive reached a hand down to feel the comfortable wad of bills in his pocket, his payment for his services so far. He smiled. He was paid and it was quite enough to occupy him for a while. His own plans of "the good life" would come to nothing if Dark Kat's dreams came true. Yes, now was definitely the time for a double-cross. -Wildcat: Isn't dramatic irony wonderful? ------------------------------------- "This is Ann Gora for Kat's Eye News with.... a.... shocking announcement." The newswoman's voice was choked as her face appeared on television screens across MegaKat City. Weary citizens watched with disbelieving faces as she delivered her message. "The government has given in to Dark Kat's demands and MegaKat City has... officially been handed over to him." -Wildcat: (hums Glenn Miller's "In the Mood") The words left Ann's mouth in a rush before she collected herself and continued. "Citizens are advised not to attempt to evacuate as Dark Kat has promised that the Enforcer jets and helicopters he has commandeered will attack all attempting to leave." Ann paused, setting her jaw. "But, despite the official statement, I trust we have *not* been abandoned." Her voice dropped. "This is Ann Gora, signing off." -Wildcat: (AOL voice) Welcome. You've got mail. Good-bye. Loser. ------------------------------------- "Well, phase one complete," Dark Kat purred, watching the screen before him back in his chosen control room. Casually, Dark Kat waved a huge hand toward Hard Drive. "Best check on our project, Hard Drive - I'll have need of the TurboKat yet. The government is not known for giving up that easily. I expect we can anticipate the arrival of some form of military force soon enough." -Wildcat: Knock yourself out. Hard Drive nodded and slipped from the room. He smiled as he strode down the hall; here was his chance. ------------------------------------- "Ah, here we are," Professor Hackle murmured as he pressed a plate beside the steel door looming before him and the two Enforcers. The door raised with a quiet rumble, revealing a huge garage area complete with several strange vehicles. Eyeing them, Felina realized that some were newer, or maybe older, versions of the Metallikat Express hovercraft. McFurland's eyes were only for the Mustang. -Wildcat: And the leader of the pack, weighing in at several tons less than the Metallikat Expressions, is Mr. Ed's older cousin. "Whoa!" he gasped, bounding to the car and nearly tripping over the three foot robot that had been carefully checking its work on the car's passenger side door. "Oh, 'scuse me," he called to the robot, eyes never leaving the car. The passenger's door had nearly been ripped from the car in his little stunt with the wall. It was now firmly attached and a new sheet of unpainted metal now covered the door to replace the shredded fragment the wall had left. The shattered rear window had also been replaced. The car still looked like it had been through a war, but there was a definite improvement. McFurland bent down to lovingly run his hand over the emblem of a thundering horse on the lower side panel. -Wildcat: (Brak) Giddyap! Giddyap, horsey! (back to normal; yells) OR ELSE! The little robot by the car turned to Professor Hackle, emitting a series of high beeps. "Good, that'll be all," Hackle assured the robot, somehow translating its beeps into words. "I had one of my 'helpers' take a look at it," Hackle explained, turning to Felina. "Thanks, Professor - for everything," Felina called over her shoulder as she made her way to the car and slid into the driver's seat. "Stop droolin' and get in here," she called to McFurland. "Hey, you got to drive last time," he complained, getting into the passenger's seat. -Wildcat: It's a known fact that Felina has better driving skills than you, McFurland. We saw proof not 15 minutes ago. Felina rolled her eyes as she started the engine, dropping her hand from the ignition to pat the gun with the 'vaccine' safely strapped into her holster. ------------------------------------- Razor opened his eyes slowly, disoriented. He sat up, rubbing his eyes. As he lowered his hands to study the room, he found himself in the Enforcer cell he remembered only vaguely from the night before. Dull light trailing through the window to his left told him it was day, maybe just by a few hours. He was sitting on one of the cell's two bunks. Callie sat on the bunk across from him, looking distractedly through the cell bars. She hadn't noticed him yet. "Well, you're up." -Wildcat: (Razor) My age is the only thing that's up. Razor turned toward the left to find Commander Feral sitting on the floor with his back to the wall, Manx beside him huddled into a miserable ball of unkempt fur. "Razor, are you okay?" Callie asked, turning to him quickly. "Been better, but, yeah - I'm as okay as I'm gonna get 'til we take down Dark Kat and Hard Drive," Razor returned, standing and stretching slowly. He winced as his muscles throbbed, particularly his right shoulder. "For once, I'll agree with you," Feral put in. "But there's no way out of this cell - I've checked." -Wildcat: (Feral) Did I forget to mention that Hard Drive is planning a double-cross? Razor let his gaze sweep across the cell. It was barren, save the two bunks built into the wall. There was a 'litterbox', as the toilet was more commonly called; Enforcer holding cells often had to house prisoners for months before court trials and before they were sent to the distant MegaKat Maximum Security Prison. The cell was secure. Razor grabbed the bars at the front of the cell, giving them a frustrated tug. Releasing the bars with a sigh, he looked back at his fellow prisoners. "Don't guess 'open sesame' would have any effect?" he commented with a faint grin. -Wildcat: (Razor; as Popeye) OPEN, SAYS ME! As he spoke, the cell door swung open soundlessly. Razor whirled to stare at it, feeling the empty air. "Huh?!" he muttered, advancing on the opening and cautiously extending a hand through it. Face set in a thoughtful scowl he stepped out of the cell, slowly looking first to the right and then the left as though expecting the Metallikats or swarms of creeplings waiting for him. With a shrug he turned back to the others. He smiled, folding his hands before his chest and bowing. "Call me Ali Baba - perhaps you've heard of my forty thieves?" -Wildcat: (Callie) I thought there were only 39....no, wait, you're right. How else could they have seperated into 10 seperate bowling teams? Voices suddenly filled the corridor, making Razor turn quickly to look past the cell bars. Enforcers were flooding the hallway, pouring from the cells and stumbling into the hallway. Commander Feral quickly shouldered his way past the SWAT Kat and into the corridor, bellowing in a quasi-whisper for the Enforcers to get quiet. Razor watched them, the tip of his tail twitching in agitation. Not that he was one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but doors didn't open themselves. With a shrug, he finally set his worries in a back corner of his mind. He'd be on his toes, but he certainly wasn't passing up this chance. He refocused his attention on the world beyond his inner one, surveying the milling Enforcers; they had enough kats, but they needed weapons. "Commander," the orange-brown tom shouldered his way through the crowd to Feral, "do you still have any *older* weapons? Non-electronic?" -Wildcat: (Feral) If we do, they're probably at the salvage yard. Get a team together, and let's get going. Razor remembered a large armory of outdated weapons in the basement. He'd been given complete access to it during his brief stint on the Enforcers' now-nonexistent Weapons Development Unit - a failed plan to avoid the Enforcers' current long-term, costly contract with Puma-Dyne. Commander Feral looked annoyed for a moment, irked by the SWAT Kat's authoritative air. Then, his face settled in a frown. For what seemed endless seconds Razor feared having to suggest the basement armory, something he shouldn't know about and would surely be questioned about. Finally, Feral's frown vanished. -Wildcat: (Feral) Yes, there IS a coffee shop open at this hour! "There's something of an armory of outdated pistols and rifles in the basement," he announced, turning quickly to his men and issuing orders. Turning from the crowd, Callie searched for Mayor Manx, finally finding him still inside the cell. "Mayor?" Callie called into the cell, where Manx was situating himself on one of the bunks. "I'll just stay here until it's over with," he quivered. "Wouldn't be any good to you in a fight anyway - Feral and the SWAT Kat can handle it." -Wildcat: As Shila would say, "Yeah, like he handled Dr. Viper? Get a life." ------------------------------------- Some minutes later found the group in the basement arming themselves. Razor glanced over at Callie who was standing watch at the door with several Enforcers who'd already selected and loaded their weapons. Thoughtfully, he slung the rifle he'd chosen over his shoulder and hunted around until he located a small lightweight pistol-like weapon. Quickly, he loaded it and then, as an afterthought, chose another and loaded it as well, slipping the second into the belt that supported his oxygen pouches. Satisfied, he trotted over to Callie. "Miss Briggs." Callie turned around to face Razor as she heard his voice. He extended the first small pistol to her. The blond she-kat drew away slightly before reaching her hand out, eyeing the gun with a dreading resignation. "It's a tranquilizer gun," Razor assured quickly. "Just in case you need it." -Wildcat: (Razor) Wait, wait; give it back to me. I'LL use it! I'LL use it! Callie nodded as she accepted the gun, her expression settling into one of firm determination as she prepared herself for what might lay ahead. She looked up as Commander Feral began organizing his men to explain the battle plan. ------------------------------------- "MegaKat City, comin' up," Felina muttered as the city skyline drew ever nearer, obscured by fog against a leaden sky. "Trouble - comin' up!" McFurland shouted beside her, pointing upward at three Enforcer jets closing on them. -Wildcat: My death, coming up if this movie doesn't end soon. "Crud! Again!" Felina growled. They were sitting ducks driving down the road that crossed the barren desert outside the city. "Maybe not - we've got plenty of 'vaccine', right?" McFurland asked. "Yeah,....," Felina returned reluctantly, slipping a hand to her holster. "It's our only chance, Lieutenant Feral. Those things aren't like the spy planes - they don't need close range to blow us away - you fly one; you know I'm right!" -Wildcat: (McFurland) And if they're armed with nukes, we're in deep trouble. "Roger that," Felina relented. "*Don't* miss," she warned. With a nod McFurland pulled his gun from its holster and rolled down the window beside him. Sticking his head and arm out the window, he tried to take aim at the jets. With a growl of frustration he ducked back in the car. "I can't get a clear shot at 'em up there!" he growled. -Wildcat: Try clearing the fog from your head, McFurland. Even as he spoke laser fire sprayed around the car as the first jet swept over them. "Lieutenant, I've got a plan," McFurland suddenly announced. "Just drive mercifully for me, okay?" Before Felina could reply, the gray-furred tomkat was climbing out the passenger's side window. "The nutcase!" Felina mumbled after him, shaking her head. Still, she had to admit - his crazy plan just might work. -Wildcat: Don't have any, but I have a suitcase that'll go cheap. McFurland clambered to the roof of the car slowly, grateful for the deceleration he felt in the vehicle beneath him. Quickly, he slid to the trunk, getting a more or less stable position and taking aim at the first jet he saw. He paused for an instant and then fired. He waited with bated breath. The jet abruptly swung away, wobbling in the air. -Wildcat: Stop the movie. I'd like to get off. Certain that one was no longer a threat, McFurland turned his attention to the next. Again, his aim was true and the jet began to fly in aimless circles. The roar of an engine reminded McFurland of the third jet. He jerked his head toward the sky ahead to see the jet diving for a pass at the car. Taking aim, he fired his third shot. The jet faltered, then continued the dive. "Aw *CRUD*!!" McFurland yelped, remembering Hackle's words about "disorientation." The jet was disoriented alright, and it was diving straight into the ground. -Wildcat: Eat dirt. Felina had noticed, too. "Aw *CRUD*!!!" she gasped, spinning the wheel to the left. -Wildcat: Eat dirt, double-dose. McFurland felt the car under him jerk to the right. Car and kat abruptly went in two different directions. Unprepared for the sudden movement, McFurland skidded wildly across the trunk. He scrambled with his claws as he slid, just catching the groove where the trunk opened as his feet skidded out into the empty air. Looking back, he saw the final jet slam into the road in a thunderous explosion as the Mustang skidded to a stop in a cloud of dust. -Wildcat: (McFurland; singing) Everyone knows it's windy...... Still traveling under his own momentum, McFurland slammed into the rear window of the car with a choked yowl. He bounced back from the impact, tumbling across the trunk and landing heavy on his left shoulder in the dust. Rolling onto his stomach, he lay half-under the Mustang in a daze as waves of heat washed over him from the fireball that was the destroyed jet. "McFurland!" Seeing the gray tomkat's absence at the back of the car, Felina fumbled with the cumbersome, oversized catch of the seatbelt. Finally extricating herself from the vehicle, she raced to where McFurland lay, bending down quickly to see how badly he was hurt. -Wildcat: (McFurland; singing, dazed) We will....we will....disorient you.... As she reached to roll him over, hesitating at the sight of the small oval dent in his helmet, he moaned softly and uttered a jumble of incoherent syllables. "What?!" Felina asked urgently, leaning her face down toward his. McFurland raised his head to meet her gaze, a thin film of pale dust coating his fur. "I said I wanna ride inside from now on!" the tomkat mumbled, letting his head thump back down in the desert dust. ------------------------------------- "Ah, HAH!" Hard Drive announced in triumph as the flashing files on his laptop's readout suddenly snapped into bold black, unchanging text. "At last," Dark Kat breathed, leaning over Hard Drive's shoulder. "Now, to...." he began. -Wildcat: Now to rock and roll! "*Now*, you have a problem!" Razor's voice rang across the open air. Dark Kat and Hard Drive twisted to see the slim SWAT Kat standing a few feet from the huge hangar that opened on the roof. Behind him, Enforcers were boiling from the doors. "You're under arrest, Dark Kat!" Feral added as he stepped forward, raising a pistol and leveling it at Dark Kat's chest. -Wildcat: (Dark Kat) Wildcat's the one that's tired, not me. Dark Kat looked at the force amassing before him and *smiled*. His loud laughter echoed as his smile spread ever wider. "Really, Commander, with what I've already demonstrated, you *still* think you can defeat me?" he demanded. "I was prepared for you even *before* Hard Drive had his second thoughts and helped you escape." "D...Dark Kat, I swear - I never...," Hard Drive stammered, leaping to his feet. Dark Kat looked down at him. (Wildcat chews a piece of fruit for awhile, then swallows) -Wildcat: Orange you glad I didn't say "uncle"? "Really, Hard Drive - I control every surveillance camera in this building -do you think I could miss you tampering with the cell's electronic locks?" he purred as Hard Drive cringed away from him. Ignoring him, Dark Kat continued. "Now, hold your fire, Commander - you may want to see this." Feral scowled as Dark Kat reached into his great cloak to produce a floppy disk. He raised it into the air, waving it before Feral. -Wildcat: (Dark Kat) This contains the original shareware copy of "Descent". I have it, and you don't, so there. "Now, Commander, think about this before you decide not to believe me. Surely, you've noticed that this building is rather empty... and you hardly have your entire force there with you." Dark Kat paused to let Feral and the others think about what he'd said. Then, he continued. "Now, just where do you suppose your men are, Feral?" He brandished the disk. "Right here, Commander. Part of them anyway." As he spoke, the Metallikats stepped from the shadows beside the hangar and advanced to within a few feet of the Enforcers, guns trained on the confused kats. "What're you talking about, you psycho?!" Feral growled, eyeing the Metallikats warily. -Wildcat: (Dark Kat) What I'm saying is, the computer automatically ejects that diskette each time you shut down the system. Beside him, Razor gasped. He'd already grasped what Dark Kat was saying. "It's very simple, Commander," Dark Kat continued. "Remember how I captured you back at the intersection? Just as Hard Drive can turn himself into electricity, so can I transmogrify any kat I choose with my variation of his technology. And, I can hold them as electricity - stored as no more than data on a disk. Now, my dear Commander, you're the only Enforcer taken from the square that I bothered to.... 'rematerialize' shall we say - I believe your niece was there as well?" Dark Kat purred, letting the sentence hang in the air. "You miserable piece of slime!!! If you do anything to Felina....!!!" Feral snarled. -Wildcat: (Feral) I will crush you like the insect you are! "Really, Commander - there's no need for the dramatics," Dark Kat purred. "She's safe... *for now*." Eyeing Feral, Razor saw behind the Commander's tight jaw and ferocious scowl; Feral was worried about Felina. Feeling sorry for him, the SWAT Kat discreetly leaned toward his ear. "She's not there," he hissed up at Feral's ear, adding in a mumble, "...outside the field - I was too." Feral's faint nod was his only indication of the comment. -Wildcat: (Razor; hisses) We have a sub sandwich and a coffee back at the house if you want any. Coconuts: That joke's getting old, Wildcat. Cut it out. -Wildcat: You stay out of this, Banana-Bot. (cuts off the speaker....again) "Well, Commander, have you made your choice?" Dark Kat called, his tone condescending. Feral sighed. "Alright." He turned back to his men. "Drop your weapons," he growled. "Make yourself useful, Hard Drive," Dark Kat murmured, nodding toward the Enforcers. "And maybe I'll reconsider your little double-cross." -Wildcat: (Hard Drive) Just gimme some money, or I won't listen to you. The Enforcers reluctantly threw their weapons down as Hard Drive, glaring at Dark Kat over his shoulder with suspicion and contempt, strode up to oversee the affair. Eyeing him, Razor unslung the rifle and dropped it, wondering briefly if Hard Drive might not notice the tranq gun, partially hidden in the folds of his baggy flight suit. "The other one too, SWAT Kat," Hard Drive snarled, dashing his hopes. With narrowed eyes Razor chucked the gun at Hard Drive's booted feet. "Hard Drive," Dark Kat called, truly noticing Razor for the first time, "bring the SWAT Kat over here - perhaps he'd like to watch what we mean to do to his friend." -Wildcat: (Razor) Could you buy some popcorn? There's a Pistons game on tonight. Growling softly, Razor shook off Hard Drive's hand as the lanky techno-crook grabbed him. Pointedly, he stalked across the runway to Dark Kat, Hard Drive trailing him, wearing a nasty scowl. The Metallikats stepped forward to hold the Enforcers at bay as they walked away. "Ra...zor," T-Bone greeted weakly as the smaller SWAT Kat stepped up beside the jet. His voice was gravelly and strained. Razor shoved aside the pang he felt at the sound of his friend's voice. "Hey, Bud - you okay?" he called. "Been better." -Wildcat: (T-Bone) I lost twice at "Risk", and now he's beating me at "Monopoly". "Well, let's get on - shall we?" Dark Kat purred, interrupting their meeting and motioning for Hard Drive to assume his position at the laptop. Hard Drive sat down and put the computer in his lap, glancing up at Dark Kat for further instructions. Wordlessly, Dark Kat casually reached out a great hand to force Razor roughly down on the tarmac beside Hard Drive. The SWAT Kat growled softly, but settled to eye the laptop with a horrified curiosity. "Don't worry, SWAT Kat - it will be much easier for your friend than it will for you," Dark Kat purred to Razor, who refused to even dignify the comment with a glance. -Wildcat: Uh-oh. T-Bone, however, growled like a wild animal, the low rumbling bass of his snarl vibrating the TurboKat's outer speakers. Indulging in a moment of vicious inner gloating, Hard Drive didn't notice as the files on his screen began to flash again, faster than ever. Smiling at his triumph, Dark Kat nodded to Hard Drive. "Now." Abruptly, Dark Kat groaned and doubled over with a deep groan. As he bent forward a dart clattered to the tarmac. -Wildcat: BINGO! Now I can sleep tonight! ------------------------------------- "What in the....!" Commander Feral gasped, knowing the shot had come from somewhere to his left. He whirled to see Callie Briggs slowly lowering the tranq gun Razor had given her, her eyes narrowed. Seeing him watching her, she smiled, raising the gun to casually blow across its barrel. -Wildcat: Fastest tranquil in the west. ------------------------------------- Seeing a chance, Razor lunged at Hard Drive, knocking the laptop from his hands so that it fell to the concrete with a sharp crack, the wires that connected it to the TurboKat pulling free. Using the momentum from his thrust, Razor slammed Hard Drive onto his back, raising his right arm to punch the lanky kat. The punch never connected as a blast of raw electricity shot from the trailing wires and hit Razor full in the chest, knocking him back. -Wildcat: (as Debbie Gibson; singing) Zappin' it to ya....the pressure's everywhere....goin' right through ya.... "Metallikats!" Dark Kat rasped. "Don't.... try anything,.... Commander!" he warned. Hard Drive clambered to his feet, quickly glancing at Razor, who was flat on his back and seemingly unconscious. He whirled to face the Enforcers. "It's a lie!" he shouted. "The disk is blank - the real ones are downstairs in the....!" -Wildcat: ...BASEMENT! He broke off as Dark Kat turned to catch him up by the throat. The monstrous kat held his scrawny flunky as easily as one would lift an empty bundle of clothes. Without taking his eyes from Hard Drive, Dark Kat shouted to the Metallikats. -Wildcat: (Dark Kat) Launch the nukes, NOW! "Destroy them!" The Metallikats slowly raised their arms, heavy with the great energy cannons they always wore. ------------------------------------- T-Bone felt.... *strange*. He could feel something - something almost alien, but hauntingly familiar. He opened his eyes instinctively, squeezing them shut instantly as they met blinding light. Seconds later, he looked again, eyes adjusting quickly this time. The sun was above him, no more than a disk of white flame against a dull, featureless expanse. Next, sound floated into his brain. Other sensations followed; the most obvious was a dull, throbbing pain in his right shoulder. -Wildcat: Nothing a chip wouldn't cure. ------------------------------------- As the Metallikats' guns began to hum with building energy, a shout rang out from the hangar opening behind the Enforcers. -Wildcat: Oh, no. It's Mr. Freak. "Hey, wait! You can't start the fun without me!" McFurland unhesitatingly plowed his way through the Enforcers to fire two shots in succession at each Metallikat. The two robots almost immediately lowered their guns, staggering away and shaking their heads. They staggered aimlessly for a minute and then slumped over as they seemed to shut down. "What?!" Dark Kat bellowed, dropping Hard Drive and whirling to see Felina join McFurland, standing in front of the other Enforcers. "How?!" he demanded weakly, his stance suddenly faltering. -Wildcat: (Dark Kat) The fools! I didn't order pepperoni on my pizza! How DARE they botch my order! "We found the cure for your 'virus', Dark Kat," Felina announced. "Worked real good on the robo-guard ya' got at the entrance," McFurland added. Dark Kat tried to say something further, but failed as he sank to his knees. "It's over, Dark Kat," Feral announced, snatching up his pistol and motioning for his men to get their weapons. -Wildcat: Oh, well. C'est la vie. "Good, then I'll be leaving," Hard Drive suddenly put in, scrambling to his feet. "Sorry, Hard Drive!" Razor's voice suddenly announced behind him as he was slammed to the tarmac. "Your flight's canceled!" Hard Drive struggled, rolling onto his back before the SWAT Kat pinned him. "Where's Razor?!" the kat demanded. -Wildcat: (Hard Drive) MERCY! I STILL NEED TO FIND THAT TEXT FILE! "Razor?!" Hard Drive squawked, claws scrabbling against the tarmac as he struggled to free his pinioned arms. For his size the SWAT Kat was strong. "I thought Razor was the little one!" "Razor *is* 'the *little* one'!" the kat atop him snarled, pressing down harshly against Hard Drive's windpipe, painfully driving into his already bruised neck. "Where *is* he?!" "He....he...." Hard Drive choked from the pressure on his neck. -Wildcat: (as Ed from "The Lion King"; begins snickering and laughing) "I'll repeat the question - where...?" the SWAT Kat started again, suddenly breaking off and staring wide-eyed at his hand as though he'd never seen it before. Hard Drive watched him, breathing heavily. What was with this crazy kat? That electric shock must have fried his brain. The deranged SWAT Kat slowly raised his right hand to stare at it closer. Hard Drive saw his chance as the pressure lessened. "Maybe another shock will clear your head!" he snarled. -Wildcat: Oh, sure. Go ahead. Humor me. And then get your lights put out. The SWAT Kat leapt away as Hard Drive's suit glowed to life, back-flipping. As he came out of the flip, he abruptly fell on his tail, suddenly disoriented. "That's far enough, Hard Drive!" Feral's commanding voice broke in. Hard Drive looked up to see several Enforcers aiming their guns at him. Glaring at the SWAT Kat, he raised his hands in defeat. Seeing Hard Drive well in hand, Callie ran to the fallen kat, who was just staggering to his feet. "Razor! Are you okay?" she asked worriedly, searching his face. -Wildcat: They didn't use words like that back in third grade. He looked back at her, dazed. "Miss Briggs,.... glad the dart gun.... came in handy," he mumbled. Then, his eyes glazed and he fixed his gaze on some point beyond Callie. Worried, Callie stared into his suddenly vacant eyes through his mask. For an instant, they flickered. In that moment, it was like a flash of green light flitted across them. Callie stared into Razor's now-clearing eyes. They were the same eyes she'd seen seconds ago, yellow-orange, but something was different.... -Wildcat: (Cathy) AAAAAACCCK! "Miss Briggs, ....?" He looked at her again in a confused daze. Abruptly, he snapped out of it, grabbing her by the shoulders quickly, but gently, and urgently demanding, "Who am I?" At the sound of her faint, startled gasp he quickly added, "Just humor me - *please*!" -Wildcat: You're a big fat jerk trapped in Slim Pickin's body. "You're Razor," she returned, shaking her head in confusion, worry heavy on her face. "Aw, *man*," the kat mumbled, reaching a hand up to hold his head. ------------------------------------- T-Bone's mind reeled. He was in Razor's body?! Then, where was Razor?! As Callie stared at him stunned, he heard a voice calling from the fringes of his mind. Razor. T-Bone recognized his friend instantly. Urgently, he reached out to his friend. In a burst that was almost painful, he found Razor. His friend's thoughts rushed over him in a confused torrent. T-Bone grit his teeth and sank to his knees. For a microsecond that felt like hours the two... communicated. Neither could ever describe it later. It wasn't speaking; it was trading raw thoughts and feelings. Slowly, they cleared each other's confusion. Then, Razor dove into an idea. -(Wildcat gulps down a large "Coca-Cola", then pushes a button on his armrest----and abruptly, all the sound in the theater is muted as the cat's head jerks forward slightly. A few seconds later, the sound fades back in) -Wildcat: (embarassed) Whew! Even Wakko would get on my case about that one. -(The cat pushes another button, activating a dual set of fans in the back of the theater) ------------------------------------- Callie stared at Razor; his face was twisted in pain or confusion and his eyes stared unfocused at the ground. She frowned with worry and bewilderment; something was desperately wrong. She started to shout to Feral to call an ambulance when Razor's voice stopped her. -Wildcat: (Razor) Take a sweater, and be back by 10:00. You have no right to be going outside in this weather. "It's okay," the SWAT Kat said quickly, getting to his feet. "I'll explain in just a minute," he added, suddenly fixing his gaze on Hard Drive, who was surrounded by Enforcers with trained guns. ------------------------------------- Praying their plan would work, T-Bone lunged with his entire being at the lanky kat. He felt himself leap from Razor's mind, tearing away from the other mind. Then, an eerie blackness engulfed him. There was nothing to see, nothing to hear, nothing to feel. -Wildcat: Looking directly at the sun can do that to you. "What did I do?!" T-Bone thought, acutely aware of his aloneness after even those bare few minutes of being mentally linked with Razor. There was no one here, no *nothing*. He was faintly aware of himself, his....body? No, not a body like he knew, but there was *something* to himself. But he was bereft of his senses. He had no idea where he was, if he was even still in the world he knew. Even trapped within the TurboKat he had been able to see and hear the world outside. Then, he 'felt' something, the same way he'd 'felt' Razor's voice. He was feeling *someone*.... or their mind, their consciousness, anyway. Quickly, he reached out as he'd done with Razor. The mind he found tensed at his probe, wary and distrustful. T-Bone dove. -Wildcat: Street pizza! Then, he was staggering to regain his footing, an angry, scared voice screaming at the fringes of his mind. Cautiously, he began trying to probe Hard Drive's mind. He had to know how to work the surge coat. He was uncomfortably aware of Hard Drive's nearness to his own mind. Briefly, he reminded himself that he couldn't let Hard Drive read it, couldn't risk the scrawny techno-crook learning his true identity. He needn't have worried; Hard Drive was, momentarily anyway, too furious and terrified of the strange, relentless being that had possessed his body to think of such. "What are you?! What do you want?!" Hard Drive screamed inwardly and outwardly. The Enforcers stepping up to cuff him shouted for him to be quiet and stand still. Hard Drive screamed to them. "It's after me! There's something in my head!" He shook his head violently, struggling against the Enforcers. -Wildcat: (Hard Drive) It claims to want a sub sandwich and a coffee! Scratch: (over speaker) No need to drive that joke into the ground, you know.... -Wildcat: (slurs his voice) Quiet, man. You ain't chicken enough to challenge me. (turns the speaker back off) T-Bone, meanwhile, couldn't stop his own response of his identity. Hard Drive mentally cringed, blasting T-Bone with split-second thoughts of ghosts that vanished into a near-realization of the truth. The revelation scared Hard Drive as much as his superstitious terror. -Wildcat: (to himself) Coconuts already told me. I don't need YOU jumping on me, now. "Stop it!" T-Bone ordered, feeling Hard Drive's terror leaking into his own consciousness. "Tell me how to use the surge coat and I'll leave you alone!" Hard Drive blasted the information so forcefully it hurt. T-Bone grit his teeth and tried to sort through the churning thoughts in the whirling mind he and Hard Drive were sharing. If he could just turn the suit on and then leap from Hard Drive's mind into the field.... -Wildcat: Stare at the sun. What do you see? ------------------------------------- Callie shook her head as Razor finished his explanation. She suddenly remembered the gun still clenched tightly in her right hand. "Here," she held it out to Razor, who accepted it. "Thanks," she said with a smile, "it did come in handy." Razor grinned. "Y'know, Miss Briggs looks like you're a crack shot with one of these," he commented. He started to say something further even as a dark shadow fell over Callie. -Wildcat: (Wally) Look out! Big fat Mel's walking backwards and waving his arms again! ------------------------------------- -Wildcat: (Dilbert) I just wish that Mel wouldn't refer to us as debris. A piercing scream suddenly cut into T-Bone's thoughts. The airstrip atop Enforcer Headquarters snapped into focus. With horror, T-Bone saw Dark Kat snatch Callie up by one arm in front of a stunned Razor. Two unconscious Enforcers lay on the tarmac. The remaining Enforcers were as startled as himself; Dark Kat had snapped out of seeming unconsciousness in an instant. "I think I'll have to decline your offer of that cozy little room downstairs, Commander," Dark Kat announced to Feral, backhanding Razor so forcefully that he tumbled end over end into a cluster of Enforcers. The action seemed to require no more effort from Dark Kat than swatting a fly. "I'm not affected by tranquilizers as much as most kats - bear that in mind next time, my dear," he purred to Callie. Then, he turned his attention back to the Enforcers. "Now, I believe Miss Briggs and I must be going," he called. -Wildcat: (Dark Kat) I'll call you when I know you won't be there, Medusa. T-Bone searched the airstrip, focusing his attention on Dark Kat. Then, he lunged again. Once more, he found himself bereft of senses, save his new-found sixth sense that allowed him to sense the consciousness of other kats. He quickly passed several minds, the dominant emotions emanating from them confusion - the Enforcers. Then, he found it. The mind radiated a smug confidence, undergirded with a cool malice. Quickly, T-Bone lunged into Dark Kat's mind. -Wildcat: (T-Bone; as Han Solo) Attacking that battle station ain't my idea of courage....more like suicide. Images faded in fuzzily, sound rushed forward, then it all faded to return and fade continuously. T-Bone shook his head, desperately trying to clear it. He felt suddenly weak and dazed. The voice at the back of his mind wasn't terrified this time. Startled, yes, but fighting. It quickly communicated a horrifying fact to T-Bone: Dark Kat knew exactly what and who he was. He'd listened as Razor explained it to Callie. It was T- Bone who filled with fear this time as Dark Kat's thoughts met his and began to try to dominate. It was like the virus all over again, the fighting, the struggle to even think. "NO!!" T-Bone screamed in terror, putting his hands to his head and sinking to his knees. The force of his thought succeeded in warding Dark Kat back momentarily. T- Bone raised his head to see Callie scrambling away from him. He'd dropped her in his fight with Dark Kat he realized. Shouting reached him as the Enforcers ran forward. Time to leave. -Wildcat: (singing) RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY LIKE THE FOOLS THAT YOU ARE..... 'My thoughts exactly,' Dark Kat's voice purred. The voice communicated in an idea clearer than spoken words. Before T-Bone could react Dark Kat was in control. T- Bone could only watch in horror as Dark Kat's hand - his hand at the moment - reached for a metal object hidden in Dark Kat's robe. 'A variation of Hard Drive's technology,' Dark Kat explained. A finger pressed a button on the square object's side. -Wildcat: (Dark Kat) When you destroy it, it leaves behind 500 points, like in those old vintage arcade games. T-Bone would have screamed at the pain, but he suddenly had no voice to scream with. He was flung back into the void, ripped away from Dark Kat's body. This time the blackness was different. T-Bone felt... stretched. It was as though the ephemeral body he could vaguely sense was pulling apart. Weakly, he searched for something, someone. Stumbling across a consciousness, he dove to meet it, too weak to search it. The stretching sensation vanished and he again saw the airstrip. He felt himself jostled as Enforcers pushed around him. He realized that he was looking at the spot where Dark Kat had just been standing and that he must be inside one of the Enforcers. He didn't bother to examine his current form; only one thought was in his head. Where had Dark Kat gone? He felt a nagging memory, something Dark Kat had communicated, whether consciously or not, before he'd disappeared. "The other Enforcers!" he gasped. -Wildcat: (T-Bone) They're at the doughnut shop, too! How'd they get there so fast? ------------------------------------- Razor's eyes widened as an Enforcer suddenly broke from the crowd surrounding the spot where Dark Kat had just been. The kat raced up to him, shouting. "He's downstairs - he used Hard Drive's trick to zap himself down there. He's in the dispatch room - destroying the disks with the Enforcers!" -Wildcat: Zip it up with a cup of Java. The two kats' eyes met and an understanding, an explanation, passed between them. As one they whirled and raced into the hangar that opened on the airstrip, quickly finding the stairwell access and thundering down the stairs. As the twosome alternately raced and leapt down stairs Razor commented, "Hope they haven't moved the dispatch room." -Wildcat: (T-Bone) There's a man named Vegeta down there. He wants to trade your Dragon Ball for his Glovatrix. T-Bone paused for an instant, searching his host's mind. "Nope," he returned, "same as always." "That's handy," Razor muttered, referring to T-Bone's unintentional choice in "leaping" into an Enforcer. "Too bad he's not shorter though - I might could've actually been taller than you for once!" "Hey, I was so out of it I'm lucky I didn't leap inta' Callie!" -Wildcat: (slashes at the air) It's times like this that I wish these movies had a long-lasting "mute" button. "Aw crud!" Razor complained. "Y'mean I missed my chance to have a gorgeous partner *and* ta' tease you for months.... years,... the rest of your nine lives?!" T-Bone smacked him squarely on the back of the head. -Wildcat: (Bill Cosby) ....hitting them smack on the back of the head. Get out of there! -(Wildcat smacks his head and follows it up with a long, drawn-out groan) Minutes later, the two SWAT Kats burst into the dispatch room in time to see Dark Kat aim a small blaster at a stack of thick, multi-megabyte ZIP disks sitting atop a computer terminal. Quickly, T-Bone snatched up a mouse from the nearest computer, ripping it from its port and swinging it over his head to twirl it like a bolo. Shouting, "Hey, Dark Crud!" he let it fly at Dark Kat. With a sharp crack it connected with the side of Dark Kat's head even as he whirled to face the SWAT Kats. Taking advantage of Dark Kat's momentary disorientation, T-Bone dove at the larger kat, his weight throwing the monstrous kat to the floor and sending the blaster flying across the room. -Wildcat: No wonder they call it a "dispatch" room. Dark Kat growled and reached up to grab T-Bone by the shirt collar. T-Bone punched him squarely in the jaw. Dark Kat merely seemed to absorb the blow, hurling T- Bone away from him. T-Bone landed on his feet, jumping up to take a defensive stance as Dark Kat rose to his full height. The two squared off, eyeing each other. Without warning, Dark Kat groaned and fell to his knees. Razor stood behind him with the tranquilizer Callie had returned to him in hand. Calmly, he blew across its barrel as Dark Kat pitched forward, his chin hitting the floor with a thud. Seeing the giant at his feet making no move to rise, the SWAT Kat calmly stepped around the fallen villain to join his partner. -Wildcat: ....and Goliath retracted his threats and returned to his home in Dreamland. The end. "I think he'll be taking a nice little nap now," Razor muttered. "Good, then if it's okay with you, can I leave this guy here to keep an eye on 'im?" T-Bone asked, eyeing Dark Kat as he gestured to himself, or rather the Enforcer he was "occupying". "Sure," Razor returned, bracing himself as he again felt T-Bone enter his mind while the Enforcer beside him suddenly moaned and put his hands to his head, shaking it. T-Bone felt dazed even as he entered his partner's mind. The stretching sensation had been far worse this time. He felt so weak. It was only slowly that he realized that he couldn't feel anything. He could see and hear, but he wasn't in control of Razor's body as he'd been before. He was a passenger, seeing through Razor's eyes, hearing through his ears, but powerless. 'Are you okay?' Razor communicated in worried thought, knowing better. -Wildcat: Hey, Razor, reality check: NO, HE'S NOT. T-Bone weakly opened his mind to his friend, too exhausted to even collect his thoughts, letting Razor find them himself. He felt Razor's gasp. "You're dissipating!" Razor mumbled to himself and T-Bone. "The energy you use to leap from kat to kat comes from yourself - you're literally using yourself up!" Dark Kat's voice snapped both from their thoughts. Pupilless yellow eyes no more than slits in his skeletal face, he leered up at Razor. "You disappoint me, SWAT Kats - can you have forgotten my trademark that quickly?" He produced a tiny microphone quickly and whispered into it, "Last resort sequence - activate," before collapsing to the floor. -Wildcat: (Dark Kat; mumbles) My last chance at....getting a....cappucino....will be lost....forever... "Last resort," Razor mumbled. It hit him and T-Bone at the same time. With a gasp Razor raced from the room, leaving the still-dazed Enforcer to watch the unconscious Dark Kat. The Enforcer dazedly shook his head. As his vision cleared he looked down to see Dark Kat lying on the floor at his feet. "Huh?!" he muttered, trying desperately to remember what had happened in the last few minutes. "I captured Dark Kat?!" A smile spread across his face. "I captured Dark Kat!" Wildcat (as if talking to the Enforcer): It's the sort of thing that makes me grateful, buddy. Could you lock him in a zoo somewhere on the opposite side of the country? Thanks. ------------------------------------- "Alright, I want this squad to come with me - we're....," Feral announced to his men as he tried to organize the chaos on the roof. The roar of a jet engine drowned his words. Feral's head jerked to the TurboKat. VTOL engines roaring as they powered up, the jet rotated to face a stack of barrels lined up outside the hangar. *Fuel* barrels Feral remembered with a start. "What's that thing doing?!" he demanded. -Wildcat: (TurboKat; as Marvin the Martian) At long last, my dream come true.... "Do you have to ask?!" Felina shouted, racing to the jet and leaping to its wing to dive into the cockpit. A glance at the weapons panel confirmed what she'd already guessed. It was lit, the words "matchead armed" flashing across it in bright orange. She reached for the weapons controls. As her fingers touched the controls a blast of electricity shot from them. Felina screamed at the pain, unable to pull away. -Wildcat: (Ash) Pikachu, finish off that Enforcer with a Quick Attack! Hearing her scream, McFurland and Feral raced to the jet. McFurland reached it first, bounding onto the wing and reaching into the cockpit to grab Felina. As the current shot through his arm he jerked her free. Quickly, he handed her down to the waiting Feral, who set her down gently, propping her head up. McFurland jumped down as Feral started to examine her, wincing at the pain in his hand where the electricity had entered it. "I'm fine," Felina muttered, pushing her uncle away. Her breathing was ragged, but she seemed okay otherwise. "We've got to stop it from firing!" -Wildcat: (TurboKat; as Popeye) You throw that thing at me, I'll land right on your head. (chuckles) Even as the sentence left her mouth, the jet's VTOL engines grew louder and it lifted off the roof to hover several feet above, well out of their range. Feral growled as he watched it. McFurland looked at his commanding officer. His face suddenly lit. "The gun!" he announced, reaching for his holster. "Hey!" he yelped, finding it gone. "Use mi.... WHAT IN THE....!" Felina started, finding her's missing as well. -Wildcat: (tsking) Language, lady. A triumphant squeal rang out as a creepling suddenly dashed from under a nearby jet, carrying both guns. "He's mine!" McFurland shouted, jumping to his feet and pursuing the fleeing creepling, who was quickly joined by several others. One broke off from the others and flew into his face. "Ugh,.... little bat!" McFurland growled, slapping the creature away in time to see the remaining creeplings disappearing into the stairwell that lead down from the hangar. He charged to the stairwell, pausing at the door to slam it open so hard it smacked back into the wall and bounced back. As it swung back toward the waiting kat, an unconscious creepling dropped from its hiding place behind the door. "Oh, yeah - I'm the kat. I'm the kat," McFurland shouted as he charged into the stairwell and down the stairs. -Wildcat: (chanting with McFurland) Leaping to the bottom of the second flight down, he was met face to face with the last two creeplings leveling a bazooka at his chest, one supporting the weapon's barrel and aiming it, the other ready to squeeze the trigger. "You the kat, you the kat, you the kat!!!!" the Enforcer yelped, leaping over the rail beside him as the bazooka discharged. Landing on the flight below, McFurland wasted no time in charging up the stairs to the landing where the creeplings were frantically trying to reposition the bazooka. Shouting "Banzai!" the gray-furred Enforcer knocked the bazooka away and clouted the first creepling he came to with one tightly balled fist. The second squealed loudly and threw itself at his face. McFurland deftly caught the little beast in one gloved hand and slammed it into the concrete wall beside him. Panting heavily, he let the limp creepling drop from his hand as he slowly reached down to snatch up the vaccine guns from where the creeplings had let them fall to the floor. "I think we know who the kat is," McFurland purred before turning to jog back up the stairwell with his prizes. -Wildcat: (continues chanting) ------------------------------------- Razor was bounding up stairs two or three at a time. As he ran he realized that it was getting harder and harder to run. He felt so tired. Panting, he stopped to lean against the railing. -Wildcat: (stops chanting; as T-Bone) HEY, MORON! THE RACE ISN'T OVER YET! "Can't stop," he mumbled. He looked up the stairwell. It was no more than a blurred mass. 'Razor, you okay?' T-Bone's voice asked, sounding markedly better than before. Razor's problem hit him like a bolt, the blast of thought traveling to T-Bone a fraction of an instant later. T-Bone mentally reeled in shock. He was draining Razor for the energy he needed to survive! "Hey! You okay?" a voice suddenly called from above. -Wildcat: Yeah, are you okay, Ax-Slax? Razor looked up to see a gray figure on a landing several floors up. He jerked spastically as T-Bone lunged from his mind again even as he mentally screamed "NO!!" at his friend. He collapsed as T-Bone left him, drained as T-Bone unconsciously, unknowingly, gathered energy for the leap. ------------------------------------- T-Bone found himself looking down the stairwell at his friend, lying on the floor below. Quickly, he leapt down the flights between them and slung Razor over his shoulder, starting back up the stairs. His most pressing thought out of the way, McFurland's worried thoughts surged to the fore. T-Bone gasped as he realized what was going on back up on the roof, doubling his speed. -Wildcat: (T-Bone) Hey, don't start the party yet! I'm coming, I'm coming! ------------------------------------- Back on the roof, Feral anxiously glanced up at the TurboKat, wondering what it was waiting on. He frowned, better he didn't know. His face settled into a scowl as he searched his options. To get off the roof he and his men had to pass the stack of barrels. On the other hand, the explosion the fuel barrels would cause would level the roof and several floors below it. Still, the TurboKat's inaction made him suspicious of a trap involved with the obvious way out; he'd dealt with Dark Kat for too many years not to be suspicious. The Commander growled in frustration; if that goofy officer would just get back with the vaccine! -Wildcat: They're building a new movie theater outside of Enforcer Headquarters, and he's missing the grand opening! In sudden decision Feral bellowed to his men, "Everybody, clear the roof - ON THE DOUBLE!!!" Even as the words left his mouth a tremendous grinding drowned their completion. "Now what?" Feral growled, whirling around to see the massive steel doors of the hangar begin to slowly close. -Wildcat: I've never thought I'd see anyone having a conniption, until I saw Commander Feral. "Don't let it close!" he ordered his men, rushing to the door. Feral and several of his Enforcers caught onto the great doors as they were only a few scant feet apart. Desperately, the kats wrestled against several tons of metal. Feral, his voice strained with his efforts, shouted to the rest of his force to help as the doors inched ever closer to each other with an inexorable squeal. More Enforcers came readily, but couldn't find room to get holds. Forced out of the way, Enforcers dropped away to watch the few there was room for struggle. Several traded off with their fellows, desperately trying to even slow the metal monoliths. There was a sudden yell from the other side of the door and McFurland dove through the opening with Razor slung over his shoulder. Feral glanced at him briefly, concentrating his efforts on the door. It was a useless effort. He and a handful of his men stayed with it until they finally had to release their holds or lose their hands. -Wildcat: (Feral; singing) King Henry the 8th, I am, I am..... Feral backed away from the doorway, breathing heavily as he eyed the doors warily. His entire face contorted in a black scowl. Felina's head jerked up as a panting McFurland raced up to where she was slowly regaining her feet, still toting Razor. "What....?!" Felina started. -Wildcat: (Felina) .....he's not just any idiot! "No time, Lieutenant," McFurland returned, setting Razor down quickly and looking at the TurboKat. He stared at it for several minutes, his face settling into something like resignation. "McFurland, what're you doing? Use the gun!" Felina yelped. The gray-furred Enforcer shook his head. (Wildcat pops a peanut-butter sandwich in his mouth, chews, and swallows the whole thing) -Wildcat: (McFurland; lisping) Got somethin shtuck to da roof of ma mouth. "Remember the disorientation? The jet could fire the missile before it shut down. No, I gotta do this the hard way." Even as he spoke, the kat suddenly twitched, abruptly staggering back several feet. He dropped to his knees, head cradled in one hand. "McFurland!" Felina knelt beside him. -Wildcat: Stupid man's idiot! "Ooohhh," the Enforcer groaned, looking up at her. "What hit me?" Hearing him, Razor quickly raised his head, trying weakly to stagger to his feet. "Where's T-Bone?!" he asked urgently. -Wildcat: (Felina) He's at the coffee shop. He wanted me to tell you that the TurboKat's planning on destroying Enforcer Headquarters. "Razor, he....," Felina started, not sure what to say. "The jet!" McFurland gasped, snapping out of his stupor and remembering T- Bone's presence in his mind. -Wildcat: (Felina) Oh, and one more thing: that jet needs a chip. ------------------------------------- T-Bone was ready when he felt himself hit the TurboKat. He felt the virus' presence, but not half-merged with the jet as he had been before, he was able to ignore it. Quickly, he ordered the weapons systems to abort. The virus fought back. T-Bone mentally grit his teeth and plunged into the mental war with everything he had. -Wildcat: Rock-paper-scissors, rock-paper-scissors.... ------------------------------------- "The gun! USE IT!!!!" T-Bone's voice suddenly screamed over the TurboKat's public address system. "USE IT... *NOW*!!!!" he cried desperately. "I'll keep the missiles from firing!!!!" McFurland slowly raised the gun, aiming it at the TurboKat. He glanced at Razor for confirmation as his finger tightened around the trigger. The orange-brown SWAT Kat nodded, his face set. They had no way of knowing how the vaccine would affect *T- Bone*. Taking a deep breath and expelling it with a breath of prayer, McFurland squeezed the trigger. -Wildcat: (Razor) Be sure to let me know if anything turns up. The dart-like missile hit the underside of the TurboKat's cockpit in a flurry of sparks. The sparking spread to the cockpit quickly. As the sparks reached a fever pitch, the VTOL engines suddenly died with a final thrust of air that threw the three kats below back before the jet succumbed to the gravity it thrilled in denying and slammed into the tarmac. There was a blinding flash of light from the cockpit as it connected. Felina shielded her eyes with a hastily outflung hand, seeing McFurland do the same. An indistinct figure suddenly blocked a portion of the searing light, racing forward into the electrical radiance. She screamed to Razor as she recognized him and realized his intent. Dropping her hand, she raced after him, McFurland behind. Another burst of electric energy flung them back. -Wildcat: (McFurland) Ooh yeah, I'm the kat, I'm the kat.... Felina opened her eyes to see the TurboKat several feet away, nose buried in the airstrip, its cockpit little better than a blackened mass. She let out a choking gasp, quickly putting thoughts of T-Bone aside. Razor. Where was Razor? She could help him. Her eyes came to rest on a tight knot of Enforcers, surrounding a limp figure lying on the tarmac. "Felina," a voice called urgently beside her. Felina glanced up at her uncle, hearing his worried voice for the first time and realizing he'd been there all along. "How long was I out?!" she demanded. -Wildcat: (Felina) And how much longer is this movie going to be? A fellow named Wildcat wants to go to sleep, and his insults are getting lamer by the second. "Just a few minutes," he replied, looking her over with concern. Ignoring his obvious wishes for her to stay still, Felina staggered to her feet and limped to where the SWAT Kat was curled in a tight ball on the cold pavement. Callie was down on her knees by him, calling his name softly. -Wildcat: (Callie; as Alice in Wonderland) Please wake up, please wake up.... "Razor?!" Felina asked urgently, squatting and gently tugging on the arm that shielded his face. Razor slowly moved his arm with a deep-throated moan, looking upward to stare into Felina's dark eyes. Felina and Callie gasped together as they stared back into the kat's wide eyes. His eyes were literally two different colors, half yellow-orange, half green. Even as they watched the eyes clouded, the colors running together to form a murky brown. -Wildcat: Clear as mud. "Lieutenant,.....Miss Briggs.....," the SWAT Kat moaned, "....help." Abruptly, with a spastic motion, he jerked back into a ball, screaming in pain. The scream reverberated strangely as though two voices, not one. "It's *both* of them!" Callie gasped, realizing quickly that the two were bonding physically now. Felina quickly grasped the situation. "And it's killing them!" she added in a lower tone. "Get Hard Drive's suit over here - NOW!!!!" she bellowed, jerking her head up and screaming across the roof. -Wildcat: (McFurland) Sheesh. I'm right here. You don't need to shout. Ignoring a very confused Feral, McFurland scrambled to his feet from the sitting position he'd assumed as he recovered from the blast and searched the rooftop. Seeing the suit lying in a pile on the tarmac, he raced to it and scooped it up, dashing back to Razor. "I'll get 'im up - you two get this on 'im," he ordered, tossing the suit to Felina and getting behind Razor's head to reach under the SWAT Kat's arms. Confused, the other Enforcers backed away from the three purposeful kats surrounding Razor. McFurland jerked Razor up and off the floor in one smooth motion as Felina got the surge coat ready. -Wildcat: Wires? Check. Screwdriver? Check. Microchip----oops. The two kats in one screamed again and struggled violently at the movement, desperately trying to get back into a fetal position. Felina's eyes widened as she caught sight of the kat's face as he fought McFurland's grasp. The fur of his face had become a patchwork of yellow and orange fur. -Wildcat: (Feral) That reminds me: the zebra at the zoo ran away yesterday, and we're looking for a replacement. "We don't have much time!" she muttered. Callie didn't answer as she quickly raised Razor's right arm. Felina slid the sleeve over it, grunting in frustration as she worked it behind the kat's head, between him and McFurland. Callie met the suit on the other side, sliding Razor's left hand into the sleeve. "Now, howdya' turn it on!" Felina growled, searching the front of the suit. Her eyes flew to the control panel in the center of the surge coat. "Got it," she muttered, finding a likely-looking switch. "Get ready to let go, McFurland," she called. "Now!" McFurland jumped away as Felina hit the switch and the suit glowed to life. -Wildcat: (Vegeta; venomously) Let there be light! Amazingly, Razor remained standing without McFurland's support, engulfed in the suit's glow. He moaned and doubled over. "T-Bone! Get out of there!" Felina shouted to the kat. He raised his head and looked at them for a interminable instant. The three kats watched as the patches of yellow fur vanished. -Wildcat: Megakat Circus is proud to present: the Incredible Changing Kat! Tickets on sale now! "That's it.... c'mon," McFurland urged. A blinding flash of light suddenly engulfed the SWAT Kat. When it faded, two figures stood before the threesome. -Wildcat: Hellooo? The movie ends....NOW. T-Bone dazedly shook his head, dropping to his knees to hold it gently. Razor slumped to the tarmac in exhaustion. "Man, my head *hurts*!" T-Bone groaned. "Gotcha beat," Razor mumbled from his prone position flat on his back several feet from T-Bone. "I just *hurt*." -Wildcat: Gotcha beat. I hurt even more than both you morons do. ------------------------------------- The crisis over, Commander Feral stepped up to McFurland and got one of the vaccine guns to use on the hangar doors. He glanced at the two SWAT Kats but quickly turned away from them. Much as his personal feelings for the two vigilantes screamed against it, they deserved at the least a reprieve from his growling. The Commander focused his attention on getting off the rooftop and making sure Dark Kat had left no further surprises. Thankfully, the only "disorientation" to the door controls made the massive steel doors open. Feral started as he was met with a small assault force clad in military fatigues on the other side. -Wildcat: (military kat) One false move, and I'll blast you! "General Tyler, sent to 'liberate' MegaKat City," the tall, yellow-furred kat at their head introduced himself. Confusion flashed across his face. "Mind tellin' me what's going on, Commander? My force took out several jets as we entered the city. We haven't met any form of resistance since." "It's a long story," Feral returned slowly. -Wildcat: (Feral) It all started when one Swat Kat told the other that he couldn't watch "Scaredy Kat" anymore... The other kat looked at him in greater confusion. ------------------------------------- Felina glanced at the military force spreading out onto the airstrip. "Think you guys better get goin'," she muttered to T-Bone, who was slowly standing. He glanced at the force. -Wildcat: (T-Bone) First smart idea you've had since I first met you. "Think you're right, Lieutenant," he returned, his voice gruff and hoarse after his ordeal. "Up for some hang glidin', Bud?" he called to Razor. "I don' wanna move," his partner moaned, throwing an arm over his face. "Carry me." -Wildcat: (Razor) I'm hungry. Where's my sub? "You're carryin' yourself!" T-Bone snapped, walking up to the shattered TurboKat. Briefly, he paused beside it, removing his helmet. Softly, he hummed "Taps" off-key, looking at the jet mournfully. He felt a hand on his shoulder suddenly. "So, since we have ta' rebuild her, can I upgrade the systems?" Razor asked, giving his partner one of his own fiendish grins. -Wildcat: (Razor) I'll be able to teach it "Pay Day" and pay back Misty for that bicycle I owe her... T-Bone half-growled and shook Razor's hand off, stalking to where the bomb bay doors were visible under the jet. "The display will be just like it always was.... - it'll just have this little.....,"** Razor continued as T-Bone reached under the fuselage and into a maintenance access, grunting as he jerked a lever to open the bomb bay doors. -Wildcat: (T-Bone) Let's see, where'd I put the earplugs.... Watching them, McFurland suddenly turned to Felina with a pathetic expression written across his face. "Do we have to return the car now?!" he asked, his voice pleading. -Wildcat: (shrugs) Well, it wouldn't look good for you if you kept it. Before Felina could answer, T-Bone's voice broke in. "Lieutenant, Miss Briggs,.... uhm... Officer, see 'ya!" Felina looked to see T-Bone and Razor strapping a pair of hang gliders to their backs. "Miss Briggs,....," Razor started, looking at Callie. -Wildcat: (Razor) ....I cannot stay anymore, but we'll always have Paris.... "I'll make sure every piece of it gets to wherever you want," she returned with a smile, gesturing to the TurboKat. "How about same as after the fight with Mad Kat? The desert? Near the canyon?" Callie nodded. -Wildcat: (T-Bone) Okay, but watch out for unexpected sandstorms. Sand's really irritating once it gets in your eyes. The twosome grinned at her and the two Enforcers before racing to the edge of the runway and leaping off into the open air. Felina, Callie, and McFurland watched as the two hang gliders caught updrafts and spiraled upward gracefully. They know how to make an exit, don't they?" Callie muttered. -Wildcat: (Terminator) I'll be back. Felina nodded as McFurland sighed. "Y'know, Lieutenant Feral, I think I do want to be a pilot," he muttered. -Wildcat: (McFurland) As long as you let me fly the jet every once in a while. "Call me Felina," she returned with a smile. "Yes, Sir! Er... Ma'am!" he responded with a smile and a silly salute. Callie smiled as she watched the two and then turned to stare out over the distant horizon again, where the two flying figures had vanished through the clouds. The sun was beginning to break through, just barely, but it was a start. -Wildcat: (tries to sing the opening music from "The Lion King", but fails) Callie smiled, casting a sidelong glance at the two Enforcers. Abruptly, she frowned; it felt like she was forgetting something. Now what....? -Wildcat: Hey, Callie....(yells) YOU FORGOT THE MAYOR! HELLOOOO, EARTH TO CALLIE?.... ------------------------------------- Mayor Manx jumped as the cell door clanged shut, hearing voices down the hallway. He raced up to the bars, grabbing them and yelling at the top of his lungs. "Wait! I'm not a criminal! Let me out! Feral! Callie!" Hearing no response, his voice trailed off into whimpers. "I promise not to raise taxes again - *really*! Just let me out! Please?! Somebody?! Anybody?!" -Wildcat: Help me.... (Author's Comment: Just think of him trailing off into those famous Jim Cummings whimpers and incoherent whining.) ------------------------------------- Epilogue ------------------------------------- -(Wildcat slowly stands up, carrying the last food item off the tray) Slowly, silently a tremendous figure slipped from the shadows in the hangar atop Enforcer Headquarters. The hangar was silent now in the wee hours before dawn. A new day was coming and the tired Enforcer and Federal crews had gone to rest, feeling relatively free from danger. The tall kat smiled as he wandered, aimlessly it seemed, through the hangar, pausing beside each jet briefly and raising his left hand slightly before moving on. He was here to see to it that all was indeed safe. He lingered by one jet, finally reaching into an open access panel. It was several minutes before he removed his gloved hand and held it up. He eyed the almost invisible black speck between his fingers. -Wildcat: (as the figure) It's amazing how this...killer lint...can cause so much trouble. "Something so tiny...and so dangerous," the kat murmured. "Because of you," he muttered, his tone holding a vague accusation. "Because of you I spent three years in a maximum security prison. Because of you...and my dear, *sweet* brother." -Wildcat: Yeah, but Big Brother IS watching you. The kat's tone was less bitter, more a wry observation, as he said this, a sad smile crossing his face. Slowly, the kat walked away from the jet, talking to himself. "Yes, brother dear, I'm on your trail.... as always.... As always, I'm here to clean up after you. First, I'll finish cleaning up your little handiwork of years ago - then, I'll see to your current mayhem and mischief." The huge kat smiled faintly as he spoke. "You know, maybe we should switch names - after all, you're the one who brings all the strife..... and it is *I* who seek *you*." -(The movie echoes the final word for several seconds as the movie slowly fades to black; a few seconds later, there is a tick as the downloaded film ends. The theater is dead silent) -Wildcat: (angrily) Computer, from now on, display an archery target on the screen after the movie ends for 15 minutes. (calmly) We don't need nightmares creeping us out. Computer: Confirmed. (Per Wildcat's orders, the bulls-eye appears, and some light jazz music begins playing in the background) -Wildcat: Perfect. Thanks. (Wildcat walks out with the food, too tired for the insulting raspberry at the end) - (1...2...3...4..5...6) - (Wildcat reappears in the main control area and heads straight for the showers. Once there, he climbs into the bathtub, then queues the lights-darkening and the light music. After throwing his sword on the floor, Wildcat eyes the piece of food) -Wildcat: If I get cavities, I'm gonna regret this....oh, well. At least I brushed my fangs once before the movie. (Wildcat pops the food in his mouth, chews for a second, swallows, and instantly falls asleep: knock-out pills in the doughnut. He slides deeper into the water, and begins snoring lightly) (Down in Robotnik's hideout, all 3 robots are in the control area where the viewscreen usually is. Robotnik cannot be seen in the room, obviously having retired for the night) Grounder: Wildcat is still alive. Scratch: Yeah, Grounder. He's not dead yet. Grounder: He's still standing up. Scratch: Yes. Now we have to send another movie soon. Grounder: You mean to Wildcat, Scratch? Coconuts: (snaps) Will you guys stop sounding like bowling game commentators and get over here? I've been looking at the movie schedule for the next few weeks. Scratch: Whatcha got? Coconuts: Well, early in the afternoon tomorrow, Robotnik's sending them a Swat Kats movie, by that Kristen Sharpe person again. 3 days after that, he's giving them yet ANOTHER Swat Kats movie, this one a crossover with the "Gargoyles" cartoon. After that is an insane Sonic story called---- (From off-screen, a familiar voice snaps) Voice: (yells) IF YOU REPEAT THAT TITLE, I'LL SCREAM UNTIL YOUR GEARS CRASH! Scratch: (annoyed) Whatever, Sonic. Anyways.... Coconuts: And after THAT story is a Starcraft movie; it doesn't say in here what it's called. If everyone's still alive by that time, Robotnik'll likely send them some kind of Pizza Cats movie. Grounder: If Robotnik sends them Swat Kats fics, wouldn't they enjoy them rather than die from them? Coconuts: Hmmm..... Scratch: He's right. Two of our subjects on the Satellite ARE Swat Kats.... Coconuts: Let's give them the Starcraft movie first. The Swat Kats-Gargoyles crossover can wait, depending on their reactions to this one. (taps a few buttons) (Scratch and Grounder look at him, surprised) Coconuts: (grins, and pulls a booklet out from under the control panel) I read the manual. (Fade to the usual credits, with the usual gray planet----as well as the conversing robots---- in the background. The closing music has a quieter tone to it.) ------------------------ Mac looked up to the ceiling, his eyes meeting Razor's. --- E-mail: supreme_cat@hotmail.com URL: http://members.tripod.com/only1wildcat * ---- "2SD" is short for "Two Stupid Dogs". Note: McFurland isn't all that bad. Wildcat has the lack of sleep to blame on his name-calling. (End of file)